


The Truth Will Set You Free

by icybluepenguin, Pedeka



Category: Avengers, Loki - Fandom, MCU, Marvel, Norse Mythology, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Action, Canon Blending, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, POV Third Person Omniscient, RP turned multi-chapter, Redemption, Romance, Sex, Smut, Violence, humor?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2019-08-05 05:17:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 184,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16361552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icybluepenguin/pseuds/icybluepenguin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pedeka/pseuds/Pedeka
Summary: Loki is in trouble again on Asgard and with his past. He could be in more when he meets a mortal with newly found powers that are his worst nightmare.





	1. Chapter 1

A metallic clang rang out on the street. Something bright bounced across the sidewalk. A woman in her late 20's stopped and picked up a rather large, strange gold coin. After looking at it a moment, she hurried up to catch the person who had just passed her; he must have been the one to drop it. 

"Ummm, excuse me? Hey. Did you drop this?" 

The tall, dark haired man glanced over his shoulder, slowing but not stopping. "That is a pretty trinket. I do not know that I would flash it around like that in this part of town." 

She looked between the coin and the man and held the coin up. "But... but... it has your picture on it." 

"Do you think I go around making coins with my own picture on them and dropping them just to meet people?” He shrugged. “That seems expensive. Although, I am concerned about that glowing- do you normally glow like that?" 

She came to a dead stop and blinked at his odd statement. 

"Glowing? What are you…” Her words tapered off as she looked at the hand holding the coin and it did seem to be giving off a dim light. "What the hell?" 

He turned to face her, giving her his full attention. He pulled her hand, and the coin in it, closer to his eyes to examine them. "Not Hel's... this smells more like... Freyja," he said with a grimace. 

"Freesia? No, my perfume is Lily of the Valley actually." She pulled her hand back and gazed at it in confusion before she mumbled, "Yeah, it's glowing and... did you just _smell_ me?" 

"No, I did not smell _you,_ I smelled the coin. You do smell very nice, by the way- a lily, did you say it was? Hm." He didn't take the coin, in fact he seemed very reluctant to touch it. "Freyja. I wonder if she is mad about the cat..." 

She knew she should probably just turn right around and walk away, because this guy wasn't acting normally in any sense of the word, but there was something... fascinating about him. He was dressed nicely enough and was well groomed, so he probably wasn't a street person with schizophrenia or something. And he wasn't taken aback by the fact she was glowing. Which to be honest, was kind of scaring her. 

"Why would you smell your coin? What cat and why doesn't the fact I'm glowing freak you out more?" 

He squinted at the coin. "The glow is probably because you're human. It will go away. I think." He shook his head, focusing on the woman in front of him instead of the coin. He’d given away too much information in his distraction, but it was probably harmless. "I might- _might,_ I say- have shaved one of Freyja's cats that pull her cart around. The mean one. But I do not think she would send a spell like that just for giving that claw-factory a mohawk..." 

"Human? Of course, I'm human. What else would I be?" She toyed with the coin nervously, rolling it between her fingers. She started to giggle. "You shaved your friend Frejya's cat? Oh my-" Her eyes caught the writing around the edge of the coin and flew open wide. It was a name. " .... god. Loki." 

"Gift-bearer, Silver tongue, mischief maker- you have heard of me." He tilted his head in a regal nod. "That is likely why Freyja is after me. She hates it when I pull a trick on her. Never mind that I am trying to solve a mystery, never mind that gods have been- no, never mind that." Loki pulled a velvet bag from his pocket and held it open towards her. "Here, drop the thing in here. I should be able to get rid of it. No need to worry yourself." 

She held the coin out over the bag, but was reluctant to let go of it. It felt very attractive to her. Almost as attractive as the man- no, god- standing in front of her. She hesitated and spoke quietly to hide it, "Yes, I've heard of you. A mystery? More mysterious than glowing?" 

“You are very curious.” He blew an annoyed huff through his nose. He couldn’t exactly leave her with the coin and he _really_ didn’t want to touch it himself. “The glowing, that's likely a side effect of the magic she used to send the coin to find me. It's like... a letter." The longer he stood here, though, the less certain he was of his flippant statements. He’d never seen that happen to anyone before. "I am looking for a bar, Damon's. You can come along, I suppose. We will see if the glowing stops with some time." 

She blinked her eyes in mild surprise at his offer. With a deep breath, she forced herself to let go of the coin and let it drop into his bag. Immediately, she felt its loss. "OK. Yeah. Damon's is around the corner and down a couple of blocks. And, of course I'm curious. There's a magic coin, a mystery, I start glowing... and then there's you." 

He preened a little and flashed her a cocky grin as he put away the bag and started walking. "And then there is me. Interested in me, are you?" 

She blushed slightly at his grin, then hurried to catch up. "Well, you shave people's cats. That's unusual, isn't it?" 

His laugh was rich and self-satisfied. "The cat had it coming. He nearly killed me. Big claws, the size of your fingers. I was a rabbit at the time, but still. The other one is not so bad, standoffish but I am not there to make friends. But Bygul is a bastard. I had to sneak in to Freyja's to do it, she is very careful to block every crack. It is like she does not trust me." He sniffed, offended. " What is your name, mortal?" 

"Lily, like my perfume." She had to walk quickly to keep up with his long strides and be able to look at him out of the side of her eye. Luckily, she was still wearing her sensible work shoes. "You know Damon's is a complete dump, right? I can't imagine what you'd want there at this time of day, unless it's a fight." 

"Of course, it is a dump. All the best places are. Luckily, we will not be there for long." He stopped in front of a nondescript black door, under a faded and battered sign reading simply ‘Damon's.’ He squinted thoughtfully at Lily. "You should probably hide that glowing hand." 

She dug her gloves out of her coat pocket. "It's not quite cold enough for these but, better?" She held her hands up and wiggled her leather-clad fingers at him. 

"That ought to keep away unwanted attention, yes." Loki opened the door into the dark smoky taproom. He went straight to the barkeep, leaning over the counter to say, "Tell Damon that I am a traveler from fair Verona." 

The barkeep nodded and gestured for them to follow her. She led them down a narrow, worn hallway to a door which opened onto steep narrow stairs. At the bottom was another door, faced with padded leather. 

Loki turned to Lily, impressed that she’d stuck with him this far. "Do not look like too much of a mortal inside. We should be able to take care of that glow in here if it has not stopped by the time I am finished. Follow my lead." He opened the door and ushered Lily inside with a courtly flourish. 

This taproom looked nothing like the one above, full of rich tapestry, golden cups, sparkling crystal. The low hum of patrons' conversation was littered with odd cadences, strange words, the occasional whirr. Loki nodded to a few customers as they walk through, people with horns or wings or robotic limbs. 

Lily made every attempt not to stare at the scene around her, but felt like she was failing. When something that was probably a tail brushed up her leg, she flinched and instinctively grabbed at Loki's arm, pulling herself close to his side. 

Loki found her reaction oddly endearing- and it reminded him just how long it had been since he’d been touched. By anyone. He patted her hand, hoping it was reassuring. 

Loki patting her hand threw her off a bit. It seemed like a kind gesture for someone who spoke and acted the way he did. But then again, he was trying to do something about her glowing hand, even if it was an afterthought to his own mission. 

Loki found the person he was looking for, a human-looking woman with red hair and a black leather jacket. He pulled up chairs for him and Lily at her table. 

"Hello, Wanda. I need information. Oh, and my friend here is having some trouble with glowing hands." 

Lily sat at the table and smiled weakly at the woman. She was young and pretty, but got a hard set to her jaw when they sat down and looked them over a bit too carefully for comfort. It felt like quite a few people were looking at them that way. 

"I need to know where Thor is," Loki cut straight to the point, looking at Wanda with a serious expression. "Someone is mucking around in Asgard and they all think it is me. I cannot go back without him." He pulled out the pouch holding the coin and put it on the table. "This made my friend's hand glow. It smells like Freyja to me, what do you think?" 

Wanda opened the pouch and sniffed. "It does smell like her seidr. But not just hers..." She looked at the human next to Loki, seeing her confusion. "Magic has a certain smell. Masters of the art end up with a unique scent to their spells- Loki smells a bit like mint and rock. Mine is more paprika and copper. Freyja," she wrinkles her nose, "smells like patchouli and birds. Kind of like the bird exhibit at the zoo. Not my favorite. If someone wanted to use a magician for cover, I'd use her- you can hide all sorts of magic under that smell." 

Lily tried to stealthily inhale and see if she could notice what they were talking about. Before she could tell if she noticed anything, a massive hand slammed down on the table next to her, rattling the glasses and candle holder. 

Its owner stood behind her and spoke with a deep rumble, "We need _her_ kind here even less than the kind of trouble Loki leaves in his wake."


	2. Chapter 2

Lily thought she was trying to not look “too mortal”... whatever that was. Quickly she pulled the glove off and lifted her hand in the air to diffuse the situation.

"Look, dude. I glow. Isn't that weird enough?”

Loki looked the newcomer up and down with a calm disdain, covering the sudden racing of his heart.  Huge hand, scaly skin, pupil-less eyes- he got the feeling that this... “man” would not only like to crush him, but eat him after.

“See, she is my student, a mutant just working out her powers.  We are only here to get some lessons from the Witch here, then we will go. No trouble." 

He wanted to say, ' _as if you could handle me, lizard brain._ ' But instead he plastered a soothing smile- the kind one used on slow persons- and held out his palm, stacked with money. "We'll just be on our way, yes?"

The large hand swatted the money away from Loki's pale fingers. "Gah! I don't want your trick money. I want you gone. They want you gone too." He jerked his head back to a table full of creatures that could have been his brothers.

Lily's neck bristled at the tone the "guy" was using. She should have been terrified, she knew, given the deference that Loki was showing. Instead she snapped back, "He _said_ we were going on our way! Just as soon as he gets his answer."

The creature swiveled his head to stare at Lily. "Oh, the tiny human is _upset_. Get out of here or I'll break your neck."

Loki was impressed despite himself.  If he were half the villain the people here thought him to be, he would leave Lily as a distraction-turned-sacrifice while he escaped. But she was growing on him.

Wanda slid a piece of paper into his hand and pushed the pouch with the coin back at him. "Just go. This lot's not worth the magic."

"An excellent suggestion.” Loki grabbed Lily by the hand that wasn’t glowing and backed towards the exit. “Gone it is.”

Lily was pulled, tripping a bit, out the door and up the crumbling cement steps into a shadowed, damp alley.

As soon as they were outside, she turned to Loki. "Now what was that all about? I live here in New York, I work at the museum, couple of years ago flying robot lizards shot out my bedroom window, you'd think I would have a complete handle on dealing with the weirdness of the day, but nope. That place was new. And I've been there before!"

"Damon- he's a satyr by the way- he keeps that place secret under his filthy human bar.”  He leaned back against the wall, unconcerned about the dirt on his suit. “It's supposed to be a neutral ground, everyone looks the other way, so we- aliens, myths, mutants- can all relax without humans in our business." He rubbed his hand on his throat, stroked his chin, and straightened his cuffs to conceal the shaking in his fingers.  "I see that some aliens have _no_ sense of decorum.  Ah... Did you say... flying robot lizards?"

Lily's eyebrow arched sharply as she looked at Loki and planted her fists on her hips. "That's what I said. I don't know what you call your friends that showed up and trashed the city awhile back, but when I looked out at the asshole that shot up my window and set fire to the quilt my grandmother made me, it sure looked like a robot lizard flying past. And it didn't look like one with a sense of decorum."

"Oh. Terrible about your quilt." Loki looked away, down the alley.  "They are called Chitauri," he mumbled.  "Let us get away from this dump and see what we can do about your hand."

 _So, he's uncomfortable with that subject. Wonder if it's cause he knows how much damage he did, or because he lost_ , Lily thought to herself and headed out to the street.  She pulled her glove back on to hide the glow.  "What _can_ we do about it? I'm assuming picking up the coin did it and you are the one supposed to be glowing or whatever it would have done to you."

When she reached the head of the alley, Loki was still a few steps behind her and she turned and extended her hand to him to draw him along.

"But first," she asked, her voice gentler than the words sounded. "You have to promise me that whatever you're here to get done isn't anything like last time. OK?"

Loki rubbed a spot on his upper arm.  He still didn’t know, after months of research, what they'd given him in that prison.  It increased his rage, warped his logic, twisted him into something unrecognizable.  It haunted him, that other version of himself.  He knew that coming to Midgard would force him to acknowledge it, the way Thor had forced him to do when he'd been taken back home. He resented being shown his weaknesses. 

"You are hardly in a position to demand anything, mortal.  You are the one needing _my_ help."  He lifted his chin and stared down his nose at her, hoping she didn’t see the tremble in his legs and the sweat on his brow.  "Take me somewhere quiet, I need to read what Wanda gave me and to examine your hand closer."

Lily sighed at his drastic change in tone. "Fine. We can go to my place. It's not far and it’s probably better than staying in public. Besides, it looks like you need a cup of tea as much as I do. It's this way."

She turned left, walking quickly down the sidewalk. After a few blocks, she turned and looked at Loki’s profile, trying to gauge his motivations. It didn't work well- she was distracted by the fact that he was much better looking than the newspaper pictures.

They came to a warehouse and Lily opened a heavy steel fire door and led them into a freight elevator. Once they were upstairs, she fumbled in her purse for a key to unlock an old door. It opened into a loft with exposed brick walls.  The length of large windows made the studio look airy and spacious.

Lily paused before entering and locked her light brown eyes with Loki's. "I've decided that the fact you are willing to help with my hand means that you aren't here for rampant destruction. If you were, I wouldn't matter at all. So, welcome." She gestured through the doorway for him to enter.

He was reluctantly impressed by this woman. She invited him into her home-small but with the space divided neatly by bookshelves and folding screens- and she had handled this day with aplomb. No screaming, no panic, not even a slap in the face for his part in the "alien space lizard" fiasco.

And now he was sitting at her table in the kitchen, divided from the rest of the apartment by bookshelves. He watched her make tea, unaware that he was smiling at her back.

"I do not intend any destruction. This is an Asgardian matter- I would not even be here if Thor had stayed to rule, like he is supposed to.” He rubbed his temples from an encroaching headache. “Now, about the hand. You do not have any mutant relatives? Or any sort of strange powers yourself? I cannot think that the glow is an intentional effect of the coin's magic, perhaps it is acting on some quirk in your genetics."

She turned around and set down the tea and a plate of cookies. "Nobody's going to admit to being a mutant or inhuman unless they plan on painting a target on their back, putting on tights and hanging out with Tony Stark.  As far as myself...” She laughed as she sat across from Loki.  “I'm really good at finding fakes and forgeries at work. Scary good and I'm never wrong. I just know if something it trying to be something it's not and then have to look to find the proof. That's why acquisitions loves me.  Like that coin, you said it wasn't yours, but it most definitely it was intended to be yours.  I don't know if that's a ‘power’ or just good instincts. It's sure not enough of a power to talk about, if it is one.

"Those up there...” Lily waved at the long wall that was hung to the ceiling with exquisite paintings, “all forgeries I've found, really _nice_ ones, but fake just the same. I decided I liked them anyway. 'A rose by any other name would small as sweet.' Right?"

"They are lovely, yes. That may not be a power useful to someone like Nicholas Fury, but it may be enough to trigger something." He reached across to pull Lily's gloved hand towards him, gently tugging off the covering.  He held her wrist as he examined her skin.

The act of removing her glove felt like a much more intimate gesture than it should have.

"I am going to perform some spells, tell me if any of them hurt. They should not..."

Lily nodded consent for Loki to do… whatever it was he was going to do. His examination of her hand made her feel scrutinized like some kind of specimen.

After a moment or so of his touch, her eyes opened wide. "Loki. You're..."  She trailed off as she reconsidered blurting out that she knew something about him wasn't quite genuine.

"Never mind." Her hair bounced around her shoulders as she shook her head.

"I'm what?" Loki asked, but he wasn’t really paying attention. He stroked her palm as he thought, indulging just a little in the feel of her soft skin, the way her fingers twitched up just slightly. He was reluctant to let go. "I think I see what is happening here.  Let me try this last spell..."

A green glow extended from his hand to hers.  When it disappeared, her hand was back to normal.


	3. Chapter 3

Lily experimentally wiggled the fingers on her once-again-normal hand and made a small pout. "It doesn't feel any different. To tell you the truth, it would have been kind of cool to keep if I could turn it off and on. Reading in bed would have been so much fun like that. But, thank you so much." 

Loki pulled out the bag with the coin and dumped it on the table.  

"Do not touch it again, but can you use your... power on it? I believe Wanda was right, it is not from who it seems to be from. Can you tell me anything about the real sender?” Loki asked. 

"I guess it’s my turn then, huh? I can't promise you anything. I don't really know how or what it is that lets me know things. It's just feelings, you know? " She held her hand tentatively above the coin and lowered it until it hovered about an inch over the coin. "It's like I said. It looks like a gold coin. It is a gold coin. It has your name on it and it is supposed to be yours. It's exactly what it seems to be in that respect. Ummm... “  

Her eyes squeezed closed and she exhaled through her nose. "Who sent it is a hard one. There's nothing to do with anyone that smells like birds though. It's someone.... some _thing_ that I have no experience with. I have nothing to compare it to. If you had something else that came from the same place I might be able to match it up that way." 

Lily opened her eyes and lifted them to meet Loki's and she dropped her hand to the table next to the coin. "I'm sorry. I'm guessing some of your Asgard trouble is someone out to get you?” 

He frowned, picking up a cookie. "I did not think anyone was out to get me. Not yet. I knew that some... people were wondering if I was behind the events- one god has been murdered and there was an attempt on another. I have been trying to discover more about the attacks, but..." With a sigh, he took a bite. "I have been unsuccessful. Or so I thought. Perhaps I have come too close to the killer and he is making me his next target? I need Thor back on his throne, he needs to be part of this investigation. I have, ah, less than no authority in Asgard these days." 

Lily drank her tea as she listened to Loki. "You were supposed to be a bloodthirsty, sociopathic, megalomaniac." She spoke quietly and a bit questioningly. "But... I just don't get that from you. You're very confusing. I'd like to figure that out, but I guess you're done with me now that you've fixed my glowing issue. Unless you need help finding your brother or figuring out where that coin came from."  

He rubbed his temple, this conversation giving him a dull pain just behind his eyes.  He struggled to find a way to deflect, his normally quick tongue failing him.  "Bloodthirsty is more my brother's style. Or was. He just decided that you mortals were too cute to kill.  You should see him with giants... " The tea burned his mouth as he chugged it in three huge swallows. "Sociopath, that I have had thrown at me more than a few times, yes.  I suppose it depends on your perspective.  As for you..."  

Despite himself- and all logic, really- he was just as wistful as she was about the idea of parting company.  She'd grown on him quite a bit.  Maybe because she wasn't treating him like a criminal or acting terrified of him.  He realized all of a sudden that with Thor gone, he was actually very lonely.   

"That power of yours could be useful.  Being able to see the truth of things... that is a valuable skill.  Not one I particularly like,” he sniffed, raising his chin, "but a useful one nonetheless." 

"That's me, useful. To everyone except maybe the god of mischief and guys that sell knock off designer purses out of their trunks." She spoke with a half-smile pulling at the corner of her mouth and tipped the teapot to refill Loki's cup. "So, Thor thinks we're... cute? I'm almost afraid to ask what you think, ‘cause you say mortal like it's a dirty word." 

"He thinks you are fuckable, at least," he muttered, glaring at his cup. "And then there are his 'friends'... empty sentiment..."  Loki took a long drink.  "Your lives are just so short.  You are scrambling around to get things done, and for what?  I've watched your entire civilization grow in my life, and I am young yet.  But you..." 

 _Wow_ _,_ Lily mouthed silently into her cup before looking up at Loki with wide,  taken-aback eyes. Why did his words sting?  

Sarcasm dripped as she spoke. “No, really, don't hold back. Please finish and let me know how you honestly feel here.” 

“Oooh, the pretty flower has some thorns,” he said with a laugh, impressed. She continued to surprise him.  “Did I hit too close to home? What is it you humans do with, what is it, dogs? Creatures with shorter lifespans and less intelligence that you care for? That is what mortals are to us.” He knew he should stop, that he was baiting her for no good reason. She had been kind to him and he was insulting her.  

But keeping his mouth shut had never been his strong point. He always had to push just a little farther, pry just a bit too much. 

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest and stared at his cool face. Was he picking a fight for fun or was he trying to distance himself here? Either way, if he was going to push, this was her home and she would push back.  

“You must really be in trouble over your head right now if you had to lower yourself enough to come here searching for help from your dog-fucker of a brother.” 

“Dog-fucker!” he cackled, delighted by the clever mortal's comeback. “Brilliant.”  

He snickered a little longer, repeating the word under his breath.  He liked this woman more and more.  He unfolded the paper Wanda had given him.  “The dog-fucker-” _snicker_ \- “is staying at one of Stark's houses.  In... Ma-lib-oo?  I do not know where that is.” 

Lily let out a low whistle and got up to ruffle through some magazines on the coffee table. Picking up an Architectural Digest, she brought it back to the table and laid it open in front of Loki to an article about Tony Stark. “This would be the place then. Nice place to hang out. It's about twenty-five hundred miles west of here, in California. How are you going to get there?” 

He examined the magazine, scrutinizing each picture. “I am struggling to keep Asgard from falling into a maelstrom of accusations and secrets, and Thor- the supposed Crown Prince- is playing on the _beach_?  I am sure he has built a lovely sand castle and Stark can turn it to glass with that beam of his.” He sighed, putting the glossy pages down so he wouldn’t crush them in frustration.  “Surely you humans have ways to get across long distances? You are not that primitive, are you? I would rather not call Heimdall for this...” 

“Well, the primitives would either fly or drive and considering that you're probably on every terrorist list in the world, you're not getting on a plane. So, you're looking at about a five-day car trip if you push it or a bus ride that would make you wish you were dead.” Lily bit her lip to hold back a grin. It was oddly amusing to see him get worked up. 

Loki scowled, tapping his fingers on the table. “Do you think I could get on an airplane if I looked like this?” He was engulfed in a curtain of green shimmering light.  When it faded, a tall blonde woman was sitting in his place. “Better?”   

At this, Lily managed to lose the tiny shred of dignity and cool that she had been hanging onto around this... Loki. Her eyes widened as her mouth worked silently until she covered it with her hand. 

It had been on the news, of course, that Loki had "magic" powers and could shapeshift. She had never expected to be exposed to it at her dining room table. And what was he had said after that shimmer had left a golden goddess in the place of the severe god... she'd only caught words here and there. 

After a heartbeat, she closed her eyes tightly, took a deep breath, and got her metaphorical feet back under her. With a quick shake of her head, she blinked and said, “Ummm... You don't exactly blend in anywhere, do you? But, this body couldn't get through the airport without the same kinds of papers the... uhhh… other... would need.” 

“Hm. Perhaps it would be simpler if I use one of my ‘tricks’ to get us onto and off the rainbow bridge undetected instead. Wait, before I change back- do I look like Thor?  As a woman.” 

“- and you want me to deal with the reality of this _and_ tell you if I think you resemble your brother, _if_ your brother was your sister? Is this right?"  

“You do not have to answer, I could tell by your expression that I look like a heroic buffoon in this get up.” Loki blinked as he shifted back to his 'normal' self.  

“And did you say ‘ _us_ ’?” Her hand slapped lightly at the table once as she laughed. “I haven't even decided if I'm going to ask you to stay for dinner let alone if I'm crossing any bridges with you.” 

“Of course, you are coming with me. I believe we already established that.  And truly, we will only be on the bridge for a moment before we leave it for Malibu.” He stroked his chin. “We could take another route to avoid the bridge, but it would involve passing near a troll settlement...  Did you say dinner?  I find myself extremely hungry after making plans.” He smiled, but it was more smug than cheer.  He couldn't help it. 

Lily quietly stood up and stepped to a cabinet. She withdrew a bottle of whiskey which she brought back to the table and took a large swig from before setting it down next to the teapot. “ _You_ are testing me and you know what? With the year I've had, I deserve something to wake me up. Soooo...” 

She picked up her cell phone and stared straight into Loki's eyes, grinning smugly as she spoke. “Mona? It's Lily. Listen, I'm going to have to take all of the vacation and comp time I have right away… No, no emergency. Well maybe...” She laughed and took another drink. 

“OK. Mona, the truth is I'm starting a bender right now. I just met this guy… ha ha... uh huh. Real Foreign Royalty type. He wants to road trip to Malibu to hook up with his brother and Tony Stark... yeah... hahaha... if there's a spare I'll bring you one back if you OK my leave. Thanks! You're fabulous!” 

With a grin she disconnected the call and shook her finger at Loki. “That just means I am considering taking you up your invitation, and I hope that soup and sandwiches isn’t too casual to offer a random Alien Norse God terrorist. Nothing is a yes, yet.”


	4. Chapter 4

Loki leaned forward. “Oh, we both know it is a yes. You are not giving up the chance to see wonders you could only half imagine. I am certain you want to meet ‘the mighty Thor.’ Everyone does.” He rolled his eyes. “Trust me, he is not interesting unless you want to hear about crushing skulls or his super friends.” He grimaced, then changed the subject. “Well. 'Sandwich' sounds... pedestrian. But I am keen to leave as soon as possible, so that will be fine.”

“Pedestrian sounds good to me. A person can only take so much pretentious. I've been chasing the providence of an 18th century Dutch Chinoiserie cupboard and faience set around Europe for the past month.” Lily stepped to the kitchen and began to warm a container of frozen homemade soup.

“You know,” she kept talking across the open space, “the Stark Foundation paid for that excursion. I just might tag along so I can thank Mr. Stark in person.”

“What an interesting job you have,” he said, bemused by the tumble of words that he didn’t understand. “How does one ‘chase down’ a cabinet? They do not move, as a rule. Do you have a picture of the item? And why, of all things, would Stark care about it?” He inhaled deeply, surprised. “That smells good.”

Lily made ham and cheese sandwiches and set them on plates before she divided the soup into two bowls. She found herself smiling down at the food at Loki's sudden change in attitude. She brought everything over to the table and sat down. “Thank you. Go ahead. Eat.” She gestured toward the food.

“To answer your question, Mr. Stark is paying to repair most of New York out of his own pocket. I've been busy for the past year trying to reestablish the Museum's collection that was in the wing that the.... Chitauri destroyed.” As she spoke she thumbed her phone and set it down next to him. “If you are really interested, I've been looking for this to be listed in insurance or sale records, wills, museum or household inventories, things like that. I know it's real, I just have to be able to prove it.”

For a minute while she was talking, it was like the man in front of her was like any other person she would talk to about work. It was nice. Her apartment had been very empty for too long.

Loki stirred his soup, staring into the bowl. “How nice of Stark,” he drawled, but his heart wasn’t in it and he abandoned the sarcasm in hopes of keeping the conversation on better grounds. “I collect- used to collect things myself. Old books, artifacts, searching out histories and stories... One was not much different than this lovely piece. Except, of course, it involved more dwarves and elves.”

“I don't have much experience in the dwarf, elf and fairy arena. It just feels good to save things like this and share them. Remind people that they can make beautiful things. You know?” She watched him contemplating his soup and smiled a bit. “It's just minestrone. It won't hurt you. Promise.”

“I could not blame you if it did,” he said with a bitter twist of his lips. He took a bite before continuing. “After all, I am the- what did you call me- ‘power-mad, psychopathic, megalomaniac’ who destroyed New York. And your work. And your quilt.”

“And the East Wing of the museum and probably indirectly cost me my best friend-slash-roommate, fiancé, and a rent controlled three-bedroom in SoHo. But that's neither here nor there, because I guess it's all true. But I did not say that you were those horrible things, I said that I was surprised because I thought you should be terrible and it just doesn't seem that you are.”

Lily huffed and stopped talking, wondering how she wound up trying to convince this guy that she didn't think he was awful? She thought she'd better be careful before she let herself get led into telling him just how insanely good-looking he was.

“You were engaged to be married?” Loki leaned forward, curious. She didn't seem unhappy, but it was hard to tell. “This soup is quite flavorful, thank you.”

She nodded at his thanks, but her eyebrows rose as she spoke. “Is it that hard to believe anyone wanted to marry me for a few minutes? My fiancé and I moved in with my best friend after a laser beam or something took out part of our bedroom. I wound up working twelve to twenty-hour days dealing with global meetings and they both needed more ‘comforting’ than I was able to give them. Then they needed more space and here I am now. The view is better here though.” She flashed a fake smile before she shook her head sadly. "Why am I talking so much? You didn't ask for that… I'll shut up now while you tell me just exactly what you think is going to go on once we might start to go to Malibu and find Thor?”

Loki hid a smile behind a cough. “You are pretty when you are angry.” He winked at her, then sobered a little. “It is never easy to be someone's second choice. Or no one's choice.”

He leaned back in his chair, legs spread under the table, munching on his sandwich. “First, we have to get to Asgard so that we can take the trail through the troll forest. We will just go the way I came- a secret back way that Heimdall does not monitor. It is close to where we met. Then we will cut through the forest to another ‘door’ and we will be near Stark's place. Thor will... likely not be pleased to see me.”

“ _Or_ there's the option of us renting a car, and driving so we get to take toll roads instead of troll roads. But your way is probably much faster and you seem to be impatient to find an angry Thor.” Lily set down her spoon and looked seriously into his deep, green eyes. “And I don't know why you want me to come with you or of what use I could be in dealing with your problems, but you don't have to flirt with me to get me to do it. I've already used the word 'we' more than I would if I was actually going to say no.”

“The 'flirting' is just a bonus. I knew already that you were coming with me.” His grin was pure cat-got-the-canary pleased. “I fear you will get murderous if you are stuck with me too long. Even a little mortal like yourself could still do some damage. We will go through Asgard tomorrow.” He bit back a yawn. “It's too late to go tonight. Trolls are the worst at night.”

Lily wasn't sure if his grin was the most dazzling or the most irritating thing she had ever seen. “Tomorrow. OK, I'll have time to pack then. But as for the flirting, is that bonus for you or for me?” she teased.

Loki merely smiled at her before making the dishes travel back into the kitchen in a green glow. “Pack light. We will be on foot for a bit.”

He strolled through the living area between the bookshelves and the folding screens dividing off Lily’s private space, arms clasped behind his back. He assumed a regal air again. “You do not have an excess of space.”

Another green glow and a narrow but lavish bed appeared in the room, the chairs and sofa nudged out of the way by unseen forces. “I will sleep here then. We will leave as early as possible in the morning, understood?”

“Sure,” she drawled sarcastically after intently watching his magic. “Hey, you know what? Why don't you stay the night? No really, I insist. Make yourself completely at home.”

Loki flopped down on his bed, draping an arm over his eyes. “Why, thank you, that is quite kind of you. I am a very pleasant houseguest.” He peeked out from under his arm at the fuming woman and chuckled under his breath. She was fun to play with. “I am a bit rusty... Do humans sleep standing up? Or are you waiting for an invitation?” He waggled his eyebrows in obvious suggestion but was having a hard time keeping a straight face. “I can make a bigger bed...”

Lily went around the room and turned off lights and paused by the screen. “You're just fine there, but I'm going to go back here and sleep hanging upside down like a bat. The bathroom is through that door over there if you need it.”

She packed a few things in a backpack and got ready for bed by putting on a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top. She slipped into bed and laid there wide awake, very aware of the man just on the other side of the screen. After a bit she sat up, irritated. _What am I doing? It's not even 9 o'clock. Did I just let him chase me to bed?_

She turned her bed light on and tried to read awhile before she gave up and went to make herself a cup of tea. There was too much to think about to sleep.

Loki watched her putter around in the dark, while he pretended to sleep. He was surprised by how intriguing she was. Perhaps Thor wasn't as stupid as he had thought. He could almost understand what Thor saw in them. She should hate him, she should want revenge on him, since he had caused so much destruction in her life. Perhaps she was too scared to resist him... But it didn't seem that she was terrified, she'd pushed back on him several times. And she hadn't called any authorities...

Had she? Had she alerted the police without him noticing? Was Romanov or Rogers outside that window, waiting for him to be vulnerable?

Scowling at his own weaknesses, he gripped his dagger under the blanket. How stupid had he been to let his guard down, to not take every angle into account. He needed to have her under his control, not a liability.

Lily was hunched over her tea, leaning on the kitchen island in the dark, looking at the darker shape across the room that was Loki and his bed. It had been a very strange evening. She knew she should be much more uncomfortable with the situation than she was. This was Loki and by all accounts he was a villain with a capital V; the kind of person they make horror movies about. But he wasn't. She could tell when something wasn't what it appeared to be from a mile off and he wasn't a real villain. She needed to know more about things to make a decision about him.

She smiled to herself for a moment. What had he said she could do? See the truth of a thing. He made it sound so much more elegant and important than she ever had felt like it was. That was nice. Plus she didn't exactly have to worry about him knowing her talent because he wasn't going to run off and make her register herself as an "inhuman" or "mutant" like the government wanted people to do. If he wouldn't turn her in, she shouldn't turn him in... right?

But why was he trusting her? She needed him to get rid of her glowing hand in the beginning, but what did he need her for? He seemed to have settled right into step with her. Did he really need a tour guide for the Earth that badly?

Loki conjured a double near Lily, having it say, “We leave at first light, whether or not you've slept.”

She squeaked and dropped her tea cup. “What?!? How did you... I haven't seen... “ Lily's voice trailed off and she squinted at the double, looked over to the bed, and back to the double in confusion, “...you move? You didn't move?”

The double smirked. “Handy, being able to be two places at once. Were you watching me sleep? I told you, I can make the bed larger...” he cackled, leaning against the table.

Lily looked between the man that she saw standing next to her and the shadowy shape across the room a few times. Then she picked up the dropped tea cup and threw it at the shadow, where it connected with a soft thud.

“Ouch.” The double grimaced.

“I told you I know something isn't what it looks like. Are you just showing me your tricks or testing me? Either way, quit it for now.”

“Oh yes, I forgot about your power. Not a very effective trick on you, is it?” A green shimmer and the double was gone.

She smiled a bit to herself, then relented. “It might be more amusing when it's not the middle of the night.”

Loki sat up in his bed across the room. “Why are you not asleep, since it is the middle of the night?”

Lily made her way over to Loki's bed to retrieve the cup she had thrown. “I'm probably too wound up to sleep. You're in a magic bed in my apartment right now and I'm going to Malibu tomorrow to look for Thor and might get to see a troll on the way. That's all seriously exciting.”

The lights from the city outside the window threw Loki's features into stark relief, but his slightly messy hair made him seem like he was much... softer. It might not have been true, but middle of the night perceptions could be much different than daylight's truths.

Unthinking, she sat down at the edge of his bed to reach across his blanket for the projectile tea cup.

Loki flinched away from her, just a little, before catching himself. _She's not dangerous,_ he scolded himself, _she's not going to turn into some giant brute._

Perhaps fear had been the wrong approach with this woman. She was difficult to decipher, it was fascinating. “Ah, so adventures and wonderous sights are what you are after?” He plucked the tea cup out of her hand, and suspended it in midair. It shifted shape, elongating, warping, green lines highlighting the new changes “This is what an Asgardian troll looks like. With all luck, we will _not_ be seeing one.”

She stared, fascinated, at his hand and long fingers as he manipulated the cup. Breathlessly, she reached out her own finger to touch the illusion. “This. Is. Amazing. But I got it. Avoid the troll.”

Her eyes flicked up and looked into his, reflecting the green glow of his magic. “Of course I'm coming along to see everything. You don't think that I'd let some stranger intimidate me into doing something that I didn't want to do? I would have run away with a glowing hand if I had thought that's what was happening.”

“You are not easily intimidated, I will concede that,” Loki said quietly, a small smile on his lips. How long had it been since someone had been interested in his magic? Not since his mother... He shifted the cup again, turning it into a model of the cabinet she had been looking for in Europe. “Not many mortals would have made it through Damon's with such grace as you did.”

“Grace? Now you're flattering me.”

“I wonder... If you think very hard about how your hand felt when it was glowing, and then touch this illusion, what will happen?”

“I didn't feel much when it was glowing, but there was something....” she said as she turned more to face Loki and tucked her legs underneath her so she was sitting fully on the bed. Her hand was held out between them.

Lily's face was serious for a minute. When she was sure she felt something different, she reached up toward the illusion, praying she wasn't making an idiot out of herself and that this wasn't a joke at her expense. When she touched it, the green glow was replaced with a soft golden light, the cabinet moved slightly towards her, then disappeared and the tea cup fell to the bed.

Not being able to help herself, she giggled and looked up at Loki with wide dark eyes. “Did I do that? Was it because of that coin? How does it work? Please?”

She felt like a child at Christmas and wasn't even aware that she had reached out and grabbed his hands, squeezing as she asked her questions.

He squeezed back without thinking, a genuine smile on his face. “You did that, yes. I do not believe it was the coin that caused it- other than giving a physical sign that you are capable of more. It might be that with practice, you could make yourself glow again. If you wanted to act as a nightlight,” he teased, but it was gentle and lacking the barbs he usually used. He couldn’t stop staring at her face, the sparkle in her eyes, the awed bow of her lips. He remembered feeling the same wonder when he had made his first illusion with Frigga sitting beside him. “You are never going to sleep now, are you?”

She laughed at him. “I probably wasn't going to anyway. I think I owe you something- after all, you gave me this.” She pulled her hands from his gently and wiggled her fingers in the air. “Whatever _this_ actually is and I gave you a ham sandwich. I'm in the hole on this deal.”

A small decisive sound came from her before she suddenly rocked forward and pressed her lips to his forehead then rocked back. “There. Thank you.”

Loki froze completely- he thought even his heart stopped beating for a moment. A thousand scenarios played out in his head in that second- what was she getting at, was this a ploy, how did he let her get this close, was she really just nice because no one was this nice without wanting something- until he decided that he was being a fool. She had given him the way to control her on a platter. He had to keep her loyalty. He straightened his posture, leaned away a little, although he couldn’t stop himself from touching the spot her lips had been.

“I can teach you more. It appears that you can destroy illusions as much as I can create them. Not a 'big boom' offensive power like my brother enjoys, but quite useful.”

Had she been too impulsive? He had gone all stiff. She was just excited about the thought of being special. Those horrible powers that some people had, and the news and government were obviously afraid of, had always fascinated her. She would sometimes pretend that her "intuition" was one of those powers. Now after a random meeting, Loki was showing her that she _did_ have talents that counted. Sure, she wasn't flying or shooting fireballs or anything, but this was amazing. She was practically giddy.

“I… I'm sorry. Didn't mean to overstep there. Just got excited. But you'd teach me really? Even though it seems like you shouldn't? I mean, if you make illusions and I can destroy them and you're the god of lies and I know when something's a fake....” Her voice trailed off and she looked a bit worried.

“Magic is an exciting thing, I know that well.” He picked up the forgotten tea cup, turning it over in his hands. “Who better to show you how to destroy illusions than a master at making them?” he asked with a rueful, almost bitter shrug. “You would have nothing to destroy, otherwise. Perhaps that is why you are only discovering this skill now – you have not been around enough true illusions.” He traced his fingers around the rim of the cup. This was nice, this connection. It beckoned him, the idea of having her as a student; teach her and she would adore him, respect him. Enough to fill the hole inside him, the one that ached constantly? The one he had tried to fill with the fear and awe of her people? She looked so soft in the dim here, so eager and honest to learn. Would she still be soft if he trusted her?

Even in the shadow, Lily noticed Loki get a bit darker after he had spoken. Did she just ask too much? But assuming that she would drop everything and run off to Malibu via Asgard to help find Thor was a lot to ask too. “What's with the sad face? I mean, you don't _have_ to show me anything. No one is forcing anyone else do anything around here... right?”

He paused for a moment, tempted to shatter the cup in an explosion to scare her away from him, anything to cut himself loose from this unexpected bond. Scare, terrify, lie. _What I am known for,_ he thought bitterly. But the moment passed. With a deep breath he remembered that it had not always been this way.

He instead shapeshifted the cup into a shape like Thor and held it out. “Since we are not sleeping, we might as well get to work. Can you do that again?”

“I can try.” She held out her hand and looked at it, willing whatever had been glowing through it to come back. Wiggling a bit deeper into the bed to get comfortable, she said, “Hope you don't mind if I talk. I think better when I talk. But if you want to sleep, I can go back to bed and read or something. “

Soon a slight warm glow spread between her fingertips. Lily started to raise her hand to Loki's but paused. “Is that _Thor_? It's so cute. You made your brother adorable and tiny so I can destroy him... wow. I'm guessing there are bigger issues here than the Battle of New York.”

Loki raised a sardonic eyebrow. “Would you rather I make it me?” Thor morphed into a small Loki. “Do you have siblings?”

Lily laughed and poked her finger at the illusion. It fell apart and dissolved slowly, like snowflakes, revealing the cup in Loki's hand. “Aww but he was adorable too. Much cuter than the cup.”

She shook her hand like she was flicking water off of it before she used it to smooth back her pillow-tossed curls.

“I have a sister,” she said hesitantly, “but she's 18 years older than I am, so we aren't close, like we were raised together or anything. When my Mom announced she was pregnant with me people didn't say ‘congratulations,’ they said, ‘oh shit, that still works?!?’”

Loki couldn't help but laugh, even though his eyes were drawn by her movement to her hair and then following the line of her arm back down to her chest. “Not much rivalry, then? Or was your sister always better because she was older? Now, close your eyes.”

His real laughter changed his face completely and she was struck by how handsome he was when he wasn't intimidating her. No, in this light he wasn't handsome, he was beautiful. Lily was almost grateful to close her eyes. That way she wouldn't accidentally stare.

She spoke as she followed his directions. “Nope, no real rivalry. She was married and moved out before I was old enough to go to school.”

Loki put his hands behind his back with the cup and when he brought them forward again, there were two identical cups. “Tell me which one isn't real. Eyes still closed!”

After a moment she reached out her hand and dropped it through the illusionary cup to rest against Loki's palm. “There's also the one holding the cup, there's plenty not real about him too,” she said gently.

His blood turned to ice and he had to fight not to crush her hand in his. What could she see? “You got me. My sleepwear is entirely illusion. Do not touch it, please!” Maybe he shouldn't have pushed her to explore the limits of her power- her touch was now making it difficult for him to maintain his Asgardian form. His face was misted with sweat with the effort, but he refused to turn into a frost giant in a sparkle of white snowflakes before her eyes. He reluctantly drew his hand back from hers. “How are you feeling? Any fatigue or headache? Magic can have a high physical cost.”

“I might be a little tired, but it's late. I'm OK.” Lily's hand lost the glow when Loki pulled his hand back. She reached out for his cheek, looking concerned. “You look all clammy though. Are you OK? Don't worry about your pajamas, I don't think it works if I'm not trying to make it work.”

He swallowed, freezing under her touch. He gave her a wan smile. “I am fine. I am impressed with your progress. One last test, and then off to bed with you. I have hidden an illusion somewhere, go find it and try to dissolve it without touching it.”

“You want to play hide and seek?” Lily wondered about the number of emotions that had flickered across his face. _Maybe that's normal for an Asgardian?_ She shrugged it off and laughed as she stood up. “Will you tell me if I'm getting close?”

She stepped carefully around the dark apartment, peering at dim shapes and stopped in front of the wall. A painting up near the ceiling caught her attention and she concentrated, squinting her eyes to make the landscape turn back into the seascape that was usually there.

After nothing happened, she raised her hand toward it as a flickering glow danced along her fingertips. Lily sighed and dropped her arm. “It's up there, but... it's too hard.”

Thinking about the picture being an illusion of a forgery, something clicked and seemed familiar to what she felt from Loki. There wasn't just _one_ thing that wasn't what it seemed with him, there were layers. His unease with what she had said to him made sense and she felt badly.

“You know? What I said earlier... about the paintings being just as good as the real ones? That's the truth. The name in the corner doesn't have to matter if there's no horrible intentions behind it. It's the same with people. You're supposed to have horrible intentions and be evil and dangerous. I'll give you the dangerous, but you've been faking the other two. I won't poke you anymore about it unless for some reason, I need to know. OK?”

“Well. That is more compassion than I have received in a long while. You are just full of surprises... Not like anyone else I have met.” He had enjoyed watching her find the painting, both that she had found it and that he had nearly tricked her with it. “I am truly pleased to have met you- and I assure you, that is nothing I have said to a mortal before.” He chuckled, but it turned into a yawn. “And now... sleep, yes?”

“Yes,” she agreed with a nod and a slight smile. “I think I'm tired enough to sleep now.”

Before she disappeared behind the screen she paused. “And thank you, I'm pretty sure I'm pleased to have met you too.”

Crawling into her blankets, she worried that no matter if she was tired, she would spend the night laying there trying to figure out the man on the other side of the room. She shouldn't have worried though, as soon as her head hit the pillow she fell into a deep, fast sleep.

Loki sighed into the dark, relieved at the quiet but missing Lily's astute, sarcastic questions at the same time. He scrubbed a hand over his face. He was getting too attached, but he couldn't seem to help it. She was just so curious and, oddly, forgiving of his past deeds in this city. _My little mortal,_ was his last bemused thought before he drifted to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

When the sun started to peek over the horizon, Loki opened his eyes. He disappeared his bed, and sent a double to shake Lily awake. “Time to go troll-sighting.”

Lily opened her eyes heavily and let out a scream at seeing Loki. She flailed at the double. Recalling the night before, she got embarrassed and called out in a hoarse voice, “OK. I'm up.”

Loki snickered at his prank.  He shouldn't take such joy in it, but he loved to keep people guessing.

Sleepily, Lily shuffled to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. She looked up at Loki. “What's the weather like where we're going? I need to know what to wear. Malibu's warm, but I have no idea about Troll forests.”

He sat down at the table, twirling a bit of magic idly in his fingers.  “Not too different from here, weather-wise.  We are not going through the fire or ice trolls. You are quite pretty when you are asleep.  Very serene.  What are you cooking?”

“I'm what!? Were you watching me?” She blinked at him, shocked. “And I'm making coffee. Strong coffee. I need to be much more alert than I am now to deal with the idea of fire and ice trolls.”

She reached into a drawer and pulled out a box that she tossed on the table. “There's some granola bars. I don't usually do breakfast.”

He poked at the box, extracting a crinkly shiny rectangle to examine. “Interesting.  Perhaps I will just wait and eat a troll.” But despite his words, he peeled open the foil and nibbled at the sweet crunchy thing inside.  “Coffee... That is a stimulant, correct? Popular among mortals, if I remember. Might I try some?”

Lily poured two cups and slid one down toward Loki with a grin. “Sure, a nervous demi-god can only add to the adventure.”

He sipped the black liquid cautiously and his face twisted into a grimace. “That tastes horrific.  It is so bitter, why would you drink this willingly?” He shuddered, putting the cup back down as if the coffee would leap out and force itself down his throat at any moment.

Lily bit back a laugh at the face that Loki made. “It's an acquired taste, I guess.  Here...” She poured some milk and sugar into his cup and handed it back.  “Try it now. If you really can't stand it, there's orange juice in the fridge and tea bags in the cabinet. I'll go wash up and get dressed.”

She went off to get her jeans and walking boots, changing in the bathroom.

“Hmm.” He sniffed the new concoction and took another sip. Glancing around to make sure Lily wasn't watching, he walked over to where she kept the sugar and added another generous spoonful. 

Smiling to himself at the almost cloying sweetness, he took the time to look around her home again, admiring the paintings and other art.  She had good taste, his mortal. And a very alluring kindness, wrapped up in a straightforward practicality and dry wit.  He was going to enjoy traveling with her and he wondered if he could extend their trip a little to show her some of the more interesting parts of Asgard...

But then he remembered why he was here and what had precipitated his return to Midgard.  Frowning, he dumped the coin back on the table and poked at it with his spoon.  The leftover drops of coffee hissed and sputtered when they touched the gold surface. It had his name on it, but he couldn't decipher the other writing. It seemed to be constantly shifting. He couldn't focus on it. He flipped the coin over, but the other side was blank, as far as he could tell.  “I will just leave this here,” he muttered. Who knew what sort of spells it had on it.

Lily soon came out dressed comfortably and practically. She was fastening a hair tie to the bottom of a braid and stopped short to watch Loki dump the gold coin onto the table. He seemed to be as in the dark about it as she was. That couldn't be a good thing.

Lily picked up the backpack that she had packed the night before and took it into the kitchen with her, where she dumped the rest of the box of granola bars in it.  She shrugged and quipped, probably too brightly, “If there's anything I've learned traveling, it's that you can't count on there being anything to eat when you want it. I guess I'm ready to go when you are.” The look on Loki's face as he toyed with that coin disturbed her and she wanted to interrupt that.

“Hm? Oh yes, of course.” Loki forced himself to pay attention. What had she said?  “Those are tasty,” he said of the packed granola bars. 

He scooped the coin up with his spoon and put it back in the bag, tying it shut with more force than necessary.  He smiled at Lily, looking her up and down.  He was impressed by her preparedness, and her willingness to go with him. 

“First step, we are going back to where you found this gold riddle. Then I will take us through the gate to Asgard.”

“I found that because it looked like you dropped it right in front of me.” She rinsed out the cups in the sink and slung the backpack over one shoulder.

Opening the front door, Lily held out one hand to Loki, “You're the one that wanted the early start, I guess we're headed back towards the Museum.”

He hesitated a moment, his hand twitching to touch hers.  Then he gathered himself and swept by her and out the door, head held at an aristocratic angle. “Quite right, let us begin.”

The little bag with the coin remained on her kitchen table, looking completely ordinary.

As they left her building, Lily pulled the mail out of her mailbox that she hadn't emptied the day before and shoved it into the back pocket of her backpack. It wouldn't do to leave town with a full mailbox.

The walk back to the street where they met was uneventful in the early morning glow.  Loki was content to walk in quiet thought, still not sure what he would say to Thor- or what reception he'd receive. 

Lily opened her mouth to ask questions a few times, but changed her mind when she noticed Loki's contemplative mood. It startled her when he stopped at a random alley and spoke.

“So, Mistress Disillusionment, tell me, what do you see down this way?” Loki gestured down the narrow corridor.

“Ummm... it looks like an alley,” she answered as if placating an insane person. She looked again and her eyes flew open and a grin of recognition broke across her face. “But it's not. It's a doorway. I walk past this all the time and saw it but never _looked_. How much have I been missing because I never thought to try? Or is this new, since I met you and your trick coin?”

Loki couldn't help but grin back.  “These types of gateways are made to be invisible. Illusions to make the eye slide by, to draw the viewers' attention elsewhere.  They work off people's assumption that what they are looking at will fit the normal pattern they expect. But once you know what to look for...” He bent forward in a jaunty bow, ushering her down the alley towards the now obvious door.  “I have full faith that, had you ever thought to do it, you have always had the ability to see things like this. It's just a matter of knowing where the illusion is- and you are quite good at that.  The coin did not change you at all, it just indicated that you are special.”  He smiled sweetly at her back as they walked. Special, indeed. 

He offered his hand when they reached the portal.  “Now, there's usually a gust of wind or quick chill when you cross through a gate like this.  Just step on through when you're ready.”

She took his hand and held on to it tighter than she intended to. Now that she thought about it, agreeing to this might not have been the best decision she had ever made. What if it was just a joke and she stepped through a pretend door, just to look like an idiot? Or just as bad, what if she stepped through a real door into another world she knew nothing about.

Lily looked at Loki with earnestness shining in her brown eyes and stated as fact with no room for argument, “If I do this, you're going to get me home safe when this is all done. It’s a promise.”

Then she squeezed her eyes shut and stepped ahead. For a moment she felt like she had stepped outside on a January morning in Minnesota. That feeling passed quickly and without opening her eyes, she could tell that the air was suddenly fresh and clean and she wasn't standing on asphalt anymore.

***

A shadowy figure slid through the door of the empty apartment. It scanned the room and glided toward the table, where it picked up the bag holding the coin with a sigh.

A whispering voice spoke in irritation. “So, you were smart enough not to touch it, but someone else was not as cautious as you. Did you find an ally or a puppet in this place? It smells as if you... and someone else... have been busy with magic here. Mmm...”

The bag with the coin swung into the air for a moment then fell back and hit the table with a thud. “You might as well keep it,” the voice said disgustedly as it left the space empty again.  “I can find you… other ways.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Loki's heart rose in his throat when she looked at him and he swallowed with difficulty.  Get her home safe. He had certainly intended to do that, but to have her put her trust in him like that- to put that responsibility on him... This sudden, unfamiliar weight on his chest- was this how it felt to lead? 

The moment passed just as she stepped through the portal, pulling him with her.

He blinked his eyes open in the bright sunlight unhindered by skyscrapers and cranes.  Just ahead of them were the short trees and bushes leading into a taller, dense forest. The path was hard to discern, grass and weeds encroaching on the packed dirt. But it was there. 

“There, not so bad, was it?  We will follow this path until the cairn, then we go west out of the trees to the other gate. That one should put us out near Thor.”

Lily slowly opened her eyes and looked at the country around them. The sky above her caught her gaze. She stared at the faint circles of two moons hanging against the pale blue. The distance of the journey of one step suddenly struck her and her legs wobbled beneath her.

“Wow. Just... wow... You didn't slip anything into my coffee to make me hallucinate this did you? Never mind, even if you did, just let me enjoy this for a minute. Wow.” A broad, open smile filled her face as she stared.

Her smiles were contagious, he noticed as his lips curved up once again in spite of himself.  He slipped an arm around her waist in reflex when she wobbled. 

“That stuff is bitter enough to make you hallucinate on its own, no interference needed.  Welcome to Asgard, Lily.  Or part of it, anyway.  This part is in many ways prettier than the city... “  He rocked back and forth on his heels a bit, remembering shapeshifting lessons, running and climbing in these trees.  “Beautiful, is it not.” His smile turned sly. “Just watch where you walk. You do not want to step on a venomous ribshnill. They look just like sticks, you know.”

Lily took a small jump back even further into Loki's arm at his comment and looking around the ground. “No. I _don’t_ know. Is this the kind of path where I'll get eaten by the Big Bad Wolf if I get off of it?”

“Ehehehe,” he chuckled, trying not to notice the sweet floral scent of her hair in his nose. “I made that up.  I am a horrible guide.”

Lily play-slapped at Loki's solid chest and joked.  “You are terrible, teasing me like that.”

He snickered again at his joke, quieter. “The sticks here are just sticks.  There are wolves, but they do not hunt humanoids.  And they are nocturnal.  The trolls should also be asleep until sunset...  They are not quiet creatures, we will have plenty of warning before they catch us.”

She slid out from the relative safety of Loki’s arm and walked forward to pick an unfamiliar yellow and pink wildflower. She examined it carefully, sniffed it, and smiled as she tucked it into her braid.

Then she took her phone out of her pocket and took a picture of the landscape, making sure to get the two moons in the sky. She shrugged at Loki, almost apologetically. “Just so later I don't start thinking this was all a dream or something.”

“Take as many photographs as you would like. I would not want you to forget any detail of a journey with me,” he said with exaggerated pride. “I suppose I cannot tell you that that flower attracts butterflies without you doubting me now, can I? I hope I have not ruined all my fun at your expense, we still have hours of walking ahead.”

A few purple and white butterflies fluttered around the pair as Loki began down the path. 

He turned, walking backwards to face Lily and grinned- a genuine, gleeful, bold grin. “Come on, then, I thought dogs liked walking.”

“So, I'm a dog now?” Lily gasped. “I'm hardly nipping at your heels,” she mumbled as she started down the path.

“Did we not establish that you mortals were cute little pets to us gods?” Loki over-emoted on the words 'cute little pet' as he'd noticed humans did when seeing something they liked.  He settled into the quiet when she had no response.

After a minute she spoke up again, “And about doubting you... I work with classical art, so I have a pretty good understanding of most mythologies. Loki, or Loptr, or Hvedrungr. Aesir and jotun, God of Lies, chaos, mischief, and fire. Magician and illusionist. Mother of Slepnir. Bringer of Ragnarok. Destroyer of New York. Did I miss anything? I'm pretty sure that any trust issues I'd have would have _nothing_ to do with you telling me that sticks could bite me.” She laughed like she had just told the funniest joke ever.

It was difficult to hear his reputation summed up so matter-of-factly- and so many of the epithets out of his control.  A list of his failures, really.  He focused on the one that would deflect from the rest.  “Mother of Slepnir?  Is that one still going around?” He forced a laugh. “That particular myth... I have lain with many people, in many forms.  It is quite fun. But, 'Let us embarrass him,' Odin said, 'let us make them laugh at Loki, that will stop his sleeping around.'”  Loki scowled briefly.  “Try to take away one of my few true enjoyments, make it so that no one would touch a horse-fucker, let alone a horse _-bearer_ ,” he muttered. _Did I go around saying Thor was taking it up the ass from the Warriors Three? Of course not, but that didn't matter..._ He sighed, shaking off the memory. “You mortals are so gullible sometimes.”

“Oh yes,” she sneered as she caught up with him. The butterflies that were dancing around her head stole any real sting from her voice. “So gullible that we wrote that you, or rather Loki in the myths, always manages to fix everything so that's it's better than when it started? The only mess that doesn't get cleaned up is Ragnarok and I'm pretty sure that's just because you're dead at the end of that story.” Lily gave him a broad wink and kept going as they walked deeper into the shade of the woods.

“Flattery will get you _everything_ , my dear little flower.”  He nodded his head, feeling lighter and younger than he had in years. How long had it been since he'd had the freedom to be out here like this? He was in the best mood, remembered childhood joy dancing along his synapses.

“And another thing, if I have to be a pet, I could at least be a cat. Unless you want a bitch around, cause I can do bitch pretty well. It just gets tiresome after a bit.”

Loki grinned a huge grin, the tip of his tongue caught between his teeth, and winked at her. “Do you want to curl up in my lap, kitten?”

“You don't even have a lap right now, you're walking.” She deflected his question as she skipped a bit to keep up with his long strides. “Oh hey, let me do something and prove ‘them’ wrong.” She reached out with her index fingers and very deliberately poked his bicep several times. “Oh no... I'm touching the horse-fucker instead of the dog-fucker!” Lily laughed at the teasing.

“Stop that!” He batted away her fingers while making an invisible hand tug at her braid. “Cat, indeed.  Just remember what I did to Freya's cat when he pissed me off.”  He scowled at her, but it lacked any malice. 

He all at once wanted to reach out and hug her, to hold her tight against him and just breathe.  He grit his teeth, busying his hands with his cuffs.  “You are quite brave, for a mortal- you do not know where I have been.”

He had meant it as a joke, a flippant remark regarding possible horses or giants or women he had been with and his cleanliness. But it cut him deeply instead, reminding him that he _had_ been in dark, unknown places of the galaxy- and that she had good reason not to trust him even an inch.

"Should I wash my hands now?"

“Wait-“  Loki froze in his tracks, holding up a hand to her. “Did you hear something?”

Lily stopped almost before she began at Loki's question. She stopped moving and her eyes flicked around, seeing nothing that looked dangerous. Shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders, with a confused look on her face, she spoke softly, “I dunno... I wasn't a Girl Scout.”

He listened, holding his breath.  Wind, leaves... Lily's fast, soft breathing beside him... _No, you idiot, don't look at her chest_ , he scolded himself. He tore his eyes away and back to the trees.  “Maybe it was nothing. I thought I heard... I'm not sure. It was strange... Perhaps just my imagination.  It's not much farther to the split in the path, then we are halfway there.”

Lily had stepped in closer to his safety as he listened. His tension seemed to be contagious. “Oh. Halfway there already. I figured it would be a lot farther for some reason,” she said softly with a touch of disappointment in her voice as she looked up at him. This walk was nice and could go on much longer. Lily had been having fun seeing new things, being on _Asgard_ of all places, teasing and laughing with this incredibly good looking man.

“I would have thought you would be glad to be rid of me-“

Two large, black birds dove out of the tree tops towards the path. The birds screamed loudly as they flew past.

Startled, Lily jumped forward, flinging herself at Loki's chest and wrapping her arms around him. Without letting him go, she asked, “Ravens?”

Loki hugged his arms around Lily, turning them so his back was towards the birds, shielding her.  He looked over his shoulder at the tail feathers climbing the updraft.  “Ravens,” he confirmed. “Fuck fuck _fuck_ -” he continued a string of curse words in a variety of languages, but didn't loosen his grip on Lily, not even noticing his hand rubbing her back.

Loki had given the impression of being a slight, slim man, but pressed against his chest like this, Lily realized that was not the case at all. He was much more solid and imposing physically than his movements and attitude suggested.

“That's a pretty strong reaction to birds,” she noted as Loki's obscenities trailed off. “What's going on around here?”

“You know your stories, I am certain you know who is associated with ravens.” Loki sighed, slumping. “Odin's filthy little spies.  I do not know how they found us. Me. I thought I had fooled them. I do not know what they will tell Odin... He is in Odinsleep right now- the only reason I am not in a cell...” He trailed off, remembering who he was talking to. She would only agree with Odin if he continued- after all, he had destroyed her home and her potential marriage. 

He reluctantly pulled away and stepped back from her.  “They are loud, and arrogant, but they will not hurt you.  You will be safe back on Midgard by the time he wakes and they tell him what I have done.” He stared after the ravens.  “I suppose it is useless trying to hide from them now... But I would like to move deeper into the trees. It will take us longer, but the less they see of you, the happier I will be.”

“But... they won't hurt me, right?” Lily asked as she watched the birds settle in a tree not too far away. She was so focused, she didn't even notice what Loki was saying. She unzipped her back pack and dug out some granola bars. Opening them, she stepped toward the tree. “I want to meet them. I don't have anything to hide.”

“No, they won't hurt— _what are you doing_ \- don't _feed_ them!” he hissed, gesturing at her back as she crouched down. “Don't- oh Buri’s balls. You stupid woman, what are you doing...” 

“Huginn! Muninn!” she called out and held a granola bar out in front of her. “Come down. I'm not going to hurt you. I have treats for you.”

The birds stared at her and rustled their wings. “Oh, come on. I've come a long way, you know. It's all safe, see?” She took a bite of the granola bar and broke the rest in half and set it on the ground in front of her. One of the ravens fluttered down and hesitantly pecked at the snack, then gulped it down and called to the other, before fixing Lily with a stern gaze.

Loki made a face behind her back, doing a nasal, squawking impression of a raven- albeit very quietly, “'Oh Odin, we met this mortal and she fed us mortal food and you'll never _guess_ who she was with' and then guess who gets flayed alive and made to clean a disgusting raven aerie for a century... not the mortal, that's for sure...”

Lily quickly broke another bar in half and squatting down, set the pieces in front of the birds with a huge grin on her face. “Hey there. I'm Lily. I hope you don't mind that I can't tell who is who yet, but you're both just beautiful.” She spoke in a calm, sing song voice and one of the birds hopped closer to her, tilting its head attentively. Reaching out again, she picked up a piece of the granola and set it on her outstretched palm. Soon the bird shot forward and picked it delicately from her palm. It backed away from her then fluttered its wings violently until a feather fell loose on the ground, then it called to its partner, who joined it and they flew back to the tree.

Lily picked up the long feather and stared at it, almost without breathing, before she laughed and tucked it into her braid next to the flower.

Loki glared at Lily.  “Oh good, you have made friends.  Put that thing away, it will only bring bad luck.” He shifted his shoulders, the remembered pain and ache of a staff blow between his shoulder blades irritating him.  “Fuck, I was trying to keep you secret from them, not have you tell them your name and cater a meal.”

Lily was startled when she noticed that Loki was ranting at her. The ravens had just been so incredible. She doubted that she'd ever forget the intelligence in their eyes. Then she realized that he wasn't stopping the ranting and that he had been ranting in "voices" to top it all off.

As the birds left, she started laughing and couldn't stop. Lily laughed at Loki until she tipped back and landed on her butt on the ground, then she started laughing at herself and flopped flat on her back. "Sir. Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir, “ she choked out between giggles.

Loki crossed his arms and stared down at the hysterical mortal rolling on the ground, frowning.  “Easy for you to laugh, I'm the one with the shit end of this stick.  Why you would even want to get near those nosy, officious, loud disease bags is beyond me.  Is that just what you do? See a creature and just... give it treats? If I had come up to you as a... a... a bird or...”

Exasperated and floundering for words, he transformed in a sparkle of gold into an elkhound puppy and sat down in front of Lily, cocking his head in question.

Lily gasped as she sat up. “Puppy!” she squealed as she picked up the ball of cuteness, nuzzled his face and rolled him over and scratched his belly. Then she took a slow breath and let her fingers begin to glow and she touched his chest very deliberately.  “And because you asked, yes. Yes, that is exactly what I do, see a creature and give it treats. About the rest of it, where I'm from that's known as the pot calling the kettle black.”

He let her dissolve his illusion, now on his back on the ground next to her.  He was breathing hard but didn't feel like he was getting enough air.  He couldn't move, gazing up at her, with that stupid feather in her hair next to the flower and her cheeks flushed from laughing. He could still feel her fingers scratching and tickling him. Her nose burrowing into his fur by his ear.  Her fingers on his chest. He finally forced himself to focus on the moment and listen to what she was saying, even though it was hard to hear over the rushing of his own blood.

“Are you calling me nosy, officious, and loud, as well as diseased?” he managed.

“Maybe? At least the first three. You're the one that hinted at the last one.” She laughed again and dropped her hand against his chest, before she sobered up. “I'm sorry. That was probably really dangerous or something. I'll be good and manage to listen to you while we're here. No more friends. OK? It's just... everything is so... nevermind. I'll just behave.”

Loki swallowed, his throat dry.  She was still touching him and he could feel the heat of her hand through his shirt...  “You will be fine, as long as I get you back to Midgard before Odin wakes up.  He is not fond of mortals in his realm. He is brutal about it.  I am sure Huginn and Muninn loved you.  They make it a particular habit to ruin my life, I am sure of it.  They never tattle on Thor, but when _Loki_ sleeps with a man, Odin is banging down the door to punish me before we are even done.”  He sighed, dropping his head back to the ground with a hard thump.  “Prison will not be so bad.  I deserve it.  Time to read, at the least.”  He stared at the sky through the tree leaves for a long moment.  “We should get moving.”


	7. Chapter 7

Already a bit serious from thinking about her own situation, Lily looked down on Loki with concern as he spoke, even though she couldn't quite follow his train of thought. “So, you can wind up going to prison because I stopped to play with the birds? I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I never meant to do that to you.”

Lily got up and offered her hand to the prone god to help him up. “I guess we're lucky I'm not your type or you'd be in more trouble, huh?”

“I am an incarnation of chaos and mischief, Lily. Everyone is my type,” he quipped, taking her hand. He stood and brushed himself off, angling himself away so that she wouldn't see the bulge in his pants. “It is not that you fed birds. It is that you fed _those_ birds. They tell Odin everything... And there is no love lost between Odin and me. If he had not fallen into Odinsleep while he and Thor discussed my sentence... I would be in a prison cell deep underground already. You, of all people, know what I did to deserve my place there. Thor gave me another chance, one he risked much for. All Odin needs is a hint of rule-breaking on my part to rip it all to shreds and have me in chains.” He scrubbed his hands over his face, pulling a leaf from his hair. He started walking, his step a bit more subdued than before.

Lily hurried to catch up with him and caught his arm. “I'm sorry. I really am. I never thought hanging out with me would be rule-breaking. Let's just go find Malibu and get you out of trouble here. OK?”

After feeling bad and awkward for a little bit, she held up a granola bar in front of Loki. “I saved you the chocolate one though.”

“Chocolate?” He perked up, snagging the bar from her hand. “None of this is your fault, truly. I never expected to get caught. Otherwise we would have- what was the word you used, road-tripped? to Malibu.” He took a bite, humming his enjoyment at the sweet crunch. “I cannot say I blame them for liking these things, though. Or the mortal who brought them.” He smiled at her, and her feather, and her flower, and the muted but still there excitement in her step. “Hold this a moment- do not eat it!”

He handed her the bar and stepped off the path briefly. When he came back, he was holding a large leaf with three points. He held it out to her to take. “See, if you hold it up to the light, the color changes, and it is a bit fuzzy, and there are the veins- peasants harvest the tree sap and make sugar. When the leaves are deep purple, that is when it is time. We also use the leaves to make dyes and paints.”

“That's amazing. So pretty,” Lily said as she stepped close and took the leaf, turning it over in her fingers and stroking the fuzz after swapping it for the granola. She gave Loki an honest smile. “I love seeing new things like this, but you don't need to take the time for me if you need to get out of here before Odin wakes up.”

“Consider it insurance. If I give you some plants, perhaps you will stay away from the dangerous stuff.” He winked at her. “But do not expect much more of that sort of botany- every Asgardian schoolchild learns about that tree. I do not know any of the other plants around here.” He shrugged, starting to walk again. His hand itched to take hers and just hold it as they walked.

Instead, he ducked down and grabbed a small stick from the path, dancing it along his fingers- an impressive display of fidgeting, if he was honest with himself. Which he hated being. What was it about this woman? Was it her magic? Was she more powerful than he realized, to the point that just being near her made it hard to lie, even to himself? He side-eyed her, watching as they walked.

“I wish I could take you to the city. You would be precious looking around there. Your eyes would be so big that the healers would worry you had some mutation.”

“I wish you could take me to the city too. But this is amazing.” She thought for a moment about the hurt she had been avoiding by working too much hadn't been a problem at all since she got here. Well, since she met Loki actually. She was looking at a new world with new eyes.

She took his hand and squeezed it with gratitude. “Thank you again. I think I really needed this.”

Surprised, he squeezed back. “Yes, well. I am... pleased you came with me. We will be getting to the cairn soon. It was once a statue but it has been worn down so much- it was built before even the Asgardians were here. There are markers like it near all the secret paths... If we headed straight, we would end up in a completely different world. But we are heading back to Midgard...”

He let himself entertain the notion briefly, of taking Lily and just heading out into the galaxy. Seeing her face light up with wonder at all the strange sights, zipping around the stars in a spaceship to their heart's content... but then he came back to reality, knowing that neither Thor nor Odin would let him disappear like that without consequences.

“So lots of people use these then? Is that how you guys keep showing up without ships or something?”

“No, most people use the Bifrost- these old ways are marked, but nearly entirely forgotten.”

Lily pointed into the clear air between the trees off to Loki's side. “Is that a... flying boat?”

“But taking the Bifrost means going through Heimdall, and I –" He jerked his head around to follow Lily's gaze. “Oh Norns. What in Buri’s name is that. I cannot see any markings on it from here.”

“So it _is_ a flying boat? It's so... elegant almost. But the swearing means hide from it, right?” Still hanging on to Loki's hand, Lily moved up against the trunk of a very large tree. She was determined to do the right thing this time. Asgard seemed unfriendlier than she assumed, even counting the trolls.

“I am not sure if it is dangerous... It could just be an idiot out joy riding.” He squinted, trying to get a clearer picture of the skiff. “Either way, we will want to stay out of sight. Dammit, this should have been an easy trip. I do not think Odin is awake yet, he has not tripped my trap yet- no, it is not a real trap, more like an alarm so that I can make myself scarce,” he hurried to explain himself before she could come to the wrong conclusion. “You stay here, understand? I am going to take a closer look to see what we are dealing with. You can feed me when I get back if you want.”

With a cheeky wink and a shimmer, Loki transformed into a robin. He took a few short hops on the ground, then took flight towards the boat.

She watched him fly off before she leaned back against the tree bark and closed her eyes. Abruptly alone, Lily began to wonder why she didn't stop to think this might be more than an exciting day trip. Her hand clutched at her backpack a bit more tightly than she noticed as she listened to the sounds of the woods.

On his return, Loki landed on a branch above Lily, cocking his head to focus. He always hated bird-vision. She seemed to truly trust him. It puzzled him. She was sweet and kind and appeared genuinely unhappy when he was upset. She wasn't a gullible fool, that was obvious. She had a biting sarcasm- so she wasn't here because she feared him or was placating him. Maybe... maybe he could trust her too...

From the back of his brain, he heard the metallic hiss that had haunted him the last year. _And if I can't, I can always kill her,_ the voice was tinged with the need for pain- if not another's than his would do. _She's just a mortal... even without magic, her bones would snap in my hands..._ Loki fluffed his feathers, running his beak over them.

 _No no no,_ he thought, tuning out the voice. He had prayed that it would disappear as the Chitauri drug had left his blood, but it hadn't, not completely. It rose up, faint but tantalizing and cruel, at random moments, reminding him of his hideous actions under its influence. Reminding him of his broken potential.

With a deep, cleansing breath, he flew down to land by Lily's feet, then transformed back to himself. “Just Fandral taking a joyride so he can fuck his latest fancy away from the city. It looked as if she is nobility. Probably a scandalous tryst. I will put an illusion over us so he will not be able to see us, if he even looks up from her breasts.”

She opened her eyes at the sound of Loki's voice. “So, it's OK. It's someone you know. Good.” Her body relaxed the tension she had been holding. Then she poked his chest with a finger, almost testing to see if he was real and spoke in an awed voice. “That was so cool, what you did there. That wasn't an illusion. You turned into a freaking bird!” Her mouth quirked into a smile and she pulled a small bag of M&Ms from her backpack. “Getting to see that was completely worth feeding you the only other chocolate I brought.”

Her amazement quickly overrode the sense of fear that had started to creep in a moment ago.

“I am a master shapeshifter,” he said with a bow. “Although, like the puppy, it is all just levels of illusion. Many, many layers.” He shook his head. “I hate monocular vision, it gives me a headache.” He plucked the bag from her and tore it open. He grinned at the bright colors and popped one little disk in his mouth. “These are delicious! Can we get more of these in Malibu?” He devoured a handful more with glee.

Lily was so entertained by Loki's innocent enjoyment of the candy that she really wanted to play with him about it, but she needed to remember that he was Loki and that she was completely dependent on him as long as they were on another planet. Maybe she shouldn't push him _too_ much, but a little bit wouldn't hurt, especially if he wouldn't find out until they were in Malibu, would it?

“I'm sure that with a little bit of time, effort and money, I could get a hold of some more. What would they be worth to you? Hmm?” She spoke with a twinkle in her eye and a slight purr in her voice.

He swallowed hard, his eyes widening just a hint. He coughed to give himself a moment- he was sure his voice would have come out an unmanageable squeak had he tried to say anything after the drop in her voice. “Are, uh, are magic lessons not enough?” _How dare this mortal put me so off balance,_ he thought, not at all angry. How did she do it so easily? Did she know what she was doing? The crinkle of the bag of chocolate in his hand helped him focus. “I know- I will punish the man who abandoned you in exchange for more of these. Revenge is a fair trade for chocolate. Yes?”

She stifled a laugh and immediately felt a little bit bad because he seemed so serious and the thought of him offering punishment was more than a little scary. “You... you can hold off on the revenge thing, 'cause you're right. The magic is more than enough.”

She stepped on down the path and started chattering to dispel the revenge and punishment imagery. “It’s so pretty here under the trees. Looks like it might be a hot day out in the sun, but it's all nice and green here. It'll be warm in Malibu too, but the Pacific Ocean is wonderful though, compared to the Atlantic. I've always thought the Atlantic Ocean seemed moody. If an ocean can be moody, that is. How much farther is it to the... cairn?”

Loki frowned a little as he followed her. Why wouldn't she want revenge? She had sounded so upset when she talked about that man. And he had left her. Wouldn't she feel better knowing he had paid for that pain? Loki didn't need to kill him... Maybe just scare him a little. Or a lot. How could that fool have given up Lily, with her wit, her smiles, her no-nonsense it-has-to-be-done attitude mixed with such childlike excitement? Blinking, he pulled himself out of his (dangerous) reverie to focus on the woman herself.

“Yes, I do know what you mean, about oceans. Or lakes, or forests. They seem to have personalities. The cairn should not be much farther, maybe another few minutes. You can climb all over it, if you want. No danger there.”

“How big is this thing that I can climb it? “ Lily asked and turned to look over her shoulder at Loki. “If I haven't said it yet, all this... “she gestured vaguely,” is seriously impressive. Really weird and slightly terrifying, but mostly just amazing. For letting me see all this, thank yooo... ahhh shit!”

Since she had been watching behind her to catch a look at those bright green eyes again, Lily hadn't been watching the unmaintained path and fell sideways, tripping over a fallen branch.

“You may have mentioned something of the sort-- Lily!” He conjured a double behind her, but he was just a hair too late to stop her fall- she and the double tumbled to the ground in a tangle. _At least I broke her fall a bit,_ he thought with a sigh.

He hurried over to her and offered her a hand up. “Are you hurt?” _Do you need me to carry you can I carry you or I can help you walk or maybe I should hold your hand,_ ran through his brain in an impulsive childish jumble.

He shoved that line of thought to the back of his mind, smashing it into a box and locking it. He had spent centuries building his defenses as suave and in control, as above the petty emotional connections of others. He wasn't going to knock them all down to be physically close to a woman, any woman. _But I like this woman!_ came the faint reply from the box. _She'd never anyway. I destroyed her home._

Rallying, he smiled down a Lily and gave her a cocky wink. “If you cannot walk, I can always turn into a horse.”

Lily experimentally poked at her ankle and moved it around with a few winces. “It'll be fine, I'm just an idiot. Thanks.” She reached for his hand to pull herself up. When she was standing next to him again, she set the injured foot down and tried to put weight on it. Lily's eyes went wide and she clenched her jaw to hide the fact she wanted to let out a string of curses worthy of Joe Peschi in _Goodfellas_.

“Don't you dare turn into a horse. When we get to Malibu, am I supposed to say, ‘Hi, I'm Lily and I spent the afternoon riding Loki’?” Her voice was tight even though she was trying to laugh it off. “But, would it be OK if I leaned on you a bit, just until I can walk this off? I don't want the fact that I'm slow and clumsy to get us stuck here after dark or anything.”

“You would not be the first to say that,” Loki waggled his eyebrows, smirking. “It would add to those rumors that I have a horse kink, I suppose. Come here.” He slid his arm under hers, wrapping it around her back and waist. He inhaled, memorizing the smell of her hair, accented by the flower she'd put there, and he smiled a little as he helped her walk. “When we get to the cairn, I will wrap your ankle- you learn all manner of tricks following around after meatheads like Thor and Volstagg- and if that does not help... would a camel be better? Or an elephant! Would you not like to ride an elephant?”

“An elephant? You seem to think highly of yourself,” Lily teased. It was surprisingly comfortable with his arm around her waist. She almost leaned her head on his shoulder, it just felt like the natural thing to do. But at the same time, she really wanted to disturb this peaceful moment by asking questions that would help her figure out the discrepancies between Loki's actions in the attack on New York and the fact that she could tell he wasn't evil. There had to be an explanation.

“Of course I do,” he preened. “Don't _you_ think highly of me?” He held her close as they walked, beginning to understand why Thor would give up so much to spend time on Midgard. He chewed his lip, thoughtful. He'd had lovers all his life, and that was a clear social exchange in his mind- he was good at sex and he was royalty and so they liked him. It had seemed like no one wanted him around for any other reason. Lily acted interested in him, in his world and talents and interests- with no sex or bribes involved. It was new territory for him.

 _Oh don't fool yourself,_ he thought. _She's only here because it's an adventure like she'd never see again. She's not here to be my friend. She must hate me, after the Chitauri, even if she doesn't act it._

“Here we are!” he announced, as they approached a fork in the road, the trees thinning to smaller trunks and more bushes and grass.

Ahead of them, in between the two paths, was a massive pile of stone, colored by soft green and blue moss on the shady side. At first glance, it seemed like just a big jumble, but on closer inspection, it looked like a giant statue had been shattered, the pile turning out to be a few remaining pieces that had fallen into a heap- it was easy to make out a foot, that bit might have been a knee, and so on. But most of the figure was gone.

“I think it was giants, different than the ones we have now, that lived here before us and built these.”

A small gasp escaped from Lily as they approached the cairn. She gently let go of Loki and limped to it, settling her hand against what could have been a nose. She spoke, but her voice was softened in awe, “This is so old, so very, very old and it wasn't just a statue. It _did_ something. Wow.”

Lily turned around and leaned back against a large piece of rock and propped her sore foot up behind her as she came back to general awareness. “But about how highly I think of you...I'm still making up my mind. I don't know you enough yet and you have too many secrets for me to be sure of anything right now. I'll be honest and tell you I can't say I think highly of you, but for some reason I think I really need to give you a chance to explain yourself. And I'm happy I met you.”

He watched her, blinking in confusion at her words. He had been jesting- mostly. A chance to explain himself? A chance, possibly, to redeem himself? He had been floundering towards that idea since he'd returned to Asgard, bound and muzzled, but had no true idea how to go about it. Could he tell her about everything...? But she might come to a different conclusion than he had about his actions. While his thoughts tumbled over each other in a headache-inducing spin, he conjured a long bandage in his hands. “Give me your foot. Here, let me help you sit, there we go.”

He undid her boot and worked at wrapping her ankle in an intricate pattern. “I was a child when I found this place. I had pissed someone off- I was always pissing people off- and they were chasing me. I was a squirrel, jumping from branch to branch and I scampered up here and then... I was somewhere else. Exhilarating and terrifying, I remember. When I got back to Asgard, I spent weeks in the library looking for more information about these gates. There was barely any mention. As I grew, I searched out more, but I never told anyone about them. Always needed an escape hole. There were times... I wondered why I came back. My mother, I suppose. And Thor.”

Lily's gaze stayed on Loki's long fingers as they expertly wove the bandage around her ankle, but she listened to him carefully as well. He was being unexpectedly candid, something she had the feeling he didn't do very often.

“Family can be hard. Especially when you want to be close and run away at the same time.” She gave him a bit of a grim smile and touched his shoulder. “But that story makes me feel very flattered for you have brought me through these gateways. Thank you for that. And for the bandage.”

“You said you would not ride me,” he shrugged with a smile, uncomfortable with her gratitude. “And you did not want to slow us down. Here-“ He dropped a small pebble into her hand. “For your growing collection. A piece of ancient...” He made a show of examining the pebble closely, “... ass, I think. Maybe elbow. Or perhaps this statue was naked and you got lucky...” Laughing at his own joke, he put her boot back on and laced it up. “I spent a long time wondering about these, who built them, who wanted to travel between worlds quickly and unseen. I have never found even half an answer. There is one in a cliffside, a cleft that travels to another planet. Who puts a gate in a cliff face? It makes no sense to me... Try walking, see if that feels better but don't push yourself.”

“Maybe it wasn't a cliff when they built it? Things are always changing, landscape, politics... people.” Lily stood up and took a few experimental steps with only a bit of a limp. In her hand was clutched the bit of stone Loki had given her. She was sure he thought of it as a prop for his joke, but it seemed literally like a piece of magic to her, almost as magical as he was. “My ankle is much better like this, thanks. It should be ok soon. I just twisted it a bit.” She gave him a brilliant smile. “Are we heading back soon or is there something else we need to do here?”


	8. Chapter 8

“We are just using this as a landmark for now. We head that way until we are out of the woods.” Loki gestured to one side.  “The marker there has been completely worn down. This is the only one with so many pieces left.”

“If we are heading back _out_ of the woods, then are we safe enough to rest here for a little bit? We've been walking for awhile.” Lily dug a bottle of water out of her backpack, and took a large drink from it before closing it and tossing it to Loki. She laid down in the sunlight dappled grass, toying with the stone Loki had given her and staring up into the pale blue sky through the trees.

After a minute or two, brighter points of starlight were discernible through the daytime sky as well as the pale discs of the moons.  “You can even see stars here during the day?” she observed quietly. “It must be breathtaking at night. Maybe if we could see the sky like this on Earth, we wouldn't have felt so alone. Then you guys showing up like you did wouldn't have been so terrifying. Do you have any idea how much of a mess the Scandinavian countries are in right now? Most of them reinstated the pagan religions,” she sighed.

Loki took a slow drink from the bottle, watching her on the ground and considering his response.  After a bit, he joined her in the grass, pulling up a few blades to fidget with.  “I do, somewhat.  Odin always preferred isolation, strengthening his position by cutting off the rest of the realms- at least, after he finished mucking with them.”  He scowled briefly before continuing, carefully avoiding large chunks of the story.  “I wanted to bring it up with him after he banished Thor to Midgard- that it might seem a small act to him but that it would cause chaos among the mortals.  But he fell into Odinsleep, as he does.  I...” 

He paused, remembering his hurt, the raging pain that had ripped through him after Odin had closed his eyes.  How he had floundered in secret for the right path... how he had told Thor he was never welcome back- the only way he could think of to keep him from talking about Asgard...  “I have kept my eyes on Midgard since, and I have advocated for a true emissary to represent us and explain our culture to your realm.  But the others, they want to wait until Odin is awake again, and Thor cannot be bothered with such... theological issues.  I lack any power or influence without his backing.”

Lily rolled to her side and pinned Loki with a burning sardonic stare. “Reee-ally?” she drawled. “Now, I think I've been doing really good at keeping an open mind and listening to what my guts tell me instead of what the news showed me, but my guts need to be damned if I'm supposed to believe that an advocate for a cultural emissary rips a fucking hole in the fucking _sky_ and dumps armed flying lizards on us.”

He forced an awkward laugh, his heart thumping irregularly. “What?  You live in a world with Tony Stark- he who sold mountains of weapons to further war on your planet for money, but then he changed his mind and you all love him now.  Banner destroyed Manhattan.  Romanov worked for your enemies, as did Maximoff.  All heroes now, yes?  Cannot a- what did you call me before- megomaniacal sociopath also advocate for a better understanding between his people and the ones he wants to rule?”

Lily sat up and crossed her arms over her chest.  “I was going to wait ‘til we got back home to ask you what all that was about. No one ever got a real answer, Thor just kind of ‘disappeared’ you. People mumbled about you wanting to take over the planet, but only an idiot would bring one army and attack New York to take over the planet and you aren't an idiot. None of this makes any sense at all.”

“You think that was my only plan, the hole in the sky?”  He smiled a sly, careful smile.  “And then there were your heroes…”

 _Kill her, kill her now,_ the voice hissed in his head. _No one would ever know- snap her fragile neck.  It will feel sooooo good..._  He closed his eyes, shredding grass between his fingers, concentrating on the feel of the blades on his skin. With an effort, he replaced the image of her broken and bleeding at his feet with one of her smiling as she examined the feather she'd been gifted. 

“Heroes?” she giggled sarcastically. “For about a minute they were heroes, then people started wanting them to pay for all of the damage that happened when they fought and yelling for them to be brought up on charges for the deaths of the people caught in the crossfire. We're humans; fickle and more than willing to cause chaos in the name of personal advancement. I'd have thought you would appreciate that. Especially if you still think you want to rule us.”

Now, how could he distract someone who could see through his illusions?  Maybe he should just turn into a fly and disappear, leave her here... but he'd promised he would get her home in safety.  He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.  This time his smile was small, but genuine.  “Your eyes spark when you're angry.  Very pretty.”

“Really, you went about it all wrong if that's the case. You should have shown up all polished, flashing your cheekbones and dimples and made it rain gold or something godlike. The idiots would have just handed you the keys to the whole place.”

Lily stood up and dusted her clothes off and gave Loki a slightly sad smile. “By the way, nice try at a diversion. Flattery does get you points. Trying to sell me a lie doesn't. I really think I'm getting better at this whole ‘seeing the truth’ thing by the minute. Explain it when you can tell me the whole truth.”

He thought the squeeze in his chest was very unfair.  What was he supposed to do, tell her _everything_?  All his hideous mistakes and secrets, watch her turn from friendly to horrified to cursing him?  He enjoyed it when she looked up at him with wide, excited eyes as her guide through the forest.  If he told her any of the truth, how fast would that turn to hatred?  Would it be a fiery vengeful hatred, like Sif? Or a cold, unmovable disdain like Odin? 

He stood up slowly, torn grass falling from his lap to the ground.  “It was not entirely my decision,” he murmured, then louder, “What do my cheekbones have to do with any of this?”

“They have everything to do with it. Darrrrrrling.” Lily turned toward him, very dramatically and gushed teasingly, “Do you even own a mirror? With looks like yours...”

Her voice tapered off. Teasing had seemed to cheer him up earlier, but this time his eyes still held something dark. Looking into their green depths, Lily wondered if it was sadness or fear she saw in them. She stepped toward him and put her hand on his arm and this time spoke seriously and quietly. “OK then, thank you for that little bit of truth.  I guess I got carried away. I didn't mean to upset you.”

He opened his mouth, almost blurting out that he didn't want her to hate him.

Instead, he mustered a smile, covering her hand with his. “'Looks like mine,' hm?  And what, exactly, do you like about my looks, kitten?” He arched an eyebrow, putting on his confident, mocking tone like armor around his vulnerable heart. “You can tell me as we walk. I am feeling a bit of a chill in the air- could rain, I suppose.  Weather is not my territory.”  He tucked her hand under his elbow as they walked, enjoying the casual physical connection with her.

Lily walked along with Loki, wondering if he was still worried about her ankle, feeling oddly like she was being escorted, with the way he was holding her hand on his arm.

Minutes before she had let out a very natural reaction to being faced with someone who had done what Loki had, but she let herself sink back into being joyfully amazed by what she was seeing and learning. She really did feel like she was getting better at sensing truths, maybe it was just that she was now aware that it was a "power" and not just a random gut feeling. Focusing a tiny bit on the hand on Loki's arm, she tried to "feel" him out.

“You just want to listen to me flatter you,” Lily teased.

“Of course I want you to flatter me, I'm a God,” he responded with a mostly-pretend pompousness.

“I'm more curious about what I can't just look at and see.  Sure, you have a convincing smile when you let it show, but what makes you smile?”

 _What makes me smile? That's a ridiculous question,_ he thought- which is why he was shocked when he answered it, unable to stop himself.  “It is hard to look at you and not smile. Chaos,” he laughed a little.  “Chaos and mischief and my own clever plans. Magic. Magic makes me smile, the hard spells that make incredible things happen.”

He paused, his free hand rubbing his lips.  “There was once, when we were small... Thor had broken his leg and he was miserable because he was bedridden and Odin had dressed him down in front of his friends that the ancestor statues were not to be climbed.  I snuck into his room. I had been studying all day, and I turned into the smallest, scawniest dragon you have ever seen. I made him a magic sword and we fought... Over and over... I got hurt when he did not pull his blows but he was laughing so hard as I scurried around his room, spitting sparks...” He didn't even notice the grin that had spread over his face, but then it faded as he said, “but that was before...”

Lily watched as Loki smiled and let his face get more animated. A warmth spread through her chest as she proudly felt the truth in his words.

“Before what?” she prompted as the sun slipped behind the clouds.  “You can finish if you like. I think I like listening to you tell stories. And you were almost in a good mood there for a minute, then you stopped smiling and everything went all dark.” She waved her free hand around gesturing at the sky.  “You _sure_ you don't have anything to do with the weather?”

Loki looked up at the sky, his mouth slowly turning down.  “That is not good...”

Before he could say more, the clouds parted to allow a glowing chariot, pulled by two huge cats--one with a stripe of shaved fur down his spine- to circle above their heads. 

“ _Loki!_ ” the woman in the chariot shrieked as the wheels hit the ground.

“Shit,” Loki muttered.  Then louder, “How is Bygul? Liking his haircut?”

Looking at the cart and Loki's face, Lily did the math and whispered, “Freyja?” as she was torn between two vastly different responses. Part of her wanted to cling to Loki as tightly as she could and hide behind his strength and the other part was ready to blindly bolt into the trees and not look back because this lady was _pissed_.

What actually happened turned out to look more like a stuttering twitch as she held onto Loki's arm with a death grip and unsuccessfully attempted to pull him away with her.

Freyja leaped from her chariot, her amber braids flying behind her and golden necklace gleaming across her chest. She strode up to Loki, almost shaking with her fury.

“You shall not make jest about that glorious beast! The fact that you have fallen so low and perverted, Dark Prince, does not give you the right to dishonor and drag the rest of us down to your level!”

The goddess' hand shot out and slapped Loki's cheek hard enough to leave a glowing imprint on it. “Speaking of perverted,” she sneered and raised her eyebrows at Lily, “ _what_ is that doing here? Odin will have you locked away forever for allowing a Midgardian to walk the paths of the Realm Immortal.”

Loki resisted the urge to rub the stinging mark. “I am pleased to see you too, Freyja.  Perhaps shaving that cat was not my best joke... he does look a fright, does he not? In my- slim- defense, he had tried to disembowel me when I was trying to get to your hall as a rabbit.  And you still refused to see me!”

Freyja glared at Loki as if she could burn him to the ground if she only tried hard enough.  “Why would I entertain anything you had to say, Trickster?” she hissed, leaning forward to intimidate him. 

He didn't move. 

“All you do is lie.  Lies about Thor, lies about Midgard and the Chitauri, lies about Njord.  And let us not forget the lies you have told of _me_.”  She raised her hand to hit him again, but changed her mind.

Loki wanted desperately to take a step back, to get some space from the furious goddess in front of him.  Not so much for himself, but for the poor girl clinging and trying to hide behind him.  He stood firm, putting a small magic shim under his boots to give him a bit more height on Freyja.  “I have told no lies about Njord.  I had nothing to do with his death and not a one of you will look past your noses to see that I could not have.”

“We all saw Thor drag you back to this realm with your mouth bound against your lies.  We all saw the aggression and hate in your eyes, even with your muzzle.  And if it were up to me-“ she caressed his chin almost tenderly before gripping it, white knuckled, causing Loki to swallow a surprised grunt, “I would have your mouth sewn shut like the cur you are.  Why Thor ever took it off you...”

When 'that woman' reached out and held Loki's face, Lily bristled. Why did the caress almost make her more uncomfortable than the slap?

Loki extracted himself from her grip carefully, putting on a disdaining, regal, air.  “He has never been that bright.  Since I have your attention now, I _did not_ kill Njord.  I could not have.  Eir said he had been killed days before he was found and I was off-world with Thor at that time.”

Freyja sneered.  “You will have to do better than that.  I know how you can be in two places at once.  It will be fun to see you try that trick when Odin strings you up for treason.”  She turned her stare back to Lily.  “This is all the evidence he will need, and Thor is not here to defend you this time.”

Loki snarled at her, the snake in his brain raising its head at the sound.  _Fight fight fight,_ it whispered, readying to strike.  “You will not lay a hand on her.  She is under my protection.”

As soon as Loki paused, Lily stepped forward and held her hands out while letting them glow. 

“Freyja, huh? Are you the one that did this to me with that stupid trick coin? Well, you're in luck. I can tell you when he's lying. I can tell when you're lying too. It's kind of my thing now. Let me see...  Shaving the cat wasn't one of his brightest moments, neither was turning into a rabbit, you did refuse to see him, you know not everything he says about Thor is a lie, except for what he just said, because he really doesn't think Thor is stupid.” Once she started speaking the words just tumbled out of her mouth. It was like she couldn't stop talking even if she wanted to. And the look in the goddesses' eyes really made her want to.  “You also believe whatever it was he said about the Chitauri, you just don't want to. Loki really didn't kill anyone named Njord no matter how much you want to blame Loki!”

Loki blinked, watching Lily's tirade with equal parts shock and admiration.

As soon as Lily's barrage ended, Freyja's glare returned to Loki. With a curl to her perfect lips, she spoke in a voice dripping with condescension.  “You should see to your… pet. It seems to be yapping at me. I would hate to have to shave it.”

Loki looked at Freyja with a satisfied smirk.  “She is far more useful than a seventy pound housecat, would you not say?  Now that you have the truth laid out before you, you must see the necessity of a proper investigation into Njord’s death. With Odin asleep and Thor gone, you and Sif are the ones left to do it until I fetch Thor back.”

Lily's eyes shot back and forth between the Asgardians as she tried to follow their argument. After she was completely dismissed, her jaw got tighter and her knuckles grew whiter as her hands curled into impotent fists at her sides.

Freyja shook her head.  “As if I would believe a mortal over my own eyes.  It is a pretty trick you have taught it- I imagine you have buried the girl so deep in lies and sex that she does not know her own name any longer.  All evidence points directly to you, Trickster,” she spoke the word as if it were coating in slime, “and you can only weasel your way out of so many crimes before we all learn better. No one here, not single valiant warrior or esteemed healer, will listen to a word you say.  Odin cursed us all when he welcomed you into his home. Blood will tell, as they say.”

Loki hissed under his breath, the insult stinging more with Lily there to hear it.  Even if she didn't know what it meant.  “I am on my way to convince Thor to return.  He will-“

Listening to herself being called “it” and “pet” and “more useful than a house cat,” Lily’s anger began to slide into despondency. Maybe coming along wasn't a fun opportunity. She was definitely in way over her head here, even Loki seemed a bit overwhelmed at the moment.

What were the odds that she was being used for more than a travel companion/guide to Malibu/bed and breakfast? Wasn't that enough to be used for? He hadn't even had to ply her with lies and sex. She had been so bored and lonely, she hadn't even thought about saying no to anything. Maybe she was as pathetic as they seemed to think she was.

She took another step back, almost behind Loki, and seemed to shrink into herself. As she stepped, the feather fell from her braid and fluttered to the ground. Lily quickly snatched it up and spun it between her fingers before tucking it back into her hair.

“Thor! He is no impartial judge, when it comes to you. He is the one who let you out of your cage. Odin would have let you rot there and we would have been content. I have no confidence in Thor.”

Loki only half paid attention as Freyja continued to harangue him, his thoughts turning to escape.  Clearly she wasn't going to just let him walk off.  Anyone besides her and he could have managed it, but he and Freyja had hated each other since childhood.  And now she was promising to drag them to Asgard to face “justice” immediately!  He couldn't have that at all. 

He conjured an invisible double to whisper into Lily's ear, “I am going to transform us in a moment, into squirrels.  Just follow me, we will lose her in the underbrush on the way to the gate.  You may feel dizzy, but just keep your eyes on me, understand?” 

But as he readied the spell under his breath- hoping that he could indeed transform Lily and that her powers wouldn't interfere- he heard the heavy rustle of wings above him.  He sighed internally as a large raven landed on a branch nearby.  _Fantastic. What is that beast doing back?  Couldn't resist telling Odin about this fight?_

Another raven flew down and landed on Lily's backpack, where she had left it on the ground. It cawed loudly before it began to peck at the zipper.

Lily had been worrying about what Loki had just told her and was startled by the bird's call. She spun and addressed it. “There's no more in there. I gave it all to you guys and Loki. I can't get anymore until I get home and I don't think _she_ wants to let us go.”

With an almost inhuman voice, Freyja growled at Lily. “What gives a creature like you the right to speak with Odin's eyes? No one but the Allfather can give orders to Huginn and Muninn! I would strike you dead at this moment if your existence here was not absolute proof of Laufeyson’s treason!”

The bird in the tree above Loki soared down and landed on the back of one of Freyja's cats, much to the cat's displeasure, and fixed the goddess with its jet black eyes. As soon as she made eye contact with it, the bird flapped its wings and screeched so loudly that she flinched.

Freyja's arm lifted and her lips began moving in a soundless monologue. The bird on the cat launched himself at her arm and knocked it down with a wing as he flew past.

Loki couldn't help the way his jaw sagged in shock.  Those flea-infested feather sacks were _helping_.

 _Of a sort,_ he thought when one- he could never tell them apart- clipped his ear with a wing as it dove towards Freyja. 

The goddess would never scream, since it would be undignified, but she did make a sound very like one. Loki was torn between cackling at the sight and running like his ass was on fire. 

Despite the glee he took in Freyja's horrified expression, he turned back and grabbed Lily's hand. “Looks as if your friends have saved you from being a squirrel, for now. Let’s go, yes?”

“Yes,” Lily agreed and reached to grab her bag with her free hand. She ran a finger softly down the back of Muninn's head and said, “Thank you. I'll bring more next time,” before shooing him off.

The next thing she knew she was tearing off through the underbrush, ankle be damned, with Loki's hand firmly gripping hers. His grip wasn't enough to hurt, but it gave every indication that he had absolutely no intention of letting her go. Lily found that incredibly reassuring.

Soon they could no longer hear the screaming of Freyja and the birds and could see the edge of the woods.

Loki didn't dare stop, the feeling of living on borrowed luck biting at his heels. If Freyja caught them... she shuddered. 

When Lily faltered, yanking on his arm as she stumbled, he didn't even hesitate, although he did feel a twinge of guilt for making her run on a bad ankle- he swept her up into his arms and kept going, dodging rocks and roots as best he could. The image of himself, back in that prison cell, propelled him forward until he slammed through the gateway with no finesse. 

He staggered on the new terrain, falling to his knees.  He set Lily down carefully, then collapsed on his back, heaving in lung-fulls of air.

“Are- you- well?” he managed to wheeze, relief flooding over him that they were safe from Asgardian interference for a bit.  The thought of Freyja looking fruitlessly for them added a clever smugness to that feeling.

Lily got up on her hands and knees, feeling warm sand slide between her fingers. She crawled over to check on Loki.

“I'm fine," she panted and began to laugh breathlessly as she looked out at the blue ocean. “Malibu... Oh my god, you did it! Malibu! We're on the beach! Oh my god!”

Still laughing she dropped down until her cheek was on his shoulder and her arms were almost around him as he laid there, hugging him. “You are just amazing.”


	9. Chapter 9

An entirely unfamiliar warmth rushed through him, having nothing to do with the sun beaming down on them. Was this... pride? Actual pride, not the dark, brittle imposter he knew, the one that always left shame weighing him down?  This feeling, with Lily laughing and her arm around him, this feeling of having accomplished something good... He draped his free arm over his eyes, blocking out the light. He waited a beat, waiting for the shame to crush him down and drag out his failures... But it didn't happen.  

“Ah, now that is something I do not hear often... outside of bed,” he quipped.  “It was not fair of me have made you run like that on your ankle.  If it had been anyone else... but Freyja frightens me.” He fidgeted with Lily's hair as he spoke. “Mortals see her as representing love, but she is inflexible and unforgiving.  I...”

He trailed off, swallowing hard as he realized a terrifying truth- he liked the way he felt when he was near Lily, especially when he was touching her. He felt more grounded, tethered, like he wasn't about to fly off into an empty black ether. It was easier to ignore his past transgressions and the hissing voice in his head. He wasn't at all sure how to process this new feeling.

“She's a bitch, is what she is. I've never been treated so condescendingly in my life. And I've been an American in Paris!”  Lily laughed again and rolled away from the hug to lay on her back in the sand next to Loki.

The sun was hot on her skin. She could smell and hear the ocean waves and the call of gulls. Her fingers reached and softly touched Loki's. Lily hadn't felt this alive, maybe ever. She wanted to laugh and sing and dance but laying there like that was good too.

“Hey,” she turned her head, squinting at Loki's profile, silhouetted against the brightness of the shining water. “Let's go find something to drink and some food, as soon as we can get out of the sand.”

“What would you suggest?”  Loki sat up slowly, brushing sand from his hair.  “I have not eaten much Midgardian food, although Thor raves about coffee- which is so bitter, ugh- and 'pan cakes' which sound much more interesting since he says one can add sugar sauce to it?  What is the traditional cuisine for...” he paused to look at the sun “...dinner? Is that the meal? The meal schedule you keep is confusing.”  He looked around at the water and sand, taking in the deep blue of the sky and the birds soaring overhead, occasionally diving down to snag a treat from the beach. “It is beautiful, this Malibu. Have you been here before?”

Lily kept watching Loki as he got up. How did he make brushing sand off of himself look so good? She wondered how bad she must look, covered with sand and scraped up from falling back in Asgard, and sat back up herself. “I have. I've been here to do research at the Getty Museum. There are beautiful things there too.”

Lily stood up and put weight gingerly on her sore ankle. The running and stumbling hadn’t helped it. She held out her hand to Loki to help him up with a smile. “Let me buy you dinner and maybe it won't be so confusing. I owe you for carrying me back there. It was a bit more effort than a guy would normally expend, ya know? And if you want pancakes, there is no law against breakfast for dinner.”

She sighed and looked around, wondering if they should catch a bus or call a cab. Looking at Loki she decided he wasn't a bus kinda guy.

Loki looked Lily up and down thoughtfully, taking in her disheveled appearance, then licked his lips. “Well, that won't do at all,” he murmured. 

With a smile, he took her hand and twirled her at arms length.  Sand rained off her clothes ahead of a gold wave. A green one followed, changing her walking outfit into a blue sleeveless dress.  “Now, do not ruin that with your honesty power.  I am in your debt, not the other way around. I may have carried you, but I was the one that put you in danger- facing your death because of an old grudge, not to mention dragging you across the continent by way of another planet.”  A sharp tailored suit materialized on him as he bowed to her.  “Come, my lady. Bring me to whatever food you wish and we will make a night of it.”

Lily ran a hand down the fitted bodice of the dress and swished the full shirt around with a stunned smile on her face. “Oh my god... it's so pretty and I'm so overdressed for the beach and...” She looked into Loki's eyes with seriousness. “We're on the beach. You can't just do things like that in public. If anyone notices there'll be a riot. Not the fun kind. OK? It's not that I don't like it. You're... I mean, it's wonderful.”

Loki grinned broadly.  This was fun, throwing her off balance with pretty things.  It worked to wash away some of the bad taste from the last few hours. “There are benefits to being the God of Lies.  Besides, there is no one here to see us, this section of beach is deserted.” 

She pointed down the beach, at a small white building in the distance, to distract from her slip. “Now, that down there _should_ be a pretty nice restaurant. If I remember right. Maybe we can slip in without reservations.”

“Now... I assume you are still against my turning to a horse? A seaside ride would be idyllic. I hate to make you walk even further on that ankle.”

Lily sighed deeply and dramatically, while she tried to hide her flustered grin. “I still have to turn that offer down. I...  just... no...  I mean, if you want to be a horse, I can't stop you, but...”

She laughed and tucked the flower and feather more securely into her hair. “Let's just take a slow walk down the beach. I'll let you be my crutch instead of my mount. How's that? It seems that you lost the urgency about finding your brother if you want to have dinner and make a night of it, so we have time.”  She grinned at him and slung her backpack over her shoulder while she offered him her free arm.

Loki snagged the backpack from her shoulder, putting it over his own. “If the Eternal Golden Idiots will not listen to reason, even when it is staring them in the face- if all they can think of is to use this as a chance to bury me again- then they can face the ruin of their actions.” He scowled, then relented. “We _will_ go find Thor.  Later.  He ran off to shirk his responsibilities, he is not even aware of what happened.  He will not rush back, I imagine.” His heart squeezed uncomfortably, thinking of his brother. Perhaps Thor would not believe the evidence either.  What would he do then? Not much he could do about it until after dinner. “I will disguise my face when we get there... I would not want to cause another scene.”

After considering Loki for a moment, Lily cocked her head and said, “I don't think you have to change your face. Changing your hair should do. Besides, I'm still getting used to that face. I kinda like it.”

He offered Lily his arm, relieved that at least he had her.  For now.  “How is this, for a hair cut?” He shook his head a bit and his long hair fell away for a more conventional human cut- short and trimmed close to his ears.  “What about facial hair? I could have a beard?  Or would that take away from your enjoyment of my face?” He poked her ribs a bit.

“One little compliment... You're terrible,” Lily squirmed away from his tickling fingers. “Give you an inch and you'll take a mile, huh?”

They slowly made their way down the beach, soaking in the sunshine and breathing the salt air as Lily, quite unnecessarily leaned on Loki's arm. As they approached the restaurant, she took in the valet and cab stands and paparazzi in the parking lot.

“This place might be a little fancier than I remembered,” she murmured as they entered the building.

Across the dining room, huge windows allowed an ocean view. Soft music played underneath the quiet sussuration of diners. Lily approached the maitre'd stand and explained that they didn't have a reservation, but would still like to be seated as soon as possible.

The man's lip curled as he looked her up and down and he assured her that in no way would serving them be possible, that all the tables were booked and there wasn't even room at the bar this evening.

Lily leaned a bit closer to the maitre'd and gently laid her hand over his on the reservations book as she spoke. “Now, we all know that's a flat out lie and that you are holding your second best table open, waiting for someone suitably famous to slide you a large enough tip to make it worth your while. So I'll give you the best tip I can, if you take us there and seat us immediately, in a few days when you realize just who you are dealing with, you will be _very_ relieved that you treated us well. We can make our own way, if it's easier for you. I'm assuming it's the table next to the patio window?”

The man stuttered a bit and mumbled about being busy, half-heartedly. Lily stepped back and took Loki's arm again, with a smile.

Loki looked at Lily with admiration. “Well now, I never thought the truth could be so effective.  You are the clever little thing- that was impressive to watch.” He walked the way she indicated, pulling a chair out for her at the table that looked over the patio.

There was a nice view of the waves and the beginning sunset, too.  “What are the customs now?” he asked as he took his own chair. “I assume shouting for a servant is not the correct way.  And have I mentioned that you look beautiful in blue? I do have excellent taste, if I say so myself. And I usually do, as you often point out.”

Lily blushed Loki's statements. “You sure aren't shy about compliments, are you? Be careful or I might start to believe you.” She smiled. “And a _server_ , not servant, should be over soon to bring menus and take our drink order. We don't need to do anything, but be polite, sit here, enjoy the view and wait for my feet to stop hurting, cause, wow, we walked a lot today. Speaking of far, we're not far from where you're going. What are you planning on doing once I get you to Tony Stark's house?”

A waiter came by with menus and a tray of crudité. Lily ordered a carafe of sangria and watched Loki sneakily over the top of her menu. “Hmmm I'm between the seared ahi and the seafood ravioli. Ask if you have any questions about the menu. OK?”

Loki read through the options, although he only recognized some of the words.  He tilted his head, considering. He did like fish quite a bit...  He was distracted by the server coming back with a glass pitcher filled with deep red liquid. The man artfully poured two glasses nearly full and left the pitcher.

Loki tilted his glass in the light and poked at the pieces of fruit floating in it. He took a cautious sip and smiled. “This is delicious! Sweet and refreshing. What an odd idea to put oranges and strawberries in cold wine... Why do you not order something for me, you obviously have excellent taste.” He winked and took a long gulp of his drink.  “What in the world is that racket?” Out on the balcony, there was a heated discussion going on, punctuated by... squawks?  Loki turned to see two large crows hopping on the railing, harassing a tableful of diners. 

“Oh Yggdrassil's roots, what are _they_ doing here?  Are they that bored that they have to ruin my life everywhere I go?” He shot a pointed look at Lily. “See what happens when you feed the vermin? We'll never be rid of them! Hm, I wonder if I can magic them elsewhere for a while...”

Lily squinted at Loki's complaining as she almost completely emptied her glass in one go. It had been a long day and she was thirsty, and to think of it she hadn't eaten really either. She felt the hastily downed wine warm in her stomach. “Magic them?” Lily asked as she tapped her finger on the window to get the birds' attention and waved at them when they looked. “After such a long trip? But I suppose, if you think it is so wrong of me to be interested enough in mythical, magical, aliens that most people aren't happy to see, that I'm willing to feed them... well then, maybe we should just leave the restaurant. And I'll hope that the M&M's from earlier and the sandwich last night haven't ensnared you somehow.”

She smiled at Loki to let him know she was just teasing and refilled her glass. When the waiter came back, she ordered the ravioli and a salad for herself and striped bass and risotto for Loki.

She also ordered dessert in advance. When Lily told the waiter that she wanted the full size chocolate soufflé, he gave her the high-end waiter's eye roll of derision and explained that the full size souffle was usually served to parties of 4-8 people. She smiled up at the man with a saccharin grin.  “I'm sure you usually do that, but I'm also sure the two of us will be just fine with it. Thank you.”

Loki looked back at the commotion on the patio, then shrugged. When did he ever care about a chaotic mess?  Sure, it was more fun when he was making it, but...  “I have to change my hair, but two giant ravens harassing diners for scraps is nothing to concern yourself with?” he quipped. “Those two have followed me around since I was small, taking back every tale to Odin.  Cute pets they are not.  Maybe next time you are feeding them, put in a good word for me.   Perhaps you can convince them not to tattle this particular tale to the pompous blowhard.”

He fished out a piece of fruit from his glass and popped it in his mouth.  Glancing around the restaurant, his eyes fells on another patron a few tables over and something itched at his neck.  The man was alone, dressed to the nines, a plate of bread pieces on the table.  Nothing seemed amiss.  Loki kept his gaze moving, but he was slowly drawn back to the man, who wasn't looking at Loki. 

Their waiter arrived with their fish. Loki nodded at him absently.  Should he tell Lily about this?  No, no, he had nothing to go on, this was just... maybe he had been on edge for too long.  There was nothing suspicious here; he must be imagining things.  He forced his attention to his food. “Ah.  This looks lovely.  What is it again?”

Lily tapped on the window again and made a "stop it" gesture at the birds, who grudgingly stopped swooping around and went to merely sitting on a railing and intensely staring at the food on people's plates.

She turned back and pointed at Loki's plate. “That is bass and risotto. Um... broiled fish and creamy rice cooked with vegetables. I have shellfish-stuffed pasta and a salad. Like I said, if you don't like it, we can swap. Or here...” She speared a small ravioli on her fork and reached it across the table toward Loki. That little bit of wine was making her drop her barriers more than she realized. “You can just try this anyway, Blondie. I have the feeling you will be the most happy with dessert though.”

Loki raised an eyebrow but leaned forward to nibble the pasta off her fork. “If you are going to feed me like that, it would be easier if you were sitting in my lap,” he winked, hiding behind the outrageous suggestion.  Easier to pile on the flattery than face anything real.  He took a bite of his own food, surprised to find it well-seasoned and tender. “Dessert involves chocolate, you said?  If I had known about chocolate, I would not have tried to conquer New York.”

He shook his head, watching the ravens out the window. A strange stab of honesty pierced his chest as he realized he felt the same way they did. “You do inspire a certain loyalty, despite your heritage.  It is more than just offering us snacks.” He didn't really notice his foot nudging hers under the table. “Those birds attacked a goddess for you. I shudder to image the battle of wills when Odin wakes and they have to choose between the two of you.”

He scratched the back of his neck, irritated by the man he'd noticed earlier. What was it about him? Every time Loki looked over, the man wasn’t staring, but Loki could not shake the feeling of being watched.  Lily, he was sure, would be able to tell immediately with her power, but he hated to rely on her like that and besides, she looked like she was having a lovely time, there was no need to bother her.

Loki seemed a bit distracted for a minute. Well, maybe he deserved to be if his home was such a mess that he was looking for his brother, when their relationship was obviously... complicated. His foot nudging hers distracted her too. She didn't know how much of his flirting was just for entertainment, but she could tell he had no ill intents toward her and his attention was exciting. 

Lily smiled at him when he mentioned loyalty and the ravens. “I don't know from loyalty, people seem to be pretty good at moving on and dumping me behind my back, but if I make friends easily, it might be because I'd never ask Huginn and Munin to choose. And I certainly wouldn't use the phrase ‘despite your heritage’ as a compliment. I think who a person is, is much more important than who they come from. But a good souffle... _that_ could probably inspire loyalty. It's like eating a chocolate cloud.”

She had another drink and bravely nudged his foot back. “So, don't you have... umm anyone in Asgard that you... rely on? You came all this way, by yourself, for your brother.”

“I can rely on all Asgardians to ruin my plans and do whatever is in their power to put me back in prison,” he said bitterly around a bite of fish. “Reliance on others is a weakness, in any case.  The only reason I need Thor is because I lack the power in Asgard to affect change. We used to... Well.  These days Thor trusts me as far as he can throw me. Which is still fairly far,” he plastered a fake smile on his face to go with his joke. “The brute is all muscle.  He won't know which end of the corpse is which, but he'll at least convince the others to look into it, instead of coming after me with torches. I hope.   Ah, is this the dessert you spoke of?”

The waiter approached with a bowl overflowing with puffy chocolate, dusted with powered sugar. 

Loki's eyes lit up. Now this seemed like something worth his attention. He tentatively scooped a bit out with his spoon. “Ymir's balls! That is amazing.  What are you going to have for dessert?” he asked as he pulled the plate closer to himself protectively.

Watching Loki change from bitter and jaded to being almost childlike in happiness at the arrival of the souffle was wonderful to watch. The more she found out about him, the more curious Lily became. She toyed with the strap of her dress and obviously, playfully, appraised him as he guarded the dessert.

Then she snatched up her spoon and dove it across the table into the souffle. “I'm having _this_ ,” she giggled.

After she had a bite that was so good it made her roll her eyes and make a little noise in her throat, she looked back up at Loki and caught his eyes.

Loki swallowed hard, his eyes glazing over slightly at the sound she made.

He was in a good mood, so now was probably the best time to ask about the things that had been bothering her underneath it all. “Um... Would it offend you if I wanted to be serious for five minutes so I could ask you a question? You said everyone in Asgard wants you in prison. Everybody here kinda does too. I know you wouldn't want to be locked up, but... do you belong in prison? I'm new to this whole knowing the truth situation, so I could be wrong, but what I know about you and what I know happened here don't quite match up in my head.”

He wanted to tell her, wanted desperately to spin the story to his advantage, but he knew she'd see through it.  He wanted to...  He shifted in his chair, then reached over to pour more sangria into Lily's glass.  Perhaps he could get her intoxicated enough that she wouldn't remember what he told her. The best of both worlds. He ignored the itching between his shoulder blades to focus on her.

“I most certainly belong in prison,” he said with a bitter smile. “I have killed. I have destroyed property. I have skirted rules my entire life.  There is no escaping that, is there?” He poked at the souffle listlessly. “I have been in prison before.  I leapt from the Bifrost, intending to die. The pain was too much.  But I did not die. And eventually, the Chitauri found me, wounded in body and mind. They locked me up, stripped me, restrained me.  They exploited my injuries, there was fire... and injections.  Needles, sleep deprivation, I hardly remember what they did to me and what was my imagination.” His hand holding the fork was shaking, he noticed dispassionately. And his eyes felt wet. He put the fork down. “Then they gave me a staff, promised to do worse on failure, and threw me through a wormhole.”

Lily's brown eyes grew large and soulful as she listened to Loki's admissions. She didn't even notice that her hands were shaking as much as his until she reached for her glass and downed it in one go to steady her nerves as his story grew darker and darker.

“After... Thor realized that I was dependent on whatever they had given me. He arranged a sort of rehabilitation for me... Another prison, this time nicely furnished but deep underground so no one would hear my screaming as the drugs left my system.  He gave me a chance to redeem myself and offered me forgiveness that I do not deserve, over Odin's protests. I do not even remember all of my time in New York, it is all a haze of aggression and bloodlust...”

When he finally tapered off, she squeezed her eyes shut to avoid his teary gaze and the guilt that came with it. He had seemed so self-assured and almost joyful, and she had destroyed it with her question. True, it was a valid question that needed to be asked, but she hadn't expected this kind of answer or reaction.

Her hand reached out and held his across the table. Lily knew the truth of his words as he spoke them, but with the touch of his skin came all of the pain of that truth. It hit her like a physical blow, making her gasp and shudder. Holding onto him firmly she slid from her seat across from him to the chair next to him. She wanted to fix what she had just done, to wrap her arms around him and hold together the pieces of him that she had shaken apart.

The sudden urge to slump into her arms and cry nearly overwhelmed Loki.  Only the sharp thorn of guilt kept him from doing it. 

“I'm so sorry I asked that. I'm so sorry that everything happened that way,” she whispered in a hoarse, shaking voice. “But I'm still confused... unless you really don't know that... that you're not evil and _do_ deserve whatever Thor offered you. You really don't know?

Lily looked up at him with concerned, questioning eyes that searched for a hint of his cocky grin.

“Thor is a fool.  He should know better by now.” Loki pushed his mostly-full glass towards her.  It was tasty, but it wasn't going to get him drunk.  He could use that right now. He squeezed her hand and patted it, gently condescending.  “And you, my little mortal, are just as foolish.  The Chitauri army ruined your life, your work, and your quilt.   There should be no forgiveness here.  The drugs they gave me, they amplified what was already at work inside me.  There's more to truth than just honesty.”

He looked up at the faint squawk of a raven, just as the snake in his mind started to scream, _Kill it kill it kill it!_  He dropped Lily's hand, whipping around to look at the man who had been eating a few tables over.  He was gone and Loki's blood ran inexplicably icy.

“We have to go, immediately.  Something is wrong, something's-“  He shook his head, trying to quiet the noise in his head, to focus on his senses, but he was dizzy, confused.  He felt as if he were under a wet blanket, his thoughts sluggish. “Have to leave...”

“OK.  It's OK. We can go,” Lily spoke soothingly to Loki as she waved the waiter over and handed him a credit card, explaining that her dinner companion wasn't feeling well and they needed to leave right away.

Loki's sudden confusion scared her. She knew her question had been touchy, but she had figured any loss of composure on his part would be anger or defensiveness, not this. “No one's a fool. My life wasn't ruined. I thought it was, but now I'm thinking that it just _changed_. I was swapped normalcy for this power and meeting you. I hope it was a good trade. The quilt is another story, that was a raw deal.” Lily flashed him a brief smile, hoping he realized there was no malice in what she said.

As soon as the waiter brought the receipt for her to sign, it was her turn to pat Loki's hand. She got up from the table and opened the door to the patio, calling out, “Come on and keep up, we're leaving!”

The two ravens called in response and much to the chagrin of everyone inside, flew in the door to follow Lily and Loki, swooping between tables of startled diners.

“Let's go find your brother. I might not know how to take care of a god, but I will do my best until we have his help.” She held out her hand to Loki and they made a rather dramatic exit.

As soon as they were outside of the building, Lily approached a man at the cab stand. “Can you take us to Tony Stark's place?” she asked.

The cabbie laughed and opened his back door for them. “ _Suuuure_. If he's that bad off you need a ride, don't let him puke on my seats.”

Once in the cab, Loki slumped onto Lily's shoulder. “Clever girl. Mm, you’re soft,” he slurred.  As the car pulled away from the restaurant, his head began to clear from the heavy cloud.  He sat up, not even bothering with a cheeky wink or attempt to pass off his behavior, rubbing his temples.

 “It looked like a man, but it was not. I don't know if it cast an illusion or if it can shapeshift but... I could feel it's true form, black, cold, almost... horrifyingly empty.  No mystery that it could take down Njord without a sound...  It was... not loud like sound, but loud in my head, like a swarm of bees.  But it could not follow us, I think, once we drove away.” He looked out the window at Stark's house and sighed.  “We've come all this way. But damned if I know what they will be able to do to help. If they even believe me.”

The cab pulled out of the parking lot and immediately turned into a driveway about two hundred yards down the street that led to a house perched on a cliffside that they had seen through the window of the restaurant.

“Are you kidding me? We were next door?” Lily rolled her eyes and handed the man a twenty dollar bill. “Keep it. You deserve it. You got me.”

Loki looked out the window at Stark's house and sighed. “We've come all this way. But damned if I know what they will be able to do to help. If they even believe me.”

They got out of the cab and stood at the end of the long curving drive. As the car pulled away Lily spoke, “I might be a soft, clever girl, but I'm also confused. What looked like a man? Are you OK? I know you were trying to get me drunk back there, but you're scaring me enough right now that I'm sobered up, so that's not the problem.”

She looked deeply into Loki's eyes before scanning the area around them. _Well,_ she thought to herself, _we're in Iron Man's driveway. I shouldn't be nervous. This is probably the safest place in the world to be if Loki snaps._

Taking a breath, she tentatively stepped closer to Loki and laid her hand against his cheek. At the touch, she immediately relaxed; he wasn't making things up, she just didn't know the whole story. She sighed and smiled.

“There was a patron at that restaurant, he wasn't what he seemed.  When it dropped the illusion, it did... something.”  Loki floundered for words.  “My mind went all haywire.  And I fear that it has been following us.” 

“Hey, there's probably cameras all over watching us right now, so let's pull it together before _they_ think something is wrong and shoot first. OK. And so what if they don't believe you? I'll make them believe me and I believe you. It will work out.”

Lily's hand stayed resting against his cheek as she looked up into his eyes for confirmation.

Loki covered Lily's hand with his own, closing his eyes.

“Are you two going to kiss?  If not, I want my money back,” a casual male voice boomed over a speaker, seeming to come from everywhere. “And by the way, who are you?” There was a mechanical whirr and then a metal arm snaked up from a small hole in the ground, a screen attached to the end.  Stark's confident, smart-ass face showed in it. “The sign says no solicitors.  Last guy got thrown out on his ass.  Good blueberries, but he broke the rules.  So who did you say you are?”


	10. Chapter 10

Loki blinked at the screen, then remembered his shorter, blond haircut.  He let his illusion drop, adding in his armor for good effect. He stood straighter in it, lifting his chin.

“I am Loki of-“

“Oh, Reindeer Games,” Stark interrupted before Loki could finish. “Yeah, that's a surprise.  Didn't see that one coming.  Hey Thor, your brother is here, I've got six suits trained on him, should I shoot or...?”

Loki pulled Lily in front of him, reminding Stark there was a mortal involved.  He didn’t want Lily caught in any sort of crossfire. “If you shoot, she'll get hurt.”

When Loki pulled her in front of himself like a shield, all Lily could think of was when he carried her as they fled from Freyja and it felt like she mattered to him. This was just the opposite.  She suddenly felt stupid and betrayed.  Again.

Stark laughed, startling Loki. “No, no, Thor told me all about you and your drug problem.  I'm not going to shoot you or your... girlfriend?  Hostage?  Either way, meet Thor and me at the front door.  I'm going to lo-jack you, even if Thor says you're straight.  In a way.”

Loki exchanged a glance with Lily. “What is 'low Jack?’ I suppose it does not matter, we have to get inside.” He took her hand.

The day had been long and eventful, with the alcohol still in her system, Lily hardly felt enough energy to be angry.  She was suddenly tired and sad and her ankle was hurting. Her eyes were large and liquid as she looked at Loki before sliding her hand from his.

The door swung open automatically and just inside was a pedestal with a pile of metal.  Loki had a feeling that was what Stark had been referring to with the odd name. 

Manacles.  Chains.  Something with a blinking light. 

“Well, I suppose trust only goes so far once you have thrown someone from a window,” he muttered.  At least these looked more comfortable than the Chituari ones. 

“That was a dick move, out there,” she whispered. “I'd never have done that to you.”

Loki didn't recognize the phrase, but he knew the tone well enough- angry and disappointed. What had he done wrong?  She had been the one asking questions!  Had she wanted him to lie or dodge?  His heart twisted at the look in her eyes.  He should have lied.  He should have known better... of course she would hate him after she knew more of him.  Who could trust him after what he'd told her? 

Before anyone had a chance to say anything else, a loud, heavily accented voice boomed through the entrance. “LOOO - KI! RELEASE THE HUMAN TO ME AND DON THE SHACKLES! THEN WE WILL HAVE WORDS ABOUT YOUR PRESENCE HERE!”

An inhumanly-muscled large man approached them and gently pulled Lily from Loki's side. He pointed at the chains with a large hammer and gave a shrug, as if to say, _Not my house, not my rules, nothing I can do about it._ His expression was much more open than his blustering made him seem.

Lily quickly took in the man who was grasping her arm. An aura of power snapped around him like electricity.  He was tan and had a shining golden mane of hair. His hand was huge and strong, his grip unyielding but not bruising. There was no doubt he was a god.

There was also no doubt that he was wearing a Baja hoodie with bunnies woven into it and garish floral board shorts with yellow flip flops.  He smelled a bit like Doritos and beer.

“You're Thor? OK. _Now_ I understand the issues,” Lily said to herself under her breath.

Loki watched Thor drag away Lily.  _Well, fine then.  Let her ogle at Thor in his stupid pants._

Thor nodded to the chains, to encourage Loki into putting them on himself. He had almost forgotten about the girl he had pulled aside. He just desperately wanted Loki to comply without a fuss. His heart broke a bit more every time he had to lock his brother up and did not intend to do it himself if he did not have to.

Loki offered a sardonic smile to the pair.  “Of course, brother.  And where is your gracious, oh-so-forgiving host?”

“I'm here, just checking some of my security measures.” Stark strolled into the foyer, pressing buttons on a tablet.  He looked up and gave Lily a careful once-over, which made Loki's blood heat near to boiling.  “I also sent an email to Banner.  Just in case he wanted to join us.”

Loki shuddered. “I assure that will not be necessary. I am only here to talk to my brother.  It seems you have already prepared fully for my arrival.” He picked up and gestured with a manacle.  It was surprisingly light, and he noticed that all the edges had been rounded- a small comfort.  He sensed no magic from them, although he shouldn't have been surprised by that.  He was sure whatever technology Stark had put in them had plenty of unpleasant surprises for him. 

He snapped the cuff around his wrist in a show of good faith, moving with all the grace as if he were dressing for a coronation, not imprisonment.  He wouldn't let them see the way his skin crawled and his heart shriveled.  He wouldn’t let them know how terrified he was to be made helpless again.

No, he held his head high, his long fingers attaching the chains and collar, placing the odd matte-silver tiara across his brow.  That one stuck to his skin in an unnatural way.  He wouldn't be taking that one off without Stark's help, he knew.

The falseness of Loki's bravado and casualness was so strong it was almost like a physical assault on Lily. She was so overcome with it that she missed most of Stark's interaction with Loki.

Once decked out in the metal, he spread his arms as much as he could and gave them a courtly, sarcastic bow.  “There, nothing to fear from the terrible Trickster now.  Assuming Stark’s machines do not go awry.”

Lily blinked her eyes and gave her head a small shake to clear her senses and stepped away from Thor and his hold. With her hand extended she approached Tony Stark.

“Mr. Stark, hello. I'm sorry we bothered you. He,” she gestured toward Loki, “was looking for his brother, is all. I'm Lily Sharlow and I'm not a girlfriend. I am most definitely not a hostage or to be used as a human shield either.” Lily flicked her eyes to Loki's with a curl of her lip, then returned to speaking to Stark. “I guess I'm more like a tour guide at the moment?”

Lily's face quickly brightened as she remembered her everyday life. “I'm actually an acquisitionist at the New Amsterdam Metropolitan Museum. Let me give you my card.” As she swung her backpack around and opened it to pull out her purse, the mail she had collected from her mailbox that morning spilled out and fluttered all over the entrance.

Embarrassed, she quickly knelt and gathered it up, still talking. “Anyway, I would really like to thank you personally for allowing your foundation work with us to restore the wing that got destroyed. We should be ready to reopen it in a few months. It would be amazing if you could come to the opening, just so we could show you how much good you have done.”

She finished stuffing the mail back into the bag and offered up a small card to the man who was almost rolling his eyes at her. Lily hadn’t noticed an envelope of heavy cream parchment that had settled next to Loki's foot.

Loki gritted his teeth, narrowing his eyes.  _What a disgusting exchange,_ he thought. _Begging for Stark's attention, gushing over his_ charity _._ _As if I were not even here, in chains. If that's the way she wants it..._

He turned his attention back to Stark, rattling the chain between his manacles.  “I assume that since you have not provided a muzzle, I am allowed to ask what, exactly, is causing this unusual sensation?”

Tony grinned, always happy to talk about his inventions. “Neuro-inhibitors.  I don't understand magic, but I _do_ understand biology and you can't hide yours, even under your illusions. I studied all the data we had on you and programmed these to go off when your vitals show you're trying to use your magic.  Now, of course, I couldn't calibrate them properly, so they'll either cause you to lose your train of thought or make you catatonic. But that's science.” He shrugged, belying the vicious delight his tone had taken on. “I also have a remote.”

“Fine, then.”  Loki nodded with distaste.  “May I speak to my brother somewhere more appropriate than your hallway so that I may get these things off me as soon as possible?”

“Would a jail cell work?” Tony waved vaguely to the left. “Come in, we'll sit at the table and have coffee. Like normal people. Who aren't mass murderers.”

Loki kicked the envelope by his foot at Lily and muttered, “You dropped this. Perhaps it is something else you can give Stark to show off your talents.  I am certain he will find you very... useful.” He swallowed against a sudden hard lump in his throat, remembering the carefree and affectionate way she had teased and touched him on Asgard. “He is a _hero_ , after all.”

Lily looked at Loki, questioning the sudden sharpness in the way he spoke to her. He almost sounded... jealous? “So were you,” she countered, “when you stepped between me and Freyja. I would have reciprocated outside, but wasn't given the chance before you decided for me.”

She reached down to pick up the envelope. Before she had a chance to look at it, Thor had begun to bluster at hearing the name Freyja.

“Loki!” he thundered. “Is this why you have brought that girl here? Have you involved mortals in the quarrels of Asgard? Must you begin yet another round of chaos and disaster before the previous is rectified?!” Thor grabbed at Loki's shoulder and gave him a push down the hall to the kitchen as he grumbled. “We shall have words indeed, brother and you may not enjoy them. You will join us, Lily Sharlow. Your words may be less precarious than Loki's.”

Thor's large hand reached for Lily as well, but she ducked out from under it and shot back to the front door. As Lily pulled the front door open and waved into the night, Thor noticed the feather and flowers that were still tucked in her braid.

Thor shouted, “The flowers! She has been to _Asgard_?! Despite all precautions against mortals entering the Realm Eternal? Father would never allow such a thing. Is this how you incurred the Lady's wrath?”

The two ravens flew in through the doorway, screaming as thunder rolled and lightning rent the air behind them.

“You have pet ravens?”  Tony cocked his head at the two birds, now hopping around the floor. “Unusual.”

Lily looked apologetically at Tony. “Huginn and Munin. Do you have any granola bars? I promised them granola bars and I think they are going to hang around until they get them. And, um, maybe tea or hot chocolate? Loki hates coffee.”

The look on Thor's face as the ravens came flapping and cawing into the mansion delighted Loki to no end.  Loki was beginning to like them- a feeling dampened when one of them (he could never tell them apart) landed on his free shoulder and pecked curiously at the metal around his head.  Still, the sight of a gobsmacked Thor was worth even that.

“There is quite a bit to tell, brother.  The short cut through Asgard was unavoidable. As is Odin discovering my ‘indiscretion,’ as you can see.  They are very fond of granola bars, as Lily says.” He couldn't help but smile a bit, looking at her by the door.  “If you are so concerned with humans being involved in Asgardian affairs, perhaps we should adjourn, then?  After all, your host is just as mortal as my friend.”

Tony walked towards Lily, looking her over and making sure to meet her eyes, his expression gentle.  “Why don't we let the 'mighty gods' deal with their problems, and you and I get some coffee and granola in the kitchen?  I'd love to hear more about your acquisitions.  I'll, uh, send some cocoa for Reindeer Games.  Come on, honey.”

Loki bristled, rage surging briefly until the metal on his brow began to heat and he swayed.  _No getting angry,_ he thought dimly, sharp pain flaring at his temples.  It was difficult, though, when Stark was so close to her, looking at her like that. 

He had to focus on his mission- he had to tell Thor what he had been blissfully ignoring- but at that moment, all he wanted was to snatch Lily and disappear to some exotic, unknown place.  A discordant screech from a raven broke the moment and he reluctantly looked back at Thor. “Shall we, then?”

While Tony was speaking to her, Lily tried to keep an eye on Loki and Thor. She saw that Loki looked a bit like he was having trouble again for just a second, then got a hold of himself. She took a step to follow Tony, but stopped.

She wanted to ask Loki if he was all right, if it was OK that he was in shackles going off with Thor, if it was OK that she go with Stark, why he started being a jerk when they got here. She wanted to ask if he really thought they were friends. Her heart had squeezed a bit when he said that; it didn't feel quite true, but it wasn't a lie either.

She couldn't say all that though. With a tilt of her head, she spoke only his name, “Loki?” and just hoped he would understand as she limped off next to Tony.

“Mr. Stark,” she said pointedly, “if you're actually interested in acquisitions, then I'm a natural blonde. Let's find something for the birds though. They're actually Odin's. Loki's not thrilled with them following me around. I guess they're a direct line to Dad.”

Thor took Loki by the shoulder as Tony and Lily left, and half led, half pushed him into a seat at a table in an adjacent room. “The Man of Iron's mechanisms appear to be serving their purposes, crude as they are. He does well for not having the use of magic.”

No smile was to be seen on the Thunder god's face. This situation did not make him happy. “You should not be here,” he grumbled. “You should be on Asgard reproving your worth to Father! Your skills should be used to protect the Realms not to chase your ruinous demons and dreams. I will not aid you down that path again! Tell me simply, without your twisty fabrications, brother. What do you want?”

Thor stood across the table from Loki, his sturdy arms crossed over his chest and waited, worried that he would be disappointed again.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Thor!” Loki exploded, banging his fist on the table.  It was too much, he couldn’t look at that righteous face for another second. “How dare you lecture me on my responsibility and my ‘ _worth’_ when you are here gallivanting with your new brothers instead of doing your royal duty!” He laid his hands flat, pressing down hard. “What would you have me do, Thor? Order the guards, command the armies? You know that I cannot!” 

He slumped forward, curling his fingers around the metal band on his temples as much as he could, breathing through the pain his rage caused..

He wanted to weep.  Thor would not believe him. He was only interested in Loki’s redemption as another victory in his title. He only wanted Loki’s obedience.

Lily wasn't here to help him; she was off being seduced by Stark and how could he blame her. He was chained, possibly helpless- he would have to risk unknown levels of pain to find out. 

He was alone.

He should have stayed and let Freyja kill him. 

“Thor.  Nord is dead.  Something killed him, I do not yet know what.  Freyja, Frey, Volstagg, all the rest- they are out for my blood. But I swear, I did not do this.  As much as I hate- _loathe_ \- to admit it, I am helpless there without your protection. I cannot form an investigation, I cannot convene a counsel, I can do nothing but wait while they plot to kill me!  I went to New York to find you, to ask- no, _beg_ \- you to return with me.  I fear whatever struck Nord will kill again.  Your people need you, brother.  The only thing I can do is deliver you to them.”

He spread his hands as far as his chains would allow, palms flat and open, and looked at Thor with all the honesty he had given Lily earlier. There was only a small, shriveled strand of hope left in him, but it was all he had. “Leave me in these if you do not trust me either- leave me here with Stark and his robots, even Banner, if you need to. Just go home. Do not let more of us die.”


	11. Chapter 11

Tony ushered Lily into the kitchen and strolled around the island to the coffee machine.  “What do you like- latte? Cappuccino? This thing can do it all, and I tweaked it myself for some extra foam.  So, you're from New York?”

“Yes, I am, have a tiny little loft in Soho. Just plain coffee is fine.” Lily smiled at the insanely well-groomed man, as she sat her bag and the envelope down on the island and plopped into a chair. She propped her sore foot up on the one next to her. “I think things are tense enough right now without adding espresso jitters to the mix. I don't suppose I could have a bag of ice too?”

“Ice? Oh! You're hurt.” Tony flashed her a sympathetic smile, walking to the refrigerator. “It must have been an ordeal getting from New York to here with a... twisted ankle?  How long has it been hurting?” He pressed a few keys on the touchscreen and reached in for an ice pack.

“I twisted it this afternoon. I was looking around and not watching where I was walking. It's not bad though, it'd be a lot worse if Loki hadn't have carried me when we had to run.” She leaned over on the counter and half-whispered conspiratorially, “I know I should be nervous or impressed or something right now, ‘cause you're Iron Man, so I'm sorry. I just need to tell this to someone that'll believe me. Man... today we _walked_ here. Went through a wormhole in New York, walked through the woods in freaking _Asgard_ , got in a fight with Freyja, and came back through another wormhole to the beach down the street. I did that. Me. I'm just a person. No one really special, well maybe a little special, I mean Loki, he helped me figure out this thing I can do.”

Abruptly, Lily stopped and covered her face embarrassed by her rambling. “I'm sorry again. I'll shut up. It's just been a bizarre couple of days.”

Tony passed the ice pack across the counter. No wonder she was overwhelmed, maybe even in some sort of delayed shock.  He pressed a button on his watch, glancing at it to see her vitals scan. “I can get a brace for that.  You started today in New York? And you got here without a plane?...” he looked her over as he handed her the coffee, “I can see why Loki would want to keep you around, attractive woman and all. What I can't figure out is why _you_ would go along with him. You're obviously a smart girl.  Why not make a fuss, draw attention to him- why travel all the way here and have a nice dinner out with a war criminal?”

She sighed and settled the ice pack on her ankle. “It's a bit convoluted, but there was a coin on the sidewalk...” Lily told him the story of what had happened up until she got to the part about her power. “Now keep an open mind, but it really is more of a question as to why _he_ would want me to come with him, not the other way around. I mean, who would say no to seeing Asgard? But me... I'm probably Loki's worst nightmare, with that God of Lies stuff and all. I can tell when someone is lying. I can tell a fraud. I know what's the truth. I don't think you can lie to me without me knowing. It's why I'm so good at acquisitions. I don't buy fakes... like the Rothko in your entryway.”

“That Rothko cost me a fortune.  It's a fake?”  Tony shook his head, skeptical.  But then, he knew all sorts of people now with bizarre abilities.  Catching art fraud wouldn’t be the strangest. At least it wasn’t explosive. “Unbelievable.  So, you can tell when people are lying- and you just decided to hook up with the God of Lies-and-Bad-Headpieces?  I'm sorry, but I'm still not seeing the part where you don't turn the maniac who brought an alien army to destroy New York into the police.  I know they have my number.  Instead you-  walked?- through Asgard and picked up a few pets on your way here?”  He took a sip of coffee, suppressing a shudder.  Seeing Loki walking around here had done nothing good for his psyche and he was considering topping his cup up with scotch. He thanked his lucky stars that he’d been working on that restraining device since the attack, just in case. He never thought “just in case” would really happen though.

“Listen, sweetheart, I know he's easy on the eyes, but Loki is _not_ your friend.  I'm surprised I have to tell someone from New York that.  Were you out of town that day?”

“What? No. Um... they actually set my bedroom on fire. And like I said, the birds are Odin's... just like the myths.”  She sighed into her cup. “Mr. Stark. I'm not an idiot, really. It's just... he's not what he seems like. I promise. And I was glowing and needed his help with that. With the way people that can ‘do things’ are treated right now, there's no way I'm walking into a police station and saying, ‘ignore my glowing hands, I’m not an inhuman or mutant or whatever dirty word you want to call it... just put handcuffs on the guy that can probably blow up your building with his brain if you tick him off.’  But he's not going to do that. He's not here to cause trouble. He just wanted his brother.”

“Let's say your power is accurate, and hasn't been manipulated in some way- and I've seen that leather-fetish diva control some of the smartest minds I know- let's say that he's _just_ here to have a brotherly chat. Not to scout out another invasion or steal something or to find his old scepter.  Let's say he _just_ brought you with him from the goodness of his, let's say, heart. Let's say he didn't threaten or force you here as cover.  Even with all that, he's still a monster.  A murderer.”  Tony clenched his fists, then patted his pocket to remind himself the remote was still there.  One button press and toxins would flood Loki's circulatory system, slicing up synapses with abandon. He was safe, he was safe. No war this time, no civilians he couldn't save, no bombs, no windows, no death. Well, not his own death anyway. He didn't think he'd mind Loki's all that much.  “You say he's not what he seems.  Well, I don't have the luxury of hoping that's true. If you're wrong, people will die.  I saw it. I _was_ it.  You cannot trust Loki.”

Lily's attitude sobered up as she listened. She wanted to counter him, to argue, but couldn't. Instead, she reached out and laid her hand over his. “You're right, mostly, but we're safe now. There was no reason for him to help me. He could have easily walked off and left me stuck with a curse that was intended for him, but he didn't. I'm sure he wants to be here about as much as you want him here. How can I prove to you that what I know is right?”

Tony grimaced, shaking his head.  “Here's the thing. You may well be a human polygraph. But when it comes to a megalomaniac with magic, I'm going to trust my gut.  Thor swears that Loki was tripping balls on some sort of interstellar drug. I'd love to see what it was, but I'm still holding him responsible for what he did.  Thor also promised that he'd lock him up and punish him, and here he is, wandering across America with no parole! No, I'm not taking anyone's word about Loki except my own.”

Tony was getting worked up and angry and it worried Lily, so she kept a hold of his hand and spoke calmly. “It's OK. I get it. You have to trust your gut, just like I have to trust mine. Even if you don't believe me, I can tell you you're safe. And that painting was definitely not painted by Mark Rothko. Maybe Jimmy Rothko. But if you paid more than a grand for that, make sure you keep my card. I'll help you out with your next purchase.”

“I'm going to go get you a brace for that ankle,” Tony said as he pulled his hand away from her grasp, not at all convinced.  She seemed too willing to defend Loki- and while she didn't have the mindless, speechless quality Barton had had while under Loki's control, he was still concerned that something else might be going on.  “My scan shows that it's not bad, you just need to stay off it for a day or so and you'll be right as rain.  I can set you up in a nice cozy chair while we wait to hear Thor's opinion on your... friend.  You can walk through my place and point out any other forgeries before I fly you back to New York later, okay?”

Lily looked at Stark questioningly. “Scan? New York?” Then her face softened and she gave him a small grin. “You really are a hero, aren't you? I'm honestly not in need of rescuing right now, though, but thank you. Maybe you could find that granola? Huginn and Munin seem to be staring at us from the doorway.”

Tony sighed, pulled a box from the cabinet, and set it in front of Lily. “Just don't let your forest friends crap on my stuff, okay, Snow White?”

Just as Lily opened her mouth to respond an accented, disembodied voice interrupted, “ _Sir? Captain Rogers is on the line and would like to know what the status is regarding needing back up._ ”

Tony looked up. “JARVIS, tell Captain Red, White and Blowhard that I will be with him in just a minute. I'll take the call in my workshop.” As he was exiting the kitchen through a door on the far side of the room, he gestured to the doorway they entered through. “The living room is through there. Go make yourself comfortable for a bit, sweetheart. You can watch TV or figure out how worthless my stuff is, whatever. I'll be back.” And with that he was gone.

Lily looked around slightly confused and whispered to herself, “Who insults Captain America?”

“ _Mr. Stark does_ ,” the voice unexpectedly answered her.

A bit unnerved, she gathered all of her things and made her way into a beautiful, modern living room. She sat in a chair by the large windows that overlooked the ocean. Black clouds rolled in a line across the sky with their edges tinted flaming pink from the sunset they were concealing. Lightning stabbed into the white crested waves, echoing the mood of the gods in the next room.

Lily's hand ran back and forth distractedly over the arm of the chair. “Eames. Nice,” she mumbled to herself and put her feet up on the footstool, relaxing a bit. She opened the box of granola bars and broke them up, tossing them onto the highly polished floor, much to the delight of the ravens, who fluttered and hopped from piece to piece, gobbling it all up.

Through an archway she could make out Thor's back as he sat across a table from Loki. She couldn't quite hear what they were saying, but from their body language, it wasn't anything pleasant.

Thor's head hung between his shoulders as he thought. He spoke with a low voice and looked up at Loki with watery eyes. “Nord. He has entered Valhalla? And Loki begs to find his killer? Or does Loki beg for his own skin?”

There was a ringing in Loki’s ears and the taste of salt in his throat. Worthless, just like every other time he’d tried to do the right thing. It was worthless.

He was worthless.

“Why, Thor. Why did you not... just... let me rot, as Odin wanted. If you cannot even believe me enough to return to Asgard to see for yourself...” He swallowed down the words he wanted to say, the ones that would twist and hurt, the ones that would hide his own weakness and destroy Thor's strength. No, if he wanted help, he couldn't fall into old patterns. He took a deep breath, wondering briefly what Stark's biometrics would say about his current state. Defeated, probably. “I could be gone, if I wanted. I have seen the stretches of the universe, I have seen the worlds beyond the Nine. You would never find me. But I am here. Is that not enough... brother?” _Worthless. They always knew the truth._

Thor stared at Loki, turning Loki's words over. It never did to not carefully consider exactly what Loki was saying. He got up and paced, swinging his hammer around like an oversized, lethal, fidget spinner. After almost too long of a pause, he spoke.  “It is that you are here, and here you will stay. I would go home, and see what kind of chaos is loose with my own eyes, without having your whispers in my ear.”

Lily's gaze left the ravens and followed Thor as he stood and paced. The rain seemed to beat against the large windows in time with his footsteps.  With Thor pacing, Lily could see Loki as he sat at the table. While still incredibly good looking, he seemed like a pale shadow of the self-confident, flippant man she met the day before.  He was almost a stranger, and definitely not someone she should feel compassion for, but she was very uncomfortable at seeing him like this.

She noticed that she had been clenching the fabric of her skirt in her hand. Looking down, she concentrated until a soft, gold glow surrounded her fingers. A small smile of wonder settled on her lips. “It's real. He made me a real dress and not an illusion.”

The ringing was louder now, joined by a throbbing in Loki’s temple. He reached up to rub it, but Stark's stupid neuro-tiara was in the way. _They hate you,_ hissed the voice inside as his breathing stuttered around the constriction in his throat, _kill them all for hating you, show them your power._

He shook his head to clear it. “When you return to Asgard, be wary. Nord was ended with unusual means, and it was not a clean kill. Whatever did this, it can hurt us badly. Nord was...” He trailed off, his heart beat suddenly skyrocketing. The metal around his head squeezed tighter. _He wants us to suffer,_ the voice growled, _crush his bones, snap them, can’t you hear his cries, so good so good…_

Loki's skin felt paper thin and electric, as if lightning danced along his arms. He lifted his hand, surprised to see it looking normal, if trembling.  “I think- I think that whatever it is might have tracked-”  He couldn't remember what he had been about to say. His mind was whirling but he couldn't find a thought to cling to- except _Kill them!_ which he shoved away with the last strength he had. The band around his head was going to crush his skull, he was certain. “Take Lily home... I promised...” he managed before the lightning struck and everything went black.

Tony came rushing into the room where Loki was collapsed on the floor. “What did he try?” He tapped something into his watch and a display popped up over his wrist. “His readings are _crazy_. All over the place. Jarvis, get on analyzing this. Use file 68239b.” Without looking away from the scrolling numbers projected in front of him, he asked, “Thor, I thought you could handle him. Do I get your hammer now?”

Thor glared at Tony for just a heartbeat before he grinned. “You get the hammer when you are worthy. You are not worthy. You do not even know what is wrong with my brother.”

From the other room, Lily had seen Loki grab for the band on his head before he fell. She dumped everything off her lap and hobbled over just as Tony showed back up.  After glaring at the two men who weren't doing anything to help, she sat on the floor next to Loki, rolling him slightly and adjusting his head so that it rested on her leg and not the tile. Her fingers gently brushed his hair away from his face and felt the restraint on his head for any way to open it. It was a shackle as much as the handcuffs, but somehow, even unconscious, he made it look like a crown.

“What is wrong with you two? Just standing there? Do something. Get this thing off of him! He came here in good faith and you do this?” Lily snapped at Thor and Tony as she continued to stroke Loki's hair away from the tiara. “At least help me get him off of the floor. He's heavier than he looks.”

Tony didn't take his eyes from his readout.  “Good faith? I doubt Reindeer Games knows the meaning of the words. He knew the rules, any magic-y god shit and he'd be getting barbecued. Oooh that sounds good- JARVIS, order delivery from Baby Blues. His own fault. Hm. I bet he'll be a out for few hours, he got a pretty big dose but not lethal. Thor, where should we put him? I've got space down in the basement. I guess we could call SHIELD containment but I don't want to do all that paperwork. Or are you going to drag his limp ass back to Asgard again? Come on, sweetheart, get up from there, he doesn't need your sympathy.”

One of the ravens stuck his head into the room then cawed loudly. His twin flew in and landed on Loki's legs, watching him with a cocked head.

Still visibly upset, Lily showed no signs of moving. “But he didn't _do_ anything this time. I really might know if he did. Something is wrong. Look, even the ravens are worried and they don't get along at all. Besides, he's my ride home. He promised and I think it might be really important right now to let him keep his promises.” She sighed and looked down at Loki and stroked his forehead along the metal band again. “Come on, Loki. Wake up or they're going to try to put you in the basement.”

Thor grumbled to himself for a moment before setting Mjolnir on the table and picking Loki up in his arms and unsettling Hugnin. “With your leave, Tony Stark, I will put him in the room I am using. The lady may very well be correct. Loki does have... ‘issues’ which you know not of. I will need to leave him in your custody while I return home to see what Loki was describing with my own eyes. I would also ask that you allow Lily Sharlow to remain as your guest until I return and we can ascertain her true role in this.”

Lily shot off of the ground at Thor's words. “ _What_?! Are you kidding me?”

“Oh, _sure_ , tell me that Loki's even more fucked up than I thought and then ask me to let him work through some stuff here while you wander off?” Tony shook his head. “This thing is working now, but you're putting a lot of faith in me that I can keep an Asgardian under control.  If it were up to me, I'd keep him unconscious the whole time you're gone. But I think someone would be upset by that.”  He looked at Lily and sighed.  “Take him upstairs now, I'll figure it out. Let's beef up security up there, JARVIS. Put a suit near the door too,” he ordered as he followed Thor and Lily to Thor’s room. An empty suit flew up to guard the door.  “Hey, mind if I take some blood samples? I could dial in the neuro-disruptors and improve the performance on the shackles.”

“Do as you must, but remember that Loki is a Prince of Asgard and not a common human thug. His punishment belongs to us, not mortals, my friend,” Thor grumbled as he laid Loki gently on the bed.

“Yeah, I’m looking at how well Asgardian punishment works right there on that bed and I’m not too impressed, buddy.”

Thor turned and gave Tony a friendly thump on the shoulder before turning to Lily. “My Lady, I am asking that you remain here as a guest, not as a prisoner, because your role in all of this is as of yet unclear. Please aid the Man of Iron in containing my brother. He seems to have uncharacteristically placed some trust in you. Use that trust for everyone's benefit.”

Thor picked up Lily's hand and bent over it. “I will take my leave of you now. The sooner I leave, the sooner I may return and relieve you.”

With that, Thor left, presumably to Asgard. How he was getting there, Lily had no idea, but she thought about it as she leaned against the doorway, her eyes bouncing between Loki, Tony, and the impressive suit just outside the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Sharp pain brought Loki slowly towards awareness.  Where was he?  Odin’s cell? Thanos’ prison?  He kept his breathing deep and even, his muscles slack.  What had happened...? 

Thor... had he been talking to Thor, or was it his imagination... He often imagined Thor when they left him alone…

No, he really _had_ been talking to Thor, and then-

-then he had been back in a Chitauri cell, feeling like a guest in his own body as something else controlled him, ignoring the screams echoing in his head. 

Everything had gone black.

He stayed still and limp as voices talked over him- was that Tony Stark?  And... _Lily_.  He had to fight from smiling.  She was here.  She was real.

"Are you sure you want to stay here with him?  I've got a movie theater, it'll be much more interesting."

“I’m good.”

The sound of the door closing was a relief and he opened his eye a crack.  There she was, sitting next to him. “Is he gone?” he mumbled.  Everything hurt, as badly as when the Hulk had slammed him into the floor.  “You are here.  What happened?  Where is Thor?”

Lily gently patted his hand.  “Are you better now? Yes, I'm here. You didn't leave me when I got hurt, so I'm not leaving you. Besides, I am a not-optional guest here until your brother gets back from checking out Asgard.  So you're stuck with me, I guess.” 

She shifted around on the edge of the bed to more fully face him, her brow wrinkled with worry. “You collapsed. It was like you had a seizure or something. It was probably this thing.” Her fingers reached up to trace the rim of the tiara again. “But it wasn't supposed to go off unless you tried to use your magic. You didn't do that, did you? Do you need… medicine or anything? Stark said something about you being on drugs? But right now, he's recalibrating this thing to not be so strong, I think.”

Loki tried to reach up to touch her hand but even the act of raising his fingers hurt like all the hells of all the realms.  “I feel like Fafnir sat on me,” he groaned. He closed his eyes.  “No, I do not want any of what Stark might give me. This is enough. I did not do any magic... at least, I do not remember trying to use any. It was all... very chaotic.”

He took a deep breath, let it out slowly. And again. The stretch made his chest ache, but gave him space to form words.

“I told you about the Chitauri, how they injected me with... something. Something that took away my inhibitions. And my morals, such as they are.” He tried to laugh but no sound came out.  “Whatever that drug was, I thought it was gone, long behind me by now, but now I am not certain. I felt... I felt it again, before Stark's device knocked me out, but how would that be possible?”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “I told Thor to take you home, before I blacked out, I do remember that. You shouldn't be here, even with these chains, I am not to be trusted,” he said, the words bitter in his mouth.

Lily bit back a choke on Loki's last sentence. It hurt how true it was. She took a deep breath and reached to squeeze his hand as she spoke words that she really didn't want to. “I… if you want me to go, I'm gone. Stark said something about watching a movie with him. I can do that while I'm stuck here until Thor comes back.” 

She sighed, let go of his hand, and got up to cross the floor to the bathroom. “I'm just worried about you, that's all. But, I'll get you something to drink and help you sit up before I go. If I can trust you that long?”

Scanning the messy bathroom looking for something for Loki to drink out of, Lily saw a mug on the counter between the toothpaste and some shower gel. It was one of those personalized mugs from at a kiosk at the mall. It said **#1 GOD**. The fonts didn't match and the word GOD was tilting at a slight angle.

Her eyes rolled as she rinsed it out and wiped it with the edge of a folded towel. After it was filled with cool water, she took it to the bed side table and nudged a J. Crew catalog, a copy of _Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,_ and a plastic costume Viking helmet aside to set it down.

Lily extended her hand out in front of Loki's bound wrists. “You want me to help you up?”

Loki grimaced as he lifted his hands. His chest was tight and hot and it had nothing to do with his injuries. The thought of Lily with Stark... and he would be alone. Alone with his guilt and pain and failure. How long would it take Stark to get Lily into his bed? Even he knew the man's reputation. He looked at the wall behind Lily as she pulled him up, blinking back the sudden sting of tears.

“Well. I am certain you will have an enjoyable time with him. And I- I will be ‘Number One God,’ for a change.” He nodded at the mug on the bedside table with a forced grin.

He swallowed hard. Usually, when he felt this way, he would shapeshift, borrow someone else's skin- whether it was man or beast- and be able to enjoy a brief happiness as not-himself. He felt the loss of that ability keenly right now. He remembered shifting into a puppy in the forest, the way Lily had laughed and pet him before using her power to dissolve the illusion. He couldn't hide behind illusions with her, even if he had access to seidr.

His stomach twisted, the way it did before battle, as he whispered, “Don't go.”

Lily took Loki's hand and slid her free arm behind his shoulders to help him sit up.  She spoke softly as she smoothed the high leather flaps away from his throat. “Hey, I won't go if you aren't kicking me out. OK? Let's get you a little bit more comfortable, huh? That better? Looked like you were having trouble breathing for a minute there.”

With their faces close together, she saw the tears that he had blinked back. _No_ , she thought. _I won't say anything. If he was OK with me seeing him cry, he would have cried. I'll leave him some pride._

The sounds of the storm grumbling outside filled the awkward silence as Lily straightened up and self-consciously moved away from Loki a bit. “Um, yeah... Just don't scare me like that again,” she teased to break her awkwardness.

Loki lifted an eyebrow and curled his mouth up. “Could I scare you another way? How do you feel about a mouse in your pants? Or skirt, I suppose. You look lovely in that color.” He was surprised that she was still wearing the dress he'd conjured. He was sure that Stark could have provided her with something else.

Lily wrinkled her nose, but was glad to see Loki waking up more and feeling good enough to tease her back.

“So I just... collapsed? And Thor did nothing, I suppose.” Loki looked down at his hands. “He could be gone for days. Longer. Or maybe he will come back in an hour, swinging Mjolnir at my head. I thought there was more between us after-  but I suppose he has started to regret his choice to release me from prison.”

“I'll tell you that Thor was the one that carried you up here, or else you'd still be on the floor. And part of the reason he wanted me to stay here was to make sure you are OK because it seemed like you trusted me.”

He looked back up at Lily with a small smile. “This has not been the best vacation for you. But... I am glad you are here. Nothing to do now but wait. Tell me something of yourself- nothing too personal, for I am sure we are being watched. How did you get into art acquisition?”

She fluttered her eyes and blushed a bit. “It sounds silly, but I do what I do because I feel like it matters. It's important that people have a chance to see that we can make beautiful, emotional, lasting things. That they know that their passions matter and there is no right or wrong way to communicate and share. There's too much that tears people apart, but we can all look at a painting on a two-thousand year old vase and know that whoever painted it has the same kinds of feelings we do.”

Loki watched her face as she talked, the small expressions of hope, joy, and pride.  He was beginning to adore watching her talk.  Mortals were so much more expressive than Asgardians.  And Lily's view of the world fascinated him, so optimistic.

“Plus, I get to travel all over and see things that not everyone has a chance to. I'd share it all if I could, but bringing back a painting is the best I can do most of the time. I guess I that was pretty personal anyway.” She shrugged.

“Art is valuable expression, I agree.  Not one of my strengths. I once made a clay falcon for my mother... She put it on a shelf in her library, I was very proud.  Until one of the ravens tried to fornicate with it and knocked it down.”  He made a face and shook his head.  “Magic is a better form for me.  Do you not get... discouraged by all the liars and cheaters in the world?  All the thieves and forgers?  You of all people, you can tell when something has been put up as valuable but is false.  How do you face the world like that?”

Lily frowned a bit as she thought on Loki's questions. “On a large scale, I guess I just try to let things go if I can't change them. Keep moving and try to focus on the smaller picture? Otherwise, like with work, I think that value is arbitrary and situational. The only real reason a great forgery isn't as valuable as an original is because someone decided that's the case and other people go along with it. I love my fake paintings as much, if not more, than the real works. They're every bit as beautiful and moving. I feel kind of bad for the artists that make them just for the money instead of using their talent for their own things. Then again, maybe the act of copying _is_ their talent. Maybe the liars and cheaters are simply doing what they are best at and they just need someone to point them in a direction where they aren't doing it to hurt people.”

She sighed and looked at him with a wrinkle in her brow. “You sure ask hard questions. What about you? Is that why you wanted to tear down the city? You got discouraged by the liars and cheaters and the rotten world? It must have been hard for you to come back here then, to ask Thor for help. Are you sorry you did that?” Her hand brushed against his handcuffs. “Even though you have these on, I'm still kind of glad that you did come.”

“The liars, the cheaters... the hypocrites.”  He didn't notice when his fingers reached up and held hers.  “The people who swear something up and down, then turn around and it is as if that thing did not ever exist...  The constantly shifting morality and then when you try to play their game...”  He blinked, remembering where he was. 

He looked around, trying to find whatever cameras Stark was sure to have in here.  They were impossible to spot.  “It seemed easier to enslave a city and impose my own morals than figure out others', I suppose,” he forced out, feigning nonchalance. 

Until his eyes landed on Lily again.  Sweet and trusting and confident that he wouldn't hurt her.  Confident that he was more than what she'd heard and seen, as hard as that was for him to believe.  His own brother wouldn't trust him that much- but then again, there was much more between him and Thor.  His fingers rubbed over Lily's and he looked around the room again for the cameras.  False bravado had gotten him nowhere. 

Lily felt her heart thump in her chest. It had been a long time since she had felt that in a way that didn't make her want to cry. She let her own fingers curl back around his, hoping he didn't pull away.

He leaned closer to Lily, his voice dropping to a whisper.  “New York was never my plan.  It was Odin I wanted to hurt, and men like him.  I wanted to be strong enough to ruin him.  It got out beyond my control.  Let Thor have this planet and its people to love him.  All I wanted was Asgard.  My home.” He closed his eyes, sighing. “I never belonged there.  I should have disappeared...”

She watched his pale and regal face in the dimming light as he spoke. He almost seemed to glow. The sadness in his eyes didn't diminish his looks at all. It let her see a vulnerability behind his teasing that made her want to protect him, no matter how ridiculous that idea seemed.

She leaned forward, the same way he had done and when she whispered, her lips almost brushed his cheek. “I see. But you shouldn't disappear. The universe would be a much emptier place without you,” she said.

After a pause, she continued, “But why are we whispering like this? Stark already thinks I have a thing for you. This will just confirm it for him.”

Loki blinked and laughed, sitting up again.  “I have no idea, to tell the truth.”  

If he were a few hundred years younger, he might have blushed.  Luckily, he had better control over his features than his younger self- there was no evidence of how the scent of her hair lingered in his nose, how his cheek burned from the near-contact of her lips. 

“You have a 'thing' for me?”  He raised an eyebrow and drawled, “And what kind of... 'thing,' is it?  Chocolate?  And what does Stark have to do with it?”

“No, not a chocolate thing. I haven't made it to the store to get your M&Ms.” Lily blushed before she spoke the next words. Her hands fluttered and loosely covered her face. “A thing... like, a crush on you, like, I'm interested in you... romantically. And I didn't say I had a thing for you, I _said_ Stark _thinks_ I have a thing for you. He was teasing me about it. He likes to tease as much as you do.”

She got up from the bed, went to the patio door and opened it so the stormy ocean breeze blew across her warm cheeks. _God, why did I get all flustered?_

He swallowed hard.  He didn't need an explanation of what a "crush" was; he could read it in her face.  And he didn't need her power to know what the truth was, this time.  He watched her back as she opened the door, the tang of salt filling the air as the wind blew in, heavy with the promise of more rain.  The crash of the waves made a pleasant noise in the background and the breeze ruffled Lily's skirt.  He was lost for words.  Everything he thought of was wrong- a huge grin and a lewd suggestion didn't seem appropriate.  A lie was obviously out of the question.  He couldn't create a mirage or conjure flowers or wine.  He couldn't even manage to get off this bed, he realized when he tried to twist to put his feet on the floor.  His body screamed in protest, muscles quivering and threatening to seize.  Deflection was the only trick he had left, but the words tasted flat and bitter in his mouth. 

“I thought you might have a ... 'thing' for Stark?  Rich, heroic, art-collector... seems like a good match.”

“Stark?” Lily turned back to Loki and laughed. “I might be brave enough to go on an afternoon hike through a forest full of trolls on another planet, but I'm not stupid enough to get involved with the guy that controls the funding that's paying my rent right now. I've already been dumped and homeless once this year, thank you. That's enough.”

When she noticed a few uncharacteristically awkward movements of his, she approached the bedside again, with concern in her eyes. “You're not really OK yet, are you? How can I help? What hurts?”

“I wish I were exaggerating for sympathy, but it feels as if someone took every bit of me, mashed it to a pulp, and then attempted to lump it all back together again.  I wonder if that was the goal of this thing or perhaps just an unexpected benefit.”

Even with the pain, he couldn't help the small smile on his face, noticing the lingering flush in her cheeks.  He picked up her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over the insides of her wrists. “No changing the subject, now.  You were saying that you are romantically interested in me and not Stark?”  He raised an eyebrow with a grin.  “Losing you to that pompous asshole probably would have set this off again.”

He used his grip to pull her closer.  Part of him protested, rattling off all the ways this would be ruined- he would drag her into events beyond her, being with him was a doomed notion, perhaps her feelings for him were fleeting, she would do better away from him, he didn't deserve her- but one memory of her smile in the sun with flowers in her hair was enough to silence everything but the thumping of his heart.  “We never did see any trolls.  Unless you count Freyja.”

Leaning in, he inhaled the scent of her before brushing his lips over hers.

When Lily felt the tug on her hands, time slowed down for her. Part of her knew what was coming next and she had no desire to fight it. Her eyes closed as Loki's breath warmed her lips. His lips brushed against hers and time stopped. Her heart stopped. Her breathing stopped.

When she could manage it, her eyes fluttered open to look into the deep, green orbs that were still so close to her. Without moving, she found her voice and whispered so softly, “Please don't... don't tease me like this. I... I'm a pet, remember?”

Loki raised an eyebrow and pulled back enough to look Lily slowly up and down with a suggestive grin.  “Ooooh now there's an idea.  You would look utterly delightful on all fours with a collar.” He squeezed her hands.  His heart was beating fast, his stomach twisting weightlessly.  He savored that feeling- that no matter how old he was, no matter how many times he had done this, the beginning was always just as exciting.  His fingers twitched, wanting to stroke her cheek or comb in her hair-but for the shackles. 

“Believe it or not, I can, on occasion, be serious.  But you tell me, Lily.  Am I teasing you?”

Lily drew in a shaky breath and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, not letting go of Loki's hands. Thoughts rushed through her mind at am impossible rate, almost as fast as her heart was now beating. It seemed like so much rested on what she said next. She could tell that he wasn't just having a laugh at her. But she could always deny it and move on like it was a joke.

Things were really too dangerous _not_ to do that. She was already a "guest" until Thor returned, just for showing up here with Loki. They had been attacked by a goddess. His periodic instability was concerning. He had very powerful enemies, all things she could never hope to be able to deal with.

And he had backed up that sweet, timorous kiss with a request to see her naked on all fours. That had to be some kind of red flag.

As she gazed at his face, she realized that none of that mattered to her. She had been giving him every indication that this is what she wanted, now that she thought about it. She had kissed his forehead and held his hand, sat in bed with him. When he had carried her, she clung much more closely to him than she had to. Rolling on the beach wasn't necessary, but it felt so good with him.

She had only known him for a day, but when he was hurting, it hurt her and when he was happy, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. No matter how erratic his behavior or words, everything she felt from him was steady and solid.

When she finally spoke, Lily said, “I don't know. I wasn't paying attention last time.” Her hand lifted to gently cradle his face. “Let me try again.”

She kissed him, gently but steadily, without any hesitation. His skin was cool under her slightly glowing fingertips and his lips did not feel as thin as they seemed. She broke back from him and settled her hands in her lap with a sigh.  “No. You are not teasing. You meant it as much as I did.”

“You had me worried there, for a moment.” He smiled softly.  A wave of shame and recrimination washed over him suddenly, threatening to sweep him away.  What was he doing?  She couldn't possibly love him and he was going to put himself on display only to be hurt.  If only she knew, she would run from him...

_But_ , he thought _, she hasn't run and she knows. Not everything, but enough.  And she's here when she could be gone back to New York, if she wanted._   She had kissed him.  His mind still screamed _ruin!_ at him and he shoved it aside. 

“I know that this is not the most ideal time or place for romance.  You deserve more than this.  I could have taken you back to Asgard, woven flowers in your hair in the sunshine, shown you the tops of the mountains and kissed you in the clouds...  If not for this.” He raised his hands and rattled the chain between with a shrug.  “Put that on the itinerary for later.  Trolls and cloud kisses.  For now, though, it seems I am at your mercy.”

Lily’s heart caught in her throat. The word _romance_ made her feel almost giddy and she was sure that she had a grin on her face that made her look like an elated middle-schooler. Romance. Who talked like that? And later. He said there would be a later. This was so much all at once.

“Don't be silly,” she scoffed. “You took me to Asgard. And the beach. And Damon's. You gave me this beautiful dress. You helped me with my power.”

She reached out and laid a hand on his thigh. She squeezed it gently, noticing how muscular it was. “You've done nothing to need my mercy, just gratitude. Promise. Well... maybe I'd like my quilt back, but there's nothing to do about that. Maybe there's a better one out there waiting for me to find it.”

“Now,” Lily stated, changing her tone. “You are still very pale and don't look even close to being OK yet. We can worry about an itinerary when you're back to normal. OK?” She was leaving him a way out, in case this was only real for the moment and there wasn't a later. Lily told herself that's what she was doing, but it was just as much for herself. If she wound up back home alone again tomorrow, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if there was a reason.

“Mmmm.” He covered her hand with his, all too aware that she was right. He was in no state to do anything more than talk, even without Stark's restraints. He was more than willing to ignore the pain to see her smile, but his body had other ideas. A huge yawn rose up from his lungs, sending an aching wave all through his upper body. “You make a fearsome nurse. Come here, there's room enough for two.”

He settled back into the pillows, arching his eyebrow and smiling at her. He raised his arms, nodding at the space where she could tuck herself against his chest. Something twitched in his mind, but he pushed it aside, more interested in coaxing Lily to snuggle with him. “I'll rest better with you here, if you're so concerned for my health,” he wheedled.

Lily looked at Loki as if she were considering his offer, but was already slipping her shoes off. _In for a penny, in for a pound,_ she told herself as she slid across the bed and laid on her side, ducking her head under his arms to rest her head just below his shoulder. Her arm slipped around his chest as if it were the most natural position for it, as his arms lowered to circle her shoulders. Oh god, it felt nice to be held again. She sometimes thought that always sleeping alone was the worst part of her break up.

“There was room enough for two last night too. But it feels like yesterday was so long ago and the whole world had time to change on me,” she murmured.

Gently stroking her cheek against the worn leather of his coat a few times she felt the warmth of his body start to relax her and suddenly all of the events of the day caught up her all at once. A shudder in her breath made her realize that she was nervous about something that she couldn't put her finger on. She loved adventure, so it shouldn't have been that. Maybe it was the fact that she was basically on house arrest here. Maybe not.

“I'm just here to help you rest,” Lily said quietly, but a few moments later she whispered with much more sincerity.  “You smell nice. Kinda of like that forest, but cooler.” After that, her eyes started to flutter closed.

Loki rubbed his cheek on the top of her head.  “Mmhmm. You smell fantastic yourself,” he whispered, shifting her closer as she relaxed into sleep.

Despite being locked up in this contraption, despite the aches in his body, despite being trapped and helpless here until Thor deigned to return... he felt almost content. Even though the biggest threat to Lily was himself... He swallowed hard against that thought. And the one that reminded him that he was lying to her, that she didn't know about Jotunheim... He drew a deep breath and sighed, closing his eyes.

_Just for a second_ , he told himself. _Just to savor this. While I have it._

It only took a few breaths for him to fall asleep as well.


	13. Chapter 13

After falling asleep so easily, Lily fell into restless dreams of dropping through invisible doorways and being caught in strange traps that she didn't understand. Her eyes blinked open in the still-dark morning with a start. Where was she? Who was she curled around?

 _Loki. I'm with Loki,_ she told herself, orienting to her situation. She let her head settle back and relax against his chest again. As she listened to his slow, steady heart beat, she calmed until her breathing matched it. She was still tired but brought her hand up next to her face to stroke lazily across Loki's chest.

The cool ocean air had chilled the leg that she had laid across Loki's in her sleep, so she reached behind her and pulled the edge of the blanket to wrap over them. She snuggled against him, hoping that she could fall back asleep and put off thinking for a few more hours.

He didn't want to open his eyes. He had slept the sleep of the deeply exhausted- a heavy, healing sleep. He knew if he awoke, he would have to face the day. But if he stayed as still as stone, if his eyes were closed, he could pretend that he was not a prisoner, could pretend that he was in his own bed, with Lily contentedly draped over him. He could kiss her awake, nudge her onto her back and nibble on her neck. She'd probably try to push him away with a deprecating remark and he would just...

His fantasy was ruined by the loud growl of his stomach and he cracked his eyes open to see the dim light of early morning filling the room. He grumbled, turning more onto his side to bury his face near Lily's head.

“Stupid sun,” he slurred, even as his stomach protested again that he was starving.

Lily tumbled back into consciousness and fumbled as she tried to extricate herself from her sleeping position. “Hmm?” she sounded curiously as Loki's stomach growled underneath her hand. “I must have really fallen asleep, huh?”

“That was the plan,” Loki mumbled. “You're lovely to sleep with.” He untangled himself from Lily reluctantly, lifting his arms up over her head. He felt much better this morning, although if it hadn't been for his stomach, he probably would have slept half the day. “I am sure my brother's wash room is in a ghastly state, but I am going to brave it anyway. Do you think Stark is planning on feeding us or should we eat one of them?” He nodded towards the two ravens, asleep on a shelf. He never understood how they got in places they shouldn't, but maybe this time they had just flown in through the balcony door overnight.

Lily stood up and stretched off the sleep. “If you're trying to impress a girl, it's poor form to eat her friends. So you might want to hold off on eating crow until it's to your advantage. How about if I go downstairs and see about food and look for my bag while you shower or whatever. If you can- how are you supposed to get your clothes off over those shackles? I'll talk to Mr. Stark about that.”

Loki looked down at his handcuffs, embarrassed to admit that he had forgotten that he couldn't magic his way out of them. “Ah, well, perhaps I'll skip the bath for now.  Let's not bother Stark with that bit of detail.” He stared out the window, seized by the irrational, powerful fear that if he separated from Lily, something bad would happen. “I'll just be a moment.  Wait for me and we will go downstairs together.”

He stepped into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind him. It was awkward, but he managed his fly down and up again, all the while cursing Thor and his mortal friends.  Washing his hands was easier. He knew that the devices would be waterproof, but he couldn't suppress a glimmer of hope as he thrust them deliberately under the running water and he splashed some on his face before opening the door once more.  

“Now we can find your bag and raid for supplies.”

“Raid for supplies!” Lily laughed. “We're in a beachfront mansion owned by one of the richest men in the country, so by all means, let's raid for supplies! Sometimes you are just adorable.”

She startled herself a bit, realizing she meant that last statement. The night before, the sleeping together and the kiss, that had to have been a fluke. They both had been exhausted and emotionally worn down. That had to have been all it was. She didn't get attached this fast and certainly someone like Loki couldn't see her as anything serious. Right?

To conceal her thoughts, she jumped into the hallway and shouted, “Arrrgh! This be a raid!” Then she went downstairs with Loki following.

Her things were where she had left them, next to the chair in the living room. With her bag over her shoulder, she told Loki that she was just stepping into the bathroom for a minute and they could raid once she was out.

In the bathroom, Lily slipped out of the beautiful, now wrinkled blue dress and pulled on a large black t-shirt and leggings that she had rolled up in the bottom of the back pack. She pulled the wilted yellow and pink flower out of her hair and, after considering it a moment, laid it on a piece of toilet paper and pressed it between a Starbucks card and a Subway punch card and wedged it into her wallet for safe-keeping with a sigh.

While she was brushing her teeth, she realized she was brushing around the largest grin she had seen on her face since... since the attack in New York and everything started to go wrong.

Lily left the bathroom with the dress folded neatly over her arm. “Jeeves?” she called out to thin air, feeling silly.

The artificial voice managed to sound irritated. “It's JARVIS, Miss.”

“Oh. Sorry, JARVIS, is Mr. Stark up yet?” she asked.

Loki was fairly certain he had managed to keep his face straight when Lily returned.  But those pants...!  His eyes wandered over her body while she talked to that ridiculous robot Stark called a servant.  The dress had been flattering and enchanting, but this outfit was _delicious_.  His fingers twitched to slide up under that shirt and he had a powerful desire to stroke them over her ass as well. 

“No, he is not. He cannot be up because he never went to bed. He is still in his workshop studying the sample he received from Mr. Laufeyson yesterday. He directed me to inform you that you have full access to the kitchen facilities and pantries, unless, to quote him, ‘... she decides to try to give that colossal asshole she hangs around with a knife. Then all bets are off.’"

Lily winced at the quote, but thanked JARVIS and waved Loki come with her into the kitchen. Watching him from across the room in the morning light, she was captivated. He was wearing slept-in armor, shackles, and a metal headband, yet he managed to seem like it was all perfectly intentional. She felt like she should be pushing a shopping cart full of trash bags and talking to herself.

Lily stopped suddenly and a questioning look crossed her face. “Hold on. JARVIS? Mr. Laufeyson? Who are you talking about?”

“You have been referring to him as simply Loki, Miss. I have been programmed to use proper names and honorifics and to follow the same naming pattern as Thor Odinson, his name would be Loki Laufeyson. Is that all you require?”

“Um... yeah. Thanks,” Lily mumbled.

He was just about to walk over and do... something, he wasn't sure what, when he caught his name.  His surname, to be exact, the one that always sent a dull knife of betrayal and shame through his gut.  “I'll have you know, I am an excellent chef-“ he wasn't; the last time he had tried, he had set the curtains on fire, “-but I suppose it's for the best, _Mr. Stark_ -“ how much mockery could he put in a name?- “wouldn't appreciate fine Asgardian cooking anyway.”  He stood a bit taller, glancing about at the kitchen to see if there was anything else he could distract Lily with.  Besides himself, but he didn't think that would work.

Lily leaned over onto the counter and turned her head to watch Loki come into the room. “I don't think anyone is disparaging your cooking. I'm guessing he doesn't want to see you with stabby things. That's all.”

She straightened up and started opening random cabinets and setting things on the counter to make breakfast with. “Oh bingo! I found you hot chocolate. And a whole cabinet of dried fruits and nuts. At least Stark must be a ‘regular’ guy with this much fiber in the place. Why don't you pull up a stool, have a seat and tell me why you don't have the same last name as your brother? It seems like the Norse mixed plenty of things up in their stories.”

Loki felt her question as a sudden weight on his chest.  The weight of a short-handled warhammer, to be precise.  Stifling his breath, crushing his ribs, trapping him, helpless witness to his failure.  He knew that he couldn't lie to her.  And he didn't dare touch her to distract her. She hadn't a clue yet, but her power was getting stronger as she practiced it. And while he was proud of her for it, if he touched her now with his heritage at the front of his mind, she might see right through his illusions. 

The thought of revealing himself as a frost giant while kissing her was revolting and terrifying. The dark, hissing voice in the back of his brain coiled around his weakness, seething.

“It's nothing.  A mistake.”  The truth, in a way.  His parentage, his birth, his life- nothing but a mistake.

“It's because he's not Thor's brother.  Adopted.”  Tony walked into the kitchen, wearing a rumpled t-shirt, and sat down on one of the stools at the island.  “You seem pretty sensitive about it, for a Hot Topic mannequin.  Was it supposed to be a secret? You two look nothing alike. Hell, your DNA doesn’t even look like the same species.  Cooking breakfast?  I like my eggs over easy, sweetheart.”

Lily fussed around making hot chocolate for a minute. She hadn't liked the way Loki looked at all when she had asked him about his name. She felt like she hit him. It was just meant to be conversational. If Tony hadn't have walked in, she would have… well, at least she would have let Loki know that she hadn't intended to upset him. But she thought, for the moment it would probably best just to roll along casually and let it go.

“Yes. Breakfast. I hope it's OK. Jee... JARVIS said it was OK. I've started banana pecan pancakes, but I can do eggs too. I'm afraid that I'll have to ask you to work the giant coffee machine, though. It's a little too steam punk looking for me,” she chirped at Tony, while she stirred.

Lily brought the mug of hot chocolate over to Loki, holding it out to him with both hands. She bit her lip as she looked into his still slightly-glassy eyes. He hadn't lied when he answered her, but he sure wanted to hide plenty. Why would being adopted be something to be that ashamed of? She wanted to ask him. She wanted to tell him she didn't care. If she just touched him, she might understand.

“Banana pecan pancakes?  That beats microwaved Poptarts, which is what we've been having around here.  JARVIS, warm up the espresso machine.” Tony stretched and got up to wander over to the shiny machine. “I need at least 5 shots this morning, what about you, Rose?”

“Lily,” Loki corrected, bristling.  It was one thing to act like he wasn't there or to talk around him like a child.  It was entirely another for Stark to involve Lily in his _I'm so smart, I can get away with anything_ act. 

Loki saw through the bravado- after all, he was an expert in deflection himself.  Stark was scared. 

Loki turned to Lily, taking the mug from her.  “Thank you,” he murmured.  She looked so worried and so out of place in this chrome-filled kitchen that he didn't even think before he reached out and stroked a finger down her cheek.

His gesture startled Lily, but she could swear that she felt the warmth of his touch all the way to her heart. Her eyes closed for just a moment and she mouthed the words, "Sorry for asking."

When her eyes opened, she had a small smile on her face. He wasn't upset with her. It was OK.

“I... I'll finish breakfast,” she murmured and stepped back to the mixing bowl. “Ya know, Teeny, I think I'll have a double. Thanks.”

"Aw, that was a good try, kid. Maybe your boyfriend can give you some tips, he's got a flair for sarcasm." Tony pushed a quick succession of buttons, sliding a matte graphite mug under the portafilter.  The loud hiss of the milk steamer drowned out anything else for a few minutes, which was a relief.

Loki cradled his mug in his hands as he watched Lily cook.  Too many thoughts spun in his brain.  Thor would berate him- loudly- for his involvement with Lily.  _Kill him_ , hissed the itching sound that never really went away. _Kill her too, snap, tear..._

Uncomfortable, he took a sip, closing his eyes as the rich flavor flowed over his tongue.  Sweet and thick and almost too hot- it was like drinking sex, he thought, everything else fading away as he concentrated on the heavy liquid.  Even if it all went sideways and she realized what a tangled, thorny wretch he was, at least for now he could comfort himself that she knew him (as well as he let her) and cared about him.

Lily started cooking the pancakes and when they were in the pan, she sipped her coffee and glanced over at Loki. He seemed blissed out while drinking the hot chocolate. _Good_ , she thought, _he needs to relax some._

As the pancakes finished and Lily put plates on the counter, Tony leaned toward Loki. "Sooo, Little Orphan Annie, I looked at your blood samples _all night long_ because they are the most absurdly weird shit I have ever seen.” He took a long drink from his cup and shook his head. "And I've seen some shit. It's nothing like Thunderbritches', I'll tell ya that. After a few hours it started freezing on its own and there are parts that... share no markers or traits with anything else and seem to be separately sentient, or at least, reactive. Is it a parasite... or is it the fact that you're just that weird? I think I really am gonna invite Banner to come be a counsellor at this little sleepover camp Thor set me up with. He'd love to see someone freakier than himself."

Loki made sure his face showed nothing but cool indifference as Stark babbled at him.  Of course his blood froze... but it was comforting to know that Thor hadn't told him everything.  A parasite?  Now that was more interesting, even intriguing. 

Frowning a bit at the way Mr. Stark was prodding at Loki, Lily poured syrup over her pancakes and gazed out the window of the patio door over his shoulder. Outside it was, just as you'd expect it to be, bright and sunny. 

 _Wait_ , she thought as she saw a shadow.

A large dark shadow, that looked kind of like it was Loki's, coalesced rather than appeared, just outside of the glass.

She dropped her fork and opened her mouth to say something, but the feeling that something was very, very wrong choked the sound in her throat.

Loki turned to Stark to ask a question- despite his arrogant assholery, he _was_ a genius- when he saw Lily's face.

"Lily? Are you well?"


	14. Chapter 14

Loki shook his head to clear the buzzing in his ears just as Stark let out a shocked grunt.

_Buzzing... just like at the restaurant._

He turned and all color drained from his face as he saw his nightmares come alive. 

It was black like he'd only seen in the void under the Bifrost, wearing his shape, and it smashed at the window. The buzzing in his head was intense, the coiled voice in him straining like a dog on a chain to break free. 

Loki staggered up, an ice cold certainty slamming down his spine.

"It cannot touch me, do not let it touch me," he mumbled, unaware that he’d said it aloud. If it touched him, he knew it would swamp him completely with the darkness inside him and he would never resurface.

He watched in horror as the thing began to seep through the cracks it had made in the glass. 

He could feel the restraints’ counter-measures kicking in as his adrenaline surged.  There was a strong pull in his chest for wholeness, unity, the anticipatory joy of going home.

With sickening clarity, he realized what was happening.  There was a piece of that monster in him.  _Inside_ _him_.  His heart rate skyrocketed; it was trying to take control of his body.  He clawed at his face, revolted, then at the vice around his head.

"Shit. Shit- Stark, you have to get this off me-"

The form slid itself into the broken glass as a black fog, screaming like a tree full of cicadas.

The world went into slow motion.

Tony yelled for his suit. It came flying into the room and wrapped itself around him.  Drone suits followed and formed a protective line that blocked out the windows and door.

JARVIS was announcing the perimeter breach and what measures were being taken against the intruder, in terms that Lily didn't have the time to decipher.

She saw Loki shaking and pale, like he had been at the restaurant. His long fingers scrambled uselessly at the metal band around his head. She rushed to his side to do… something, she didn’t know what.

“Stark! _TONY_!! How do I get this off of him? It's going to kill him!” Lily yelled over the rest of the noise in the room.

Whatever it was stopped its screaming as it made it's way through the broken glass and resolved back into a Loki-shaped shadow that seemed to fill the space with a metallic whisper.

_“Loki… Stop running. We have found you. Let us in. You cannot hide from us. We know you inside and out. We know your mind. We have used your body and magics and will again. Give in to the chaos.”_

Energy blasts from the Iron Man suits seemed to pass through the thing with no damage, only to effectively melt away the walls behind it.

It moved through and around the line of suits sinuously.

“ _We are not finished with you. You still have use. We enjoy your rage, power, and… your magic._ ”

“No no no,” Loki moaned. Everything hurt and burned and shrieked. _This can’t be happening,_ he wanted to scream. _This is a nightmare, it is not_ real _!_

His fingers scrabbled at the metal that was squeezing his skull as if to shatter it. The shadow-fog tempted and coaxed, the voice in his head joining in the chorus- promising the sweetness of inflicted pain, the savory tang of unlimited power, the bright burn of vengeance.

“ _Think,_ ” it hissed, “ _nothing could hold you. Nothing could stand in the way of all your rage, your needs._ ”

The shape continued to shift around Stark’s blasts, seeming impossible to hit.

“ _Kill everyone who ever mocked you, just as you want…_ ”

Loki wanted to crawl out of his own skin. He was small, insignificant, powerless under the weight of the creature’s manipulation. The restraints’ toxins were making him sick, his arms shaking as he tried to fight both his mind and his body at once.

Loki sobbed, a plaintive, pathetic cry sounding in his head- a little boy calling for his brother to shield him from the storm. He was too weak, he could not do this, not him- Loki the deceiver, the villain…

Lily held Loki firmly by his arms and tried to get him to acknowledge her. “Who is this? What is it talking about? Loki?!”

She reached out with her mind, the way he had shown her to make her hands glow, just to see if she could find out anything that way. 

Immediately, she was overwhelmed with the voices and intentions of an immense multitude. Gasping, she grabbed her own head as a small trickle of blood ran from her nose.

Lily fell into a squat, mumbling, “Too much. Too much. Too much.”

He felt someone grab him, try to talk to him. He struggled to focus on the voice. Lily. _Lily_. The name whispered in his mind. She was here.

The black shadow paused in its path toward Loki. “ _Magic is being used here... but not the magic of Loki? We smelled this on the coin.”_

_She's in the way,_ the other part of him snarled.

Loki shook off the voice, forcing his gaze away from the creature to Lily, crouched on the floor holding her head. Anger surged in him, enough to give him the strength to push away from the island and stand between her and the shadow.

“ _Good, yes, come to us... Join us... We want you..._ ”

Loki swayed under the push of the words.

“Stark. Get her out of here- and get this shit off me- I can buy us some time-“

Tony grimaced, unseen behind his helmet. His suits were doing _nothing_ to this thing.  He shuddered, listening to JARVIS babble demoralizing statistics in his ear.  “That thing clearly wants you- I take those off and it gets you? Lots of offense, I'd rather it get your dead body.”

“It has been going off for some time now, the drugs will likely kill me anyway, once the adrenaline wears off. You are useless against this. I can help.” _I think_.

His knees shook, but he refused to collapse when it wanted to tear Lily to shreds to get to him. His head was near to exploding and he wasn't sure if the shadow wouldn't be just as happy with his body dead as alive. He watched it shift and coalesce around Stark's barrage, feeling as lost as he had on the Bifrost.

Lily reached out one hand to balance herself against Loki's leg, the millions of voices were still pushing inside of her mind, instead of the one she was expecting. Her skull felt like it was lined with glass shards.

“How do I turn it off?  Stark! I need his help,” she cried, looking at her still glowing hand as her fingers curled around the fabric of his trousers.

“ _Let us in,_ ” the shadow crooned to Loki. “ _There will be no more pain, no more fear, except what you can give to others. Let their blood run. We don't need them. Kill them and join us again. You will be free then._ ”

She couldn't listen to this anymore. Shakily, Lily managed to pull herself to her feet. She stood next to Loki and spoke after pausing to wipe blood from her mouth and chin with the back of her hand.

“ _Lies_!” she yelled, her voice breaking. “Loki. It lies about everything but wanting you. It's all lies!”

A red fog was creeping in along the edges of Lily's vision. She widened her stance so she wouldn't fall.  Her eyes sought out Loki's. When she could tell she had made contact with him, she whispered, “Don't trust it. Don't. Please...”

Tony fired a blast of electricity at the... _thing_ , and it was just as effective as his repulsors.  What the hell was it, anyway?  JARVIS hadn't found anything like it in the files, not even in the "super secret" SHIELD files he'd downloaded.   And while he was more than happy to let whatever it was use Loki's body as a chew toy, the megalomaniac was right- Tony couldn't let it hurt the woman.  He was running out of choices. 

“JARVIS, unlock sequence Reindeer-Beta-4293.”  He ignored JARVIS' statistical predictions of doom and reaffirmed the command, hoping that whatever hold the woman had on Loki was enough to keep him in line.

Air flooded into Loki's lungs as the restraints fell away.  He gasped, choking on it briefly as he remembered how to breathe unhindered. 

He raised his hands with a maniacal, euphoric grin.   “Oh yes.  Now we can play.”  

He was still shaky.  But he was free.  He found Lily's eyes once more. “Get to Stark.”  He pushed her carefully away, and split into a dozen of himself, scattering around the room.

“ _We know this trick, Loki,_ ” the thing hissed.  “ _We know which is your body- it is one of us, it cannot hide_.”

Loki rolled away as the thing made good on its promise, surging unerringly towards him.  He saw Lily stumble against Stark's suit. 

But it was too close now, so close and he was only narrowly avoiding it.  He couldn't let it touch him, drown him... could he?  The drugs from the restraints were coursing through his blood, it was hard to think, to plan. 

Loki let his illusions and protections fall as he dodged around, needing the energy, the space within him to fight this.  One by one, layer after carefully built layer peeled away, gaining back the power he needed- until the world tinged red from his Jotun eyes and he could feel the cold radiating off of his skin. 

He remembered the spell he needed and began to cast it-

“ _Come to us!_ ” the creature shrieked, looming above him like a tidal wave.

As Lily fell against Stark's armored suit she didn't know where look, between the darkness that was threatening Loki and Loki himself.  She almost didn't even feel the cold, stiff metal arm curl around her waist and try to pull her out of the room, she was so transfixed with the change that came over Loki. His skin turned a deep blue and his eyes began to shine like rubies. He appeared so real to her that he was almost glowing, even though her eyes were teary, he was clearly in focus.

“There you are. You're beautiful,” she said in an awed whisper. She smiled.

Then she noticed that Stark was dragging her out of the room and kicked and wiggled out of his grasp. “No! I'm staying,” she grumbled at him and crouched behind the kitchen island. “I'll stay out of the way, but I'm staying.”

Tony shrugged.  “Fine, stay here, don't steal the silver.”  He took a few steps back into the kitchen, just in time to see that thing reach out for Loki.  What the hell was going on with his skin?  Was that a side effect of the restraint system drugs?  “JARVIS, let's prime the big guns, okay?”

Loki was nearly done with his spell when the first shadowy tendrils wrapped around his fingers.  He cursed, trying to shake them off, his eyes filled with distracting tears. 

But there was no drowning, no losing of himself- not yet.  Ice crystals began to grow on the tendrils, appearing faster as they climber up the thing's "arm."  It slowed with a gnashing, grinding, inhuman sound.

“ _Big Guns primed, sir,_ ” JARVIS said in Tony's ear. 

Tony aimed at the creature by sight, the heat tracking had completely lost its lock.  The thing appeared to be freezing. 

The force of the blast from his palms caused Tony to stagger backwards, even in his suit- he hadn't been able to counter that yet in any of his designs. 

The blast shot through the thing like all the others, but this time, the thing appeared to shatter, black shards exploding through the room.

Loki stumbled back, gasping for breath, for stability.  He nudged a shard with the toe of his shoe, shuddering as it began to move towards the window.  All the shards began to move, occasionally melding with another if they got close, like drops of water on glass. 

Stark continued to blast the larger pieces.  Sooner than Loki expected, all the bits had slunk off through the broken window, leaving him in peace.  For now. 

When he could control the shaking in his hands, Loki rebuilt his illusions, enough to hold for now.  His stomach was sour and angry, his head a throbbing,  overtight drum. His heart fluttered irregularly.

But he couldn't collapse yet.  He staggered his way to the island.  “Lily?  Are you safe?”

Lily simply blinked in response. Her mind was trying, fairly unsuccessfully, to process what she had been seeing and feeling. She pulled herself upright and nodded.

“I'm safe,” she said. “You were... yourself, weren't you?” Lily hesitantly asked, reaching out and taking Loki's hands. Her finger drew a line across the back of his hand where she thought she had seen markings of some kind. “But what was that? I tried to... feel it out, but it was too much. It was a they. Did it hurt you?”

Loki swallowed hard against the bile in his throat.  Of course she had seen him, tainted blue and leaking bitter chill with bloody eyes.  He'd had no choice, though.  He looked down at her holding his hand, uncomprehending.  His head was swimming and his knees shook. 

Leaning against the island, he told himself that it was only because she didn't understand what she had seen.  As soon as she knew what he was, what “his people” had done...  Had he been himself?  He shook his head slowly, feeling drunk.  _Best not to try to figure out who I am, let's do that later,_ he thought. 

“I do not... I do not know what that was.  Something from- from the Chitauri, Thanos, it must be.  It is in-“  His stomach heaved at the thought. The floor seemed suddenly very far away from his feet as his vision blurred.  “It didn't hurt me, but I think… I need to lie down.  Maybe some water-“

“Yes, of course.” Lily stepped away from him just long enough to fill a cup at the sink and bring it back to him. Having something to do was good. She just had to focus on the cup and getting Loki to the sofa. She didn't have to think about her head hurting or what was actually going on. Just make sure everyone was OK.

Her arm slipped around Loki's waist. “Let's get you to the couch, then. You look wobbly. Hold on to the cup.” As they made their way to the couch in the destroyed living room, Lily "accidentally" stepped on the thin metal tiara that had fallen from Loki's head and crushed half of it under her foot.

“Sorry 'bout that. Not sorry,” she mumbled, then more loudly called out, “Mr. Stark? Are you alright?”

“I'm much better than my damn house, thanks for asking! You just keep Grouchy Smurf where I can see him. JARVIS! Damage report!” Tony shouted as he pulled off his helmet and crunched through the broken glass on the floor. He ignored the two as Lily laid Loki down on the couch, in order to pay attention to the problems JARVIS was listing.

Lily knelt down next to the couch and peered into Loki's pale face. She smoothed his hair away from his face and gazed at his sculptured features until she felt sure he wasn't having another attack. Then she settled into sitting on the floor and rested her forehead against the side of the seat cushion and shakily exhaled. “It's over, right? We're OK?”


	15. Chapter 15

As Lily began to relax, she had to squeeze her eyes shut against the tears threatening to fall.  “I think... that maybe might have been about the limit of adventure I can take at once, you know? I don't know what that was that wanted you. I… I tried to figure it out, but it was like it caught me... I couldn't turn the power off.” She scratched absently at the blood around her nose.

“But... but I did get to see you. So that's good... right?” Lily sniffed and raised her head a tiny bit to look at Loki. “I don't know why, but you were blue, and strong, and beautiful, and not hiding anything. Maybe some time you'll explain it.”

“It is...” Loki sighed, exhausted. “It is a long story. I will tell it to you later.” He stroked his fingers over her hair, savoring the soft strands under his touch. She looked so scared and shaken. “You were very brave. I am sorry it hurt you. It is gone for now and Thor should be back soon to protect you. Cannot imagine that thing surviving a blow from his hammer.”

Lily's stomach sunk. _Thor_ would be back to protect her? Why did it feel like she was being rejected even though he was being nice to her? Even if _she_ might be questioning what had happened the night before- the kiss, the fact that she crawled right into bed with him without pause- it hurt to realize Loki might be questioning her too.

“I do not know what that thing was, it felt familiar...” His eyelids were heavy and it would be easy to drift off to sleep, to let his body recover. But he couldn't take his eyes off Lily, pale and drawn. “I think there is a part of it living inside me.” He ran the tip of his finger down her nose, smiling a little as the familiar post battle giddiness fizzed in his veins.  “So brave to try and get answers from something like that. I knew you were something special.”

She met his gaze with her soft, brown eyes. “Maybe I'm brave and special enough I don't need a dog-fucker to protect me. I was OK today. And when my head stops hurting, I'm going to try and see if I can tell what all is hiding inside of you.”

Her words were cocky, but what she really wanted was to have Loki's cool hand against her throbbing temple and to feel safe to cry. “You, you just rest. You look like you're going to pass out again. I'll see if Stark needs any help in a minute.”

Loki laughed softly. “You were indeed magnificent today. Thor has many faults, but he is a powerful force. I was helpless against that thing...” He swallowed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Thor is made to protect people. I only bring trouble.” He shook his head. “I may not have any ‘powers’ in regard to the truth, but I know plenty about lies, darling. You come up here and forget Stark. He has enough robots to do his bidding, he does not need a lovely woman helping him. You need to rest.”

“Are you trying to flirt me into submission here? There's not room up there for me unless I lay on top of you,” Lily said with raised brows. “You most certainly weren't helpless or else we wouldn't be here. You changed and then you did... something. Whatever you did made it so Tony could blast them. So just stop that line of thinking right there. When you believe and say something that's so obviously wrong... well, it's not helping my headache any.”

“Flirting has worked so far,” Loki sniffed. “Now, I said ‘come here.’"

Lily picked up Loki's hand and pressed his palm against her forehead with a sigh. “I hope you don't mind. You're so cool and it feels so nice.”

He shifted to a sitting position with a muffled groan. If he had thought he had hurt the last time... how long had that infernal device tried to kill him while he struggled to stay conscious? His head swam and his heart ached. He didn't think that was because of the neurotoxins Stark had given him. He couldn't believe that Lily was sitting here, with him, after what she’d seen. Knowing how easily that thing could have overwhelmed him and... He shuddered to think what would have happened then.

Loki pulled her up to sit on his lap. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his arms around her, her weight steadying him, the feel of her making it easier to face what had happened.

 _She's still here, she's still here_ , echoed in his mind over and over, a soothing mantra.  It was easier to focus on that than on… other things.

“Your poor head...” he murmured, tucking her head against his neck. A bit of adjustment to his temperature control spell made that spot a little colder for her. “Good? I can use my seidr again, I can get you anything in the world you need to feel better.”

Lily didn't fight him as Loki picked her up and sat her on his lap like she was a child, because for some reason it just felt right. She nuzzled in against his neck, her head feeling better already. Her arms slid around his back and held onto his solidness. His arms were strong and real, in contrast to the nightmare-like creature they had just faced.

“I'm good now,” she murmured, her lips brushing against Loki's skin as she spoke. “You really would get me anything I asked for, wouldn't you? That's just astounding. But right now you make me feel safe and I think that's all I need. Thank you.”

Lily sighed and was quiet for a bit, the adrenaline started to wear off and leave space for her to breathe. She looked across the living room to see Stark going down to his lab. The sharp glare of the California sun on the broken glass that covered the floor made her wince and bury her face back against Loki again.

“You know, I never would have guessed you were a hugger when we met. You  kinda give off an aura that says you like your personal space.”

“I am full of surprises,” he mumbled. He stretched his neck until he heard a pop. He was exhausted, more than just physically. He felt crushed to pieces. What was even the point of protecting himself.  Stark wanted him dead and maybe Thor did too.  Loki was just a problem for him. The _thing_ would continue to track him and it was so powerful. It was only a matter of time before it killed him, or absorbed him, whatever it wanted to do.

What did it matter, trying to keep his heart safe when he was in so much danger already?

He was too tired to think much about the words he was saying.  “When I was young, I used to transform into animals to get people to touch me. Asgardians are not a ‘cuddly’ bunch, but I always wanted... tactile sensation. Never had enough... When I was older, I took lover after lover, just to touch their skin, feel their heartbeat under my fingers, trace their veins...” His hand rubbed up and down her back, humming low in his throat. “You are nice to touch. Soft, and soothing, and... honest. I did not know... until Thanos... how much a curse wanting touch could be.” It was hard to get the words out around the lump in his throat, the remembered pain aching in his body. “I thought I was free of him, of all that... but it seems like I never will be.”

The reality of his sadness caught like a pain in Lily's chest. She leaned back to look into his eyes. Even though she knew that she could just "feel" his veracity, she felt she wanted to see for herself. One of her hands came up from around Loki's back so that she could stroke the back of her fingers across his cheek. “Never is a long time. Lots of things can happen.”

She took a moment to run a hand over his shining hair to smooth it back and held his gaze with hers. “And I guess, until something happens, you've got yourself a mortal pet. You can't go around thinking that touch is a curse.”

He leaned into her caress and laughed. It felt very, very good to laugh, even as his body protested. “You are not supposed to let pets on the furniture, gives them ideas.” He leaned forward as he pulled her a bit closer with a hand on her back. A touch of his nose to her cheek and then he was kissing her, soft and slow. It steadied him, the tension in his shoulders finally fading away.

Lily was slightly startled that she had wound up kissing Loki again. But, oh was it nice. It was gentle, affectionate, and slightly needy, but never hesitant, the kind of kiss that begged for reciprocation. She relaxed against him as her heart pounded heavily in her chest.

“Ugh. JARVIS, get me a bucket, I'm going to throw up.” Tony grimaced and crossed his arms as he walked into the living room.

A tiny bit of a moan was escaping from her when Stark's sharp comment broke through and shattered the moment. Her cheeks immediately flushed pink at being caught kissing on the couch like a teenager and she scrambled to get off Loki's lap. “No... no... this isn't… well it _is_ , but it's not like that... well kinda, but no, no buckets... it's just... I'm not like... oh nevermind,” she babbled and eventually trailed off to stare at her lap.

The AI's voice filled the air. “ _Sir, there is a suitable container 2.5 meters from your current location. It will take me 10 minutes to get a robot to fetch it for you. May I suggest that you walk?_ ”

“Nevermind, JARVIS.” Tony waved his hand at the invisible voice. “Maybe I need to revisit your sarcasm module. Listen up, lovebirds. I was just downstairs checking a hunch about Tall Dark and Insane's blood, and let me tell you, that is the angriest vial of blood I've ever seen. Practically seething. Now I don't know about you and your life, but in my world, blood doesn't have emotions. And people don't turn blue- don't think we're not going to talk about that. I've been keeping this dystopian slumber party on the down-low as a favor to Thor- but I've got to call in the big guns after what just happened. I can't let that thing just wander around in Malibu.”

“But Mr. Stark, he's not people. Not like us. He's from Asgard. That's not your world. Just because Thor doesn't have angry blood and hasn't turned colors, doesn't mean he _won’t_. I mean, that could be totally normal for an Aesir. Right?” Lily looked at Loki for confirmation. “Right?”

Loki's heart was racing- and it had nothing to do with the way Lily had squirmed off his lap like a guilty lady-in-waiting.  He could not let Stark involve anyone else in this.  He stood up, putting some distance between him and Lily as he prepared to lie.  “The lady is correct, we Asgardians all have different forms. Thor's is pure lightning.”  He waved his hand, dismissing the issue with false confidence- somewhat undermined by the way his knees buckled under him and he clutched the back of a leather chair to stay upright.  “I am interested in what you said earlier, before the... incident. That something in the sample appeared to be sentient.” It would fit with his observations... Somehow that thing was also in his head, that hissing, violent voice that he couldn't escape.  It was a part of him or he was a part of it... “Let me see your research-“

“Oh no. Not in a million years.  This whole thing is sketchy as fuck and I'm giving you up.  Maybe Wanda can figure out what goes on in your head, she's good at making up stories... You'll like them, they all end up with people dead.”

Loki swallowed hard as the voice perked up at the mention of death.  But he seized the opening Stark gave him.  “Ah, the Witch.  I'm sure she will be very interested to hear about your invention.  The one to control magic-users.  It packs quite the punch, I assure you.  Very effective.  She will be thrilled.  It might even work on Bruce. Would he not be happy that you have a way to control his... urges?  Primitive, to be sure, brutal, but what government would care about that when they can have absolute certainty about their assets' subservience?”

Lily's eyes darted quickly to Loki when he agreed with her. She would have to ask him about the truth later it seemed, she just didn't think calling him out in front of Stark was the right thing to do at the moment. She held her tongue until she heard a familiar name.  “Wanda? We know Wanda, right? The one who sent us here? Yeah, she didn't seem like the happiest person to start with, nice enough, but twitchy.”

Shifting forward on the cushion, Lily braced her hands on her knees. “Ya know, guys, measuring your dicks isn't going to fix anything. If you don't want to play nice with each other, tough. It seems like until you do, we don't have any idea what that thing is, if it's going to decide that it wants other people besides Loki here or how to stop it, if and when it shows up again. I say we throw everything we know on the table and see if there are any connections. OK, so I know, it is a them. That wasn't a single entity, it was like... a hive. I also know it can effect powers like I have, or magic. It's made Loki sick both times I've been around it. That accounts for the fact that your invention went off and started to poison Loki, even though he wasn't using magic. It probably was around last night when he got sick too. And you guys say that it's probably the thing in Loki's blood that’s making it... angry? How do we find out what it is? If we knew where it came from or when and how it got into your blood, that might help narrow something down, right? Loki needs to answer those questions. You need to talk honestly. And Tony, you might have some ideas about what it is physically and if we have access to any way to make it go away for good. Since it's his blood, he might have a slightly better idea about what belongs in it. You need to listen.  I don't know enough about anything here to actually be of any use, but I can make sure that the ones that can do something, _do it_. I don't trust that waiting to be saved by a hammer will work if it shows up again.”

Tony grimaced. “I thought I signed your paychecks, lady. I should have you fired for insubordination.”  Enough had gone wrong lately. He didn't need the military breathing down his neck about his “disastrous, selfish decisions.” 

“Fine,” he sighed.  “Let's have a friendly little pow-wow about the eldritch horror.  It's not, as far as I can tell, terrestrial.  Its chemical make-up is all weird, but I can't swear that it's alien... All kinds of strange stuff has been surfacing these days.”

Tony walked further into the room while pulling up a display on his headset. Loki collapsed into the chair he'd been using to prop himself up, so in a fit of pettiness, Tony took the seat next to Lily, stretching his arm out on the back of the couch behind her. He crossed one leg over the other.  “I was looking into it downstairs, and whatever destroyed my kitchen is definitely related to what's in that Icee of a blood sample.  The question is, how did it get there?”

Loki scrubbed his hands over his face. “Thanos,” he rasped. “It must have...”  He looked at Lily, wanting to beg her not to make him tell this part, not to reveal to Stark what had happened.  But he knew she couldn't- shouldn't- help him avoid it. She was right. If they had any hope of keeping that thing in check, they needed all the information.

Lily had stayed leaning forward when Tony sat down and dropped his arm behind her.  She knew was he was up to, but if Loki was as upset as he seemed, why had he moved so far away, unless he was going to try to lie?

“It must have been when I was in Thanos’ prison.  I cannot remember, exactly. I was out of my mind with the pain... The fire... The… nightmares...”

Loki drew in a shuddering breath, closing his eyes against his better judgment.  He needed to put himself back there, to concentrate on what had happened. If anyone else had been in the room, he would have projected it with his magic, let them see instead of forcing himself to say the words.

But he would not make Lily watch that.  He took another breath and put himself back in that cell. 

“There was always so much fire, in and out...  There was a blackness, it was angry, hungry. It lurked in the corners of my cell, talking to me. I thought it was my mind playing tricks, the drugs helping them break me.  A-and then... I remember giant hands, holding me down while they whispered in my ear... There were more injections, but they felt different than the others... It didn't burn, it... it...”

He swallowed, chasing down the memory.  “There was some change in me. I couldn't turn it off, couldn't escape it, and I was _angry_ -“  He choked on his breath and opened his eyes, staring at Lily to ground himself. 

 _She's here, she's here,_ he repeated. 

He shook his head, scratching his nails down his face.  “It is still there, even after the healers purged the other drugs from my body.  I can hear it, all the time.  It calls out for the rest of it. It wants to cause pain.” 

Lily concentrated on his words as he spoke and returned his stare until her fingers began to softly glow again. Undoubtedly, his pain and fear were real.  When Loki dragged his nails down his face, she was off of the couch and gently pulling his hands away to hold them in hers. “That's enough. We got the idea. This Thanos guy had you prisoner and fed you whatever that thing is with the drugs he used to control you.”

She held out one golden hand toward Stark, while with the other hand gently stroked along Loki's fingers with her thumb. “See this glowing? That means I know he is telling the truth about it being extra terrestrial and about it being forced on him. Does that help you any?”

There were cracks showing in Tony Stark's facade as he listened to Loki speak. His dark eyes seemed large against his pale face. He mumbled softly, under his breath so low the other two didn't notice. “The black... lurking... falling... falling into the blackness...” And his world fell away.

When he realized that Lily was addressing him, his head jerked as if to clear his head and flashed a million dollar smile. “Oh, yeah dear, sure. Lots of help. Remind me to give you a raise. I should probably go look into that right now.” He leapt to his feet, eager to leave the room. This had taken a bad turn into his nightmares, although what was he expecting with fucking _Loki_ in his house _._ He needed some air. He needed a damn drink. Just before he disappeared, he said, “I'll be downstairs. I'll call you, don't call me. And, uh, Frosty, before we throw you outta here, we have a date. You. Me. Therapy couch. Pencil me in.”


	16. Chapter 16

Loki blinked until the haze of tears was gone and he could see Lily clearly. He should listen to what she was saying, but...

_Heimdall's fucking eyes, that feels good,_ he thought as she stroked his fingers. Not in a sexual way; her touch felt like finding his feet after being tumbled by the ocean. It was a curious sensation, one that made him want to close his eyes and relax. Relief, solidarity, safety...

He vaguely registered that Stark was speaking, but he was too busy collecting the pieces of himself to care. He didn't know why, whether it was aftershocks from what had happened, or because Lily was actively using her power while touching him, but he couldn't keep himself from rambling, “It is in me. It knows me. It knows all the... the... weak parts, all the ugly, monstrous parts. That thing... that thing is _in_ me and I... I have no certainty that I can keep it at bay again. Even now, it is talking, whispering about how good it would feel to- No, no. I am not strong enough to fight it like that again.” He shook his head, but his voice wavered and finally broke as he buried his face in her shirt. “How do I get it out?”

Lily's free arm cradled his head against her. She didn't know what to do except console him. “I... I don't know how to get it out. But we're working on it. And I think you are plenty strong. You took out half of New York in an afternoon and that was fighting against Iron Man. He's on your side this time. I'm on your side too, for the little that helps. You can tell me what it wants you to do, so I know what to look out for.”

Her voice trailed off and she held him quietly. Without even thinking about it, she turned his hand over in hers and began to trace letters on his skin, very softly with her fingertip. It was something she and her friends did when they were very young, spelling out messages that were too secret to even speak out loud and seeing if the other person knew what they were saying. Lily traced out WE ARE SAFE, TRUST ME, and I WILL HOLD YOU as she listened to her heart pound in her chest. She did it as much for herself as Loki.

Loki hated the way his shoulders shook. Hated the wetness wicked away by the cotton of her shirt. He couldn't seem to breathe right, either too shallow or too deep in the wrong rhythm. He was a god, dammit. He shouldn't be clinging to a mortal, near to sobbing like a babe. 

He was pathetic.  But his heart wasn't in the criticism. He was scared.  Terrified.  It was too much work to pretend that he wasn't.  And Lily was warm and soft...

He froze as she began tracing letters on his palm. He didn't dare move in case she would stop, but a small groan rose out of his throat. It was deeply satisfying in a curious way.  And, to his surprise, he believed her. He believed what she wrote on his skin, without the doubts that plagued him when she spoke.  His free arm rose to wrap around her waist and pull her just that much closer. 

“Lily...” He wasn't sure what to say. This vulnerability, helplessness, he wasn't comfortable with it, it itched under his skin to be so exposed, so honest.  He inhaled a last deep breath (oh, she smelled good) and sat back, looking around while he gathered himself.  “What was Stark talking about with pencils?”

Lily observed Loki when he let go of her and leaned back, watching to make sure he wasn't shaking anymore. No matter how comfortable she was with him, the thought of Loki getting so upset he became violent was terrifying. She still held his hand cradled his hers though. “Um... pencils? Oh. I think he meant that he wants you to plan on seeing a psychiatrist with him.”

When that utterly ridiculous statement came out of her mouth, she began to laugh, probably harder than she should have. The laughing relieved the tension in her shoulders. The sound attracted Huginn and Muninn and they flew into the room through the broken windows and settled, one on each side, on the back of Loki's chair.

“So where were you when we needed help?” Lily asked, still slightly giggly. “Were you off being gossips like Loki says you are or were you down at the beach eating everything that washed up in that storm last night?”

The two birds briefly glanced at each other and then Huginn let out a low croak that sounded exactly like a belch. Lily burst out laughing, this time even harder than the last. She leaned over and held her stomach and eventually just plopped to the floor, still laughing and holding Loki's hand.

“I told you they were useless beasts,” Loki said, bemused at her behavior. He squeezed her hand before letting go and turning to the most-likely-disease-carrying birds. “Well? For once your stupid chatter would be helpful, if only you would use your brains. Go peck at Thor, he is in the wrong place. As usual.” He threw up an arm as Muninn flapped his wings at his face and cawed. “I take that as a 'no.' Wretched creatures.” With a grimace, he shooed the ravens off his chair and down towards Lily. She actually liked them.

He conjured a coin, doing small illusions with it, just to remind himself that he could now. He finally looked around, his head feeling clearer and steadier. The destruction was impressive for such a short engagement. If what Lily said was true- well, of course what she said was true and Stark couldn't lie to her... Stark was "on his side this time." That seemed a bit far-fetched, he doubted Stark would ever care for him in any capacity. But Stark had seen what was after Loki and could not pin this on his presumed megalomania.

Lily idly stroked Muninn’s back. She watched Loki toy with the coin in fascination. If she really concentrated, it was like she could almost see _how_ he was changing the illusions, it was like he was weaving or braiding threads of seidr as they flowed from his long fingers. She didn't notice herself sigh as she thought she could watch this all day long.

The broken window tugged at a memory, one that was fuzzy and indistinct. He had... talked to Stark, in New York, he thought. Stark had offered him a drink then he had... thrown him out the window?

The thing in his head giggled at the memory and it chilled Loki's blood to hear it. He stood up and walked to the kitchen, bits of glass on the floor glowing green and floating behind him as he repaired the window.

Lily was surprised when the glass floated up in the air and began to piece itself back together. She had no idea how he was doing it. This was real magic and not just an illusion.

She got to her feet and touched the once shattered window. “You are amazing. And fickle. When I was going to help clean up you said Tony didn't need help. I couldn't do this anyway. But maybe you're done for now? Your eyes look very tired.”

“Spells do take more energy than illusions.  As to help, well... You were clearly distressed.  You are my pet, I have to take care of you.”  He flashed Lily a charming smile and a wink, somewhat ruined by the unexpected yawn he tried to stifle.  “Perhaps I am more weary than I thought. Do you think Stark is planning on using his- what did you call it- ‘psychiatrist’ on me now, or can I sneak a nap first?  What sort of contraption is that?” 

He shrugged, looking around the rest of the kitchen. His hot chocolate mug was still on the counter, with a large crack down the side.  He sighed, wistful.  It had been delicious.  His head ached and he rubbed his temples where the metal band had been. 

“I do not wish to be experimented on again.”

“You're not going to get experimented on. A psychiatrist isn't scary unless you are, it's just a doctor for... thoughts and emotions, I guess.  And one would never want to let go of you if they ever got a hint that you think that pet thing is anything but a joke,” Lily teased back. She was caught by his profile and became quiet.

There was no doubt he was handsome, almost classic looking. The way a god should be, she guessed. He was excitement, danger, adventure, and sex on wheels. Even just hanging around with him willingly was almost utmost rebellion against human beings in general. He had already offered her anything she wanted.

She should be riding this whole experience like a roller coaster, so why did she just want to take care of him and make him smile more. She wanted to kiss the spots on his temples that he kept touching until they stopped bothering him and to lay his head on her lap while he slept.

Lily's head shook to clear her thoughts. This was dangerous thinking about someone like Loki. But she knew that if she had the chance, she would kiss him back until her heart hammered in her throat again.

She suddenly spoke to break out of her reverie. “Hey! Are those _dimples_ I saw? The god of chaos has dimples?”

“Of course I do. They are very useful- see? Menacing,” he said, putting on a dangerous face and stalking towards her. When he was within arms reach, he smiled. “Adorable and innocent. No one would suspect that I was the one who put paint on Thor's head with this face. Admittedly, it was slightly more believable when I was five...” He laughed as he wrapped his arms around Lily and pulled her close. He whispered gleefully, “It was purple paint. He looked like a grape for two days!”

He put his forehead to hers, closing his eyes and breathing in her scent. “You are aware that the 'pet thing' is a joke, yes? You seemed to have changed my mind quite thoroughly about mortals. I see the appeal-“ The rest of his flirting was cut off by another yawn. “Ymir's balls, I cannot stop doing that. I suppose it is a minor miracle that I am still standing at all, after that thing of Stark's was going off so long. I cannot feel my toes. Come along, I need someone to make sure all Thor's junk does not avalanche and smother me in my sleep.”

_Does he know?_ she wondered. Did he know just how hard it made her heart pound when he leaned his forehead against hers and inhaled like she was some kind of gourmet cake or rare flower? How hard it made it to even think about anything but him, like how his smile was comforting and infectious, but that glare he gave her... was the shiver that went through her fear or something else?

She took a deep breath of her own and stepped out of his arms to pick up her bag. “OK. I guess I'll come along as a body guard, if you think you need one. I doubt if you do though, I mean, for as believable as your dimples are, that menacing face is awfully damn effective. Pretty sure if you just stared at Thor's things they would stay away from you. I know I'd back away slowly and not make any sudden movements.”

Lily turned and made her way up to the bedroom. She stood by the bed and dropped her bag on the floor. Crawling into bed right away would just make her seem way too eager for... well, just too eager in general, so she waited for Loki.

As he walked, he looked down at his slept-and-battled-in outfit. _Time to get out of this_ , he thought. He conjured himself a soft shirt, green tunic, and pants with a sigh.  He rolled his shoulders, the seidr flowing through him a soothing contrast to the fire in his blood from the drugs.  The thing hissed in his brain, just as happy with his power, if less pleased by its application. 

Loki rubbed his fingers on his chin as he thought.  The larger version of it had been slowed by the cold- his Jotun body certainly put out enough of it.  Would it kill the part inside of him, if he lived as a Jotun long enough? Or would it adapt? He shuddered at the idea of being that hideous shade of blue all the time. 

Lily was standing at the foot of the bed and he took a moment to admire her.  The thing gnashed and snarled, speeding his heart rate and making his palms sweat.  It hated her.  It knew that as long as Loki clung to her and her sunny hope, he would not give in easily.  Loki took a deep breath.  It would kill her given the chance, and Thor after her, to get to Loki’s power.  Thor could handle himself, he knew. 

But Lily... He should push her away.  He should make sure that she hated every bit of him. To keep her safe.

_But not now,_ he thought with a twinge of guilt. He couldn't bring himself to do it now.  Instead, he grabbed her from behind and tossed her onto the mattress, falling into it after her. 

Lily let out a startled squeak when she bounced on the mattress.

“How is your head?  What was it like, touching that thing?  I suppose we should give it a name, instead of forever calling it ‘the thing.’”

“If you were worried about my head, you wouldn't have thrown me like that,” she giggled as she rolled onto her side to face Loki. Sobering up, she spoke a bit more quietly, “Touching it was... loud, like thousands of voices all screaming different things. I don't have real words to describe it, but it was sharp and angry and painful. It was like having my head too full. My skull couldn't hold it all.”

She sighed and touched her head. “The worst was that I felt like it was enjoying hurting me. And you want to name it. Pffffffft. Sometimes I forget that I now live in a world where everyone needs a superhero name and a nemesis.

“Sharp and angry and painful,” Loki murmured. “Yes, that is how it feels. Vicious and vindictive and... I have had lovers who liked to cause some pain in bed, said it made them feel transcendent. This thing, though... when it thinks about causing pain or does, it is the most sublime feeling, like... like the most delicious food and the best orgasm and finding your place and purpose in the universe all at once. It is as if your body does not exist, just a constant circuit of pleasure and gorging yourself on it... I remember it clearly, and I wish to any higher power that I did not.” He drew in a shuddering breath, his stomach twisting. The memory made him sick. “I need to name it, not like naming a babe, but as if it is a disease. I need a diagnosis, some touchstone to steady myself with.”

“You say it's in you, so why don't _you_ ask it what its name is? If it showers and sleeps with you, you'd better be at a stage in your relationship where you can know its name, otherwise that's just rude. Evil can have mitigating factors, but rude is just inexcusable.”

It was so much easier to joke about things than to try to wrap her brain around her current situation.

She ran her finger up and down the soft cloth of his sleeve. “I see you found pajamas. New outfit, huh? It's nice... I mean I can't imagine you ending up wearing one of the fifty surf shop t-shirts in that closet.”

Another breath grounded Loki and he smiled at her. “Thor dresses like a trash heap. It is one of the ways you can tell that I am the superior brother.”

“It's a contest, is it? Who's better? I get it now.” Lily smiled back and kept stroking his soft sleeve up to his shoulder. “A contest... a game... when I was a much younger geek, we used to play this game, D&D. There was a monster in it that kinda reminds me of that thing that was just here. They were telepathic and could mind-blast people or know what they were thinking or make them slaves with mind control. It was a Mind Flayer. I never did manage to ever kill one in a campaign. There was something about using blood and chaotic spells that I never quite got. If something like that is inside of you... phew.”

She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, thinking. “Can I try something before you fall asleep? I just want to ask a question. OK?” Her hand brushed across his cheek, slid down his jaw and settled lightly against the side of his neck with her thumb resting on his pulse point.

“Do you want to hurt me right now?” Lily's hand subtly glowed as she spoke. She hoped she knew what his real answer was. She wanted to see if she could tell the difference between what he thought and the monster thought.

His voice caught in his throat. _No,_ he wanted to say, _I don't want to hurt you. But yes, I do, to keep you safe. No, I only want to take you somewhere spectacular and see you smile like you did on Asgard.  Yes, I want to kiss you until your lips are swollen and bruised._

The thing- _the mindflayer_ , Loki liked that name- the mindflayer whispered how easy it would be to crush her wrist and snap her neck. It reminded him of the sweet smell of blood and the musical sound of bones cracking. How good it would feel to give in to rage, to let himself lose control.

_No, I don't want to hurt you but it does, and I have to hurt you first so that you're not tortured or killed,_ he thought helplessly. 

His skin still tingled from where she had stroked down his cheek. He was hyperaware of her thumb on his pulse, like a brand. 

_Kill,_ the mindflayer coaxed while his body cried out _kiss_.

“No,” he finally managed, his voice low and rough.  “It does. But I will not let it.”

“I know,” she said softly. “But now I know what its truth sounds like versus yours.”

She lifted her hand from his neck and laid her head on the pillow. “And I will stop glowing at you and get to protecting you from the pile of X-box controllers and roller skates on this side of the bed.” Lily gave him a tiny smile, then closed her eyes. “I thought you wanted a nap.”

Though Lily sounded flippant, she hoped that he knew that she could only be that way because she trusted him. Even though he sounded like he was almost afraid of himself sometimes, she still trusted him. A low and mostly self-addressing whisper fell from her lips, “You might not believe it, Loki, but you're a good person.”

_My silly mortal, if you knew how much I am not..._ He swallowed against the sudden lump of salt in his throat. “What in all the realms is an ex-box?” he muttered under his breath.

He traced her features with his eyes, memorizing her face, the curve of her hip as she lay on her side. She was relaxed, peaceful, in a way that Loki could not imagine being even though his entire body ached with exhaustion. When he thought she was asleep enough, he ran his fingers down her cheek, over her shoulder.

How did she manage to twist everything about him to be a positive? He really did feel like a good person when she looked at him the way she did, when she accepted whatever awful thing he told her about.

_If she knew all of it, though... how fast would she run away then?_ His chest tightened. He would have to show her. But as much as he knew he had to push her away, the idea stabbed at him like a spear. He had never been one to hesitate in a relationship- he fell in (and out) of love quickly... still, it surprised him just how much Lily had wrapped herself around his heart in such a short time.

It wasn't just lust. He honestly wasn't sure how he would cope without her good humor and optimism and belief in him. Maybe he could talk to Stark and Thor, have them hide her somewhere safe that he didn't know about. Would that be enough to protect her from the mindflayer? If he locked away all the thoughts and little daydreams about her- after all, the mindflayer didn't know if he was telling the truth. If he told it that she was dead to him- he could make it believe.

He looked up at the ceiling, conjuring an illusion. _Hm, the nose isn't quite right... and the calves, no..._ He adjusted it, looking back between it and Lily until it was perfect. At least, whatever he had to do, he would have this. The room glowed green as the illusion dissipated.

He shifted onto his side and pulled Lily close, turning her to spoon against her back. If only he wasn't so exhausted... was his last thought as he drifted off.


	17. Chapter 17

A few times in her sleep, Lily shifted closer to the warmth against her back or pulled an arm more firmly around herself, but she slept through until the afternoon sun was glaring in sharply through the windows. She tried to blink her eyes open, but it was too bright and she buried her face into the pillow. Her headache was almost completely gone, the sky didn't have to go and try to make it come back again like that.

She noticed the arm tight around her and Loki's large hand resting remarkably comfortably high on her stomach. Her hand slid to cover it, giving him a slight squeeze, then absently tracing his fingers, knuckles, and along the tendons that ran to Loki's wrist. It was so nice to just lay curled up like this. They seemed to fit together. She could never have laid like this with Brian. His knees were in the wrong spot and always dug into the back of her legs and then he would lay his feet on hers and the way his ankle bones always smacked into hers was annoying. Brian's breathing so close to her ear had always bothered her too, but Loki's breath was soft, steady and calming.

Lily decided to just stay the way she was so she didn't disturb Loki. Hopefully, the sleep would do him some good. It wasn't like she had anywhere to be or anything to do. It had been a long time since that had happened, so she might as well enjoy it. Her mind drifted into that place between being awake and dreams and she thought about the things that she hadn't dared to think about consciously, like how solid his chest felt against her shoulders. Or about how her backside was pressed up against him, enough so that if she shifted her weight or rocked her hips in the slightest, he would surely notice it, even in his sleep. Or even about how amazingly soft the back of his hand was as she kept touching it. There were a million things that she hadn't been thinking about so that she wouldn't find herself falling for Loki, like the taste of his kiss, or the sound of his voice. The voice that she felt all the way down her spine when he spoke her name.

He resisted the pull of consciousness as long as he could, trying to remain in that comfortable darkness. He was disoriented- the bed smelled like Thor... And a woman... Well, it wasn't the first time he'd fucked someone in Thor's bed, he admitted.  He shifted, half asleep, pressing his hips forward.  His hand twitched, about to slide down his partner's stomach- did he know her name?- but she was holding it.   He came awake all at once on the realization that he _did_ know where he was and that he was about to sleepily grope Lily. In Thor's room.  He kept his breathing even, quiet.  Would that work?  Would she slap him away and get righteously angry that he would make such advances?  He could use that to show her how terrible he was and that she would be safer away from him... He took a deep breath, burying his nose in her hair.  She was so warm and soft, and he had to consider the possibility that she _wouldn’t_ be offended and then what would he do? Besides enjoy himself immensely...

Lily was suddenly fully awake when she felt Loki's hips press further against her. His hand twitched too. For a moment she was almost afraid that he knew what she had been thinking and she froze.

But his mouth felt stuffed with cotton and he smelled of sour sweat.  He sat up with a groan.  “Must bathe. Smell like the inside of a dwarf's forge,” he rasped as he staggered stiffly to his feet. “Might just drink bath instead.”

She reached out her hand to him as he walked to the bathroom. “W-wait,” she mumbled as he went into the bathroom and shut the door.

Did he hear her or not? Either way, Lily flopped heavily onto her back and slammed a fist into the mattress. “Idiot!”  She didn't know if she was an idiot for letting herself get in this mess or for not wanting to get out of it right away.

Since it was too early to drink, she went down to the kitchen to see if she could figure out how to work the Baroque Steam Punk Monstrosity that Tony used for coffee. Once she got something made, she wandered around the living room, randomly touching things with a slightly glowing fingertip and whispering to herself.

Loki slid the glass door closed behind him, stepping under the hot water.  He tilted his head back and opened his mouth under the spray.  He hadn't put any soap in his pocket dimension before he had started on the cursed errand, he'd have to use whatever Thor had left. Opening his eyes, he read the labels of the half dozen bottles littering the built-in ledge.  He unscrewed the lid on a few to sniff them and, with a grimace, chose one made with whatever a "mango" was.  He scrubbed it into his hair, admitting that it did make a nice lather. 

He wanted to be disdainful, but he found himself not really caring.  If he were truly honest with himself (and he glanced around just to be sure Lily hadn't snuck up and started glowing at him) he had never truly disliked mortals or thought them weak. But Thor loved them and so Loki had to set himself up opposite.  Different.  Other.

He sighed, rinsing the shampoo from his long hair.  Wasn't that the truth now. A frost giant, carrying around an alien thing inside him. Hard to imagine being more "other" than that. He rested his head on the cool tile, listening to the mindflayer hiss.

_Did you kill Nord?_ he asked it, curious what would happen. He'd never tried... talking to it before.  The mindflayer showed him exactly what it had done to Nord in its search for Loki.  Loki bent over, nearly retching, at the lust-filled _joy_ in its memory.

He emptied his stomach on the wet white floor when it showed him what it wanted to do to Lily.

He shook his head, standing on shaking legs. That sealed it. He had to get away from her. From everyone. Why wasn't Thor back yet? Stark was good, yes, but he'd feel much better knowing Thor could smash his brains out with Mjolnir if it came to it. 

Loki blinked. That had to be the strangest thought he'd ever had on his own, but it rang true. He'd rather die like that, if he had his choice.

He finished soaping and rinsing his body quickly, then stepped out to dry off and create a suit with a simple black jacket and a forest green shirt.

He liked watching Lily as she wandered around, softly glowing. It made his heart ache in a beautiful way.  When he had himself under control- and had reminded himself what was at stake- he said “Exactly how many of Stark's possessions are fake?  Can I be there when you tell him?”

Lily hadn't been touching things with any real purpose, she was testing out her power, fascinated with this new perspective. She was focused on a book in her hand when Loki's warm voice startled her.

“Oh! Hey! Sure. It's not as bad as it could be, I guess.”  She pointed at a large abstract sculpture in the corner. “Like, _that_ thing is actually real and worth something to people without taste. But what's cool is, I think I'm getting much better at this already. This book... is a very real and beautiful leather-bound first edition with amazing hand tooling and gilding. The marbled end pages, here... look at the colors. But everything written on these pages is a fraud. I know nothing about, what is it about, black body radiation or the author or anything, but somehow, I just know that every single idea in here was stolen from someone else's research. It's not just real or fake, lies or truth. I'm starting to be able to figure out more. You can show me more, right?”

She bounded over to Loki, holding the book out to him. In her excitement at sharing, she forgot about how awkward she felt earlier.

Once she was in front of him, she reached out and touched the back of her hand to his cheek. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask until I know if you're feeling better. Did the nap and shower help? Your head's OK?”

“The nap helped immensely.”  The swell of pride in his chest when she skipped over to him was a welcome surprise.  He would never have thought that watching someone else discover their magic under his guidance would feel so... satisfying.  He took the book from her, flipping through the pages idly. “I would not have known any of that about this book.  Verbal lies, I can detect, based on body language and tone.  But published lies?  No.” 

He closed the book, putting it down on the nearest surface, an idea starting to form in his mind.  “The best lies are a mix of truth and deception.  In fact, the best lies are nearly all truth- just not everyone's truth.  You already know that- you have said that it makes your head hurt when I believe something that you think is not true.  How much does the deceiver's belief factor into your power?  I wonder, is it tuned to some sort of universal Truth, like a compass finding North?  Or will it falter if the speaker believes in what they are saying entirely?”  He pulled Lily over to sit on the couch and then, with a twinge of annoyance at needing to do so, spoke to the air. “JARVIS?”

_“Yes, Mr. Laufeyson?”_

"Loki will be fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “Can you show Lily coverage from the Chitauri invasion?  Newscasters, experts, commentary- that sort of thing.”

_“Certainly, Mr. Laufeyson.”_

_Damn that robot,_ he thought.  “Listen to what they are saying.  How much of this is true?” 

Video popped up from the coffee table, projected into the air.  He forced himself to watch as well.  If he was going to make Lily to relive bad memories in order to make her hate him, he might as well hate himself too.  The mindflayer hummed with disgusting satisfaction.

Lily sat next to Loki and wondered at his choice of subjects for doing this. The attack was something they obviously had to get over, not wallow in.

The newscasters had gotten more and more hysterical as the footage grew more gruesome. Concentrating on it was difficult. Eventually Lily squeezed her eyes shut, just listening and grabbed Loki's hand to keep her grounded.

After a few minutes, Lily hung her head and said in a muted voice, “JARVIS. You can turn it off, please.”

_“Certainly, Miss.”_ With a brief electric snap, the pictures and voices stopped.

Her eyes were wet as she looked up at Loki.  “I don't know why you would want me to watch that. There's plenty of other things I could have looked at. But now I think I get it. It's hard to work around emotions, isn't it? So...” Her voice shook a tiny bit at the next part. “Everything they showed was true as far as it being that it really happened, but the analysis was all wrong. Some of the people believed what they were saying, but they were speaking without knowing any facts. Others were confused and had no idea what was going on and were just saying what they were being told to say. It was like watching a movie with the wrong voice track. “

Lily took a deep breath and took Loki's other hand too. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for me and all of us. None of us knew. It just seemed so obvious that you were just... evil. We were wrong and most of us still are. I'm sorry, someone should have noticed things were just wrong. I could try and fix it, but I don't know if anyone would believe me. “

She had trouble keeping eye contact with him. Some things were much more wrong than others, but what Loki had been through was the wrong that was in front of her at that moment, so it was what she was dealing with.

“Evil or not, wrong or not, I _did_ those things. That was me. I controlled men's minds, I-“ he choked briefly on the words, because it hadn't felt like him during that time- it had felt like he was a passenger in a body that someone else was driving. “I hurt people, I destroyed buildings- and that was just that day. You know as well as anyone that the aftermath took even more of a toll on your people.”

Loki shook his head. Pulling his hands away from hers was harder than he would have thought. He stood up and began to pace. How could she _apologize_ to him? As if he hadn't been directly responsible for ruining her life and countless others.

“They spoke the truth, as they knew it. You knew it then too- you should remember it now. I did that and I can do it again. “

Why was it so hard for him to do this? He had no problem throwing out barbs and back-handed compliments to wound Thor (it was almost second nature) so why was it so difficult to do the same to Lily? He should be able to tear her down in three sentences, have her run from the room crying- but he couldn't. He'd have to try something else instead.

Lily's eyes widened as she saw, and felt, Loki change. He filled out his suit slightly differently and his eyes... they shone like lights on a Christmas tree.  Just like during the fight with the mindflayer, it suddenly felt like he was hiding nothing from her.

“It's in my blood. My people- they are bloodthirsty savages, cruel and terrible.” A line of magic shimmered across his body and in its wake, he was left blue and marked with ridged patterns. “Not Asgardian, like Thor. Jotun. Monsters that hunted humans for sport before Odin defeated them. He found and took me with him, but blood will tell, as they say...”

She stood up and grabbed his hand again. “This is _you,”_ she whispered, staring. Her fingers were drawn to the patterns across his skin. “Sooo pretty, as blue and as cold as the sky in a Chagall painting. This is what I saw earlier. You're a Frost Giant. The books got that bit right then. We just assumed they were wrong because you showed up with an Asgardian brother. I always thought Giants would be, well.... giant, but who am I to judge?”  Smiling, she looked up into his face and teased, “And yeah, I get it, humans are animals. I got it before. Can I ask? These markings... what are they? May I see?”

He hissed, jerking back from her touch.  “I don't know what they are.”  But, fucking Helheim, it felt right when she touched them.  He stepped away, crossing his arms and snarling, “Don't touch me. Your stupid magic makes it hard to regulate my temperature spell at the best of times, I'm like to give you frostbite or freeze you into a block of ice if you can't keep it under control.”

_Ah, there's the venom,_ he thought distantly, hugging himself.

How dare she. How _dare_ she just... accept this. How dare she not even _blink_ at his hideous blue skin or the waves of chill radiating from him. How dare she call him 'pretty' and not monstrous.  Did she just not understand?  Had mortals completely forgotten the horrors of the Jotun? Did they not threaten their children with their legacy?

“You don't know anything,” he snapped.  “Even a runt Jotun is a danger. Ask Thor, he spent years wet-dreaming of slaughtering them all. We're a cursed, evil race and nothing in my life has shown me otherwise, including your tricks. “

“Wha...?” Lily recoiled, shocked and more than a bit hurt by Loki's sudden change. She soon got her feet back under her and placed her fists hard against her hips and glared back at him. “ _My tricks_? Excuse me? I don't know what brought this attitude problem on, but please forgive me for not being suitably terrified of you. You are an actual walking talking _fairy tale_. You brought a seriously freaky alien army and attacked my home. I coped. You showed back up and I started glowing instead of you, for some reason. I coped. You took me through a doorway in an alley to another _planet_ and I took it in stride. You turned into a bird and a puppy and I was thrilled. How is the fact that you turn blue and chilly suppose to make me think you are cursed and evil? If you were going to scare me, it would have happened before I let you use me as a human body pillow!” Sarcasm dripped from her voice as she continued, “Thor throws fucking _lightning_ around, Captain America came back from the _dead_ , that giant green Hulk was climbing buildings like King Kong, that mindflayer thing... those all seems more like curses to me!”

She let out a deep, loud sigh. “What is the real problem here? It's not that I was interested in you. I mean, we just got out of _bed_.”

“Yes, I expect you to be scared of this.” His voice got low, urgent, sibilant. He dropped his hands to his side in fists, ignoring the way she looked when he had snapped at her, ignoring the pain in his chest. “I _killed_ because of this. When I found out what I was, I plotted to destroy Jotunheim- to slaughter every man, woman, and child there. I killed my blood father for this curse. I tried to kill Thor. I killed myself when it all fell apart. No drugs, no mindflayer, no blackmail- just _me_. I did that. So yes, silly mortal, I expect this to be the last straw for your... 'coping.'”

He thought the red might hide the tears stinging his eyes, might lend more malice to his words than he really felt. He let the mindflayer's emotions slip into his voice, just a little. “You said: this is me, not hiding anything from you. So, girl,” he nearly choked on the word, but forced it out coated with disdain, “this is me. A murderer. A genocidal maniac. I didn't even need Thanos' ‘help’ for it.”

Loki's voice alone brought goosebumps up all along Lily's skin. Her heart hammered in her chest. He was right. She was scared, but strangely, not for the reasons he was expounding on. She was afraid this was the end, that she would never get the chance to understand how what he had done fit in against what she could see was the 'true' Loki.  In less than two days Lily had somehow managed to not only accept, but embrace being next to this man, at least for this adventure.

Had she failed somehow? Had she done something wrong?

“Why?” she asked, her voice wavering a bit. “Why are you doing this now? Why not yesterday or even better, before you decided that you were all gung-ho about me coming along? You didn't haul me through Asgard and stand up to Freyja, only to try to traumatize me in Malibu. If you tell me you're just being honest, that's garbage.”

She stepped forward, advancing on him, her body language strong despite the wet shimmering in her eyes. “You aren't going to tell me are you? Because you think that my stupid magic will give you away if you say anything. So be it. I'll bet it can give you away anyway.”

Despite his warnings, Lily slapped her brilliantly, glowing hands flat against his chest.

Loki rocked back on his heels, breathless. His eyes worked differently in this form, more heat and less color- and when Lily had approached him, she was blazing across every spectrum. He could see the heat of her body, the now saturated color of her hair and skin and clothes, and the corona of magic around her, hot and bright. When she touched him, he felt as if she was in his brain, his truths lit up with glowing outlines while his lies lurked dark and green. It was too much, too raw and honest, and he threw up his Aesir illusion to shield himself from... himself. He looked down at his pale, markings-free hands in relief. He could not bear to be blue any longer. Guilt swirled through him, heavy and hot, but he couldn't back down now.

After a second, she slipped to the floor, crying into her hands. She felt the literal truth about the things he said he did, but there was so much more going on, so much he wasn't saying. And now that she knew how the mindflayer 'sounded', she could hear it. It was sickening.

He wanted desperately to go to Lily, gather her in his arms, and whisper apologies into her neck until she laughed in exasperation and tried to push him away. But the image from the shower of her mangled body rose in his mind, as did the memory of the mindflayer's ecstasy.

“You...” she cried. “You owe this silly mortal an explanation. If there's even a whiff of you avoiding it, I swear to God that I will make it my life's work to follow you around yelling ‘Bullshit!’ every time you open your mouth. I'm pretty sure Stark and Thor would be willing to help me make that happen.”

Lily ignored her tears and stared up at him.

“I... can't,” he rasped, throat thick with held-back tears of his own. “You have to go...” He clenched his hands into fists, trembling. He was sure everything he felt was written on his face- it always happened when he was too emotional, despite his best efforts. “Please...” His voice cracked on the last word, a broken, pleading syllable.

“I have no idea about what happened between the time we laid down and now, but, fine,” Lily said flatly and wiped her face off with her hands, revealing a very poor attempt at a stoic face. She was trying to hide so much, if he wouldn't share, she wasn't going to let him see her being confused, rejected, and stunned by the almost impenetrable maze of lies and truths that made up Loki.  She was sure her face was as distressed as Loki's was.

She needed some sort of normalcy.

“JARVIS?” she asked as she stood up. “Will you tell Tony that I am going out?”

She expected the AI's polished accent, but instead was barked at by Stark himself from out of thin air. “Hey, dear! Whoa there on the goin' out. That's a no-go. I'm babysitting you for Point Break. Something wrong? Did your boyfriend flip out again?”

“No. I just need to go... to the store. And I don't have a boyfriend,” she stammered.

Tony laughed. “No, you don't need to, beautiful. Just tell Uncle Tony what you want. I can get you anything in the world and have it delivered.”

“Anything? I've been offered that plenty lately, but I really just need to get some... girl things.”

“Uh, that's all you then.” His tone suddenly changed from flirty to uncomfortable. “Thor's allowance is in the table next to the front door. Should be plenty of cash in there.  The garage is open, take any car you want but the Audi and in exchange, don't go into any details about your shopping. Bye.”

Lily rolled her eyes but went and picked up her bag and kicked her shoes on. She completely ignored Loki, afraid that if she even looked at him right now, she would break down again. As she headed out the door, she slipped her hand into the drawer of the entry table and was rewarded with a bank envelope that was fairly heavy with cash.

“No guilt,” she whispered to herself, as the door shut behind her, “I earned this.”


	18. Chapter 18

Loki crumpled to the floor after the door clicked shut, sitting in a haphazard sprawl. He stared numbly at the floor between his legs as tears ran unchecked down his cheeks. He couldn't stop seeing Lily's face, hurt and confused.

Finally, he heaved himself up and asked the air, “JARVIS, where did Thor put his liquor?”

“ _I do not understand the question, Mr. Laufeyson.”_

“Buri's salty balls, I _told_ you, just ‘Loki,’” he snarled, stalking back to Thor's room. “Thor's liquor, he must have brought some from Asgard. Nevermind, I will find it myself.” He headed straight for the closet, filled as Lily had said with hideous floral and surfboard patterned shirts. Loki dug around a bit in the back until he felt the distinct shape of a bottle neck. He found two unopened bottles and one half full. “Oh Thor. You must find a less predictable hiding spot.”

He paused, then with a smirk, he tucked the unopened ones in his pocket dimension. He pulled the cork on the bottle still in his hand and took a long gulp. The mead burned down his throat, not meant to be drunk like this, but he didn't care. He sat down on the bed, downing another swallow.

This was what he had wanted. He had driven her off. She was gone. Safe.

But... deep down... he hadn't thought she would really go. The tears stung his eyes again and he scrubbed them away before drinking more. He had done what he had to. He had to. His heart ached. He had driven away the only person willing to see him as something other than a monster, even himself.

He felt lighter with her, calmer, steadier... and he had forced her away instead of just telling her... And she would have believed him, he knew that. He'd fallen back into the paths worn in his mind, the ones he'd laid down in his youth. Throw up walls, spit out insults, drive away anyone who got too close. Better to be alone with this pain than vulnerable to someone else's knife.

The room was swimming pleasantly now, the bottle nearly empty. He was alone; he'd been alone before, he knew the shape of it.

This was what he wanted, he kept telling himself.

He could handle this alone. It was better that way. Lily would have only been a liability.

Then why couldn't his lungs take a full breath, why was his chest so tight, and his heart hurting so much?

He wanted this. He wanted this.

***

Lily looked around the showroom that passed as Tony's garage and climbed into a shiny, red Shelby convertible. She started the car, muttering, “Jesus, Stark, why don't you have a Honda or a Kia or something normal to drive?”

Pulling out on Pacific Coast Highway, she calmed down enough to process what had just happened. Loki was obviously trying to hide something with his blustering. Being blue couldn't be that big of a deal could it? Maybe she had gotten too comfortable and pushed his boundaries too far? She thought back on how he had pulled her into his lap and kissed her earlier, her heart thudded at the memory. That kiss hadn't been full of lust or passion, it had asked for something much more personal, comfort, acceptance... maybe even love. No, it wasn't a boundary issue.

The sea air blew through her hair as Lily thought about her options. She could always just keep driving and call this whole thing over and done, leave the car in a parking lot and catch a flight home. But how long could she pretend her hands didn't glow? How long could she go without thinking about how Loki made her heart feel alive again? Just going home wouldn't work. She wasn't the same person she was just a few days ago. She wasn't normal anymore and neither was her life, it seemed.

Just around the corner up ahead she saw a familiar sign. _I might not be normal, but I could wander around a Target and pretend for awhile,_ she thought as she pulled into the parking lot.

Lily joined the ranks of flat-eyed women, sipping Starbucks and filling their carts as well as the holes in their lives, with tubs of cheese puffs, bags of candy, Star Wars t-shirts, and pink tennis shoes. She listlessly tossed a few items of clothing, a suitcase, shoes and underwear in her cart. She refused to admit to herself that she had chosen the prettiest underwear for any particular reason.

Soon she was standing in front of a rack of bathing suits. _Why not?_ she thought. _I'm at the beach and no one will believe I'm in California if I don't come back with some kind of suntan._ She picked up a cheap black bikini. It was the only suit left in her size and felt about as thin as tissue, but it would do.

As much time as could be wasted shopping had been. Silently thanking Thor for the cash, Lily checked out. On the way back to Tony's, she pulled through a drive through and bought a bag of burgers and fries.

She parked the car and hauled her shopping inside. When had she decided to come back? It was probably just inevitable. This wouldn't be the way she would part with Loki if she could help it.

No one was around when she looked around the house, but JARVIS greeted her with, “ _Welcome back, Miss Sharlow._ ”

She mumbled, “Yeah, thanks.” She set the food on the counter and went into the bathroom to change into the bathing suit. She would go down to the beach and eat. That had to be a better option than sitting around inside waiting for an awkward reunion with Loki.

“Lunch is on the counter! I'm going outside!” Lily called out as she gathered some things from her shopping bags and started for the patio.

Loki sat up from his slouch-lounge on the bed. Had he heard something? He scrubbed his free hand over his face, the other clutching a second bottle of mead. He hadn't drunk much more- bless Thor for bringing the good stuff- but his thoughts were dull and fuzzy.

No, he was certain he'd heard something and it wasn't that AI or Stark. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and waited impatiently for the room to stop whirling before he stood up. Once he was upright, he was pleased to see that the floor stayed where it was supposed to.

He walked- slowly- out into the living area. There was a bag on the counter and it smelled delicious- he was halfway to it before his brain made the connection that whoever had left it had also made the noise he'd heard. He turned carefully in a circle, rubbing his hand down his neck as he thought. He'd lost his tie and undone a few buttons during his drinking. He stroked his fingers over his clavicle.

There! He saw someone moving on the patio. The door opened with more force than he meant to put on it.

Stepping outside, he came to a dead stop and choked on his own tongue. She was there, that was miracle enough- she had come back here and he was at once filled with a mix of relief, joy, and guilt.

She was here, almost close enough to touch. And, Norns, did he want to touch her. She was wearing next to nothing, skin glowing in the warm sunlight, looking like an impossible dream come to life.

He wanted nothing more than to run his hands all over her. Maybe a little more than just his hands. Norns, she was here, she came back. He took a stumbling step forward. “Wh... what are you wearing?“ he asked, agog.

Lily turned to see Loki. His hair was disheveled and his clothes rumpled, which seemed odd for him. His stagger worried her. Had he been attacked again while she was off having a tantrum? She shouldn't have left like that.

“It's a swim suit,” she said pointing to herself. Then she pointed out at the water. “That's a beach. But are you OK? You look a mess. Is the mindflayer messing with you again? I thought some time to settle down would be good, but if you...”

Stepping forward and dropping the things in her arms to check him out, her nose wrinkled, her head drew back and she gaped at him with wide eyes. Strong alcohol fumes wafted from him and she felt stupid. “Are you drunk? I was worried and you're just drunk?”

“No,” Loki scoffed. “Yes.  No.” He blinked.  “A little.” He couldn't help but smile and he wrapped his arms around her.  “You're here.  You're here.  You look amazing.  I thought...” He shook his head.  “I wanted... I missed you so much.”  There was no stopping his hands running up and down her back. _Soft, so soft and warm..._

He didn't know what he wanted to say, there was too much.  He couldn't get the words past the part of his brain that screamed _too vulnerable_ anyway.  He buried his face in her neck. “I don't want you to die,” he mumbled.  His hands settled at the small of her back and he remembered the words she had written on his hand before. He began to draw, slowly.  STAY.  PLEASE. Even his fingers stuttered and froze on the next word, so he switched to runes to spell SORRY.

Lily was so frustrated. She was supposed to be angry with behavior swings like this, right? Anyone else would be upset, but he said she looked amazing and her heart thumped. There didn't seem to be any room for anger inside of his arms.

When Loki's finger started moving across her back, she froze and held her breath. He knew what she did and said earlier. She caught up and understood the first two words. In her heart, she knew he meant them- really meant them, not drunkenly meant them. He meant the third just as much, maybe even more, but she couldn't tell what that word was.

Her arms slid around his body, holding him against her and stroking his shoulder. “Shhhhh...” she whispered into his hair. “I told you last night, I'm not leaving unless I get kicked out. I just needed to step back a minute. And I'm not going to die, at least for fifty or sixty years and certainly not before I get that explanation. OK?”  After pressing a kiss against his temple, she reflexively began to stroke his hair.  “And I can't believe you started day drinking without me.”

Loki sighed into her neck, hugging her close. He stayed that way, savoring the moment.  Then he raised his head, ignoring the drying tears on his cheeks as if they’d never happened. “I can make you a drink.  Not this stuff, it is Thor's- he never goes anywhere without something alcoholic if he can help it.  But Stark has got quite the collection of spirits.” 

He touched his forehead to hers.  _I'm so happy you're here, I'm so happy you came back... you don't hate me..._ he wanted to say, ignoring the fact that he had _tried_ to make her hate him. He cupped her cheek and tilted her face up for him to kiss. _I'm an ass,_ he wanted to say against her lips. Instead, he tickled his other hand up her ribs and said, “Are we going for a swim?”

Lily wiggled away from the tickling fingers. “Well, I was, after I ate. You can come if you want to. You' re a bit overdressed for the beach, but I'm sure that Thor has plenty of swim trunks in his room. Speaking of Thor, why can't I have any of that? I'll bet I could catch up to you faster than if I had wine or something.”

She backed away from Loki, already missing his touch, and gathered her things from the deck of the patio. “How about if you go in and make me a very, very large, very, very cold drink, change if you need to and grab the food from the counter and meet me down by the water? Hmm?” She flashed him a quick smile as she noticed the ravens swooping around the corner of the house towards them. “I'm going to go get Huginn and Muninn out of everyone's hair.”

Walking again was a bit of a challenge, but he managed to get back inside and in front of Tony's impressive cabinet of alcohol. He scrunched up his nose, hating how comfortable he'd gotten talking to that damn AI.  “If you call me Laufeyson, I am going to find your power source and unplug you. But how do you make 'sangria'?”

“ _Mr. Stark lacks the ingredients to make a proper sangria._ ”

He scowled. What else did mortals drink, then?  “Lily asked for something large and cold. What can I make her with ingredients he _does_ have?

“ _I suggest a 'Long Island Iced Tea' for the lady._ ”

“Sounds awful. Tell me how to make it.”  He followed the voice's instructions, sampling occasionally and only spilling a little.  It wasn't bad, if he added more of the syrup- he wondered if he could figure out which Aesir liquors were comparable so he could get drunk from one. He poured a small amount of mead into a proper wine glass and disappeared the bottle. 

He didn't need to look through Thor's things to know that he was not going to wear anything of his brother’s in public.  He conjured a pair of swim trunks for himself, based on the cut of Thor’s but a simple, sleek black. He frowned. He had gotten used to the extra stab of pleasure whenever he used his seidr, a stab he now knew came from the mindflayer.  But there was nothing this time.  He shrugged, picking up the drinks and making his way outside.

After turning and trotting down the stairs to the beach access, she waved at the birds to join her in laying out a large beach blanket. Lily reached into her tote bag and pulled out a box, opening it to toss a few handfuls of Captain Crunch into the sand not far away. “Have at it, guys. You'd have gotten a better treat if you'd have shown up to help out this morning, you know.”

Then she laid down on her back with her head resting on a pile of long towels. Even with her eyes closed, she could see the bright sunlight as a red glow on the inside of her eyelids. The muscles in her shoulders and chest began to relax as she listened to the sounds of the surf and the birds eating. 

“I have no idea what I'm doing here,” Lily eventually confided to the ravens.  “He's right. I really should be afraid. I'm just not. I should at least try to remember that I should be at least a little upset about everything, right?”

One of the birds made a croaking sound, almost as if in agreement.

“At least I mostly played it cool up on the patio, right? I don't want to be so much of a pushover for Loki that no one can respect me. But here's the secret, I think I _am_ that much of a pushover for him. I was ready to tear into him, but he looked sad and it was all over. I only wanted to make him feel better.” She stopped to sigh and the birds made an irritated kind of croaking.  “Go ahead and laugh at me. I can't help it. Have you ever looked at his eyes? Really looked into them? You guys might change your tune if you had. There is so much hiding behind them, so much emotion in there...” Lily tapered off and paused for a minute before continuing. “Tell me the truth, did he really go and start drinking because I left after he told me to? Did he really miss me after a couple of hours, or was that just the alcohol talking? It was probably just that he was freaked out by the mindflayer. That's totally understandable. It would just be nice if I was more than a toy or tour guide. I can't really expect more than that though, I mean, he's a _god_ from another planet. And I'm... only me.”

Loki could see Lily from the steps, and that outfit still took his breath away. And made his mouth water. He shook his head, then stood stock still until the beach stopped spinning. He imagined the scene she would make if he tried anything after their afternoon...

She was talking to the ravens, and he could almost make out the words.

“Oh, the food!” he remembered and went back inside to get the bag she'd mentioned.  By the time he'd gotten to the blanket, the ravens had hopped off down the beach. 

“Your drink, my lady,” he said, reducing his temperature a little to keep the drink cold.  “And your lunch.  What is in here? It smells good.” His stomach growled in agreement. It had been a long time since breakfast.


	19. Chapter 19

Lily blinked her eyes open to see Loki silhouetted against the pale blue sky and sat up, reaching for the glass in his hand. “Your lunch is in there, I brought mine with me.” She grinned up at him and pulled a burger and fries out of her tote bag. “Even if I'm ticked off, I'm not rude enough to bring back food and eat in front of you.”

She took a large gulp of the drink he’d brought her and exhaled sharply at the strength. “Wow. Thank you. Remind me to tip the bartender. Now, why don't ya sit down on the blanket, eat your burger, and let me put some sunscreen on you. Unless you don't sunburn. You're just very fair skinned and the sun is strong.” _And I'd love to have a reason to run my hands over you._

He squinted up at the sky, thoughtful. The sun here was much closer than on Asgard and given that he often got uncomfortably warm there, being cautious seemed like a good idea.

“Sunscreen, yes.  That is a good idea.  Do you need some too?”  He licked his lips, looking Lily up and down.  Slowly. 

Until his stomach rumbled again. Food first. He carefully took the items out of the bag and laid them on the blanket, watching Lily out of the corner of his eye.  He picked up the sandwich like she did and took a bite.

“No wonder Thor wants to be here all the time.  You mortals can cook.”  He happily munched the rest. The mindflayer was blessedly silent, Lily was mostly naked next to him, there were no chains or walls around him...

He felt, for the moment at least, content and happy.  A small breeze ruffled his hair. “This is lovely.  Do you prefer it here to New York? The mood here is very different. I find all those buildings of steel become suffocating, too close, too big.”

“I like both. I like how fast the city is. You never know what's going to be around the next corner with so many people around. Sometimes you even find a magician and a cursed gold coin.” Lily smiled as she answered him. She ate a few fries and continued. “But it's nice to be able to breathe and have time to enjoy and explore things in a beautiful place too. Too much of either would be boring. You're a country boy?” she teased, then stuffed the last of her burger into her mouth.

She maneuvered around behind Loki and ran her fingers through his hair as she twisted it up and knotted it at the back of his head. It was much softer than it looked and shone in the sun. Then she put sunscreen in her palm to warm it a bit before stroking it onto his shoulders and back, probably more slowly than she needed to. With his shirt off, he seemed larger somehow. His muscles were tight and flat and didn't show under a shirt, but they were definitely there now.

Loki shivered in the hot sun when Lily played with his hair.  He closed his eyes, concentrating on the sensations of _warm_ and _slick_ as she rubbed the lotion on him.  He tried not to think about what she was wearing. About her skin being slippery like his. About the satisfying tingle that followed her fingers along his skin... 

“Ah, um.  Not a country boy, exactly. I enjoy the amenities of a city- the food, the art, the books. But _that_ city in particular... Too much metal, going too high. Hm. Do you like to swim in the ocean?”

She was tempted to try her new power with Loki again. But he seemed to be finally relaxing again and she wasn't going to spoil his trust. She clamped down on any stray hints that she might be using it unknowingly and added more lotion to his back. He would tell her what he would tell her, what he trusted her with for now.

“I probably like lakes better.  I don't have to deal with salt in my hair from fresh water in a lake.”  Lily pulled her drink out of the sand where she had stuck it and took another long pull, before putting more sunscreen in her hands. She leaned forward, with her chest pressing against Loki's back and slid her hands down his arms. She took time over his biceps, pressing even tighter against him to reach his forearms.

Norns, but he wanted to stretch out and roll in her lap to get pet like a cat.  He blamed that on the alcohol. Or maybe that he hadn't been touched like this in who-knows-how-long.  He leaned back into her touch, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

She could smell shampoo from his hair. Her face was feeling warm; was it the sun, the drink, or him? On a whim she traced the words YOU UNDERSTAND THIS? down the length of his right arm.

“I _can_ read, you know,” he snorted with gentle amusement, shifting against the blanket and dropping back a little more onto Lily.  It was lucky she was behind him, he thought, casually draping his left arm across his lap.  Fuck, she felt good against him.  “Multiple languages, in fact.  That writing is much easier to follow than someone's gestures as they cast a spell...”  He paused, thinking.  “Although... when you do that, it is as if the letters are... heavy on my skin.  I can still feel them after you have moved on.  They...”

Should he tell her that the words she wrote on his skin felt truer than the spoken ones?  It sounded crazy, that he would believe those more than anything else, but he _felt_ those words and they seemed to resonate with something inside him, some itch that he'd never been able to scratch.  Was that any crazier than having a monster (or part of a monster) living in his head?  He didn't want to think about that now.

“I like it, when you do that,” he said instead.

“It's just most people wouldn't bother to find a pattern in someone else's touch, or try to read it. Not that I thought you couldn't read, silly,” Lily said softly near his ear, with a bit of a laugh in her voice.

His eyes closed as she whispered in his ear. _Fucking Ymir's bones,_ he thought, barely breathing.

Her hand was still on his arm and her left arm reached as far as it could across Loki's chest and held him as he leaned back against her. It should have been uncomfortably warm to be wrapped around him like she was, the day was bright and the sun hot, but this was just comfortable. Maybe a bit more enjoyment than comfort, to be honest.

He was torn between simply letting this moment wash over him, and mocking himself for how easily she had disarmed him. A few hours ago, he had been trying his hardest to push her away and now he was practically melting, soft and pliant, into her hands- well, one part of him was definitely not pliant, but the rest of him was. How had he let her get so close? Was is just that he was starved for affection and seized the first that was offered? He felt raw inside, like he'd scrubbed his soul too hard and was now all bare and pink and tender. And she was his balm, figuratively and literally, her hands slippery with lotion. His heart gave a small squeeze.

Lily rested her cheek against the back of Loki's shoulder and sighed quietly. “Earlier, when you did that, there was a third word. What was it?”

“Who said it was a word? Perhaps it is you who needs to learn to read,” he teased. Apologies had never come easy to him- too much pride, his mother had said. He felt remorse, but the words felt like defeat. “Is it my turn to rub this lotion on you?” He reached a hand back to tickle her ribs.

“Hey!” Lily squirmed back at the unexpected touch of his fingers, then shifted around to sit next to him. “I humbly bow to the king of deflection. I suppose if you wanted me to know, I would, huh?” She traced the word SOMEDAY? along the top of his thigh and went back to her drink.

“We'll have to make sure you get some sunscreen on your front, but I could use some on my back, if you wouldn't mind?” Lily handed Loki the bottle and stretched out on her stomach on the blanket, squinting out at the ocean.

“If you will honestly answer one more question for me, I'll stop bugging you and go back to the small talk that you seem to like. Don't get offended, but can you promise that you aren't doing anything to me? They said you could mind control people. I just need to know because I'm really... confused? I trust you and, you have to admit, in my position, I shouldn't, but I do.  So I'm having trouble trusting myself a bit, if that makes sense?” She sighed and closed her eyes.  “I mean, I know my social life is on the pathetic side at the moment, but I'm not lonely enough to just fall for the first demi-god that walks past.”

Lily finished off her drink and whispered into the glass, “Yet here I am.....”

"It would be poor mind control if it left you wondering if it were happening, would it not?” Loki looked down at his hands as he poured lotion in them. He put his palms on her bare back, his hands spanning her waist, his thumbs rubbing gently in the dip at the base of her spine.  She was letting him do this, no mind control or manipulation needed, and touching her made his heart flutter. 

Lily sucked in a breath when Loki's cool hands first touched her already sun warmed skin. But soon his touch and voice were incredibly relaxing. She felt like she could melt down into the sand.

He owed her more than a flippant response.  He continued quietly, “I cannot control minds- not with any magic. That was the scepter I was given, not me.  I can cast illusions. And the spells that change things, those are the ones you cannot dispel with your talent.”

He took a breath, sliding his hands up her sides.  “I should not have called your powers 'stupid tricks.'  I am truly proud of you.  You are stronger than you think. You should trust in that, since you should not trust me. Your power has steered you here, made whatever this is between us work in spite of my truly best efforts to take it apart,” he chuckled ruefully, drawing aimless patterns on her back.

“Mmm,” she sighed. “Thank you. That feels so good. Thank you for telling me to trust myself, because if I trust what I know I'm feeling, I know you aren't what you did. And thank you for being proud of me. You _will_ show me more, right? I want you to show me everything. You can't shove me away until you show me everything you can. OK?”

She was so comfortable and his words had made her feel so much lighter and more secure than she had a few minutes earlier. If Loki wasn't lying to her, then maybe she should quit lying to herself. She wanted this closeness. Then Loki's fingers traced along a ticklish spot and she slowly arched her spine.

Lily rolled over onto her back, feeling his hands slide along her and winding up on her stomach. Her eyes, gold in the light, met his and she gave him an almost pleading look. She picked his hand up and cradled it as the other traced out KISS ME onto his palm.

Loki grinned down at her, the sunlight shining in her hair, her eyes beautifully warm and needy.  His lungs were having trouble working, his voice low and husky as he leaned down. “My pleasure.”  He pressed a kiss above her heart, then a series along the edge of her swim top.  Soft, sweet kisses on her shoulders.  Feather-light dusting on all the skin he could reach on her chest- and it was so much, so much and he wanted to touch her forever...

He nuzzled into her neck, whispering, “You should wear this all the time,” before returning to his task.

Lily froze when Loki bent to her chest. His insanely gentle kisses surprised her, as well as the chosen location for them. It was such an intimate gesture and she reveled in it. Her hands slid up his arms to rest gently against his broad shoulders.

As his lips made their way to her neck, she rolled her head back into the blanket and bit her lip so she wouldn't moan out loud. She controlled her voice and breathlessly asked, “This? The bathing suit or the kisses?”

She pulled at his shoulders to bring him close enough she could wrap her arms around his back.

“Oh, is you walking around in nothing but the marks of my lips an option? I am absolutely choosing that, then,” he laughed into her neck. Norns, but she smelled good. “I meant this bathing suit, it shows a delicious amount of your skin- and I do mean delicious.” He tasted the hollow of her throat, along her clavicle, down back towards her rapidly-beating heart. Her hands were warm on his back. 

As Loki's tongue touched her skin, goosebumps rose along Lily's body. He hadn't been being overdramatic the night before talking about flowers and cloud kisses. Every time his lips touched her they promised that and more. Each kiss seemed to bring him closer to keeping those promises. When he looked at her, she felt like they were the only two people in the world.

He welcomed the confidence he felt now; after the last day and a half of being knocked off his feet, it was soothing to play to his strengths.

_This_ he knew how to do, this he was _good_ at.  He pulled back just enough to see her face. He brushed back a few breeze-swept strands of hair from her forehead, trailed his fingers down her cheek, traced her lips with a fingertip. “Have I told you that you are beautiful?”

Her lips caught Loki's finger and pressed a kiss against it before she answered, “Yes, and apparently delicious. I'm glad. I really am. I almost wondered if you'd even notice the bathing suit.” Lily stroked her flushing cheek against the finger that he had touching her face. Her heart was pounding louder than the surf.

“Norns, how could I _not_ notice?” He flattened his hand to cup her cheek and slid it down her chest, down over her side to grasp her hip.  “I am not blind.  Or celibate.  You nearly stopped my heart, after those pants this morning. If you keep wearing things like this, I might just die.” He gave her his best wide puppy eyes. “I think the only solution is for you to wear nothing.” He rubbed the tip of his nose against hers, then finally kissed her lips, slow and sweet.

Loki’s flattery made Lily so happy she could feel her cheeks and chest flushing as she returned his kiss. Her lips softened and parted under his, breathing in his breath.

“If you keep on with those lines, I don't take responsibility for my actions. Do you want me to fall for you?” she murmured against his lips.

Just as she spoke there was a dark fluttering around her head and a scream,

“AAAAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkk!” Huginn sounded in their faces.

Lily jumped up hard enough to knock Loki over to her side. “ _Shit_! What's that about?!” She stared at the bird. He simply hopped to where his brother was trying to open the box of Captain Crunch. Muninn kind of shrugged his wings and flew off down the beach.

Voices and dog barks came from the direction the raven flew. “Dammit. Mary! _Mary_! Stark's got another party spilling onto the beach! We're coming in too. Nobody needs to deal with indecency like this. It's the middle of the afternoon! I should call somebody one of these times...”

They could hear the man's exasperated voice fade off as it returned to where it had come from.

Lily's hands fisted at her pounding chest and she looked to Loki, confused, as she sat up.

Loki collapsed on his back, laughing. “See! I told you those birds were trouble.”  He couldn't stop. “And you had to make friends with them!  You should have seen your face...” He took a deep breath, calming himself and suppressing the continuing urge to snicker. “Oh my.  You'd better feed him again, he does look like he's about to perish from hunger.” 

Lily waited for her heartbeat to slow down- to be honest, between Loki and the bird, she thought she was heading for angina- while she snuck a quick peek out of the corner of her eye. She turned away to look at the ravens. Well... it wouldn't do to underestimate him in any area, she supposed.

Loki rolled over, concealing the effect she’d had on him.  He could see the ocean now, its green waves strangely inviting.  “Weren't you going for a swim?”

“I was distracted.” She smiled at him. Seeing him happy and laughing could almost make her forget the desperation on his face when the mindflayer had shown up. It was much nicer this way. “Maybe you'd care to join me?”

Lily stood and brushed stray sand from her backside and legs. “Unless you need to lay there and uh... hide some more. If not, maybe the cool water could do you some good.”

After she had finished with the sand and adjusted her bathing suit, she reached down a hand to Loki. She was teasing him, but in truth, she could still feel his lips pressing against her chest and his hand gripping her hip. She needed a cool dip in the water at least as much as he did. She just hoped her need wasn't as visible as his.

Loki laughed again. Oh yes, he'd chosen a good one in her. Her teasing made him feel warm inside, made him feel normal. He took her hand and stood. He was terribly tempted to start kissing her again.

“Yes, let's get to the cold water as soon as possible.” He dragged her down the beach until the loose sand became compact and cool, and then the waves were lapping at his toes.

The water was chillier than he expected, not that the cold bothered him much. He waded in to his knees then turned around to look up the beach. “I might send an illusion to bother that man who was yelling, what do you think? Maybe a flock of seagulls or a sandstorm.”

Lily splashed past Loki. She was an all-in or all-out kind of person. Inching into the water always seemed unnecessarily torturous to her.

She tugged his hand to pull him out deeper with her and laughed. “I think you need to not worry about him and come out here a little bit further. I think you not being in deeper water right now might be upsetting enough for him. I don't know if there's any undertow out there, so don't let go of me for a minute. OK? Plus, I'm beginning to understand the kind of trouble you get into when left to your own devices.”

Lily had just given Loki a conspiratorial wink when a wave that was stronger than she expected hit her along the hips and caused her to stumble forward and plant herself right against his chest.

Loki wrapped his arms around her by reflex, looking at her with wide, innocent eyes.  “Trouble? Me? I never...”

He stopped, something roaring back to alertness inside him.  He tightened his grip on Lily, his muscles obeying the urge to push her under the water and hold her there, savoring the thrash of her body as she fought for oxygen, before his brain caught up and resisted. 

He loosened his hold and set her on her feet an arm’s length from him.  He knew the alcohol was working its way out of his system- had the mindflayer been dulled by it, or had it just been waiting for its chance?  He took a deep breath and did his best to ignore it. 

Lily noticed his grip on her change before he put her down. When that happened, his beautiful, wide eyes narrowed and became cold. _What was that?_ she wondered, but let it pass.

“Look, a gull.” He pointed behind Lily.

“What gull?” She squealed as he splashed her. “Oh, very mature. How old are you? Eight? Catch me if you can.”

Lily flashed Loki a wicked grin and sent a huge splash in his direction before diving into the next wave and swimming off.

He laughed and instinctively conjured a dozen replicas of himself to surround the area she'd come up. He remembered too late that the trick wouldn't work against Lily, even long enough for him to sneak up behind her.  He left them up though, while he swam into a wave to follow her.  Maybe it would distract her just long enough.  A little magic would help him push some extra water at her.

Lily popped up. As she shook the water from her face, she noticed she was surrounded. Spinning around to see how many doubles there were, she started to call out, “Loki! This is...”

She didn't finish because she was hit with a huge splashing wave that came from the man who obviously wasn't an illusion. The water knocked her back down, so she bumped her bottom on the sand before she popped back up, sputtering and spitting out a mouthful of sea water.

“You!” she gasped and pointed at the real Loki. “People like you are the reason the police get called to referee board games, aren't you? Jeeze. You didn't catch me though.”

Pushing wet hair away from her face she smiled at him triumphantly.

He was grinning so hard, his face was beginning to ache. He had not had such pure fun in... too long, he would leave it at that.  “Oh, I can catch you. Why are you trying to take away my fun? I am just toying with you first.”  He dove for her. 

As soon as his head was underwater, though, he knew something was wrong.  The mindflayer's voice, so loud just a minute ago, had gone silent. But there was... humming.  _Like bees_ , he thought, remembering the restaurant.  The mindflayer was buzzing in a low frequency, and it made Loki disoriented.

He flailed his arms and kicked like a child learning to swim, unable to find the surface- his senses were dulled, confused by the noise. When he finally broke the surface, wheezing and opening his eyes, he expected to see the whole black hideous thing diving out of the sky at him like some terrible insect swarm. 

“Inside.  We have to get inside.  Mindflayer, he coughed, spitting saltwater out of his mouth.

“Shit, again?” Lily reached back and grabbed Loki's hand and began to splash back up to the beach. She grabbed her bag without stopping as she hurried them to the steps to the house. Her heart was pounding, but not in the way it had been just a bit ago when they were laying on the beach.

“This damn sand! How are you supposed to run in sand! What do we need to do to keep it off of you? Would one of Stark's suits protect you? Should you turn blue again?”

There were too many things going through her mind for Lily to come up with any answers on her own, just more questions.  “ _Stark_!” she screamed as she reached the patio. “It's back!  _Incoming_!”

“No... no, that's not it. Or it is, but...” Loki shook his head, tilting it this way and that as if he could hear the thing better. He slowed Lily and himself as they approached the patio door, thinking carefully. “It is not here. Not yet. It is close, but we have been on the beach for a while now and it did not stir. Not until I got in the water. I think- I think it, the part in me, has trouble communicating with the rest of it.” The contented buzzing in his head was less now, turning angrier as he got closer to Stark's house.

He stepped inside the building, and the mindflayer shrieked its displeasure. A few steps outside and the buzzing increased.

“Perhaps something disrupts it. I think it went to sleep when I was inebriated. And something in this building makes it hard to... connect with its larger part.”

He pulled Lily inside and closed the door, moving them away from the glass with memories of earlier. “I am a fool, cavorting in the sand as if that monster is not still here, not still a danger to yo- everyone. I do not know how it survives- the longer it stays on Midgard, the more trouble it is likely to cause to get food.”  He sank down onto a couch, not at all bothered about getting Stark's furniture wet.

“Food? What would something like that even eat?” Lily asked, standing to the side, obviously trying not to drip on the Persian rugs. “And if it's not here, why did you look like that? You were half a breath away from flipping out.” She rubbed her forehead like she was getting a headache and she sighed. “So, you're not the fool, I'm the one that looks like a fool here, running and yelling for nothing.”

Tony stepped into the room and stood next to Lily, and rested his hand on her lower back.

Lily startled at Tony's presence and his unexpected touch.

“It's nothin, huh?” he asked and cocked an eyebrow, looking quickly between Lily and Loki. “Rosie, my dear, you seem to have only gotten half of it wrong then. You're right, he's not a fool. He's an _asshole_. But about you... you don't look like a fool.” His dark eyes traveled slowly up and down her damp body. “You look like an angel. A Victoria's Secret Angel maybe, but an angel none the less.”

Lily rubbed her temples harder and mumbled, “Oh my god, stop it. I'm going to go wash the salt out of my hair. You guys... get Loki drunk and figure out what to do or something.”

She gathered up her bags and shopping and trudged off to Thor's bathroom.


	20. Chapter 20

Jealousy swirled through his body as Stark eyed Lily. _His_ Lily. It hurt to see her being touched by Stark only slightly less than it would if it were Thor. Both of them were “great big heroes,” and what was Loki? Trouble maker, monster… at best a drugged-up embarrassment. He wanted to walk over and tear Stark's heart (or whatever passed for one) out and it had nothing to do with the mindflayer amplifying his violence.

How dare the man. He didn't know what Victoria's secret was, but he definitely Did Not like the way Stark said it. Thinking about maiming him covered up the nagging stab in Loki's heart that he was truly unlovable and soon Lily would give up on him.

After Lily left, he put on his best charming smile. “If you want to bed both of us, you will have to do a better job seducing me. I like expensive jewelry and wine.”

Tony missed half a beat before he composed himself and shot back a shark's grin while he moved behind the bar. “I can get plenty of both, princess. But you didn't seem to like the bracelets and tiara I made you. Hope that's not a deal breaker. You'd prefer earrings, maybe?” He poured two glasses of whiskey with a heavy hand and sat an unopened bottle of wine on the bar top with a wink. “Now get your soggy ass off of my leather sofa before you destroy it and explain to me how you think that thing is going to eat the girl. I thought it wanted you.”

Loki met Stark grin for toothy, barely restrained grin. “No, it does not want to eat Lily. It wants to shatter her.” He tasted bile in the back of his throat, remembering the vision, clear as day in his mind. He forced the words out, wanting Stark to understand so that he could protect her. “The mindflayer wants her broken body on the pavement and if it can get me to do it, it will be even happier. If it touches me, I do not know what it will be able to do but it cannot be good. There is a piece of it in me, you know that. I can... decipher it, sometimes. It tells me things, but I am learning to listen in when it talks to its larger part.”

He stood up, walking over to the bar and snagging the whiskey, even though he knew Midgardian liquor was too weak for him. “I do not know what it _does_ need for survival, but I know that it hungers for violence and chaos, the bloodier the better. I fear that the longer it is on Midgard, the likelihood of it causing mayhem to innocents will skyrocket.” He stared at Stark with his best menacing look. “I do not trust you and you do not trust me, and I am fine keeping it that way. But I do not want Lily to be hurt in any way. So I will extend my trust this far- if it appears that she is not safe in my company, you will protect her. From the mindflayer, from me, from whoever is threatening her.”

“And you would, what? _allow_ me to do that? Out of the kindness of your heart? You're too late anyway. Remember the big blonde guy? All the muscles? Magic hammer? He already left me to babysit her. And as far as I'm concerned, no one west of the Rockies is safe right now because you're here. I'll gladly present you with a new box of jewelry to keep everyone safe and not even ask for the threesome.” Tony pushed the bottle of wine toward Loki. “What is she to you anyway?  Besides a lie detector?”

“Ah yes, Thor.  I do not suppose you have any way to contact him, do you? For your little club.” His head was beginning to hurt. He conjured a corkscrew with an absent-minded flourish and opened the wine. He gestured with the corkscrew as he talked, getting angrier by the minute about being here like this. “You saw what this thing is. That tin circlet you made doesn't do shit to stop that thing. All it does is make me helpless when it wants to find me. I do not know exactly what will happen, but I am _certain_ you do not want that thing with access to my power.  You have already had a taste of that. Before.” He took a large swallow of wine from the bottle, not caring about its ineffectiveness. He'd finish it. The memory of a conversation too much like this one was souring his stomach. He ignored Stark's last question. He was not going to tell him anything about his feelings towards Lily. “As I see it, we both want me off this planet as fast as possible. I suggest we concentrate on working towards that goal. Unless Thor miraculously shows up to smash me with his hammer, ending this problem for the both of us.”

Tony snorted. “Amazing. I finally found someone who hates you more than I do. And it's _you_.  Definitely need therapy.”  He took a drink from his glass. “Judging by your behavior out on the beach, I might be the only one here right now that wants you gone. But I _do_ want you gone, so we're gonna get this thing off your back so you can go back to whatever Hell you came from.  Someone said it quiets down when you're drunk. That where this drug problem comes in? What do we need to get you to shut it up long enough to figure this out?”

Loki tipped his bottle of wine towards Stark. “This isn't the drug. The mindflayer is the drug. Or it came along with the drug...” He scowled, shrugging. “I told you all this earlier, there is no need to speak of it again. The part of it inside me seems to be sedated with alcohol. It gets quiet, stops nagging me to kill, and I do not think it can communicate with its larger part.” He took another chug of the wine, knowing he needed to drink it quickly for the Midgardian stuff to have any effect at all. At least this was good quality wine. “I do not know about the rest of it. It reacted poorly to extreme cold- the chill of Jotunheim is not something most can withstand. You have all the information that I have now. If Thor were here, I would have him take me to Asgard and we could set a trap, perhaps even lure the thing to Jotunheim proper, but since the ox is taking his sweet time sorting through an obvious crime, I am stuck here with you.”

Upstairs, Lily stood in the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She concentrated for a moment and the glow that she was still not used to began to form around her hands. Was she different now? It didn't seem to change her any, as she watched herself move.

Her glowing hands dropped to her chest, fingers trailing along where Loki's lips had touched. She closed her eyes and could almost feel him again. If they hadn't been interrupted, what would she have done out on the beach? She dropped her hands to her sides and opened her eyes. This time the mirror did show a change in her. Looking back at her was a Lily with soft, dreamy eyes, slightly parted lips and a pink flush blooming on her chest and cheeks.

“Oh, honey,” she whispered to herself as she stripped off and climbed into the shower. “You do have a problem, don't you?”

Lily showered quickly, towel-dried her hair and pulled on a dress from Target.  She had managed to find the Holy Grail on a sale rack, a summer dress that didn't make her look slutty, eight years old, or like she was wearing a nightgown and was quite pleased with herself. It had pockets, and she stuck her phone in one and went back down stairs hoping not to see the mindflayer banging on a window.

Loki turned his head to see Lily coming into the room, and he smiled despite himself, his heart fluttering. “You are gorgeous.”

Loki's comment was incongruous with the worrying thoughts in Lily’s head and snapped her back to reality. Her cheeks flushed and she couldn't stifle a small grin, but said, “And you are drinking,” to hide the small rush his compliment gave her.

She sat on the stool next to Loki and toyed with the empty rocks glass in front of him.  Tony leaned on the bar in front of Lily. “He's drinking, but he's not wrong.” His eyes darted to Loki. “I got him his expensive jewelry and wine. What can I get for you?”

Before Lily could answer, JARVIS spoke.

_Sir? It appears Dr. Banner is at the gate._

A nervous voice replaced the smooth accent of the AI. “Uhhh, Tony? It's me, Bruce? Um… Nat, she told me you had a... um... situation? Tell me you need me and not... the _other_ guy.”

The blood drained out of Loki's face. His hand started to shake and he put the wine bottle down before he dropped it. He vaguely heard Stark instructing Banner to come inside, but all he could feel was the helpless sensation of being slammed into the ground like a rag doll. 

He got to his feet slowly. “I, ah, if you will excuse me, I have to... use the facilities. Yes.”

He told himself that he was sauntering out of the room, but he was pretty sure sauntering didn't involve this much quick-stepping.

Bruce peeked his head in the main room. “Tony? What is going on?” His eyes fell on Lily and he looked down quickly. “Oh, um, hi, I'm Bruce...” He sidled over to Tony and asked in a low voice, “Um, is she the ‘situation?’ Or are you trying to set me up again because you know...”

Tony cut Bruce off and grinned. “I'm not trying to set you up, unless...  you're interested, you'd be better for her than her boyfriend. And I know you can take him. You've done it before. Well, the other guy has. _He’s_ the situation Thor left me with. But you'd like her. She's really into honesty and art and stuff.”

“Seriously? I'm right here!” Lily sputtered at Tony. “And he's not my boyfriend, he's just... Loki. OK?”

She turned to the new arrival. “Hi. I'm Lily. I'm kind of stuck here by default. But if you came to help Stark out, then thank you.”

“Loki? As in…  _Loki_ Loki?” Bruce asked, looking between the two of them.

Tony slapped Bruce on the shoulder then began to dig under the bar. He set several bottles on it in front of Lily. “Of course he's here to help! Look how much he's helped already. Reindeer Games ran off and hid from him! Now you take these and go see if you can keep him from running off completely. If wine and jewelry didn't do the trick, maybe vodka and a flower will. Scoot. I'll catch Bruce up to speed in the lab.”

Lily looked between the men, confused as to what kind of dynamic was going on, but picked up the bottles. “Uh, OK. I guess I'll be upstairs then?”

She went up to Thor's room and knocked on the door. In case Loki was actually using the bathroom, she didn't just want to be sitting outside the door waiting for him. “Loki? Can I come in?”

Loki magicked open the door without pausing what he was doing- which was carefully rearranging all of Thor's things so that they were all just slightly in the wrong place. He occasionally pocketed one or two items, just to keep it interesting. “So. Did you meet the beast? Charming, isn't he. So... innocent.”

He disappeared a pair of sunglasses and picked up a plastic fork.  “Honestly, was he raised in a barn? Frigga would be so disappointed,” he tutted with a sigh. The fork went back down. “I came here to find him and look where it got me. He just _left_ me here, chained up- unconscious!- without a thought. Such loyalty.” He sighed, turning to Lily. “If Stark's idea of 'helping' is to call in that brute... That brings the number of individuals caring about my survival down to... just you.” He shook his head and turned back to the messy shelf, picking up items and putting them down at random.

Lily looked at Loki, still confused, but suddenly decided that she had a handle on a situation that she distinctly did not have a handle on. “Brute? Ohh... no, no. He said _Bruce,_ not brute. Why would Iron Man need a brute? But his name is Bruce and he seems like a nice guy, kinda nervous, but he thought he was...” a brief thought about Loki and she changed her mind about the rest of the sentence. “He thought something else was going on, that's all. Is that why Stark's worried you'll run away? Cause you think the Hulk or something is down there? He's not. He's kinda a little guy. Cheer up. Stark sent vodka. It looks Russian and is probably very flammable.”

She cleared a corner of a dresser with a shove. The bottles clinked as she sat them down then peeked her head between Loki's and the shelf and smiled. “I could probably use a shot myself. Kinda scared that Long Island Iced Tea into ineffectiveness. Offer a girl a drink?”

His chuckle was exceedingly dry. “That _is_ the Hulk, my dear. He is here to ensure my compliance. Not an experience I want to have again.” He took a bottle and saluted her with it. “As my lady commands.” Busying himself with pouring drinks was a nice distraction, until it was done and left him with his thoughts again. “It was supposed to be Thor,” he muttered. “If I am going to my death, it was supposed to be a nice clean blow from Mjolnir. That is how I imagined...” He trailed off. He had imagined it countless times since being captured by Thanos'… ‘men.’ Thor's hand, wrapped tight around the short handle, his arm pulling back, and then the whistle through the air before it smashed Loki's skull and ended it all. Sometimes he allowed himself to picture the look on Thor's face as regret, pity- occasionally a battle rage that was kinder in its blindness. But more often, it was relief in Thor's eyes.

“Do you know,” he said, turning to Lily. “It does not always seem like such a bad turn of events, to be killed. To end this hurt and ache, this unbearable confusion, this rock of the past I cannot put down. I almost have welcomed it at times, the chance I might die. A week ago, I might have walked willingly into Stark's trap and let the Hulk destroy me. But then I met you. And your optimism and your idea of redemption, hope, even your terrible insistence on honesty... I find I do not want to lose that so soon, whatever the pain may be.”

He seemed so sad and lost.  Lily instinctively stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. Her cheek laid against his bare shoulder as she tightened her hold, not letting go even as she stroked slowly along his back

“Don't... you don't need to think like that. It can't be that bad. Even if it is... you're worth more than that. But I don't think anyone is trapping you. Stark never even tried to put the handcuffs back on you. I think they just wanted to make sure you weren't here for New York round two. And Bruce was going down to the lab, he wasn't even... hold on...” She got very still and tipped her face up so she could stare at Loki with wide eyes. She didn't notice the small tremor breaking her stillness. “Did you mean that guy downstairs... is the Hulk? In the house? How? We should...” Lily was about to say that they should go, run, find someplace safe, but she realized that she was already in the safest place she could think of. That was within Loki's reach. “We should be safe. Right? I mean Tony's in as much danger as we are. Right?”

He wrapped his arms around her, petting her hair. “Shh, I am sure Stark is not in danger. They have an understanding, I believe.” He pulled her head back to his shoulder, storing the feeling of holding her like this away in his memory. He wasn't sure if touching her truly did cause her power to affect him, but it made it easier to be honest if he believed so. “I am sorry, I am being- what do mortals say - a downer? I am-“ he took a breath, “terrified. It has been a difficult day. Emotionally. And for Stark's windows. And his neighbors.” He smiled and rested his cheek on her head briefly. “I dislike being at others' mercy and it seems that is where I am staying for the time being. So, you are afraid of the Hulk, hmm?”

“Of course I am. I'm not an idiot. He's scary, but the guy downstairs... wasn't? I'm probably wrong. If you're terrified, I get the feeling I should be much more than afraid.” Lily closed her eyes, hid her face against Loki and let his arms calm her heavily beating heart. She thought about Stark joking with Bruce about fixing them up and shuddered again. “I mean, Tony's not the easiest person to get along with, but I can't imagine him threatening us... well, me, with the Hulk. Am I being too naive? Do I need to check the truth of everything now? Not being able to trust anyone without proof would be awful.”

“You are probably the safest person on Midgard right now. Stark will move mountains to keep you unharmed. And since you are not Chitauri, or trying to capture him, or myself, I believe you are safe from the Hulk as well. I am the danger to you.” He sighed. “It was difficult, painful, when I thought these whispers in my head were just dark thoughts, my own imaginings because of my worthless soul. Knowing that they are some other being- it is so much worse. That is what terrifies me. I used to think, if only I could shove these away hard enough, they will disappear. But they are not mine. And every time it shows me how much it wants you dead... I worry that I cannot stop it. How much control does it have over me, what is it telling the rest of it, what if I sleep and wake up a passenger in my own body again? I do not know what to do.”

Lily looked up at Loki's face and saw the pain on it. She reached up and gently stroked his cheek. “We will keep each other safe, is what we will do. I will stay right here with you, so Stark will keep you safe. And you can move mountains, can't you? If the mindflayer pops back up in your head... well, I can at least tell the difference between it and you. But we do have the vodka... that should help keep it away. Give you a bit of time where your thoughts are all your own.”

She reached out with one arm, not letting go of Loki with the other, and grabbed one of the cups he had filled. She held it up to him.

He stroked a finger down her cheek. “There is that optimism again.” Taking the cup, he knocked back its contents and extracted himself to pour another. Once his cup was full, he conjured himself something more comfortable than clammy swim shorts, back to the soft tunic and pants he had on before.  He needed to get back in control of something, to find his balance. Play to his strengths, he guessed was the best plan. “I suppose house arrest is not so bad, if I have such a beautiful keeper.” He smiled at her and sat on the bed against the headboard, stretching out as he took another sip. “How about a game of magic practice? If I can trick you, you take off a piece of clothing...? And vise-versa, of course. I'll be fair.”

“You'll be _fair_?” Lily laughed. “How? How could I trick you? And I'm wearing a dress. Singular. Sounds like a short and chilly game.” She thought for a moment and picked up her cup. She still wasn't used to the way he literally just changed his clothes like that and his smile... was bright and beautiful and a little bit dangerous looking. It distracted her as she lifted the cup to her lips and took a huge gulp instead of a sip.

She coughed and choked a bit on the strong, undiluted alcohol. “Nope. I'm good,” she gasped and quickly took another sip to cover her embarrassment.  “How about...” she exhaled deeply. “How about you show me the magic and try to trick me, and I'll give you a choice of truth or dare and if you chicken out or lie, then _you_ lose _your_ clothes. If we're playing games, at least I'll stand a chance that way. Hmm?”

“Hm, interesting rules.” He couldn't help but grin at her.

Settling herself cross-legged at the foot of the bed, she set a tightly closed bottle on the bed between them. “OK then...” Lily held her hands out in front of her and wiggled her fingers at Loki. “Come at me, magic man.”


	21. Chapter 21

“Let me see... I will start you out easy.  I will hide four illusions around the room, see if you can find all of them. But do not move from the bed.”  Four was simple for him. They were scattered around the room as quick as a thought. He knew this was too basic for her; a straight illusion was as easy for her to dispel as for him to create.

But he hadn't said anything about them staying in place. He was watching her carefully, trying to time it so they moved out from under her before she was sure what she was seeing. He was certain he'd lose this round, still, but it gave him a strange thrill to see her confidence grow in her ability.  Harder things later.

Lily took a deep breath and met Loki's eyes questioningly, before she moved around on the bed to scan the room. The first one was easy, she didn't even need to reach out to "feel" it. She pointed at the bed table. “The Number One God mug. Right there. And that's just 'cause you're holding the real one. Thor's gonna have a fight to get that back, isn't he?” Laughing, Lily looked back over her shoulder at Loki.

She sat back up and tried to concentrate as she looked around carefully. It confused her that her attention was torn between two piles of magazines. She frowned and then said, “There. There's a magazine. But...” Lily looked at Loki, to see if he would give anything away, but he was unreadable. When she looked back to the pile, she frowned even more, “No. Now it's _not_. You said you'd be fair!”

He blinked at her innocently. “I said I would be fair about the consequences. I said nothing about the game. The goal of the game is to trick you, is it not?” He pushed aside memories of Frigga teaching him with games like this when he was a boy. It was much more interesting to test out Lily's limits. Did she have to be able to _see_ an illusion? He put one under the bed. Or was it proximity? He placed a patch of paint on the wall as far as he could stretch the definition of "in the room." And how fast did he need to move them before she knew where one was?

He flexed his fingers and smirked at her. “Conceding, are you?”

“I am _not_!” Lily shot at him and his smirk. She tried to sound tough, but it was hard with the smile on her face. Loki seemed so much more alive like this. He was playing and looked comfortable, relaxed with his hair hanging loose and his soft green tunic. “I just have to figure out how to tell where they are if I can't touch them or get close. Would you know what was an illusion if you hadn't made them? Just by sitting here?”

She sighed. “You're no help at all, are you? I guess I'll just... try this.” Lily's eyes closed. Instead of looking for something, she felt her place in the room and tried to feel her surroundings, bit by bit. She was glad that she had gone through that yoga and meditation phase a few years ago. The New Age-y mindset was helpful with this. It took a few moments, then suddenly she flopped down on the mattress with her head hanging off the end of the bed and looked underneath.

“Ah-ha! Socks don't usually try to crawl away when you look at them!” Lily popped back up with her hair falling all over and her face red from being upside down. “One more, huh?”

She settled herself and closed her eyes again. She was searching, feeling for anything... different. The minutes began to feel like years and she slowly opened her eyes and blinked and squinted at the door. “I... the best I can give you is, it's something over by the door? I can't see it, so without touching... I don't know. Is that good enough?”

“My clever girl,” he beamed. “So, you don't have to _see_ the illusion or touch it, but distance is a factor.” He made the paint glow green for her to see as he took another sip of vodka.  “That is impressive.”

He was truly proud of her and it was a warm, happy feeling that he quite liked. His mother had told him, when he was struggling to find his place in the family, that he would enjoy teaching... but the idea of pausing his own quest for importance to help others felt ridiculous at the time. He understood what she was talking about now, watching Lily try her powers and the look of triumph on her face when she solved a challenge.  “You win this round. I am at your mercy.” He spread his arms in defeat.

If anyone else besides Loki had uttered the words, "My clever girl" to Lily, she would have blasted them to the ground for treating her like a cocker spaniel, but at that moment those words made her almost as happy as the look on his face. She was still attuned just enough to know that he was being honest and that there were no hidden barbs in what he said.

“Mwhahahaha!” She laughed dramatically and rubbed her hands. “At _my_ mercy, huh? Oh, don't worry. I'll be nice to you. Nice and fair.” Picking up her mug, she raised it to him. “Now cheers. Drink up and choose- truth or dare.”

He lowered his voice to a sultry purr, looking at her from under his lowered brows as he clinked his cup with hers. “Oh, dare, of course.”

“Of course,” Lily purred back. “You might have been happier with the truth though.” She tipped her mug and took a swig before she looked him straight in the face and tried not to laugh. “I dare you to honestly try to make friends with those birds of your Dad's. I've got granola bars in that shopping bag on the floor, if you need them.”

He put on a horrified look. “That is not a dare, woman! Dares are things such as... hanging out the window by your bedsheets or balancing a flaming side dish on your head!”

He put down his mug and shucked off his shirt and thrust it at her. “Here, just take it. I refuse to humor those avian pests. You want me to make friends with those birds? When they have done nothing but torment me my entire life! That is simply cruel. Are you sure you wouldn't rather see me dance nude in the hallway? Or do handstands on Stark's bar?”

“Cruel?” Lily jumped to her feet. “I'm sorry that I didn't just jump straight to the ‘tie your testicles to a goat’ dare, but I've read it's been done before!”

Ignoring her outburst, Loki continued with the game. “I _was_ going to go easy on you for a while longer, but now that I know you are so heartless... Hmm... How are you with layers?” He conjured two duplicates of himself and made them talk.  “Which one is telling the truth?” Both of them were, slightly different versions of the truth- his view of events and Thor's, from an adventure on Vanaheim when they were teenagers.  Thor's version had them escaping only through his brute strength, but Loki remembered it as his magic smoke shielding their escape. He didn't know which was objectively true and he was curious what Lily would do with the conflicting information delivered by illusions.

Lily kept lambasting both of the Lokis now in front of her and the one on the bed. “And doing a handstand on a bar? That's grade school shit. You're _Loki_ for God's sake! It's probably close to impossible for me to imagine something that'd be _hard_ for you to manage. Now, you need to get your head together realize the whole world isn't out to be cruel to you!”

Pausing, she looked at one of the duplicates and cocked her head. “And _you_!” her voice softened as she continued. “Of course you hid the get away, honey. You aren't the idiot you're acting like. Now, you go home.” She waved her hand through the illusion and it dissolved. “You too.” She nodded at the other and poked it with a fingertip making it disappear as well.

“Wow. That was _much_ easier when I wasn't trying so hard.” The words kind of fell out of Lily's mouth and she looked a bit shocked. Then she returned to her tirade and stepped up to the head of the bed, speaking to the remaining Loki.

“And you,” she began and put her fists on her hips, “if you are going to insist on getting upset and having a fit because I did something, you might want to ask why I did it first. Hmmm... I wonder why she wanted me to make nice with the ravens, you may ask? You may, but you didn't. I'll kindly answer you anyway. It was like ten minutes ago that you were really upset about the fact that you think that you're alone and everyone wants you dead. Well, everyone but me. It's BS anyway, but I'm not going to argue that now. The point is... you're a god from Asgard, I'm a mortal from New York. Those birds will be around a lot longer than I will, no matter what happens.” Lily picked up her mug to drink as deeply as she could from it without choking. “And you can make a lot worse friends than corvids.”

“Peace. Peace,” Loki said soothingly, holding up his hands in surrender. “It was a jest, it was just in fun. I do not think you are cruel on any scale or measure. Come here.” He picked up her free hand, stroking over the back of it gently. “I am telling the truth, right? It was just foolishness, in the spirit of the game.” He offered a small smile. “I will tell you a secret. I get terribly caught up in games. I did not mean to upset you. You are doing so well, I _am_ proud of you.” He raised her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “Now, those birds and I go back a long time. They are Odin's above anything else. They only barely tolerate _Thor_ , so I have not even the slightest chance. A few granola bars are not going to smooth over what is between us. They would have to apologize for ruining my favorite cape, for one. It is nice that you like them and they like you. Let us leave it at that.”

“I'm sorry. It's just... you're going to go sometime and... I was trying... nevermind.” Lily's voice trailed off. When Loki took her hand, she almost thought he was going to pull her down into his lap. She realized she would have gone more than easily. His touch on her hand was nice though. She sat on the edge of the bed, still holding it.

She perked up and grinned at him. “I'm keeping the shirt though. You could have tried. And now, because I trounced your story tellers, I get to ask you if you have decided that the truth is a safer thing around me? Or are you brave enough to pick dare?”

He raked his eyes up and down her body. “Ohh, you should most certainly keep my shirt.  And wear only that...” The image in his mind was enough to distract him for a moment. Then he shrugged and tipped his head back to look at the ceiling with a over-dramatic sigh. “Fiiiine, truth. Only because we do not have any goats for good dares.”

“I dunno, filling Stark's kitchen with goats sounds like a pretty good dare, but you chose truth.” With a bit of a blush at the shirt comment, Lily gazed at Loki, the pale length of his throat catching her eye. She turned back toward him and sat fully on the bed again, still within reach of his hand. “Um, let me see. This is too good to waste on something silly. Truth. How much of the myths we have about you are true? I know there's a lot that's wrong, but we remembered names, so some things have to be right.”

She reached back for her drink and settled in to get comfy. If Loki was willing to talk instead of losing his pants, this would be good. This was something that everyone on the planet had wondered about since Thor showed up. Universities had to restructure entire departments because all of a sudden, myths might be history.

“I did not give birth to a horse, if that is what you are asking.” Loki stretched slowly before picking up his cup. “Or a snake or a wolf or anything else.  The goat-testicle thing, though...” He snickered, remembering. “As far as I can tell, yes, some of the legends have some basis in truth, and some were pure fabrications based on human imagination. I had nothing to do with the creation of Mjolnir- it is older than I am. Same with the walls around Asgard- the walls that I apparently paid for with my horsely virtue. The one about Thor and myself competing against the sea and fire itself, that happened- in a way. Much less poetic though.”  He shrugged, running a finger around the rim of his cup.  “The one that fascinates me is that in your legends, Loki is a Giant. Not an Aesir at all... an outsider. I only discovered the truth of that a handful of years ago. Was it just creative storytelling that birthed that version? Or was it somehow known...?” He sighed and drained the last of his vodka.  “I did cut Sif's hair once.  Thor beat me into the ground for it.”

“So they're married?” Lily asked, raising an eyebrow and remembering about the thinking mortals were fuckable comment Loki had made.

“Married? Norns, no. Good friends. She would have done the same thing to me, but he got there first.”

She grabbed the bottle and refilled Loki's cup, holding it steady with her hand over his. “And Loki... you... you're special. It's just obvious anyone would assume you were more than anyone else. It's not a bad thing. OK?”

He quirked his eyebrow. “Special. More like a disaster.”

Her eyes met his and smiled at him. “I guess you keep your pants. For now.”

“I did not realize you were so eager for me to lose my pants, my dear. Well, I have one more challenge for you, maybe you will get my pants this time.” He put his mug down again after a swallow and held out a hand, palm up.  “Can you find the ‘truth’ under all my spells here? I am going to try my hardest to stay in this form. You try to turn me blue.”

He was confident that he would win this one. He'd never set her against an illusion he was actively trying to maintain and the spells he used to hide his Jotun form were as much a part of him as breathing now. His heart fluttered in his chest, knowing that she was stronger than he estimated and she might do it. He would be left sitting here bare-chested and glacier blue. She hadn't run before and he was morbidly curious what her reaction to him would be, if she managed it.

Lily laid her hand against Loki's and took a deep breath. “You want me to find you and change you? You want that? OK. I'll try.”

She sighed and tried to relax and not think about it too hard. Maybe it would work like the last time. She felt nothing but the same initial feeling that he wasn't quite what he appeared to be.

Lily fidgeted after a bit and closed her eyes, but as soon as she could get one illusion to dissolve, another would slide in to take its place. It felt like scooping water with her hands.

Loki had to concentrate harder than he had expected to keep up his spells. She was better than she knew at this.

Eventually, she sighed again, lifted her hand and stood up, rubbing her temples. “You got me. There's too much...  So... what do you want? Dress, panties or bra?”

He exhaled in relief.

He eyed her with a smile.  “Hmm... Do I get to come for it myself?” He flexed his fingers in the air, mimicking removing a piece of clothing. For all his jokes, his mouth was nearly watering at the choices. He vividly remembered their kissing on the beach, how soft and yielding and enticing she had been.

As much as he ached to grab her, roll her under him, and break the headboard, he held himself back. It felt wrong, with the mindflayer in his head, to take it that far. Like he was being watched. But he loved touching her, kissing her...

“Mmm... Bra.”

Lily was oddly relieved. She was fine in her bathing suit, which arguably covered about as much skin as her underwear, but stripping off her dress was... different. She wasn't quite drunk enough to do that without some discomfort, unless this was more than a game and was leading somewhere. Somewhere like earlier. Her teeth bit into her lower lip as her heart pounded.

A slug from her cup gave her a bit of liquid courage. She pulled her arms inside of her dress and unhooked her bra, slipped the straps off her shoulders, and pulled it out from under her neckline. She gave the pale pink bra a little toss and it dropped into Loki's lap. “You can come for it when you show me how to get through all those layers.”

Loki rubbed the soft material between his fingers, licking his lips. It would be trivially easy for him adjust the temperature down just enough... But he doubted she would be happy with that trick.

“Now you.” She sat down and looked at Loki expectantly. “Truth or dare? I think I'd like the pants that match the shirt.”

He tapped his thigh as he thought.  She would probably make him go and make nice with Stark or shake hands with Banner, if he chose dare.

Truth was not his choice as a rule, but this time...? “Are you certain I'm wearing undergarments, if you're after my pants? Perhaps I should try to retain what dignity I have. I'll choose truth.”

“You should have worried about your dignity when you chose the game,” Lily teased, trying not to notice the way he touched the satin of her bra. Unconsciously, her fingers mimicked his. “I wish you would have picked dare though. Oh well, maybe I can talk you into it later. I have bribes almost as good as clothes.”

She tipped her cup to her lips and only a trickle ran out of it. Had she just drunk a coffee mug of vodka? Loki was the one that was supposed to be getting drunk and here she was, feeling buzzy. She poured a bit more into her cup and topped his off again. “This isn't the question, but is this doing enough to help you? Because, because I get the feeling Bruce is the kinda guy that has a big bag of weed somewhere.”

“Anyway, time for truth.” Lily leaned toward Loki with her hands balancing her on the mattress and the neckline of her dress gaping slightly. “Why did you help me the first time my hands glowed and then decide you wanted me to come along with you? I'm just a liability and a soft target.”

He knew he should look her in the face to answer that, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from her cleavage. Fuck, he wanted to touch her. “Ah… well, at the time, I did not know about any of... this,” he waved his hand vaguely around his head, “I did not know there would be this much danger- or that it would come after you specifically. I never intended-“  He stopped and took a sip of vodka, before he could finish ‘to become so attached.’ That was the truth, but she might take it the wrong way.

“You were the first person to look at me with something other than fear or hatred in... a very long time. And you were sassy and bold and nervous, but you did it anyway.” He reached out to stroke a finger down her cheek and neck, chuckling. “But mostly, you were so damn excited and eager. Everything was beautiful to you- I could not resist that joy. I tried, believe me, I tried! You are just too powerful.”

Lily's cheeks turned pink and she giggled. “Powerful? I've been called lots of things, but never powerful. But you win. It rings true, even that bit about trying to resist joy. Who does that? We need to fix that. Oh!” She bounced up on the bed with excitement. “Maybe I can! Hold on. Hold on. And hold on to those mugs. Here!”

She thrust her mug at him as she crawled over Loki to get to the other side of the bed. She laid flat on her stomach with her legs still over his and hung over the edge to rummage through some shopping bags on the floor.

“Now close your eyes. I'm fixing things, so close 'em tight!” she called back to him.*l

Without any amount of grace, Lily got back up and knelt next to Loki's side. Two bags and a gold cardboard box were placed on his lap, before she covered his already closed eyes with a hand. “No peeking and no resisting,” she whispered in his ear. “Now, do you want M&Ms, Kisses, or the good stuff?”

He was honestly surprised he was still breathing. One moment he'd been looking none-too-subtly down Lily's dress, then she was scrambling over his lap while he helplessly held two mugs in the air. He got a beautiful eyeful as she dug around, enough for him to shift uncomfortably under her legs. And then he'd closed his eyes and she was whispering in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine that he didn't conceal well. He almost dropped the cups, wanting to curl around her.

He swallowed hard and tried to sound seductive but his voice shook an embarrassing amount. “I do love your kisses... But the promise of ‘the good stuff’ is quite alluring.”

“Good stuff it is.” Lily took the cups from Loki and before she set them on the bed table, she took a quick drink. As she reached for the golden box, her hand hovered in front of Loki's bare chest for a moment, almost reaching to stroke the firm, pale skin.

“You're silly, if you think that you can't have it all,” she said softly, realizing that she meant it philosophically as well as about the three kinds of chocolate. She opened the box and took a piece of candy and lifted it to touch gently against Loki's lips. Her heart pounded as she watched his reaction carefully.

She whispered to him again, close enough that she knew he could feel her breath against his cheek. “Chocolate hazelnut truffle.”

Loki focused on his breathing- the sweet scent of the chocolate, the waft of Lily's shampoo, the vodka on her breath. He'd often been described as hedonistic, never satisfied. He craved stimulation for his senses- and this moment was full of that, even with his eyes still closed. The sound of her breath, the way it stirred the small hairs on his cheek. The smooth candy against his lips, the bedspread rough in comparison under his palms. And, impossible to ignore, the way every bit of his body ached to lean in closer to those sensations. He opened his mouth, pulling the chocolate inside with his tongue until he felt Lily's fingers, licking at them just short of obscenely. He hummed in the back of his throat, the bittersweet, nutty flavor flooding his tastebuds.

Lily looked at the way Loki's long, dark eyelashes laid against his pale skin. When he licked at her fingers goosebumps quietly rose all over her body. “By your face, it looks like you quit resisting joy.” Her voice was low and soft. She curled up against him and let her hand rest on his chest. “Do you want more?”

“Who could resist you?” he purred, wrapping an arm around her. He didn't want to open his eyes, irrationally worried that the moment would not be as perfect if he did. But he did anyway, slowly. He plucked a candy from the open box with long fingers and held it up for Lily. “Your turn first.”

“Mmm, I won't say no to that.” Lily looked up at Loki, her eyes light and soft and gave him a brief smile before she took the chocolate. She ate it from his grasp, letting her lips close around his fingers just past the candy and sliding it gently away from him.

This game was more fun than Truth or Dare, even though the stakes were much higher and it probably wasn't even a game at this point. She was strangely comfortable with tha. His arm felt wonderful. Everything about him felt wonderful.  As she ate the truffle, she idly stroked the skin on his chest. It was much softer than it had any right to be and she could just feel his quick heartbeat under her fingertips.

Loki traced her lips with a fingertip, then over her cheek and down her neck. “So pretty...”

He followed the same path with his lips, as lightly as he could. He couldn't not touch her. He knew she was probably quite drunk after all that vodka and he should stop, but he just couldn't. She was soft and warm and so trusting. She believed in him, she _wanted_ to be with him.

He nuzzled under her ear for a moment, brushing his lips over the delicate tendons of her neck.

Lily's eyes closed and she gasped. “Oh, yes, dear.”

His hand slid up her thigh and side, stopping when he could cup her breast. He had won her bra, after all. Might as well enjoy it, he justified to himself.

His hand was so gentle, she could do nothing but trust him, trust that touch. When it got to her breast, her nipple rose to meet his fingers and her back arched enough to press her further against him. She wanted more. Her hand reached and stroked past his cheek, until her fingers slid into his hair and tipped his face enough that her lips could cover his, tasting the chocolate, vodka, and a touch of salt.

He indulged in the kiss, longer than he intended, before pulling back. Not too far. Her hand was still in his hair and he liked it. But he didn't trust himself- he _wanted_ , so much, just _wanted_... but not here, not like this, in Thor's bed with an alien in his blood.

“See? Too powerful. I could not refuse you, even if you asked me to throw myself at the Hulk.” He rested his forehead on hers, but couldn't resist rubbing his thumb over her nipple. “I do not understand how that other man gave you up.”

The gasp that Loki's thumb elicited from Lily turned into a sound of quiet confusion. Her fingers kept running softly through his hair, but slowed down. “If you really have to know that right now, I suppose it was my fault. He needed someone. I wasn't there. I was in Italy or Belarus or someplace working.”

Loki sniffed with disdain. “Seems a thin reason to leave. Do you not have instant communication here? ‘Electronic mails’ or some such?” He leaned into her touch in his hair, closing his eyes in bliss. It was easy to ignore the lovers he'd ended it with for just that reason- not being with him when he wanted, leaving him feeling abandoned and unloved.  He buried those thoughts under the sensation of Lily's fingers and lips on him.

She sighed, then touched her lips to his. “But I'm here right now and so are you and that's what matters. No Brian, no Hulk. And I'm not asking you to do anything.”

“When we met, I offered you revenge against him. The offer still stands.”

“I'll let you know. OK? Until then, I don't even want to think about him. I have so many more interesting things to think about right now. Like you.” Lily continued to toy with his hair, wondering why he was so interested in the fact she got dumped. “Most men hate the idea that they aren't the first, but you with your millions of lovers are curious?’

“That is an outdated notion- ‘first.’  I like partners who know what they want.” He turned his head to nuzzle into her palm. “And yes, I am curious. You have been yanked out here on this... 'adventure' and it has all been about me. But I enjoy hearing you talk. You know my worst secrets. Tell me one of yours.”

She shifted up to sit against the headboard and tipped Loki's head to rest on her shoulder. Her fingers kept drifting along his scalp and through his thick, dark hair. It was calming and felt as least as intimate as the warm hand on her breast.

“My worst secrets? You say that like I have a closet full of skeletons. Um... I was once at a conference and got drunk with a curator who showed me where he had stashed some very nice pieces of art that were stolen by the Nazis. I promised not to tell, even though it's morally, legally and ethically all kinds of wrong. That probably means nothing to you 'cause you don't have a reference point on Nazis... how about... OK… I've never told anyone this before... When I first started driving by myself, I borrowed my Mom's car and when I was backing out of the driveway, I ran over the neighbor's cat in the street. It was horrible and I didn't know what to do, so I freaked out and drove off. I took the car to the car wash and puked when I was washing out the wheel well. I cried for days, but never got the nerve to admit I did it. I even let Mom take me out for ice cream 'cause I was nice enough to wash the car when I borrowed it.  There. I killed Frisbee the cat and I suck.”

Frowning, she took her cup from the bed table and had another drink. The harshness made her gasp before she spoke again. “Joy. What happened to the accepting joy thing? I liked that part. I even bought the M&Ms I promised you yesterday.”

“Oh, darling.” He stroked his hand over her thigh. “That was hard to speak of. Thank you. Not quite as bad as being a monster and a megalomaniacal murderer, no need to worry. When I was young, my mother's handmaid had this yappy little dog-like creature. Once- I was very young, remember- I was practicing my seidr and thought it would be the best joke if I turned it into a huge beast. I was only going to have it smash up Thor's room a bit- I had my reasons- but it... got out of my control. I could not reverse the spell and the guards hunted it down before I could explain.” He sighed into her neck. “I know of some hidden treasure too. Yours sounds interesting.” With a small gesture, his magic found the packages of chocolate and brought them closer. He poured out some M&Ms in his hand. “Do the colors mean anything?”

“You promise you'll not turn things into monsters around me if I tell you?” Lily asked in an overly-serious way and picked a green M&M out of Loki's hand. “This one is very dangerous. When I was younger, kids said that if green was your favorite it meant you were a pervert, because the green ones make you horny.”

Her earnestness slipped and she stifled a giggle as she looked into his eyes and ate the candy. “No. The colors don't mean anything and they all taste the same. The candy didn't bring out any hidden kinks. Sorry.”

She stirred the candy in his palm with a fingertip, listening to it click together. “Can you do things besides illusions and creating things with... seidr, was it? That's magic right? Not that anything I've seen you do isn't amazing, but what about other things? Love potions, curses and spells, how would you do something like what's going on with that coin? Can you read minds or blow things up or heal people? Can you make green M&Ms make people horny?”

“Do you really believe I need green M&Ms to make someone horny?” He quirked an eyebrow and chuckled.  He picked one of the green ones himself and chewed it while thinking. “Yes, seidr is what Asgardians call magic.  There are different sources... Using power from other dimensions, using power from mutated blood, and so on.  Mine comes from the power of Yggdrasil, the so-called Tree of Life that binds the Nine Realms together.  I can make illusions.  I can rearrange matter into new creations, through certain spells, that takes more energy and time.  The...” he paused, eating another chocolate while he thought if he wanted to say this. “What I use to maintain this form, instead of the... other one, is a combination of illusion and spell.  I will tell you, it is harder to maintain when you are touching me,” he smiled to let her know that he was not upset, “but I like you touching me more than I mind the extra effort. Most of my shapeshifting, except for a few favorites, is part illusion and part spell.  I cannot control or read minds, not without the Mind Stone. Thor can call lightning; I cannot do that. Not more than a pretty picture, anyway. That coin though... I wish I had not left it at your apartment, something was not right with it...”

Lily loved hearing him talk about magic. It was like having all of her favorite stories turn out to be real. She didn't want to admit to Loki that he made her feel like her nightmares were changing into fairy tales. The arm around her was all too real and she wanted it to stay like that.

“You like it that much when I touch you?” She had been listening, trying to learn about what she could hardly imagine, but when he smiled... her heart caught in her chest and the question just fell from her lips. “I… don't mean to make you work. You don't need to do that for me. I'd like it if I could see you like that again. I know you said it could hurt me, but I got the feeling that it would be OK unless you meant to hurt me. So, if you want to relax... it's OK.”

He stared at her intently, searching for any worry or insincerity.

_She didn't run before_ , he thought.

_But she could this time_ , came the automatic response.

Until today, only Odin (and Heimdall, of course) had seen him as a Frost Giant. Not even Thor or Frigga had seen him like that.  It was one thing to throw it in Lily's face as a shield.  To let down his spells here, in this quiet, close time?

To choose to be so vulnerable... That was another thing entirely.

He swallowed, his stomach swirling with nerves. _I'm not doing it. Why am I nervous?_ But he was sitting upright, scooting away from her so that he wasn't touching her. _I am_ not _doing this,_ he told himself again as he held his hand out between them. The few candies in his palm began to frost, blue starting from his fingertips and bleeding up his arm.

His emerald stare held her. She felt as if she were being judged, but wasn't nervous because she was sure of herself. Lily was fascinated by his reaction to her statements and the color spreading along his skin. The change in color this time seemed even more dramatic than the last time. The sun had started to fall beneath the horizon and was filling the room with orange and pink tinted light that made things almost glow and highlighted the shifting tones of his skin.

Even though he had moved away from her, she slowly reached out toward where his skin was still pale. “May I? To see if I can tell how you're undoing it?” She ducked her head as she looked at him through her eyelashes.

He didn't trust himself to speak, not with her looking at him like that, so he nodded his permission. When she touched him, he unraveled his spells slowly. It felt a bit like trying to hold onto slivers of seaweed that were being pulled back into the ocean- the magic wanted to Be or Not Be, not held in a halfway state.

He breathed with deliberation, noticing the smooth inflating and deflating of his lungs to distract from the instinct that screamed for him to knock her away and hide himself. His eyes glued to the wall behind her shoulder, the change in his vision less abrupt if he wasn't looking at a living thing.

Lily could tell that Loki was nervous, even though he was willing. Her hands shimmered with a warm golden glow as she tried to gently feel for the spells and illusions. He was a beautiful puzzle.

Without any warning, she gasped with understanding and felt a tiny thread of illusion. If she disrupted it in a certain way, it should all fall. In fact, she thought she might be able to feel the actual magic the spells were using.  She couldn't help but try. He had wanted her to take the illusions down earlier, after all.

Loki fought back the instinct to push back against her magic, letting her untangle his spells. It was a strange feeling, like being doused with cold water, as opposed to when he did it himself.

When she touched the magic, her eyes flew open, the soft glow around her hands changed to a sharp light that covered her completely. For just a heartbeat, she was sure she could feel everything in the room. Everything it was made of, every bit of energy and matter, everything real and unreal. It overwhelmed her and she immediately let go.

Loki blinked, startled when Lily _flashed_ , grateful for once for the light-dampening effect of his Jotun eyes.

“What happened?” he asked with concern. Sparked by their earlier conversation, he wondered suddenly where _her_ power came from- and what force she might be capable of tapping into.  He leaned forward. “Lily?”

“Um… Wow.” She blinked at him, her vision clearing and the words tumbling out of her mouth. “Oh no! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I should have just been observing, but behind the illusions was magic. _Real_ magic. I just touched it a little. Just to feel what it's like. Wow. You're so strong. It's insane. You live with that all the time? If the mindflayer is strong enough to handle it, I know why it likes you. I mean, I know why you're a god.”

Lily listened to what she had just said and looked down at her lap to hide an embarrassed blush. When she looked back up, it was to meet eyes that a second earlier, she hadn't even noticed were a startling crimson.

One side of her mouth lifted in a grin as she gazed at him, repeating her previous words with a quiet conviction this time. “I know why you're a god.”

“I am flattered?” He reached out to touch her without thinking, but stopped when he saw his skin. He dropped his hand back to his lap. “You touched my magic? I do not believe anyone has ever done that- touched it directly. You got so bright... What was it like?” To him, it was a quiet pleasant hum under his skin all the time, sometimes acting as another sense or enhancing his normal ones.

But he was concerned about how she was acting now. Being exposed to magic so abruptly, especially his powerful magic, could be frightening. He cocked his head a bit, looking at her. He could see her body heat and a subtle shimmer around her that hadn't been there in his Aesir form. It was so strange, seeing out of these eyes for more than an instant.

“You should be flattered. It was incredible. You're incredible.” She grabbed the cold, cold hand that was on his lap and held it between her palms, almost as if to warm it. “It was like... I don't even have words for what it's like... like grabbing a power line, but instead of electricity it was full of life and potential. Like if I had held on, I could have known or done anything or just fried from the inside out. Does that make sense? Either way, you live with that? All the time? Amazing. How do you keep from using it for everything, just because you can?”

Lily beamed at him with sparkling eyes. She was amazed at how much he still looked exactly like himself, even though he was so different. She turned his hand over in hers and traced the curious ridges in his skin with her fingertips.

His eyes slid shut and he hummed low in his throat without meaning to. That felt incredibly good, her fingers on his hand. He stayed like that for a minute, just enjoying, letting his thoughts wander over what she had said.

Eventually, he forced his eyes open. “It sounds as if you touched more than my magic. That is not at all how it feels to me- unless I'm drawing deeply from Yggdrasil. How interesting. I cannot use it indiscriminately, there is a cost to me- that is why I prefer illusions. Used right, they are just as effective, and they consume much less energy. Not much use around you, though.” His fingers twitched in her hands and he stopped himself from yanking it back, amazed that she was touching him at all. And looking at him with such admiration. It was unbelievable. “Am I too cold for you?

“No, Loki. Just cold, but it's OK.”  Lily's fingers followed the markings up his arm. “Am I hurting you or is it easier like this? Without the illusion to keep up? Your magic sounds so complicated. I'm glad what I do is simple. I can be lazy if I want.” As she reached his shoulder, her fingers itched to touch the curves that crossed his brow, to feel the strange roughness and chill, but she was afraid it would be too much for him right now. If his fingers twitching were any indication, he was nervous.

She lifted his hand to her mouth and touched her tongue to the M&Ms left in his palm. When they stuck, she drew them into her mouth and grinned up at Loki as they crunched between her teeth. Then she tipped her head and laid her cheek against his open hand and closed her eyes.

His lungs were not pulling in enough air and everything about this felt unreal. He wanted to run away. He wanted to put his head in her lap and let her trace over the ridges on his skin forever. Maybe he was still locked in that contraption of Stark's and this day had just been a seizure-induced dream.

He stroked his thumb across her cheek. She felt real enough, warm and soft... and trusting, so trusting. “You cannot hurt me, Lily.” _Not physically._ His hand was trembling, he realized. He thought about brushing it off with a quip, throwing up verbal walls against this strange moment. He felt more naked sitting here in his trousers than he ever had being fully nude.

“I have never stayed in this form this long,” he whispered.  Just minutes here and there, the occasional exploration that had quickly turned to disgust and self-loathing. “How are you not terrified? Have your people forgotten the Jotun so completely?”

“I guess so. In the mythology, the Jotnar are kinda assholes. But in mythology everyone gets to be an asshole. Since you're the only one here right now, it really only matters who you are.” Lily looked up at Loki. “Besides, why would we think about Frost Giants from stories when we have Chitauri and Asgardians to worry about? Most of us aren't even used to the thought that we aren't alone in the Universe. Until I met you, it hadn't even completely sunk in to me- and I saw the Chitauri with my own eyes. So please, I'm not any more afraid of you now than I was an hour ago. You're the same person. Your body is just kinda different, not worse, just... different. I'll get used to it with you.”

She moved slightly closer and reached out to touch his chest. In a voice that was almost dreamy, as she remembered something, she said, “You know, I know this painter. He does great portraits, but the people are always green or bright pink or orange or something. When I asked him why, he got upset with me, pulled my shirt up, poked my belly and yelled, ‘You ever see anything besides yourself that color in nature? If you do, it's because it's naked, weak, and vulnerable, something to be pitied. I want to see strong, passionate people, so they are crimson, raw umber and the blue of the sky!’ He might really like to meet you.”

Loki couldn't help but huff out a laugh. “The Jotnar are anything but weak. He sounds an interesting man, that painter. I suppose Asgardian or mortal, artists are always that way. Perhaps even the Chitauri or the Jotnar have artists just as crazy.”

He hesitated, stuck on a thought, then scolded himself. He had never been afraid to ask for what he wanted in bed, not for decades certainly. There was a spot on his forehead aching to be touched and he felt ridiculous, but his body was telling him that he needed that touch. That it would calm him or help him, something...

“Will you... touch me here?” He picked up her hand from his chest and moved it towards his face.

It was such a simple request. One that Lily was more than happy to agree to. She silently nodded and moved forward until she was almost in Loki's lap. Her face hovered in front of his as she traced the markings on his forehead, as if she was trying to read him like braille. She raised her free hand and stroked her thumb along the markings that ran down his cheek, from the foreign, red eyes to his strong jaw. Touching him like this was comfortable, almost hypnotic.

“Like this? I wanted to do this earlier,” she whispered, as she ran her fingers along the ridges that marked his brow. Then impulsively, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his chill skin, where her fingers had been.

His eyes slid shut as her fingers traced over the ridges on his brow. “Oh,” he sighed. Whatever in him had driven the request had been right. He could feel the small tensions all over his body bleeding away. His breath came easier, his jaw relaxed, his shoulders dropped. He didn't even jolt when Lily's lips touched him, just leaned into the caress.

His hands felt heavy when he lifted them and fumbled until he had his arms wrapped around her waist. “So good,” he mumbled, his words slow and lazy, “like... like a massage... so good...” He vaguely felt like he should be concerned at just how good it felt- not like sex at all, more a sweet primal peace infusing his body. He'd felt it when Lily had spelled words on his skin, but weaker then.

He suddenly regretted that he knew nothing about the Jotun that had not come through the filter of the Aesir. With her touching him, like before, he believed her more, _felt_ her words when she spoke. He smiled, moving his head to find her lips with his own. He tried to put as much gratitude and happiness in the soft kiss as he could.

His lips were so gentle. She could taste the cold, it was metallic on his breath, as well as feel it through her lightweight summer dress, with his arms around her. Goosebumps rose along her skin, but she didn't mind in the least. Her lips twitched up at the corners to match his smile and she returned to tracing the marks on his forehead and face. This time she reached through her glowing fingers, not to test him, just to feel him. The truth from his few words was so pure, it pulled at her heart.

“You, Loki,” she whispered, “are a very poor god of lies. You should give that title up and stick with tricks or chaos or something because your truth can be really nice.” While she spoke, she unthinkingly traced Loki's name along his skin with a finger. She caught herself just before she started to draw a heart. _You are_ not _thirteen! Stop it!_ she snapped at herself.

“Oh, you wound me!” Loki pressed his hand to his heart and toppled dramatically backwards. “A poor liar? It is no reflection on my ability to lie, just because you are able to magic out the truth. I assure you, I am an excellent liar.”

Lily almost tipped over with Loki, but flailed a bit and caught herself before she landed face first on him. “Whoa! OK. That was fast. I'm sorry I wounded you.  I... I didn't feel the mindflayer doing anything. Is it better like this?”

He stared up at the ceiling, frowning. “The mindflayer is quiet, currently.” He suddenly could not stand to be in this form any longer, despite the pleasing effect of Lily's touch. It just felt wrong. He pulled up his armor of spells and sighed as his eyesight returned to normal, his skin warming to a reasonable temperature. “That's better. Do you suppose Stark and Banner have had any luck with their experiments? Assuming they are working on this problem and not, say, also playing Truth or Dare?”

The moment they had been sharing was broken. Lily got off the bed to straighten her dress, which had twisted up. As soon as she stood, the room shifted a bit underneath her feet and she was very aware of how much she had been drinking and how fast, so she sat right back down.

“Do you wanna go check on them? Cause if they're playing... Wow, this is a house full of idiots, 'cause who in their right mind says, ‘Oh look, it's Loki and the Hulk... let's drink and play games with them.’ I mean, really? Well... _I_ know better, but generally... Oh yeah...” She leaned over and grabbed a bottle and held it out. “If you're pink, you drink. Keep the mindflayer quiet.”

He sat up and plucked the bottle from her. “I will drink, but you are not having any more of this.” He eyed the path to the sink and thought better of it. A series of quick hand gestures and her cup filled with water. He held it out for her.  “Drink this or you will be in a sorry state tomorrow.  Magic does nothing for hangovers.  I suppose Stark will come get us if he needs us. No need to bother him or Banner and tempt a smashing.” He rubbed his fingers against his temple. “I hope they discover some way to get it out of my head.”

Lily gazed at the water with wonder before she drank it. She doubted she'd ever get used to Loki's magic. “Tempt a smashing? Jeeze, I kinda wanted to see what they were doing, but not so much, I guess.  Are you hungry? I am starving all of a sudden.  We've got all the chocolate, but I want _food_ , ya know? I think I got more snacks at the store... lemme look.”

She handed Loki the cup back and crawled across the bed again to dig in the shopping bags. She began giggling. “Oh, hold it! You wanna laugh? You won't believe what I found at the store. I had to buy them. I'll probably never get the nerve to wear them, and I _absolutely_ need to hide them from Stark. I'd never live it down, but...” Lily sat up and held out a pair of underpants in front of her and was laughing like a maniac. “Iron Man underpants!!! They had Iron Man underpants! His great big face just grinning right there.” Her hand waved vaguely over her crotch. and she was laughing so hard she tipped over sideways.

Jealousy flooded hot and bitter through his body. He started to scowl- until she fell over laughing. Once, he would have found something like this just as funny as she did. He had been a person who would have slipped those ridiculous things into someone's wardrobe. It felt like so long ago, when he was softer, when laughter came easier- when life had not felt so heavy. That person beckoned to him, reminding him how much fun he had had, before...

He leaned over and plucked the underwear from Lily's grasp. “Yes, you should certainly not wear these. He draped them over his own lap, pitching his voice to sound like Stark's. “Oh, sweetcheeks, I know I'm the best piece of meat on the market, but I only fuck robots. Don't let the gears on the floor alarm you.”

Tears came to Lily's eyes as she laughed even harder at Loki's impression. Especially when she imagined a can of Wd-40 on the bed table. She pulled herself up and took the item back from Loki's lap, sniffling and wiping at her cheeks. “If you're so jealous you don't want me to wear them then neither can you, funny man. But someone should...”

She got up and opened the top drawer of a dresser and tucked them in among Thor's clothes. With a loud burst of laughter, she shut the drawer and flopped back on the bed, landing across Loki's legs.

“There. Let him figure _that_ out. I hope Stark finds them first and Thor doesn't just assume they're something you left behind. But it would be hysterical if he did. It would totally make sense. You're so cranky and jumpy around Tony and worried about who he wants to sleep with, that it's quite possible you _do_ have a crush on him.” Lily grinned up at Loki with pure mischief.

Dancing his fingers up and down her stomach, he laughed. “You are becoming quite the trickster yourself.  I am so proud to have corrupted you. And I am only concerned with Stark sleeping with _you_ ,” he poked her belly button lightly and he scrunched his face, “since you are _my_ human. All the better if he is bedding someone else. You would be tense too if you had thrown someone out a window in a drug-addled rage and then had to come beg a favor. I hate begging for favors.” He shook his head.  “Did you not find your snacks? Should we venture to the kitchen to feed you- or, I suppose the more relevant question is, can you keep food down?”

She twitched and wiggled a bit as his touch tickled her. “How drunk do you think I am? I'm not going to throw up. I'm not that bad, jeeze. If you thought I was going to throw up, why would you poke my stomach? Silly. In fact, I kinda want to go dancing and flirt with inappropriate people. But I _really_ want pizza. Jarvis? Can I get a pizza or will security fry a delivery guy?”

_Mr. Stark currently has an order pending with Gino's Pizza. Could I add to that delivery for you, Miss?_ JARVIS answered.

“Oh my God, yes! An extra-large, extra cheese, Supreme or Deluxe or whatever they call it there. Um… large garden salad with ranch dressing and a two liter of Root Beer.” Lily looked up at Loki. “Should be enough to share.”

After just a moment, JARVIS spoke again. _Your order has been added. I will inform you of its delivery._


	22. Chapter 22

“Yay!” Lily clapped and rolled off of Loki's legs. “But you were saying... you think I'm yours?” She poked at the exposed skin of his stomach in retaliation. “And you're jealous? That's adorable.”

“Of course, you are mine. Have we not established that already?” Loki raised an eyebrow and sniffed. “I am _not_ jealous. Not of that pompous, over-inflated alcoholic.” Which was a lie he was sure she'd be able to see through even without a truth-telling power, given how he'd acted before the tiara had sent him into the seizure. He couldn't help it- he had a poor record of success and a laundry list of times he'd been pushed aside in favor of others.

“But you should quit worrying about Stark so much. Well... you should probably apologize for the window thing and _then_ quit worrying so much. You hardly begged for favors from him. You only showed up looking for your brother. Everything else is 'cause Thor decided it, not us. You didn't ask to have that thing put on your head and then be made to hang around until you got attacked. Stark is working on the mindflayer in your blood because he _wants_ to. It's probably just curiosity, but it's still his choice.  Hey! Do you dance?”

His fingers twitched, wanting to reach out and grab her. The idea that she would choose him was overwhelmingly _everything_ to him and he knew he'd do unfortunate things to keep it that way. Ironically, things that Lily would never approve of.  He shrugged those thoughts off and focused on this moment. While it lasted.

“Do you think a son of the crown does not know how to dance?”

“You are a Prince, aren't you?” Lily gasped at him. “I do _not_ know why I haven't taken into consideration that your Highness is a most definitely, not-jealous _Prince_. Dear, how did I manage to get the version of this fairy tale without ballgowns and jewels and dancing? Ahh well... Being stuck in a fabulous mansion with a magical, handsome Prince is enough for me. More than I ever counted on.”

Laying on her stomach with her chin propped up on her hands, she looked up and gave him her best smile and batted her twinkling eyes. “I'm sure I couldn't ask for much else, even just a dance, especially from your Highness.”

He snorted indulgently, climbing off the bed and kicking Thor's things out of the way to clear some space on the floor. “I do not know what you are complaining about- your dress looks fine to me. Stunning, in fact.” He pulled her up and into his arms.  “What do you dance to here? Do I have to ask the robot? JARVIS, play something appropriate to dance to.”

_There are multiple genres of music under the category of ‘dance music,’ Mr. Laufeyson. What sort of dancing would you like to do?_

Loki shook his head with a grimace. How was he supposed to pick? He knew nothing about Midgardian music. “Something... slow. That does not take up too much space, we do not have much room here. If you do not like it, blame the robot, not me,” he said to Lily. He rested a hand on her hip as soft piano notes began to play. “You wanted a dance, my lady?”

“Yes. I did. Thank you,” Lily answered softly. She was unsure of the small steps Loki was taking but followed the best she could. “I'm sure you're just indulging me, but that almost makes it nicer. That you're willing to do it. It's been awhile since anyone did anything just to make me happy. I mean, Mona, my boss, is good enough to me, but that's still work and nothing that I haven't earned. You know?”

In the darkening room, his hands were warm against her as they moved slowly to the music.  Lily closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. “I could very easily get used to this, you know?  Your smile, your hands, your flattery... and there's so much I want to do with you and learn from you. But Thor could come back any time and say that everything is cleared up, they figured out the mindflayer thing and you can just go home right now. And I will have lost my chance, 'cause you'll just be gone. So, thank you for the dance and indulging me. It all means more than you know. You mean more than you know.”

“Gone? I promised I would take you back to New York. Even assuming everything works out as you said- and I assure you, Thor will not have 'cleared up' anything in any reasonable time- I cannot leave Midgard until I have fulfilled that promise.” He tipped his head forward, pressing his forehead to hers.  His chest felt warm and light as he tucked away her words to treasure later.  “I do hope that someone can get the mindflayer out of my head, the sooner the better, as you say.  It wants to kill you,” he whispered, the truth of it too huge for him to speak normally.  “It showed me how it wants to kill you...  and it broke me, Lily.”  His hands roamed restlessly up and down her back, assuring himself that she was here and unharmed.  “I could not face that. Trying to force you away for your safety only tore out my own heart. It would seem you are stuck with me.”

Lily's nose brushed against Loki's and her hand reached to press gently against the skin of his chest. “Your heart?” she whispered.  “Really? That explains the whole 'Go away, stay here, go away, stay here’ bit earlier. And down on the beach, you weren't just... having fun?” Thinking that Loki wasn't just being charming and flirty, that his hands moving along her back could mean something, that he might actually feel the same way she did, made her heart pound so loud it almost drowned out the thoughts about how the mindflayer wanting to kill her was enough to break Loki.

He couldn't help but smile and dipped his head down to steal a soft kiss. “I most certainly had fun on the beach. As did you. No use in denying that.”

“The beach...” she murmured. “The doorway on the beach. You can only go through that if it's open, right? Or else random people would just wander through and disappear. I think I know how to buy you some time without the mindflayer. It wants to kill me and just flat out wants you, so we lure it down to the beach by the doorway, then when it comes for us, we go through that doorway to Asgard and let it follow us, then, we jump back here and slam the door shut behind us.  It should take it a little time for it to get back here and until then, any damage it does will be so far away from you, you can't get blamed for it.  If I'm stuck with you, let me know about things. If I'm yours, then you are mine and it can't have you. We can do this together.”

He straightened, pulling Lily closer against his chest.  Her idea churned in his mind as he continued to sway.  “It would be stuck on Asgard until it could find another way here, yes... I think that is why it took so long after Thor brought me back for it to follow- it had to make its way in. It might already know the way out, then... Hm, no, that way likely would not return it to Midgard. Thor is there... It would it not be opposed to killing him, either, but I doubt it could manage.” He chewed on his lip as he thought. “I cannot risk it killing another Aesir... I assume it went after Nord because I had been talking to him. Since no one I care about but Thor is on Asgard, perhaps it will not kill while it is trapped there.” He wanted to pace, but was reluctant to let Lily go. _‘You are mine,’_ she had said, and that sent his mind reeling with unknown emotion. He tried to concentrate on the mindflayer instead. “And if anyone is capable of defending themselves, better the Asgardians than the mortals.” He had nearly convinced himself of the plan.  _‘We can do this together,’_ she had said.  Loki nodded along with the memory. “Very well. It is a sound idea.”

“It's a drunk idea. Nobody's married to it or anything. We can always wait for your brother and give Stark some time to come up with something. Keep it as a back up plan. I don't know enough about everything involved to know any risks.”

Lily had draped herself around Loki when he pulled her closer. She could feel his thigh muscles move against her as they stood, holding each other and swaying. While she wasn't a tiny person, his size and not-quite-so-obvious strength were very comforting like this.

“Anyway,” she sighed and laid her cheek against the front of his shoulder. “We can talk about it later. Right now, I want to tell you how impressed I am that you chose a dance I actually know.” Her hands circled around his back and held him close, even while they drifted in arcs across his skin. Lily couldn't help it, when she touched Loki, she always wanted to feel more of him somehow- to pet him, or soothe him.

“We are a bit short on space for a reel or a proper waltz. It seems that Asgardians and mortals have the same ‘too drunk to move at the end of the party’ dance.”  He laid his cheek on top of her head and chuckled into her hair.  “Once, Thor and I had stayed late after a banquet ended, intending to sneak out and create an after party with his friends. But I got stuck dancing with a woman who could have been my grandmother, she just kept going even though she looked dead on her feet. Would not let me go, and got a bit handsy too.”

Lily was caught up with the mental image of Loki dancing at a banquet. He had to be breathtaking dressed up and graceful, no matter who he was dancing with. Would she ever get to see something like that, she wondered.

He closed his eyes with a sigh as his skin warmed under her touch.  “Mmmm, not nearly as nice as you, though.  You always feel amazing.”

_The pizza has been delivered, Miss Sharlow._

Loki jumped, embarrassingly startled, when the AI's voice flooded the room. Lily clung harder to him in reflex.

Laughing, a bit in relief and a bit in embarrassment, she answered, “Thank you. It's pizza! Yay!” She gave Loki a quick squeeze and pecked his cheek, then stepped back, holding his hands. “Um... you wanna come down with me? We can come back up here and eat if you don't want to stay down there. It's just... there's a Hulk down there. You know, probably between the pizza and me. Annnnd... uh, yeah.” Lily looked up at Loki pleadingly.

He was about to tell her to maybe put her bra back on before she went, until he saw the look on her face. “Are you afraid of the Hulk?” He couldn't help but laugh, forgetting for a moment that she didn't know as much as he did about the Avengers. “That little mousy fellow? He's the one you're scared of? You are the last person he would hurt-“ He rolled his shoulders against the remembered ache he'd felt for days after being smashed into the floor like a toddler's toy during a tantrum.

He realized that telling Lily about how easily the brute had incapacitated him was not the way to calm her fear. “Fine. I will come with you. If I end up crushed into the floor, I expect you to dote on me to a disgusting degree.” He twisted his fingers and his seidr located her bra and his shirt, another gesture pulled them closer. “And you should put this back on. I don't want to share that view with anyone,” he leered exaggeratedly.

“Oh my gosh! Really? _That’s_ what you are thinking about?” Lily grabbed at her bra and turned to the bathroom to go put it on, but kept talking through a crack in the door. “And why are you laughing at me? That Hulk and some friend of his destroyed Harlem. You think you did damage during the Incident with your Chitauri? Sure, you brought nightmares, but those guys just leveled things to the ground. An entire block was flattened in minutes. Those weirdos from Hell's Kitchen still haven't managed to get things cleaned up. Huh, I guess I'm one of the weirdos too. But if you're afraid that little, mousy fellow will crush you into the floor... being able to see a fake won't help me dodge him.”

She came back adjusting her dress.  “Am I presentable enough to pick up a pizza now? I wouldn't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities. Because nipples are scary and the Hulk isn't,” she teased and left the room, but hesitated in the hallway until Loki caught up with her.

“I did not say anything about nipples being 'scary.' I said I do not want anyone _else_ to see them. There is a distinct difference.” Loki came up behind her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

Lily's eyes closed and she tried not to wonder how she felt the kiss everywhere on her body at once.  His excessively flirty comments were easy to disregard, they were too flippant to be serious in any way, but his touch... that she had no choice but to take seriously.

“I am perfectly happy if you want to show _me_ more of them.” Joking was much easier than acknowledging the churning in his stomach. _Let's not be ridiculous,_ he told himself, _a little battering is nothing to get this worked up about. You've had worse, it didn't even kill you._

And chances were good that Banner would not turn into the Hulk with Stark here to keep him calm. Assuming that was Stark's plan...

He swallowed as they walked. Barton had told him as much about the Hulk as he had known and even at the time, Loki thought in different circumstances they might have gotten on. Both of them shells hiding deadly monsters inside. He wondered what Lily would see if Banner did turn into the Hulk. What was his truth- a man with a monster, or a monster with a man? On a whim, he slipped his hand into hers, squeezing gently. “I hope this 'pizza' is worth it.”

She didn't notice that he seemed quiet and distracted as they went downstairs, but was pleasantly surprised when he held her hand. She felt like she was in high school again, not in an embarrassing way, but unsure and excited.

She tried not to smile too hard. “You've never had pizza?  Ohh pizza is worth it. I really like junk food, but good pizza is worth it.”

As they made their way into the kitchen, Tony's voice could be heard loudly. It was almost a lecturing tone. “Seriously, it's the perfect seduction, just try it, you certainly don't have anything to lose, big guy. Wear something eye-catching, those dockers make you blend into the scenery, dinner on the beach, maybe some chocolate, a few too many drinks, then you surprise them with dancing... somewhere unexpected, it's more romantic that way. And you're in. She seems immune to my many charms and she's way too focused on... Oh hey! It's Rosie... and Reindeer Games.” Stark made a face when he said Loki's nickname, but other than that didn't miss a beat, even when obviously caught in a discussion that wasn't meant to be overheard.

Loki put on his best shark smile as they entered the room.  “It was lunch on the beach, actually.  Hello, Bruce,” he oozed polite emptiness as he turned his smile onto the other man- who looked like he had swallowed a frog.  Loki did his best to exude a disinterested, confident air. He didn't feel that way and he knew Lily could tell. But Stark and Banner couldn't and he would be damned if he let them know just how uncomfortable he was. “Joining us for pizza?”

“Ah... Um... Naw, I just...” Bruce stammered.  He shrank back a little. “I can go back to the lab... Tony was showing me some blood, er, your blood and... It's messed up.  Sorry about that.”

He tilted a little towards Lily. “Um, hi.”

Lily mentally ticked off the list of things Stark had mentioned and was slightly mortified with herself. Had she really done all that? Did Loki believe Stark and think she had been setting up a seduction all day? Of course, it was plenty of fun to flirt with him. She sure hadn't turned away opportunities to get a bit more physical, but when she felt for him and tried to take care of him, she was sure it was just because she was being a decent person and trying to understand him.  Had she been trying to seduce him all afternoon and hadn't even realized it?

She remembered an article she had read about taking a date bungee jumping or to a haunted house being actually very romantic. Fear released hormones that made them more attracted and attached to the people around them. Maybe that was it. Dealing with the mindflayer certainly had to have released tons of chemicals, because it was just horrible. The way Loki's shoulders looked in that tunic was irrelevant. The fact that he seemed like he genuinely wanted her around- specifically _her_ , not just _someone_ \- was just a plus, not anything to lose her head or heart over. He was interesting.

Right? That was all.

If that was all... why was her face getting red? And why did it feel like it was a lie?

Was someone talking to her?

Lily startled and took a step back, bumping into Loki when she realized she was looking into the face of Bruce Banner. He was much closer than she expected him to be. She kept herself against Loki and held his hand tighter without realizing it.

“Oh! Um, hi again. Is... is it going well? What you came for? In the lab? I hope it was OK to jump in on your order. I'm just super hungry. This ours?” She let go of Loki and pulled the unopened boxes and bottle of pop closer.

“Of course it was, sweetheart- mi casa, su casa and all that.”  Tony waved at the pile of boxes with his slice, displaying the sausage, peppers, and olives.  “Sure you don't want to stay? Got the good stuff here and I'm sure Bruce will share his veggie mistake.”  He made a face. “Broccoli.  An abomination.”

With her free hand Lily reached into Tony's open box of pizza and grabbed a slice, quickly stuffing it into her mouth. The smell was driving her crazy and made her stomach growl embarrassingly. It was so good that she gave a small eye roll and moan.

Loki lifted the boxes and bottle from Lily with seidr, _just because he could_.  It filled him with a petty joy to remind them of his ablities. “Do let me know if you find anything useful, besides plans to steal my girlfriend.” He leaned towards Banner and murmured, “Shame for you, is it not? She does not mind a monster.”  Another spike of snide satisfaction.  It was much easier to be what they expected of him- aloof, cruel, egotistical- than to be anything else. He was growing more comfortable being vulnerable with Lily, being more honest with her than he was with himself. But he was not going to give these two men even a hairline crack in his armor. He reached for Lily's hand again.

She almost shook off Loki's hand and questioned his use of the word girlfriend. It felt nice until she thought about it. Then all kinds of red flags were set off. He was at least as nervous as she was to come down here and face these guys, so his whole snarky attitude was a front. She remembered a conversation she had with Mona, where Mona had told her never to emasculate a guy in front of other men, unless she didn't care if he had a dick or not. She stifled a laugh inside of her full mouth.

“What's funny enough you'd choke to death over it?” Tony asked.

“Nothin'… Nothin'...” she mumbled and swallowed. “Ya know...” Lily started laughing again, this time much more clearly. “Ya know, I can do some cool things. You can't lie to me. That painting can't lie to me. Even Loki can't lie to me, and that's _really_ cool. But I just realized... it's really hard to lie to myself now too.”

She took a step back and wrapped her and Loki's joined hands around her back, leaving Loki's resting on her waist so she could gesture freely.  She might have been facing the Hulk, but it wasn't quite as scary while she knew Loki was right there with her. “It usually takes me fifteen minutes in the morning to convince myself that jeans don't make my butt look big. I'm never going to be able to get dressed now or else I'm going to have to face more truth than I want to,” Lily joked and laughed again to cover the seriousness of her realization.  “If I eat as much of this as I want, I might have to face more butt too. It's really good pizza. And seeing as there's no pineapple on any of it, I'm going to say that there aren't any monsters here.” She glanced back over her shoulder at Loki to let him know that his jab at Bruce had not gone unnoticed. “That's where I draw the line. Putting pineapple on pizza makes you a monster.”

Tony crossed over to Lily, and with a very serious look on his face, reached out and tipped her chin up so she would look at him. His brown eyes were tired and a bit sad. “You need to be careful. Believe me when I tell you that everyone here is a monster, except for you. You are drunk. So eat and soak up that alcohol, because your butt is perfect.” He let go and stepped back around the kitchen island.  “Let me get you some glasses for that root beer. Ha! Rock of Ages made a root beer float. Maybe he does have a sense of humor.”

Loki let his hand drift down from where she'd left it, resisting the impish urge to pinch. “At least that's something Metal Britches and I can agree on,” he stage-whispered. Two could play that game. “Your butt _is_ perfect.” He didn't like Stark flirting with her, but he was also worried about her rambling. Suddenly looking at the scene from her view- a mortal surrounded by heroic figures and modern legends- he thought he might feel very small, in her place. He moved his hand off her ass and onto her hip, squeezing gently in support.

Perhaps he had been too glib about her fears, earlier. He knew from experience how much damage these two men could inflict on him- and he while he didn't want to live through it again, he still thought their "powers" were beneath his own abilities. Lily had no such arrogance to fall back on. 

“Come along. We will leave them to plot your seduction, maybe by the morning they will have come up with something halfway decent.” He plucked the glasses Stark had gotten out of his hands with magic and added them to the floating pizza box and drink. His arm around her waist, he steered Lily back out of the kitchen.

“Jesus, he's not gotten any saner, has he?” Bruce complained to Tony.

“Not one bit. The woman seems to help though. I think he'll listen to her. And she's spot on with her truth thing, even though it makes him sound like the victim.” Tony took big bite of pizza and spoke around the food, “But it's fun to watch him twitch when someone gets friendly with Lily. It sure is a shame that you're not going to take a run at her. I'd _love_ to watch that. It's almost be worth the property damage. Eat up, man. We gotta get back to the lab before Dum-E decides to dump the blood samples over.”

***

Once Loki and Lily were going up the stairs, it became evident that Loki had impressed the wrong person by floating dinner out of the room. Lily was fascinated, staring at it and waving her hands around the boxes like she was feeling for strings or wires as she walked.

“This is amazing,” she murmured to herself, before looking at Loki. “Almost cool enough to make me forgive you for deciding I'm your girlfriend without even a by-your-leave.”  Her voice was teasing, without any anger in it. She reached down to touch the hand that he had resting on her hip, before she scooped up the TV remote that was on a dresser as they walked through the door back into Thor's now-dark room.

Lily jumped back on the mattress and propped herself up with a bunch of pillows at the head of the bed. With one hand she turned on the TV and lit the room with a blue glow and the other hand made grabby motions at the boxes of food.

“That is the right term, yes?” The boxes landed next to Lily while he grabbed the bottle. He let the glasses float while he twisted off the lid, surprised by the violent hiss it let out. Skeptical, he poured the dark liquid into the cups.  “We do not have exactly the right word on Asgard, but I think 'girlfriend' is the appropriate one in this case? After the beach and all... Is there another word I should use?” He handed her a cup and sniffed at his, wrinkling his nose. “What is this, exactly?” He settled himself on the bed, the food between them. He rolled his shoulders, relaxing now that the Hulk and Iron Man were not staring him down. He took a cautious sip of his drink, humming in surprise at the dark, sweet taste and the tiny bubbles popping against his tongue.

“It's Root Beer. It's not actually beer, there's no alcohol, so it won't help you in the getting drunk department. You like it? Yay!” She set her glass down on the bed table and opened the salad container, studiously focusing on pouring dressing from a plastic cup over half of it, to avoid Loki's first question.

But she knew she shouldn't just ignore it, with her heart hammering in her chest, she said, “Girlfriend usually has... implications, like exclusivity and a future and expectations. If... if that's what you...”

She stopped and cleared her throat. She wondered desperately if that's what he wanted. After Brian, she'd promised herself that she was done with looking for relationships. She thought she could be fulfilled with flirtation and the occasional hook up. She'd deal with a relationship if she just happened to fall into one. Was this what that felt like? Could she just yell, _Yes. I'm your girlfriend and you are my boyfriend and you make me want to smile and laugh and do stupid things. I could listen to you talk forever and now that I've tasted your kiss, I want more!_ and it would be that simple?

No, it couldn't be. Long distance or non-traditional relationships were one thing, but they were from different planets and were different species. She would give him the benefit of the doubt and just assume he had the wrong word. It was better than giving her heart hope only to smash it again. “Wh... what is the not quite right word?”

He gave her a sidelong look as he took another sip. It would be so easy to tease. But nervousness was coming off her in waves and she looked just as worried as she had downstairs facing Banner- and trying not to show it. It was adorable. He had been smitten with her since her reaction to stepping onto Asgard and it had instantly solidified into something more when he'd heard her voice after his attempt to push her away. He was often dramatic and over-reacted, but even he wasn't going to start doubting her intentions.

No, he was sure he knew Lily's feelings on this, at least enough to charge forward. He reached over and put his hand on her thigh. “ _Kærasta._ It is more formal, something very established. We do not have a simple term for something new or... just beginning.” He licked his lip, trying not to smile. It was too hard not to tease a little. “Unless I need to take advice from Stark as to how to seduce you more?”

” _Kærasta,_ ” Lily tried the new word out softly and poked at the salad with a plastic fork. She laid her free hand over his. “I don't think we have a word for it either, well not for this situation. I mean, we met the day before yesterday, but they've been long days and...” Her voice trailed off and she traced the word YES onto the back of his hand. “And if you want to take Stark's advice, I've been the one seducing you.” Lily smiled at the salad before lifting her eyes to meet Loki's.

“Well- who could blame you?” He flashed her a grin. “I _am_ the most handsome god. Do not tell Frey I said that, although he is such a bore, it takes away from his good looks.” Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Now, that-“ he pointed at the salad, “-looks disgusting. If I wanted to eat leaves, I would be a deer. What else have you procured for us?”

He opened the pizza box, contemplating the large circle of bread and cheese inside. He picked up a piece the way Lily had in the kitchen, but it was floppier than he expected and he had to yank his hand away from her thigh to support the tip of the slice before it dropped cheese and sauce into his lap. Shooting Lily a dramatic skeptical look, he took a bite. Involuntarily, his eyes slid shut as he chewed, the mix of flavors and the unique texture wiping his mind blank. “Ymir's bones, that's incredible.”

Lily laughed at Loki's posturing and looked over at the extra large pizza. Then she shut the salad box and balanced it on a stack of things on the bed table. “Ya know, you're right. I was trying to pretend that I could be a little bit healthy. Screw it. Dinner is the least thing I have to worry about right now. But I'm glad you like it. Note to self: Loki is into junk food and is the most handsome god.”

She grabbed a slice and almost inhaled it, before reaching for another. “I don't normally eat like this. I don't know what’s wrong. I just feel absolutely hollow. And really tired considering I slept in and had a nap today.  Is it a magic thing or an imported vodka thing?”

Lily shifted the pizza box and leaned over toward Loki to rest her head on his shoulder as she ate and began to blankly watch whatever show was flickering on the TV. She sighed happily and finished her third slice in record time.

“It has been a long day,” he murmured, pulling Lily a bit closer to him.  That was an understatement, he laughed at himself.  It felt as if the horror of seeing the mindflayer oozing through the cracked window had been weeks ago, not this morning.  He'd spent so much time jerking between abject fear and overcompensating today... it was comforting to have these quiet moments. 

He had lost track of how many pieces of pizza he had eaten when he finally wiped his fingers on his pants with a sigh.  He wanted to ask if she thought Stark and Banner had figured anything out. If she thought they'd be able to get it out of him.  His imagination had supplied plenty of gruesome ways they might do it, including Hulk smashing him to a bloody, dead pulp.

But he didn't say anything, not wanting to open that conversation, not now when she was relaxed and warm and heavy against his side. He didn't want to admit to her how afraid he was, how out of control he felt.  Or how much he was relying on her to keep him grounded and sane. It would be too easy to just give in or to fall back into the old patterns that had gotten him here. He remembered how deeply soothing it had felt when she traced the ridges on his Jotun skin; he had felt almost boneless.

Even now, it was calming to have her touching him, making him feel real.  “I do not know what you have done to me, but I like it,” he mumbled into her hair, closing his eyes.

Loki's murmur drew Lily back out of her half-asleep daze. “Hmm? I didn't do anything. Promise... well, not yet.”

She half-heartedly pushed the almost empty pizza box toward the edge of the bed while she burrowed herself under a blanket with her legs.  Then she curled up closely against Loki with her arm around his stomach and her leg curling over his.  She could hear his heartbeat as she tucked her head up against his chest. It was slow and steady and made her feel safe. Her breathing soon slowed to match the rhythm.

“I like you too,” Lily whispered, just before her eyes closed and she was lost to sleep.

With a gesture from his free hand, Loki floated the food boxes onto the floor. He thought about destroying them, but changed his mind- and if Stark got mice, that was just a side benefit. He pulled the blanket more firmly over Lily before wiggling himself into a comfortable position. _You really should not trust me this much,_ he thought, petting her hair. He should be laughing at himself- brimming to the top with sentiment, filled with admiration and foolish pride over a human. But it had been so long since anyone had trusted him like this, or touched him without violence. It felt impossible not to soften with the promise of it.

He hadn't always hated mortals. When he and Thor had been gangly young bucks, they had often snuck down to Midgard, enjoying the attention, the worship of the people there. He remembered with some bitterness their last adventure, if it could be called that. Midgard had advanced much farther than they had known and no one cared about the old myths any longer. They were just stories, and these strangers were just that- strangers. But oh, how they had still loved Thor, with his perfect blond hair and easy laugh. The jealousy and hurt he'd felt that day had only grown over the years, and more after Thor's banishment. And in that damn prison, Ebony Maw had capitalized on that feeling, whispering, _They used to think you were gods. Look how they've forgotten about you... Show them real power, show them you are a god too..._

Twisting his memories around, talking dizzying circles around him until it all made perfect sense...

He hugged Lily tightly, just for a moment. How could he not have fallen for her? His own personal worshipper. He smiled. Enraptured by his abilities, eager to hug and touch him, quick to defend him...

Sentiment, yes. But it felt so good.

And he had never been one to deny himself pleasures. He yawned, closing his eyes. He was asleep in seconds.

Close to what should have been another bright sunrise, rain sheeted against the large windows and patio door.  Sometime during the night, the television had realized no one was watching and turned itself off.

The sounds of surf and storm softly filled the room as Lily began to moan and whimper, caught in a nightmare. She was still curled up against Loki. They had barely stirred while unconscious, but now her head moved against his chest in an effort to evade a monster that was only in her head. Her fingers clutched onto his tunic. Her brows furrowed as she mumbled Loki's name in her sleep.

He blinked awake, certain he'd heard his name.  But no, it must have just been the heavy rain outside that had woken him.  He was about to close his eyes again when he heard Lily whimper his name and burrow into his chest like a kitten.  “Shh, shh, it is just a dream,” he murmured fuzzily as he stroked her hair. When that didn't settle her, he shook her shoulder.  “Lily.  Lily, wake up, darling, you are dreaming.”

Lily gasped as Loki voice pulled her out from under the dreams of mindflayers and fallen gods.

He was there. Loki was there keeping her safe, just like she wanted him to in her nightmare.

Everything was good, good enough to relax again before she woke up completely. “Hmm... yeah, was. Sorry. Good now. You're here,” she mumbled and her eyes fluttered toward him, almost but not quite opening all the way. Then she laid her head back against him with a sleepy smile.  “Darling,” she sighed. “'s good.”


	23. Chapter 23

Just as Lily dropped into a warm comfortable sleep again, the bedroom door flew open and hit the wall with a bang.

“Brother! I have arrived.” Thor's booming voice shattered their dark, quiet peace. He stepped into the room and surveyed the scene before him. “Forgive me for interrupting your reverie, I did not realize that you kept the lady so closely with you. I would speak with you about my findings in Asgard once you have... made yourselves decent.”

At the sound of Thor's voice, Lily pulled the blanket over her head, partly to protest being woken and partly out of sheer mortification at being caught in his bed like this. “I _am_ decent.” Her hoarse morning voice grumbled against Loki's chest.

Loki's heart was pounding and he was halfway through casting a defensive spell when he realized who it was. He glared. “Norns’ bloody pool- _knock_ , Thor. It is the polite thing to do, not that I would expect you to know it. It is not even dawn, and you come banging in here- what, did you use Mjolnir to open the door? The doorknob too hard for you?” He rolled his eyes and flicked his fingers at Thor in dismissal. “Well then? Off with you, so that we can make ourselves ‘decent,’ as you said.” He slipped out from under Lily, lowering her to the pillow. “Sleep. He is going to be very loud, I can tell. Because he is always loud.” He shot a glance over his shoulder to Thor in the doorway.

“It is my chamber, Loki! Why would I knock? And I expected you to still be bound. I will await your explanation in the kitchens, where there may be coffee.” Thor pointed knowingly at his brother, turned and closed the door, leaving Loki and Lily alone again.

Lily ran a hand over the empty spot on the bed that Loki had left. She sighed and sat up. “I'm not gonna get back to sleep. It's OK. I want to know what's going on anyway, if it’s not good... nevermind, it'll be good. And he said coffee.”

She swung her legs over and sat on the edge of the bed before giving Loki a one-armed hug around the shoulders and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. She grabbed a bag and shuffled to the bathroom. “You know, we need to stop sleeping in our clothes like this. I feel like a pile of yuck.  Hey, if you're changing clothes, don't disappear that shirt. It's mine.” 

“We can sleep naked, if you would prefer,” he called after her.

 _I might prefer that..._ Lily responded in her head and immediately covered her blushing cheeks. She was glad he didn't see her or he would for sure know what she was thinking and she didn't know if that would make things easier or uncomfortable between them.

He slumped to sit back down on the bed. Thor had never had much respect for boundaries, but antagonizing him was not going to help Loki. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, digging his fingers into his scalp. His head felt stuffed with cotton and a creeping sense of dread. Yesterday, he had desperately wanted Thor here. Today, it felt dangerous. Of all the terrible things he _had_ done, it would be ridiculous to be strung up for the one he hadn't. He made a frustrated noise. He was not a 'morning person' and it was too early to be this on edge.

In the bathroom, Lily brushed the things that needed to be brushed and wiped the rest with a wash cloth before changing into a pair of denim shorts and- because she had looked out the window- a new oversized, pale blue sweatshirt. She came back to the bedroom looking more awake, but still feeling the sand of sleep in her eyes.

When Lily was finished, he took his turn at the sink, splashing cold water on his face and took a small bit of pleasure in using Thor's toothbrush. Feeling a bit more in control of himself, he left the bathroom and wrapped his arm around Lily. He smiled at her, full of gallows humor. “Shall we go see if I am charged with murder?”

She almost sighed in relief. She covered his hand with hers. “Deep breath and cheer up. I don't know Thor well, but he didn't seem like he was here to haul you off to a firing squad. Last night was... nice. Let's keep that going and not get all emo and intimidated until we have to, huh? And you should keep in mind that, no matter what, you have something that the tabloids say your brother doesn't anymore. A girlfriend. Sure, I'm no astro-physicist, but my hands glow sometimes. That's worth something.”

He made a noncommittal sound.  Thor very well could have been intending to haul him off to Asgard and only got derailed by finding Lily in his bed.  His sex life discomfited Thor only slightly less than it did Odin.  Especially if Thor had thought he would still be magic-less and therefore easier to haul.  

He couldn't read the situation here and it worried him.  Ever since dropping from the Bifrost, his ability to talk his way out of trouble was spotty.  As they walked, he wondered what they would do if he just... disappeared.  Took himself, and by extension, the mindflayer, off to some remote part of the cosmos.  Would they search for him out of principle to bring him to justice, or would they cut their losses and forget about him?  At least he had that stupid tiara off and it was an option.

When they got to the kitchen, Thor was mercifully alone, pouring coffee into a giant mug.  Loki let go of Lily and walked the last few steps in ahead of her, twisting the fingers of his right hand with his left.  “I'm not wearing that ridiculous contraption, but I _am_ right where you left me.  You can stop scowling at me as if you had to track me down across the Nine.”

Thor squinted a bit at Loki, took a drink of his coffee and sighed dramatically.  “Brother, you are usually in a more amicable mood when you are sated after an evening of debauchery.” His face reddened a tiny bit as he noticed Lily had followed Loki into the room and he nodded to her. “Beg your pardon, Lily Sharlow, I meant no offence. I am sure there is nothing debauched about you. Well perhaps... if you spend your evenings with him... but no... I apologize. If he is responsible for any offensive behavior toward you, I will certainly...”

 _Norns, Thor,_ I'm _more amicable when “sated?” That is rich coming from a man who only uses his brain when his cock and his hammer have failed,_ Loki thought as Thor blathered.

Lily cut the floundering man off with a wave of her hand. She pointed at the pot that was on the counter behind him and snapped, “Coffee. Now. Don't worry. I am entirely bauched. No one has de-anythinged me.”

Her mood had suddenly turned sour. She took a seat at the far end of the island and glared at the cup of coffee that Thor wordlessly handed her. To be fair, Thor's comments weren't the reason for her mood. She had tried her best to be supportive of Loki upstairs. And all she got was grunted at and left to walk two steps behind him. In front of Stark, he had wanted her to sit in his lap and be his girlfriend. He had to have been just posturing, proving that he was better - that she had picked _him_ and not Tony. Now, in front of Thor, he let go of her and walked away from her. In fact, he had wanted her to stay upstairs in bed, hadn't he?

She knew the truth of the things he had said to her and what they had shared, but was he ashamed of it if it wasn't a contest to be won? That was probably it. He didn't even want _her_ to know he called her darling. Their laughing at her 'dog-fucker' joke suddenly stung badly.

Thor gave up on appeasing Lily and turned back to Loki. “Nord is being widely and deeply mourned. It is difficult to speak to anyone about the facts of his death without emotion overtaking them. I could not find any evidence of your guilt, only supposition. Unfortunately, I could not find any evidence of your innocence either.”

He held up his hand to keep Loki from interjecting. “ _But_ I did speak with Heimdall in strictest confidence. His sight touched the both of you that day and he knows that you had no meeting with Nord. We both know that good Heimdall will not speak of what he sees publicly unless commanded to do so. His testimony can do you no good until Father awakens from the Odinsleep and gives that command.”

“Though you are free from sanction because the courts cannot find guilt, our people have chosen to see guilt until innocence is proven. This is a grave situation. I must ask you _not_ to return home until we have proof you did not murder Nord or Father awakens.  I would ask your help in finding the real murderer.  You have committed no wrong in this instance.” Thor punctuated his last statement by setting his cup down on the counter in front of Loki with a loud _thud_.

During Thor's speech, Lily had repeatedly mumbled, "Told you so," into her coffee.

It was a strange kind of relief to hear that he was not welcome on Asgard. It had become an oppressive place, full of whispers and cutting looks and false manners towards him. Not that Midgard enjoyed his presence much more, but at least it was a different kind of hate.

“I know what murdered him. It has confessed to me, in fact, every detail. It is a black, oozing hivemind, capable of incredible cruelty. Lily named it 'the mindflayer.' It was here, yesterday, bent on murdering her.”

He twisted his hands again, looking above Thor's head.

He had to tell Thor. He needed Thor's help. But it burned to have to admit his weakness to his brother.  “And, Thor... part of it is in me. It follows me. Stark and Banner have been in his lab all night, experimenting on my tainted blood. It wants my seidr, the way it used me in New York- I do not believe it will stop until it gets that again.”

As Thor inhaled to respond to Loki's news, Tony walked into the room and made his way to the coffee pot. There were pillow marks on his face and he was wearing rumpled shorts and a T-shirt.  “Hey there, Point Break. If ya keep this up with the weather, flowers won't do. You're gonna have to take that pretty weather girl out to dinner to apologize this time.”

After he had filled his cup, Tony moved around the island, giving a friendly chuck to Thor's shoulder as he passed. He sat at the open stool next to Lily and grinned at her, pointedly turning his back to Loki and ignoring him.  “Mornin' Glory, you look like there's trouble in paradise. Being his girlfriend getting old already? He _is_ old, you know. Rock of Ages there, is over a thousand years old. Speaking of old...”

“Tony, please,” Lily mumbled, cutting him off. “I have a headache. Did you come up with anything yesterday? Did Bruce help?”

“As a matter of fact, he did. Like I said, speaking of old school... he was thinking dialysis might work. We can't find a chemical or physical filter that will work yet, but we're hoping to find something that will attract it... make it separate itself, then draw it off.”  Tony grinned so smugly that Lily might have slapped him if the news hadn't been so good.

“What do you mean, you have spoken to Nord's murderer? Brother, you said nothing of this before-“

“I did not know ‘before.’  I am not trying to withhold information from you- I cannot be held responsible if you are not capable of understanding it.”  Loki sighed, rubbing his temples.  He was trying to listen in to Stark's conversation as well as get through to Thor. “Drugs were not the only substance Thanos injected me with, do try to keep up.”  Hadn't he meant to be nice to Thor?  It was difficult to stop himself from needling him; it was deeper than habit by now. 

_He is treating you like a disappointing lackey, you should show him your raw power-_

_Oh good, you are awake. Fucker._   Loki rolled his eyes.

“Excuse me, Thor.”  He walked around his brother to get to the cabinet behind him. He pulled out a mug, then opened his pocket dimension to grab a bottle of mead.  He poured it out and took a large swallow. “Thank you for this, by the way.  Very helpful. The mindflayer cannot handle its alcohol.”

Thor stared at Loki for a moment, processing the insults. “Thank me for what? Wait! Is that _my_ mead? A thief as well as a liar now?!” He grabbed Loki by the chin and roughly pulled him forward. “I thought I told you millennia ago, _stay out of my things, brother_!”

Thor's large arm twisted and suddenly Loki was in a headlock.

“You need new hiding places, then.” Loki refused to squirm in Thor's grip. Wasn't the first time he'd been in this position. He shifted his weight to one leg, readying to twist away. “It is not my fault that you are as predictable as a plodding old cow.”

Lily had looked up from her cup to watch what was happening on the other side of the kitchen, only to be annoyed.  

She sighed deeply. “Knock it off, you giant eleven-year-olds. Don't make me raise my voice. It will hurt and I will be unhappy. In case you weren't paying attention, Bruce thinks dialysis could get the mindflayer out of Loki. As long as he's not off to space jail or whatever, that is what we should be thinking about right now.”

Loki elbowed Thor sharply when he was distracted by Lily, extracting himself elegantly from the headlock. He spread his hands in a "see what he's like?" gesture, flashing Lily his best charming smile. He doubted it would work- it had never worked on his mother- but it didn't hurt to try. 

“No, it appears I am not off to ‘space jail,’ as you put it. What is dialysis, exactly?”

“Well, in its most simple terms, it's a process we use to clean crap out of blood. Which,” Tony eyed Loki up and down skeptically, “- is at least part of your problem. We hook you up to an IV, draw out your blood, purify it, and send it back in neat and tidy. The only part we haven't figured out is what to use as a dialysate. Usually it's a fluid without any of the bad stuff in it and so the bad stuff heads over to create an equilibrium. This, though, I don't think the 'mindflayer,’” he gestured with large air quotes, “is going to just wander over the barrier because there isn't any black goo on that side. Is this too technical? Should I dumb it down some more for you?”

“I know how osmosis works,” Loki snapped, fear twisting in his gut. More needles, more injections. Trust had never come easily to him and less now. How could he trust that they would not inject him with something terrible? Whatever Stark had primed that tiara with, or something worse. He had to trust that they would not take this chance to have revenge for New York (which, if he were being honest, he would understand). His fingers twitched at his sides and he stared at Stark with a condescending expression. _Never let them see how you really feel_ was his golden rule.

Thor’s lip curled up. “Osmosis? You would remove the blood from his body? And _then_ draw off the monster inside of it, before you returned it to him? This sounds barbaric and disgusting.  Please remind me to bring you a Soul Forge for healing when you are done with Loki.”

When Loki had smiled at her, Lily couldn't help but smile back. She would have laughed, but it would have hurt too much. The smile lingered on her lips as the other spoke. She noticed something off about Loki's attitude though. Maybe it was something in his eyes or posture, but it was a lie. He might have grunted at her the last time she tried to help him, but she had to try again.

Lily got up and went to top off her cup. When she was next to Loki, she touched his arm. “Lots of people get dialysis. Some people need it three or four times a week. You'd be fine.”

“I have not had the best relationship with injections,” Loki murmured, leaning close to Lily.  It helped a little, having her next to him. He no longer felt as if he were stranded alone on precipice.  He suddenly wanted her to write on his skin again, or trace his frost giant lines, to bring back that sense of calm he had felt. “I know that I should trust each man here, and I know that you believe their best intentions. However... it is very difficult.”

Lily bit her lip so she wouldn't laugh at the thought of Loki being afraid of needles. He was ancient, magic and had led armies. Despite his behavior the past few days, she had trouble imagining anything so normal being able to make him nervous. Her hand slid down and brushed against his.

“It's not blind belief. I know what I know,” she said quietly and went back to her seat.

Loki turned back to Thor and resumed his normal volume.  “Remember, Thor, the Soul Forge did not even find this creature in my blood, let alone remove it.  Perhaps try thinking before you speak.  Primitive it might be, but it seems like a workable solution.  We have nothing else.”

“Bruce and I are hardly primitive,” Tony shot. “Well, maybe the big guy is, but his hands are too big to work a syringe.”

Lily laid her hand on Tony's wrist. A soft, almost unnoticeable light surrounded her fingers. “Let's settle this. Tell me, do you really think this is the best course of action to get the mindflayer out of Loki? What is the worst thing that would happen if you did this?”

“Oooohhh... is this like the lasso of truth? I can still lie. Can't I? Lemme see.” He took a deep breath for a dramatic pause. “I'm not afraid of Natasha. Not at all.”

Lily sighed. “Come on... you're not afraid of Natasha, whoever she is, you're fucking terrified of her. Now, the answers, please?”

Stark laughed, it was a laugh as rich as he was. “Sure thing. You win. This is the best available option that we have found. We just need to find something to attract it so it can be separated out. The worst thing that would happen is an infection where we puncture him, or else it not working at all and being a big waste of time.”

“Thank you.” Lily smiled and removed her hand to grab her coffee cup. “There.” She gestured at Loki. “He's honest. That's the truth.”

Loki couldn't help but soften at Lily's earnestness.  Of course she would think the best of her heroes.  Stark’s words had plenty of holes to sneak through.  Stark could poison him at any step in the process- but it sounded like that process was their only lead. He could swallow his nerves, as he'd done all his life.  He took a large gulp of mead, not even taunting Thor with it as he thought. 

“It likes power. That is why it is after my seidr.  And it likes to cause pain. If you can call an addled orgasmic high ‘ _like_.’” He shivered.  “What really gets it excited in my head, its... fantasies, I suppose they would be called…” Another glug. “It wants to kill Thor and Lily. Brutally. Painfully. It knows that they are-“  He stopped, unsure of how much he wanted to reveal to Stark about his deep love for his brother, something he'd never been comfortable sharing with anyone. Including Thor.  Or his newborn, growing feelings for Lily.  “I likely will not succumb to it if I am in their company.”

 _That they are what?_ is what Lily wanted to ask, but she supposed that if Loki was willing to answer, he would have just finished his sentence.

“Power,” Tony mumbled and stroked his goatee. “Power... how to we get _that_ on one side of a permeable membrane... but it wants them that much huh? How can we use that as bait if it's not jumping out of you to get them right now? Rhetorical questions guys.”  He waved his hand in the air before anyone could protest.  “I have a few pieces of vibranium-laced equipment that seems to contain it. I'm going to go check on some numbers...”

“Tell me what I need to do. I'll do it. This needs to end,” Lily said.

“Then you're a brave kid. Being around Loki makes people wind up doing really terrifying things sometimes.” Tony patted Lily's head and made her wince. He headed back down to his workshop. “If you guys need me, I'll be back downstairs.”

Lily sighed again in the silence left in Stark's wake. Thor was staring between Loki and Lily in a way that seemed expectant and made Lily feel like she was a third wheel. She fiddled with her cup for a minute and then made a decision. “Umm, I'm gonna go out on the deck and see if some fresh air clears my head. OK?”

She made her way to the patio and sat on a bench under the overhang of the roof. She tucked her feet up against her on the seat and pulled her sweatshirt down over her legs. It was still dim outside and the storm had brought a cool breeze with it. Inhaling the scent of coffee, she watched the rain and white-capped waves. The ravens swooped down to settle near the foot of the bench. She acknowledged them, then turned her attention back to the beach, trying not to worry about what was going on in the kitchen.

Thor's shoulders relaxed as the door closed behind Lily.  He stepped closer to Loki, with a curious look on his face. “I have questions for you, Loki. It seems there is much more happening than is readily apparent. Aside from the serious problems in Asgard, I mean. How did you come to enough of a peace with Tony Stark that you are unbound and yet remain a guest here? And why would that creature find the lady to be as important to attack as myself? What did she do to Tony Stark when she touched him? It seemed she used magic. If she is in league with whatever plot you have, you have placed her in grave danger.”

Loki waved his hand vaguely as he collapsed onto one of the stools at the island. “Oh, you know. Things happen. One minute you are shackled into a hideous device that stops your heart if you get too worked up and the next you are begging for it to be removed so that you might possibly have a chance to defend yourself- and the mortal who got caught up in all this too- from a gelatinous alien murderer.”

He slumped, staring into his cup. “Between you and me, I believe Stark would have let that device kill me, even as that _thing_ oozed through his broken window, but for Lily demanding he remove it. After we drove it off, I think he saw this whole situation as a puzzle to be solved. The device was ruined in the attack. He did call in Banner, however. So, it is not as if I am a trusted guest, hm? 'Valuable prisoner' perhaps. I do not suppose you know how to make hot chocolate, do you?”  He swirled the mead in his mug before taking a sip.

“Lily-“ he didn't even notice the smile playing at the corners of his mouth, “-yes, she has some magic. You cannot lie to her, can you believe it? She seeks out the truth, and she glows with it. Her control and power have improved greatly in the last couple of days. Under my tutelage.” He traced the handle of the mug with a fingertip, up and down, up and down.  “I do not want harm to come to her. It is not for lack of trying on my part that she is here. She insists on seeing this through to whatever end there is.”  His voice softened, quieted- it was almost reverent. “With me. For me. I cannot change her mind.  I have tried.”

A warm, slow smile crept across Thor's face and he leaned on the island toward Loki. “Brother, is that dreaded sentiment I detect? Or worse, perhaps _affection_? If she has only _some_ magic, is that what gives her importance equal to mine in the eyes of this creature that is plaguing you? Listen, I am not your enemy. I seek only to find you stability enough that you can return to your proper position at Father's side, at _my_ side, once again. If this Lily Sharlow can seek out the truth that you need to allow that to happen, then she is as important to me as she is to that... mindflayer. I will tell you one thing though, these mortals are funny, little things. Time moves quickly for them and their hearts wither with the slightest neglect. If we had known that when they thought us gods, we would not have been turned to myth. If I had known that when I was with Jane...” His smile left his face and he shook his mane of hair. “Nevermind that. Do not make my mistakes. You make more than enough of your own.”

With that, he stood and changed the mood by punching Loki on the shoulder. “Now, I will see how the Man of Iron fares and greet Dr. Banner. You should seek out your mortal, perhaps she will understand why you want someone to melt chocolate for you.”

Loki shooed him away with a dark scowl.  “Sentiment,” he scoffed at Thor's back.  The whole conversation had left him feeling like a scolded child.  Thor's vaguely paternalistic concern about his morality was always tiresome.  There were so many other interesting ways to view the world than Thor could see.  Loki knew that he was smitten with Lily. He also knew that it was unusual for him to give into feelings like this. He protected himself by distancing himself from such things. He did not need Thor of all people explaining it to him.  Perhaps it would not last long between them, but that had never bothered him in the past. 

He stood and opened the door, leaning against the jamb for a moment to watch her.  She looked small, balled up under the dark grey clouds and it tugged at something inside him.  He sauntered over to sit beside her, deciding that humor was the remedy.  With a horrified expression, he gasped, “What happened to your legs? Where did they go! Have you been crumpled by a giant?”

Lily smiled and gave a small laugh as she tipped over slightly, just enough to lean her head against Loki's shoulder. “You're the only giant I know. And you haven't done any crumpling.  The truth is, those birds stole them. I didn't have any granola bars with me and they got angry. I guess you were right about them being bad news.”

She looked at him with eyes that were still grainy and sleepy. He was joking, but looked unsettled again behind his playing. She scooted closer, until she was pressed against his side and gave a little wiggle as if to snuggle in.

“I was chilly, but you're warm. Mmm... What did Thor want to talk to you about? He's not really subtle, is he? It's kinda the opposite of the fact it's so hard to read you sometimes.  At least he seemed to have accepted that you didn't kill Nord. That's a plus.”

“No, Thor is about as subtle as a hammer to the face,” he laughed, wrapping his arm around her.  His shoulders relaxed and his stomach stopped churning next to her.  “Loud, too.  He wanted to know how I tricked my way out of Stark's constraints. Here, do you want to see something truly great?” He created an ocean-hued blanket in the same way he'd created her dress, then imbued it with gentle heat before draping it over her.  “I cannot maintain that spell for more than a quarter hour- it goes against the laws of nature and it requires quite a lot of energy to keep them back- but it is luxurious. Are you certain you do not want to go back to bed? You look as if five, or ten, more hours would not go amiss,” he teased gently.

“Ohh no. This is lovely, just like this, for as long as it lasts.” Lily unfolded her legs and turned to drape them over Loki's lap. She then pulled the blanket around to cover them both. The blanket was heavy enough to be comforting yet was the softest thing she had ever touched. This time she actually did snuggle in against him and gave a small, contented moan.

“Do I look that bad?” she asked quietly, from against his chest, getting self-conscious. “I know you probably won't believe me, but I do clean up pretty well. These past few days have been a bit chaotic. Here... see? I'm not always a mess.” She wiggled a bit and freed her phone from her pocket. Holding it up so Loki could look, she thumbed through a few photos from museum events and parties where she was dressed in gowns and cocktail dresses. She winced at the number of messages that were waiting, since she silenced it when they left for Asgard. They would have to wait, there was no energy for that now.

Loki hummed low in his throat. “You look beautiful in those photos. And you look beautiful now- just the kind of beautiful that looks like you were up most of the night with vodka and a very bad influence. I could use a few more hours of sleep myself. Chaotic, indeed.”

Lily didn't bother to find her pocket again, just laid the phone against Loki. With her head resting on him, she closed her eyes. It was supposed to be only for a second, but it was so cozy that they stayed closed.

He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, imagining Lily on his arm at an elegant affair like in her pictures. Dancing. Inappropriate flirting. It was a nice fantasy. But unlikely to come true, on Midgard anyway, given his reputation here. He shuddered when he remembered the last time he had been at a museum, the mindflayer's ecstasy flowing through his blood. Sitting up a little straighter to shake off the memory, he pulled the phone out of Lily's hand. “So, what else is on here, hm?”

“Wha...?” Lily responded sleepily and half-heartedly reached for the phone. “Umm... a bunch of pictures, mostly of work, messages I have to answer to let people know where I am and that I am alive, and a super embarrassing Japanese pretend dating game app.” She flipped through some more pictures of furniture, paintings and parties, while he held the phone and stopped briefly on one with her standing between a blonde woman and a sandy haired man who were each kissing one of her cheeks. “Heather and Brian and me. I don't know why I even keep that,” Lily grumbled. She was sure that she was over Brian himself, but the betrayal and utter upheaval of her life, still stung painfully.

He rubbed his cheek on the top of her head. “Betrayal is one of the worst crimes against the heart. To believe someone... to believe the world is one way, only to find out that it is not at all that way... It crushes everything good in you.  What else is false, what other solid rock is waiting to crumble beneath you? How can you navigate the world, not knowing what is real?” His pulse sped up, the familiar ache and anger of that moment in Odin's vault rising up.

“Look all you like. Let me know when you find the nudes. In fact, if you want to go through the messages and tell everyone I'm on vacation at Tony Stark's house in Malibu and won't be answering right away, have at it.” Her head dropped back to Loki's chest and she pulled the blanket tighter around her. Dammit. Things were so nice before that stupid picture came up. “Anyway, I only have about ten more minutes of this amazing blanket and then I guess I'll go find someplace to go back to sleep. I'm going to enjoy it while I can.”

He breathed deep and distracted himself by looking through the pictures on her device.  He felt a pang of guilt that he'd ruined the moment between them. He did not want her to leave, he liked touching her too much.  “W _hat_ is _this_?” He moved the screen so she could see the strangest painting he had ever seen- it appeared to be a man made from of pumpkins and cherries and leaves.

Lily smiled at Loki's reaction to the picture on the screen. “That is a painting of the Holy Roman Emperor as Vertumnus. The original was done over five hundred years ago, by the painter Arcimboldo and was an incredibly ambitious example of surrealism for the time. This is an insanely detailed and almost perfect, stroke by stroke forgery. The guy who did it didn't quite understand the chemical differences between paint in the early Renaissance and what you can order online from Walmart for twenty-five dollars. To my mind, that makes the forgery just as impressive as the original, in its own way. I'm surprised that you don't have more of an affinity for it. Vertumnus was the Roman god of natural metamorphoses. Kinda right up your alley. It's not impressive on a tiny phone. In real life, it's just stunning and seems almost alive. I was sad it was turned over to the police and I couldn't buy it for myself.”

She had started stroking her hand along Loki's chest when he was speaking of betrayal. It was an unconscious action and came from an unrealized need she had to comfort him. Her hand had worked its way up and her fingers were now tracing circles along the pale skin of his neck. “I wonder what he would have made you out of. Books or mushrooms or flowers? Maybe pastries? Hmm?”

“But... but why?” Loki scrutinized the painting on the phone closely. It seemed absurd to him, to paint a portrait as if it were a farmer's market still life. It was interesting, he would give the artist that. But the subject's eyebrows were _peapods_ , for Buri's sake. How incredibly absurd.

A small snore from Lily kept him from asking her any more questions. He shrugged and studied the painting for another minute, then got bored. He could not resist the opportunity to snoop. She had said he could, after all. The pictures of her gave him a strange sense of disjointed familiarity. He hadn't really thought about her existing before he had dragged her along on this misadventure. He knew she had, of course, but he hadn't _thought_ about it. She looked happy. There were messages on her phone asking where she was, was she safe, from people who seemed to care about her. Loki frowned. Every one of _his_ acquaintances was howling for his blood. It must be nice to be cared about. With a sigh and a scowl, he pressed the square with a pretty drawing of a person on it. What was this? He read the introduction and, curious, clicked on one of the options. And the next one. _Oh, this boy is drawn very cute_. He decided to find out more about him. Loki kept tapping at the screen, losing track of time and the warmth spell on the blanket.


	24. Chapter 24

Chimes and clicking sounds filtered in to Lily through her doze. She opened her eyes to see why her phone was making noise.

Loki was playing her dating simulator game. 

Part of her was mortified that he chose _that_ to be nosey about, but the part that found someone like Loki deciding if a cartoon guy would prefer a cup of tea or a smoothie hysterical won out. A hoarse giggle came from her.  One look at his serious face and she was flat out laughing. “Oh my god... you are so adorable. This is hysterical. I just love you.”

There was a silent heartbeat after she spoke, while she realized what she just said. “I mean... I don't love you... I mean... I do, but... no. But I... that's just... oh shit.”

Lily buried her pink face against him and pulled the blanket over her head. “Hyperbole,” she mumbled from underneath. Now what should she do? Her heart was beating too fast. As soon as the words "love you" were out of her mouth, she knew she'd meant them.

He found her embarrassed reaction _adorable_.  He knew mortals had an effusive and bold attitude, but he still had to pause to let a flattered little fire bloom in his chest before he snuffed it. He was sure she hadn't meant it in any significant way.

“Hyperbole. Of course. Mortals use that quite a bit. But I do need your help making _this_ man fall in love with me. He does not follow the logical pattern that the others do. Nothing I chose is making him happy!” He scowled at the screen. “He is a dramatic, picky fop. It would serve him right if I gave up on him! But I want to know what he has to say...”

“Imagine that, a dramatic fop that isn't logical.” Lily peeked out from under the blanket, completely relieved that he was focused enough on the game that he didn't question what she had said.  “If you're really stuck...” The blanket fell away from her shoulders and left her hair mussed as she poked at the screen.

“OK. Here's the secret with him, you can't make him fall in love, because he fell in love right at the very beginning, when you chose him and is already maxed out on affection. It's not that everything is wrong, everything you do is right. He's just too proud and scared to admit it.  It won't work until you get so frustrated that you give up on him and leave. Then you find a diary that explains how he loved every single thing you did and how he treasures you so much that he doesn't want to confess his love until everything is perfect. And you have to be insanely patient even then because he still doesn’t want to admit he loves you until you throw the proof at him. _Then_ you can break the magic spell that is keeping him there and he will choose to stay with you.

She looked up at Loki, the light of the phone reflected off of his eyes, making them look like they glowed. “I'll be honest. I rage quit his game twice before I went and looked up how to do it online.  It would be so much nicer if he shared a little bit more. Even a just a hint now and then, so I... er, you could figure out where you stand.”

“Hmph.  Already maximum affection.  What sort of trick is that!  I have to find his diary, hm? Does he have it on him? Can I distract him and snatch it to move this along?” He adjusted the phone so that he could hold it in one hand and stroke her hair with the other.  

“Do you know why the mindflayer wants to kill Thor?” he murmured, casually, because it made his heart hammer to talk about it. “It knows, because it is in my head, that I will not join it if he is alive. If there is a chance that this person, who despite all odds and logic, cares about me and wants me to be more than I am... I cannot surrender myself.” He swallowed against the bile in his throat. “For a long time, he was the only person I would take into consideration like that.” He forced a laugh, trying to lighten his confession. “Well, now clearly, this fellow is on the list, if he is so obsessed with me.  But there's also... you.”

Lily's heart clenched at the sadness behind Loki's admission, even as it soared because of it. She smiled and let her thumb brush back and forth across his jaw.  “Yes, there's me. That's a list that I am glad to be on.  I don't know about Mr. Saito here,” she indicated the game on the phone, “but I _do_ care. Quite a bit.  You can count on that. OK?”

“I know. I just thought you should be aware... despite what Thor, Banner, and Stark would tell you, you can count on me as well.”

He yelped when Munin landed on his shoulder, trying to shoo him away without dislodging Lily or dropping the phone. “Get off me, you wretch. Do you not have enough to tell Odin already? You must humiliate me at every turn?”

 The raven cawed right in his ear and then took off- digging his talons in with more force than necessary, Loki was sure- only to land and hop around at their feet. He imagined kicking him- a good solid blow, black feathers flying, the indignant squawk the creature would make. The ravens were resistant to magic, but he was sure he could create a spell heavy enough to crush their hollow bones.

Loki shook his head slowly. _These are not all my thoughts,_ he told himself. His fingers twitched anyway, a small glow of seidr appearing between them. _I am not going to hurt that bird- or ‘the girl,’_ he spat at the mindflayer's suggestion. He rallied himself; he could resist these urges, he was smarter than some amorphous rage alien. His head felt terribly dense, though, and some traitor part of him wondered if it was worth keeping up the fight.  “I think... I think I need another drink. Go get one for me, and bring an Avenger back with you.”

Lily ducked out of the way of the sudden swinging of arms and fluttering of wings  and grabbed her phone back when she saw a glow between Loki's fingers. “Easy there guys,” she said soothingly and patted Loki's chest while looking down at the bird. “What's all this about anyway?”

Munin cawed and chattered a bit, then flew off when Huginn answered from somewhere unseen above the house.

“I guess he won't tell me,” Lily sighed and looked up at Loki's concerned face. “Maybe you will? Cause why would you want an Avenger out here? So you can see me tell them that I trust you, no matter what they say? Or do you want a chaperone because you're afraid I might humiliate myself and kiss you again?”

She hoped teasing him a bit might bring him out of the funk that it seemed like the raven had put him in. She reached up and ghosted her fingers over his lips when she mentioned kissing him again, trying to draw him out.

He shook his head, gently pushing Lily off his lap and onto her feet. “I cannot argue with both of you at once.” His fists clenched and he raised them to his temples.  He should stand up, go inside. But he could not make himself move. “Just go. Trust me.”  He had to force the next word out. “Please.”

Lily opened her mouth to question Loki, but his request stopped her. “Only because I trust you. I'll be just inside.”  She stepped backwards to the door and stepped inside. She spoke just before she closed the it. “The mindflayer is back.  I'll get you help. OK?”

Keeping an eye on the little bit of Loki she could see from her position inside the glass, Lily called out to the empty room, “JARVIS, we need Tony and Thor out on the patio right now. I think the mindflayer has Loki again. He seems to have control, but I don't know for how long.”

Almost before she had finished speaking, she could hear heavy footfalls rushing up the steps from the lower floor and Thor shouting. Mjolnir flew through the living room from the front of the house and met Thor's outstretched hand just as he stopped in front of Lily.

She blinked in astonishment. Sure, there were stories about about the magic hammer, but it was incredibly impressive first hand. She was wordless for a moment and pointed at the patio. “I... I think he's himself right now, but he wanted me to go. Somehow, it seemed like Munin knew what was happening.”

The candy apple red of an Iron Man suit hovering just above the patio railing caught her eye. She pushed the door open again and gestured at Thor. “Go. Before Stark decides to shoot.”

Thor nodded. She seemed to have a more level head than many Midgardians he had met. But if Loki didn't frighten her, maybe it wasn't level-headedness. He would have to find out later; for now, his brother was in danger. He stepped warily towards Loki where he was seated on the bench, looking like he was trying to crush his own temples. Loki's posture being the only sign that anything was amiss, Thor sat down on the bench as well. A concerned look was on his face, but his mighty hammer was clutched very firmly in his hand.

“Brother, be calm.” Thor reached with his free hand and pulled one of Loki's fists away from his head. “Are you indeed a danger at this moment?”

Loki looked at Thor with hazy eyes. “Do you know what it is like to crave death?  To need the feel of blood spurting through your fingers, of bones snapping in your hands? To know that it is what is missing in your life- just give in to it and it would feel. So. Good.”  He whimpered, licking his lips. “So good.”  He shook his head slowly.  “These aren't my thoughts. But my body cannot tell the difference and it _wants_...”  He looked towards the house, where Lily was. “Oh, how it wants death...”  He blinked, focusing his eyes on Thor again. He snatched his hand back, scowling.  “As if you care.  Just smash my head in with that thing already, be done with it. You have always wanted to.”

“By Father's beard, Loki! It is my turn to tell you, this is madness!  Keep your brain about you. I would never put you down like a sick animal. I would make sure that you could find your way to Valhalla in death. Put aside your morbidity.” Thor's voice was snappish, but softened after he followed Loki's eyes to the house. “Your mortal woman is safe despite your body's... desires. It will stay that way. I will assure you.”

“Damn straight, Point Break. No weird blue popsicle desires allowed at my place. I'm the only one with weird desires here - got it?” Tony lifted his hand and let the repulsor on the palm of his gauntlet light up. “Anyone gives me a nod and I'll fry him right now.”

Lily watched and listened as well as she could through the open door. She was very uncomfortable with the amount of threatening that was going on. Suddenly, she remembered the bottle that Loki had at breakfast. It was still in the kitchen. He had told her to bring him a drink. Maybe it could help quiet the mindflayer again. She went to retrieve the alcohol.

“Do. It,” Loki hissed, “Valhalla be dammed. I would not end up in those halls, no matter how bloody or noble my death. ‘Put aside your morbidity?’  Put aside-" His voice was getting higher and it took on a brittle, hysterical tone he could not control. “Have you ever had someone else inside your brain, brother? ‘Put it aside!’ you say, as if I could just take this torture off like a cloak! All you do is threaten and demand- and if I cannot ‘set aside’ this burden exactly as you dictate, what then! Lock me up, shun me, ignore my pain!”  He staggered to his feet, whirling on Stark's ridiculous suit.  “You!  Fire, you coward.  Get your revenge. Or is this a tease, like the rest of your life? Talk, all talk, is there any substance to you at all? End this, if you even can! You've failed before- can you restore your broken honor now?” He drew in a ragged breath, refusing to wipe away the tears blurring his vision. Pain, he told himself, they were tears of pain and anger. Nothing more.

The slight whirring of mechanics came from various parts of Tony's armor as weapons readied to fire. “Oh, this is just like Christmas, the Fourth of July, and my birthday all rolled into one. If you'd move a bit to your right, I won't shoot up the wall that's behind you. I like that wall.”

Thor stood and insinuated himself between Loki and Tony. “ENOUGH, I SAY!” As he roared, lightning struck the sea behind them and thunder rolled. Almost as hard as Tony's eyes behind his metal helmet.

Lily had paused at the doorway when she was returning with the bottle. The rawness of Loki's voice stopped her. His pain made her want to cry. At Thor's yell, she flinched, then straightened herself and took a few steps back onto the patio. She held the bottle out in front of her as she spoke tentatively, her voice shaking as well as her hand. “Loki? You're scaring me.”

“Useless, both of you,” Loki snarled, digging his nails into his scalp. The mindflayer was so powerful now- it felt like it had in New York, controlling him, yanking his body around to look at Lily near the door.  He lurched forward a step. A powerful lust filled him, a mix of violence and sex so disgusting that the part of him still himself, recoiled. 

The mindflayer wanted his seidr. It wanted him to pull from Yggdrassil and it was pushing on him, exerting hideous pressure on his brain until he did. He had to, he had to stop this pain, if it wanted magic... He had to cast _something_... He threw up a wall spell, slamming himself into the invisible barrier as his body took another stumble towards Lily.

Bruce slipped through the door behind Lily. “Oh, Loki's not looking too good, is he? I wouldn't go out there, if I were you.  I know that look he's got. I, uh, I'm familiar with that. It's not something you want to be around, you know?”

Thor jumped forward again. This time, not hesitating to wield his hammer, he used it to move Loki back and after he had grappled his brother to the ground, he anchored him there with Mjolnir settled on his chest. “I said, _enough_ ,” he grumbled.

Tony had been watching Loki's actions closely. “JARVIS, run a complete scan on the horny one, keep it on-going. I think that thing inside him really does want Lily, like he says. I want to see what happens when she gets the hell out of here... _like she should_! Bruce, take her out of here and keep her busy someplace safe.”

“But... but... Loki...” Lily stammered and dashed ahead, setting the bottle down next to the barrier Loki had thrown up. “Get him to drink, OK? Don't hurt him.” With a look into Loki's too bright, fevered eyes, she bit her lip and spoke to him. “I'll be back for you. You have a promise to keep. I'll be back.”

Bruce placed a hand between Lily's shoulder blades and led her back through the house, shutting the door behind them as they left, even though she kept looking back in worry.

“I hate you,” Loki seethed at Thor, pushing uselessly on the hammer weighing on his ribs. “Do you know how hard it is to breathe like this?” His body arched in futile effort to get out from under it. He didn't even try to stop it- let the mindflayer wear his muscles out struggling against the inevitable. What good would he be to it if he could not even lift his arm?  In his mind, he clung to Lily's words, hiding them away from the chaos raging inside him.

“…I think he’s getting tired, he’s not thrashing as much…”

_See how they treat you. They will never trust you. Never love you. Join us. Show them true power.  Punish them for this._

Loki squeezed his eyes shut, not that it did any good in blocking out the mindflayer's voice in his head.

“Thor… pick him up without getting attacked?  Let’s take him to the…  tests…”

_You are better than this- stuck on the ground like a bug. Show them. Let's show them what pain is- delicious, sweet, infinite pain..._

He was so involved in his mind, so wrapped up in fending off the mindflayer, that he did not register when his body was lifted off the pavement.  He could not argue with the voice. 

_Or are you too weak. Not as strong as Thor, or Odin. Of course they could not love you, no one could- weak and needy and_ wrong _. That's all you are... Unless..._

He could not rally any defenses against the precision attacks on his vulnerabilities.  So he carved out a small space in his mind, huddled himself inside, his back turned to the incessant voice. He held onto the memory of Lily saying "I just love you!" and stroked it, trying to keep it safe from the mindflayer.

_Lies..._ it hissed.

Loki shrugged, helpless. Maybe it was. But it was all he had.

Bruce urged Lily into Tony's living room.  “Don't want to be anywhere near that mess. He's a few short of a carton- well, he seems like he's lost the whole dozen now, doesn't he?” He perched on the edge of the couch, rubbing his palms on his thighs nervously.  “So, um, what exactly are you doing with Loki? You know he's killed people, right?”

Lily would have been much more nervous about Bruce if all of her concern wasn't focused on Loki and his situation. She flopped down on the other side of the couch in irritation. “You're the Hulk, right? You've got a body count of your own and the Apollo still hasn't re-opened since you destroyed Harlem. What makes it OK for you to sound so judgmental?! Do you have a better excuse than being taken over by a rage monster than only wants destruction and power? Some moral high ground that lets you sleep when you remember what it made you do?! Are you better than he is, somehow?” Lily snapped.

Bruce leaned back, stunned by her outburst. “Hey, it's not as if I didn't _try_ to keep the other guy away from people-“ he said, defensive.  “I keep getting pulled back and everyone wants to use him as a weapon- I tried to drop off the grid, I didn't want to hurt anyone!”

She looked into Bruce's sad brown eyes, sighed and hung her head, eventually cradling it in her hands. “I'm sorry. That's not me. I'm just... kinda strung out, you know? I just found out I have this... power. Loki calls it ‘seeing the truth.’ I know the difference between the truth and a lie, the real thing and an imposter, I can break his illusions. I let him help me with it. He's teaching me. I only met him a couple of days ago, in New York and was helping him find Thor so he could go home. That was all he wanted, not trouble. Now I... I can't leave him like this. I won't. And that thing inside him, wants me now. I guess ‘cause I have this power. It should want Thor more if that's all it wants, but I guess I'm a soft target. But it's not him that wants to hurt me and I'm not sure he believes that. So, I'm still here.”

“But Loki, he comes down here obsessed with subjugation and being better than us and mind control... He killed on purpose and he looked pretty happy doing it. We're just... ants to him.  Not the same, okay, yeah?  You're better off without him, magic or not.”

Lily's eyes blazed as Bruce spoke. “No,” she answered. “ _Not OK_! You have no clue what the truth is. Loki is not here to hurt anyone. That thing inside of him, _that’s_ what you were fighting. That's what they are fighting right now. And magic or not, I was pretty fucking miserable without him!”

She thrust her hands out toward the man on the other side of the couch and concentrated until their glow could almost light the room. “What's your truth then!”

Before she could grasp his arm, JARVIS's polite voice filtered down. _Miss? You may wish to reconsider the tone you take with Dr. Banner. You most certainly would not like the results of angering him._

Lily leaned back to where she had been with an utterly perplexed look on her face. “What? You're defending him? Look...the sun isn't even up yet. I have a headache. My... boyfriend has a hostile, ragey alien taking over his mind. I am not in the mood to fight with an AI. I'm done here. I quit this.”

As she was striding across the room, she realized no one was on the patio anymore and there were sounds coming up from Stark's workshop. Turning away from Bruce, she headed down the stairs.

The bright workshop was much larger than Lily had imagined. Cars were parked at one end of the room, the rest was full of robotics, partially disassembled Iron Man suits and things she had no hope of identifying.  At the other end of the room, Thor and Tony were strapping Loki into what looked like a dentist's chair and fitting the large and complicated shackles back on him.

She couldn't help but shout at them. “Couldn't you just have given him the bottle?”

Tony hurried over to Lily, taking her arm and turning her away from Loki. “Hey, sweetheart, does he look in any condition to have a pint to you? I didn't think so. You want us to get that thing out of him- well, now is as good a time as any to run some tests. He's clearly having some sort of... episode. You go back on upstairs, have Bruce get you some cereal or something. I'll call you if I need you, got it?”


	25. Chapter 25

Lily flung her hands out. “I am not a child or an idiot and this is not an ‘episode’! The mindflayer inside of him is trying to take over again! It's trying to reach me.  If you won't believe that I care about what happens to him, would you believe that I care about what happens to _me_? I deserve to be a part of whatever is going on! You should just get him drunk again so the mindflayer settles down. We need to keep him drunk until we can get it out of him so nothing horrible happens. He doesn't need to deal with going all Murder Alien on us! Now I will get out of your way while you do whatever horrible thing it is that you don't want me to see on _one condition_ ; that the second Loki even _hints_ at wanting me down here, you get me. The slightest whiff that anything is changing, you get me. If anyone gets any bright ideas, you get me, anything happens, you get me. That's it.  I'm not quitting. I'm just exhausted and already a hair away from punching that friend of yours in the mouth. I don't like it when people get me this angry... it makes me angry and I _don’t like that_!”

Lily left, then about halfway through stomping up the stairs, she stopped and stomped part of the way back down, “Now, if you would tell me if there is a room I can use now that Thor is back, it would be helpful. I would like to slam the door and pout in privacy!”

Tony's face stiffened as he fought the urge to laugh. “Umm, end of the hall, last door on the right. Nice and secluded. Private patio. Hot tub. JARVIS, get the tub up to temp.”

“Thank you!” Lily snapped and shot back up the stairs, not pausing as she snatched up her things from Thor's room and made her way down the hall. After she threw her things on a sofa, she shut the door with a satisfying slam.

Loki opened his eyes to the glaring bright light above him. He jolted, terror coursed through him, causing his eyes to water as he yanked against the restraints.

“No, no more fire, please,” he gasped. Had it all been a drug-induced dream? Was he still in Thanos' prison?

He focused on the man beside him, then dropped his head back onto the headrest, boneless. “Thor. Why did you not just kill me,” he mumbled. “No one would mourn.”

He knew it was a lie, seeing the genuine concern on Thor's face. His head was pounding and the blinding light only made it worse. He closed his eyes again.  “Do you remember that time... there was a pack of trolls between us and home? I turned into a goat and you offered the goat as a bribe and when they were busy trying to truss me up- bam! There you were, beating them into the ground.”

Thor laughed, rich and warm with affection even though Loki’s panic about fire worried him. “Much like now. You have gotten yourself trussed up again. People will begin to wonder if you enjoy being bound, if you continue to wind up like this. I would not have my beloved brother seen as weak like that. May as well tie your balls to a goat!” Thor's large, thick hand patted Loki's long, pale one. “Rest assured, there will indeed be no mourning either, for the creatures you are distracting this time will be beaten as well. There is a plan. I do not understand it. But a plan exists, none the less.”

“Ah, let's not discount being tied up so quickly, brother. There can be many benefits to that, you should try it.” Loki winked, then shut his eyes again.  The glaring light made his temples throb.  Thor’s incessant optimism wasn’t helping either. “What is this thing, Stark? Lethal injection?”

“Well, it's not a BDSM club so you can stop talking about how nice it is to be tied up.  Point Break, hand me that tablet behind you.” Tony tapped on the screen a few times. “I think I've found a system that will work here, but I'm going to see if the sample I took earlier can pass through the barrier. I assume it will want back in your body with the rest of it.” He put the tablet down. “JARVIS, let's fire this thing up and show me Reindeer Games' veins on the overlay. I'm not the best at placing an IV, this might hurt.” He didn't sound the least bit sorry about that.  “Should have called Helen. Or Natasha, I bet she's great with needles. Killing people with needles, probably, but beggars can't be choosers,” he babbled while he worked.

Loki took a deep breath, trying to settle the roiling in his stomach.  Nothing could be worse than what Thanos had already done to him, he told himself. Even if this idiot turned him into a pincushion, it would not come near the suffering he had been through. Still, he tensed and hissed when the needle slid through his skin.  Repeatedly.

“Man up,” Tony muttered as he went back to monitoring the overlay and tablet. “Don't make me get Lily to come back down here already because you need your hand held.”

Loki grit his teeth. _Man up??_ he fumed. Had that pompous nitwit ever had himself strapped down, helpless, to be injected with an alien monster or reality-shifting substances? How dare he! This anger was easier to concentrate on than the clammy fear making him sweat and he welcomed it.

“Ahh, right, there we go. It looks like it'll work. To simplify - we pump your blood out of you a bit at a time and get your girl to lure that goo out of it, through the filter, cause she seems to bring out the worst in it, then we drop it in a flask of that rocket fuel you two call mead and that should keep it sedated until we can destroy it. And then you get your blood back. It's hardly a graceful plan, but fast and dirty works too. I really should have called Helen though.”

Thor had found another tablet and was immersed in tapping the screen while he nodded along to Stark's ramblings. He laughed and held the screen up to Loki.  “This indeed is the grumpiest cat, is it not? You are making the same face!”

Loki glared at the two men. “Children, the both of you. Yes, get Lily back here- you are clearly in need of a responsible party. Do your experiment, Stark.” He rolled his eyes.  “Enjoy yourself... while you can. Finish this so I can go back to Asgardian prison- so that I can have some _peace_. Ymir's broken skull, I almost prefer the mindflayer to you two!

“A cat, Thor? Are you in complete control of your faculties? No, of course you are not. A bit of cute tail was all that was ever needed to distract you,” he scoffed. “I do not _want_ distraction, brother- if I am to be tortured and broken, I want to see it coming this time!” He drew in a heavy breath. That hadn't been what he intended to say. He continued, quieter but still protectively venomous. “Ugh, try not to breathe so loudly.”

Thor sighed excessively and set down the tablet. “As you wish, brother. I will go collect the Lady, per Tony Stark's agreement with her.” He stood and went toward the stairs.

“Yeah, go ahead. We could probably use her anyway,” Tony said without looking up from his read outs. “We need to get this thing inside of Loki so worked up it's about ready to jump out of his skin on its own if we want to get all of it out of him.”

“I will be back soon, unless I get distracted. Stark, try not to remove his head before I return.”

“What? No, Thor! Get back here, you dim-witted aurochs!” Loki scowled, yelling hopelessly after Thor.

“No promises.  What do you say, Lokes? You have any idea about how to get it to attack?”

Plastering his best shark smile on his face, he said, “Oh, it would be happy to use my hands to snap your neck. Why not unbuckle me and let us test _that_ theory out.  By the way, call me ‘Lokes’ again and I will ensure that none of your inventions ever work from this day forward.” He thumped his head back against the headrest, resigned.  “It does what it wants. I have no control over it, except to dull it with alcohol. It hates Lily with a fervor that makes my dislike of you seem friendly.” 

He shut his eyes, determined to ignore as much of what was going on as possible. He began a mental inventory of his spell books. Not that he'd be likely to ever see them again...

Lily had decided that even though she was tired and her head hurt, there really wasn't any way she was going back to sleep. After a few minutes of furious pacing, she gave in to Tony's suggestion and changed into her bathing suit. Maybe she’d find some relaxation in the hot tub on the covered balcony.

Her mind couldn't let go of the image of Loki strapped to that chair. Her heart clenched when she thought about it. 

She shouldn't have left him like that, but what could she have done aside from witness his indignity? Tony would get her if anything happened, right? She slipped into the steamy water, hissing a bit at its heat. 

After about a minute, she grew fidgety again and distracted herself with her phone. She really should let someone know what was going on, just in case.  She propped her pale legs up on the edge of the hot tub and clicked a picture with the storm and the surf in the background. She quickly typed, _Check out my Malibu tan! #onvacation #nosun #thorsnothappy #tonystarkshottub_ and hit post before she over-thought it.

Her phone was blowing up before she could manage to put it down, but she laughed at it as she turned her notifications off again.

Thor went upstairs. What was it Tony had told the lady? At the end of the hall? He presented himself at the closed door and gave a firm rap against it before opening it and walking in. 

He was about to turn and leave because the room was empty, when he noticed Lily on the patio, sitting in the tub with her head tipped back and her eyes closed.

“Lily Sharlow, I am sorry for bothering you, but you have been requested downstairs.”

Lily startled and jumped up with a splash. “What?! What's wrong? That was fast.  Is everything OK? What do I need to do?”

She didn't even give Thor a chance to respond before she was out of the hot tub and struggling with an extremely oversized robe from the bathroom door. To be honest, she was more than slightly grateful that she was asked for. Patience wasn't her strong suit.

“Settle yourself a moment,” Thor laughed. “It is commendable that you are concerned for my brother, most people would not be. I thank you for that. There is no emergency, but perhaps your presence could quiet the worst of his incessant complaining.”

Thor took Lily by the hand and led her back downstairs, her robe streaming behind her like a cape and water still running down her legs.

As they entered Stark's lab, Thor burst out, “Brother! You said you did not wish to be distracted, but have you seen the Lady's bathing costume? It is something that you should not miss out on seeing!”

Thor's loud entrance made Loki roll his head to the side, about to snap the first thing that came to mind at his brother. Instead, he gaped like a fish, eyes wide, caught between laughter and lust. 

“ _Lily_. Yggdrassil's gnawed roots, _why are you_ -“ His hands twitched in their bindings, wanting to reach out and touch her.  Feel the softness of the robe. Grin into her wet hair.  Tease her until she snapped at him and then...

Laughter was slowly winning the battle, and he could not stop a small snort before rolling his eyes to Thor.  Sweet, idiot Thor. “You oaf, you could not let the lady dry and dress herself first? You dragged her down here in her robe- have you taken too many blows to the head? That is not how you treat a lovely lady-“

His vision swam briefly, the mindflayer roiling in his brain. “Stark... It is angry...”

“Angry, that's good. But it is ready to try to jump out of your body? Keep it up. How much angrier can it get? Umm, ‘Lovely Lady.’ Can you get lovelier or something? Whatever you did when you showed up, do more.” Tony continued to set up equipment and tape lines and electrode pads on Loki. “Hey Bruce, I want you on the monitors. I'll deal with the hardware.”

Thor leaned over and quickly whispered into Lily's ear. “I thank you for your co-operation with this. Did you notice? He almost smiled.”

Lily nodded and stepped over to Loki, pulling her robe closed, but not belting it. She reached down and stroked the top of one of his reaching hands. “I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Are you doing OK? Do the IV needles hurt too much?”

Loki looked at Lily with wide eyes. He didn't want to say anything that the other two might hear. He twisted his hand a little to be able to grab hers. He wanted to say, 'I am terrified,' but that wouldn't do.  “Maw may have injected me with reality-altering drugs, but at least _he_ knew how to find a vein,” he said pointedly, trusting her to know his lie. 

It was a strange feeling, wanting to be truly seen by her.  He was terrified, but it was easier to manage with Lily here. She wouldn't let them do anything they shouldn't.  The mindflayer ramped up its anger as Loki's fear lessened.  It snarled and gashed over his trust.  Loki tried to breathe as he thought it through, realizing what was going on.  He stared longer at Lily, his expression softening as he let himself feel how much he truly liked her. The mindflayer went insane.

Lily squeezed his hand. It felt horrible to feel him lie to seem braver, but maybe it helped him. With a brief grimace she let it slide.

“Ma?” Lily asked, then shook her head. Her eyes connected with his and he made it hard to look away. “Anyway, nothing’s going in you today. They're going to filter the thing _out_ of you. And if it works, you'll be alone in your head in just a few hours.”

The machines were beeping wildly and Tony moved between them.

“Okay, kids, it's go time.” He turned around and took Lily by the shoulders and moved her a bit away from Loki. “I'm gonna need you to stand with this machine between you two, because if this stuff tries to jump toward you, the filter needs to catch it.”

Lily looked over at Loki with raised eyebrows and nodded encouragingly as Tony pushed a button. A line between Loki's arm and the large silver piece of equipment, filled with dark, dark blood.

“This is a good thing,” she told him. “I can't wait to meet just you.”

The sight sickened him, but Loki was unable to tear his eyes away from the tube. He had never been particularly brave on the medical front to begin with, preferring to beg his mother for a spell or to just heal naturally than to have his molecules messed with on a quantum scale. He swallowed the bile threatening to rise in his throat.

Thor would not let anything happen to him, if only to ensure that he was returned for Odin's approval- or disapproval. No, he wasn't supposed to be thinking of Thor, he was supposed to be thinking about Lily. To make the mindflayer angry enough to try and kill her. He hoped that whatever machine Stark had set up was strong enough to hold it.

It seethed in his head, _You cannot escape us. We will have you. All that power... wasted on such a stupid lovesick fool!_

Loki couldn't argue, except with the power part. Was it wasted if he used it to take Lily to the Bifrost and show her all its shifting colors? Or take her into the palace, to show her the paintings there? Oh, that upset the mindflayer. It wanted death. It wanted mass slaughter, not tourism.

Loki sighed and relaxed a little. He had always been very good at provoking a reaction. He let himself play that little fantasy out, touring a wide-eyed and awed Lily around the golden halls. Maybe there were even some forgeries that some lucky soul managed to slip under Odin's notice. Wouldn't that be rich? He could take her to the balcony overlooking the gardens, stand behind her, wrap her in his arms... He liked this idea, it was making his stomach flutter in a lovely way.

The mindflayer was raging now, but it was quieter, as if someone had turned down the volume.

_Nothing will stop us. We are Mighty! You are weak, so weak. Failure after failure... no one will let you back into that palace, you do not belong there,_ frost giant _. Such a monster will not be suffered by_ -

_But Lily,_ he answered back, sing-song in his own head, _she does not care. Imagine, I could take her to Jotunheim, even, huddle under blankets with her and-_

He imagined the result quite graphically, making the mindflayer shriek in fury.

_I do not want to join your filthy swarm,_ he thought. _I want to stay here, with her._ It startled him, a bit, how powerfully he felt that way. He stared down the unexplored depths of himself, wondering if he had the fortitude to see what else was there.

Lily watched and waited, as Loki grew quiet and stared at the tube that was drawing blood away from his body. Soon the line going back into him grew bright red as it returned the cleaned fluid back to his body. She looked down at the bottom of the machine where a large flask sat, filled with the mead she had last seen on the patio, with more tubes leading into it. A tiny drop of viscous black dropped into it and settled to the bottom.

Her heart leapt and she bounced on the balls of her feet in excitement. She was ready to jump over and hug Loki, but held her spot.

“Loki! Loki, it's working already!” Lily's hand slapped the top of the machine and she laughed, even as Thor jumped to his feet to come closer and look at the results. “Keep going, honey. Whatever you're doing keep doing it.” She didn't even notice the endearment slip from her mouth as she smiled widely at him.

Loki’s eyes snapped up and he couldn't help but smile, despite the muted snarl inside him. She was beaming at him and it was infectious.  His heart squeezed. 

He was far more than smitten, he realized.

_She will die_ , the mindflayer seethed. _You cannot protect her, these emotions make you_ weak. _Sentiment- it is weakness. Just a crack that others can use to hurt you and make you bleed._

It tried to show him its imagined future again, with Lily's body broken on the ground. But it was faded now, harder to see. 

And, truly, Loki didn't care, ignoring the raging alien. He was exploring this new revelation, delighted despite his usual aloof armor. He loved her.  He wanted to see her smile, he wanted to be the cause of that smile, all the time.  He had no room at the moment for doubts and logic and reason. He was too full of brightness and a voice that said "honey," as if he was wanted.

Lily didn't even need to try with her power to know that the joyful look on Loki's face was genuine. She could feel happiness radiating from him. She knew he would be relieved to have the mindflayer gone and his fear of torture coming to nothing, but looking into his eyes, she couldn't help but feel like some of his happiness was for her. At least, she hoped it was.

As seconds passed, drop after drop of darkness followed the first into the container and settled quietly.

Stark stepped away from a machine. “Should be about an hour at this rate. Everything is going fine. We need to watch the blood pressure and heart rate though. They're elevated compared to what I've figured is normal. Frosty just needs to let us know if he's having chest pain.”

Thor looked up and commented wryly, “You are bearing your teeth, brother. Are you in pain now or is this a smile?”

Loki felt his smile drop.  His hands clenched into fists. He began to panic, fighting to relax his hands.

He had let himself become too distracted, looking at Lily.

The mindflayer, even though half of it had been siphoned out of him, had seized control of his body.

His body jerked against the restraints, unable to stop the attempt at escape. “You are all- all of you- going to die.  Painfully. Slowly.  So that we can _savor_ it. We have had his power before and nothing will stop us from having it again. We will become a God. And you will _worship_ us or perish.”

Tony's head snapped up. “Whoa! Easy there, fella. We were aiming for angry. I think you went waaaay past the mark there. Dial it back a bit.”

Lily's good mood turned into a chill down her spine. She stepped back next to Thor. She suppressed the urge to actually hide _behind_ him. “Tony, something is very wrong. That's not Loki anymore. That's the mindflayer.” Her voice was almost a whimper.

“Mindflayer!” Thor boomed. “You will never be a god. Release my brother and leave or have the might of Asgard and the Avengers brought against you!” He made his threat before he stopped to consider how hard it would be to back up.

Lily put a hand on Thor's great bicep and almost whispered. “I think... I think this is Loki's fight right now. We have to believe that he's strong enough to win.” She glanced down at the bits of mindflayer already trapped and sedated in the flask, then looked back into Loki's feverish eyes. “I believe he's strong enough.”

Loki wanted to snap something back at Thor- but he wasn't in control of his mouth. The mindflayer kept spewing threats and bluster and he waited for the blow from Thor or a blast from Stark, the inevitable.

He distantly heard, through the pounding in his ears, Lily hold them back. An intense wave of gratitude washed through him. Not just for her ability to control two hotheaded "heroes" with an enemy in their sights. He might never have realized that these savage, thirsty emotions weren't his own if not for her. He remembered spouting exactly these sorts of threats in New York, convinced that he believed them- but they weren't his thoughts, not like this.

They were separate and he did not have to listen to them.

Without the Chitauri drugs, it was easier (not easy, but easi _er_ ) to sort out where he ended and the mindflayer began. Lily's patience working through this with him, the two beings in his head, and not to mention her bizarre belief in him, was an enormous weapon.

The mindflayer worked best when Loki did not know it was not himself.

But he did now.

Now- if he could ignore his body's panic signals- it was just a matter of tricking the mindflayer in return. He was good at tricks…

“Belief?” Thor said dismissively as they watched Loki quietly struggle. The tendons in his wrists and jaws were pulled taught and the veins on his temples were prominently throbbing. It was obvious he was struggling, exactly how they didn't know. “Look to Loki and explain how belief will remove that creature from his body.”

Lily was amazed at just how hard it was to stand there and watch Loki's expressive face quickly shift through so many painful emotions. Every cell in her body screamed for her to find a way to stop it. Thor's recrimination didn't help.

She snapped back at him, “Really? For as often as the word ‘god’ is thrown around when it comes to you two, I would think that belief and faith would be right up your alley. But I do believe in him. I have faith. I am _good_ at faith. I believe all kinds of things, like that people are mostly good, Santa Claus lives in our hearts, that someday I will find a free parking spot right in front of my building, and that Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner have a vague idea about what they are doing! Just have some faith.”

When Lily said his name, Bruce looked up from a monitor and met Thor's eyes. He shook his head and mouthed, "No. No clue."

Shrieks of alarms from the equipment startled everyone back to focusing.

Loki began to struggle aggressively against his bonds and was threatening to pull out his lines. Lily could see his sweat slicked face when his head rolled to face them during his thrashing.  She couldn't stay where she was told to stand anymore and bolted around the large machines to stand by his side.

She brushed his hair off his forehead and wiped the sweat away with the back of her hand. “Loki? Loki, is this you?”

_You cannot take my power if I am dead!_ he thought at the mindflayer, rather pissed off. He did not like being ignored in his own body.

The gleeful cackle that he got in response would have made him grit his teeth- if he'd had control of his jaw.  The mindflayer was not very intelligent. It only wanted power and to mete out death. Strategy was not its talent- it had used him for that in New York. Without his intelligence behind the creature, it was just a brute.

Loki talked to it, tried to convince it that he feared for his life. He would do what it wanted- if it would stop making his heart race and his muscles seize.

And while he did that, he carefully untangled his body from its control, one system at a time. The mindflayer didn't seem to notice, lulled by Loki's imaginings of unbridled destruction.  He had control of nearly everything now. He tried to gently ( _don't let it notice!_ ) push the mindflayer out and down to the IV in his arm. He didn't think it worked, but he was more than ready to have this procedure finished. 

He focused on the person touching him, smiling despite himself at the sight of Lily, so concerned. “Yes, it is me now.” His voice was hoarse. “Might I have some water?”

Lily looked to the others in the room at Loki's request.

Thor immediately began to go upstairs. “You will have your drink, Loki.”

“And you will get back to your station, Daisy Mae, unless you want us to start this all over again! Snuggle time is over! We'll be done soon enough,” Tony snapped.

“OK. OK,” Lily grumbled. She tucked one last strand of hair behind Loki's ear and squeezed his shoulder. She almost bent and kissed the top of his head, but she caught herself.  That would be far too intimate of a gesture at this time... right?

As she moved back to the other side of the machine, she asked, “Loki, what's going on right now? In your head? I know I can't help really, but maybe if you told me... it might be easier. Or at least help the time go faster.” Lily's eyes were worried and she unconsciously twisted a strand of hair around and around her finger. She hoped he'd talk. He had said so little, it was hard to understand what he was going through.

Loki felt strangely bereft when Lily walked away.  She was still _right there_ , why did he feel so vulnerable without her touching him?  He wasn't sure what he could talk about.  He felt raw and exposed.  Exhausted.  Oh, and being strapped to a medical table still terrified him, no matter how well the mortals said the procedure was going. 

If he said anything, it was liable to end up coming out as 'I love you' and that was unacceptable.  He didn't care how shattered he felt, he was _not_ going to say that in front of Stark and Banner. 

Thor's arrival with a glass of water was a good chance to stall.  Thor held the cup for him as he twisted his neck at an awkward angle.  Cold water sloshed down his chin and neck, but the sips he swallowed were soothing to his sore throat. 

“What did I say?” he asked Thor quietly. “I sounded like New York, I assume?  It was the mindflayer then too... Only I had no notion.  Do you think Odin would lighten my sentence if he knew?”

“Let us worry about Odin when we return to Asgard, brother.  There is no need to borrow worries.” Thor set the cup down and turned to Stark.  “Is the procedure still going as planned?”

“Yeah, we're copacetic.  That outburst was ugly as hell, but we're back on track now.” Stark side-eyed Loki.  “You're not planning another one of those, are you?”

“I did not 'plan' the first one,” Loki sniffed.  “Perhaps we should inject you with that thing and see how you like the situation when another can control your body.”

Banner coughed and shifted uncomfortably. “Let's not do that.  I have... I have to agree with Loki, it's horrible way to live.”

Loki's eyes found Lily as the other men went about their tasks.  “It has quieted down now.  The mindflayer is weakened, so much of it has been drained- I do not think it can seize my body like that any longer.  It has realized what we are doing, however, and I am having to ensure that it is incensed enough to behave stupidly.”  A thought occured to him and he asked, slightly panicked, “Stark, do you have a plan to ensure that all of the substance is gone?  You cannot trust me to know if every drop of it is out of me.”

“Trust is not a word I'd use with you, Reindeer Games, don't you worry.  I've got some scans that should detect any remaining alien goo, it's got a pretty distinct chemical make up from you.  When the scan comes back clean three times, then you can get up.  Should be another...” Stark stared at a tablet. “... thirty minutes?  Thor, make yourself useful- go bring me and Banner a couple of beers.”

Loki closed his eyes, trying to relax his tense shoulders.  The mindflayer was weaker, but still needed his attention.  The time passed slowly, even slower as he became aware of the aches in his body- wrists throbbed from struggling against the restraints, the flat table was making his back hurt...

“Bingo-bango, you are done.” Stark stretched and finished off his beer as Loki craned to see him. “Three clean scans and half a bottle's worth of alien goo.  I don't know about anyone else, but I am exhausted.  Now, wait, Thor, before you go unlocking him, should we have a quick little chat about this?”

Thor stopped with his hand hovering over one of the restraints. “What do you mean?  You have removed the alien, you said Loki is cleansed of its influence, why would I not untie him?”

Tony shrugged.  “He's still on SHIELD’s Most Wanted, and before I let him wander around Earth, can I at least put my dampener back on him?  I am not going to be responsible for his next killing spree.”

“I have no intention of killing anyone.  I have no intention of staying here any longer than necessary.  I have no intention of doing anything that requires 'Avenger' supervision.”  Loki was so tired.  He thought about his room, and curling up in it with Lily.  “Sleep.  I just want sleep.  New York was a mistake, preluded by torture, drugs, and sharing my body with _that_.  Keep Midgard.  I have no use for it.”

“It's all gone now?” Lily almost whispered, as she stepped over wire and cords to get back to Loki's side. She laid her hand gently over his and taking a deep breath, opened her mind and let a bright glow surround both of their hands.

“The mindflayer is gone and you meant what you just said, yes?” she asked loudly enough for everyone to hear.

“Yes,” Loki answered in a tired voice.

Lily tugged open the buckle on Loki's wrist restraint and leaned over his stomach to undo the other one. “Good enough for me.” 

She flicked her hair out of her face and turned to look Loki in the eyes, searching for... she didn't know what, maybe a deeper truth. “This was just for show anyway, wasn't it? You still have your magic. These couldn't hold you if you didn't want them to. It was your choice to be at our mercy, that isn't the move of a criminal.”

Thor began freeing Loki's legs and spoke to Tony over his shoulder. “He is of Asgard and is Asgard's responsibility. We are indebted to you for this healing, but not for Justice. I ask you, as a Prince of Asgard, to provide accommodations for our party until I can safely return my brother home. Accommodations, _not_ incarceration. If this is not possible, I will seek aid elsewhere. My Lady, would you perhaps...”

“No!” Tony said in frustration “ _Godammit_! Fine. Stay. Whatever. But he does _not_ get to wander around the streets. He stays right here where he can be monitored so he doesn't set up another wormhole on my roof! No more deaths. The inmates are running the asylum now. It's up to you where to put him; you, Bruce, and the girl have all of the guest rooms filled up. Don't leave him on the sofa. I don't want to look at him that much.” He threw his beer bottle into a trash can and stomped out of the room after announcing that he needed something stronger to drink.

“You give me too much credit. Best not to reach for my seidr when the mindflayer is so worked up.  If it had learned how to use it...” Loki sat up.  A wave of dizziness crashed over him and he groaned, swaying.  “And now I cannot.”  He put his hands on his temples.  He was completely drained.  His mind felt like the sludge resting at the bottom of that bottle of mead.  Had he eaten anything today besides alcohol?  And two mindflayer attacks plus his own anxiety had rendered him nearly useless.

“Come along, brother.  I will take you to my room so you can rest.” Thor clasped the back of Loki's neck.

Loki batted his arm away. “No... I want to stay with Lily,” he mumbled.

Thor frowned his _I must keep you out of trouble_ frown.

Loki fumbled in his slow brain for an excuse that Thor would accept.  “We have not shared a room since we were boys-“ No, that was not going to work.  He changed tactics, slower than normal.  “If the mindflayer returns, the rest of it, the larger part... if it comes here like it did yesterday, then I must be able to protect her.  I have seen the thing, any delay would be disastrous.”  There, that should do it.  Thor could not say no to that.  Loki turned his head- slowly, so slowly or it was likely to fall off- to Lily.  “May I stay with you?”

“Of course you can,” Lily said and reached out for Loki's hand. She paused then, not knowing what else to say. It felt a bit like she was being asked to compete with Thor and that thought was as nerve-wracking as dealing with the mindflayer had been. At least it was until Thor let out a long, deep laugh.

“To protect the Lady...” he gasped out. “Oh brother, that could possibly be the most terrible lie you ever told! You couldn't protect yourself at this moment, let alone anyone else.” The snickering continued as Thor helped Loki off of the table and toward the stairs. “Your battle must have been wearing, for you to have allowed tarnish to form on your silver tongue. Are you sure that you choose to stay with Lily because you are unused to sharing chambers with me and not because she would undoubtedly be a more pleasing bedmate than myself? That is if one could stand mortals. Which I used to believe you could not.”

Loki was obviously too out of it to stand his own against his brother's taunts, so Lily stepped into the beam of sunlight that streamed through the window when Thor began to laugh. “He probably wants to stay in my room because I think we left pizza in your bed last night. Sorry.”

She quickly moved past them on the stairs, brushing softly against Loki. “I'm going to get some stuff from the kitchen. I'll meet you in a minute.”

She grabbed some food from the kitchen; she had skipped breakfast and was suddenly starving. Taking extra, in case Loki could eat, Lily made toast and set a few bananas and some orange juice on a cocktail tray.

Loki leaned on Thor more than he would have liked on the way up the stairs. Stairs felt harder than normal and he was out of breath when they reached the top. He thought about pulling away from Thor, but Thor was very warm and solid. It would not do too much harm to keep letting him help.

At the door, he stopped and shoo'd Thor away. “I am going to sleep. You should make sure that bottle of mead is kept in a secure place. We do not want it breaking and letting that goo out.” He started to shut the door, then paused. “And be on alert for the rest of it. It is bloodthirsty. Even more than you.”

He closed the door on Thor's chuckle. He slumped back against the wood, breathing deeply.

It was quiet. Blissfully quiet for once.

Terrifyingly quiet.

He spied the tub through the patio doors and headed towards it. A bath would help all these aches. It was unlike any bathtub he'd seen on Midgard, molded into seat-like shapes and studded with odd holes. It was already full of water. He spotted a control panel nearby- easy enough to figure out with some experimentation. He was intrigued by the turbulence coming from the holes.

Shrugging, he pulled off his clothes, too worn to do it with magic, leaving them in a pile on the ground. He had set the controls to a warmer temperature, but he was too impatient to give it time to heat up. He didn't mind the slight chill of the water as he sank into the tub, and eventually the heat would help his tense muscles.

The turbulence was strangely enjoyable, massaging his back as he sat on one of the molded protrusions.  He tipped his head back on the rim, taking deep, slow breaths.


	26. Chapter 26

When Lily bumped the bedroom door open with her hip, Loki wasn't on the bed like she expected. Her attention was drawn to the sound of bubbling on the balcony. She stepped outside to set the tray down on the edge of the tub.

“I see you found the hot tub. I figured you'd be laying down 'cause you wanted to sleep. It's kinda dangerous to fall asleep in one of these.”

She moved around across from Loki, working up enough nerve to ask him if he wanted company. “So aside from exhausted, are you feel- Oh Jesus!”

Through the bubbles, she noticed that Loki didn't have anything on and spun around, turning her back to him.  

“You're naked! I'm sorry... it's just people usually... well, sometimes... wear... oh jeeze. I'm sorry.”

Her face was hotter than the water. Part of her was ready to bolt, the other part of her really wanted to sneak a better look. The battle between those two parts had her wobbling back and forth as her body tried to figure out which part to listen to.

“You can look if you want,” Loki laughed, amused by her modesty. “It does not bother me.  I did not realize the customs around this bath- I assumed it was the same as any other, just outside.” He conjured a pair of black trunks, the same as he wore on the beach the day before. “There, I am complying with convention now. I have been doing quite a lot of complying lately, I may need to create some havoc soon, just to keep things balanced. First, though, is that breakfast? I am starving. And exhausted, so I am not moving to get it. You'll have to bring it to me.” He tipped his head back, eyes closed, and stretched out in the tub, waving his hand in a regal ‘come hither’ movement. He cracked an eye open to peek at her reaction to his dramatic pose and tone.

Lily was mortified to realize that her first visceral reaction to Loki's order and wave was to kneel and offer him the least brown banana, peeled and sliced. She quickly overrode that impulse and broke out laughing, partially at herself. “The tray is ... on the edge of the tub, but if His Highness requires that I... serve His meal to Him, then I suppose it is my turn to comply.”

Suppressed giggles tried to break through as she picked the tray up and moved it to a spot next to Loki. Her eyes drifted across the exposed length of his neck, down the gentle curve of his arm and over his perfectly arched fingers. Yes, it was a pose, but it was a damn good one and he knew it. She didn't need to be embarrassed; she could play too.

“Perhaps, it would be better if I joined His Highness in the water, to better serve him. Hot tubs are used for relaxation- often with company- not actual bathing,” Lily almost purred and dropped her bathrobe from her shoulders to the floor at her feet.

She waited just a heartbeat for Loki's eye to crack open again, before she stepped into the tub and sat beside him. Ripples crested over her breasts as she leaned toward him with a piece of toast.

Whispering just loud enough to be barely heard over the rushing water, “Would His Highness like me to cut his toast for him, or is he strong enough to bite it himself?”

His 'silver tongue' glued to the roof of his mouth and he could not think of anything but that purr in his ear. 

After a moment, he opened his eyes fully and grinned at her, impressed. “Oh, you are very good.  _Very_ good.”

He plucked the toast from her hand and devoured it before reaching around her to get another. He was quiet as he chewed, slower this time.  He felt suddenly vulnerable. “It is really gone? All of it?”

Her hand settled on his shoulder reassuringly and she slid closer to him. “Yeah, it's gone. They triple checked. You're fine now. OK? Tony was completely sure, I promise.  It would have shown up on the scan if there was any left. Look at the sky. The sun is out now. Thor isn't worried anymore. The mindflayer is drunk in a jar in the basement. There's no one here but you and me.  Can't you feel it?”

Loki leaned into her touch.  Touching her was comforting. “I feel... strange. Not quite myself.” 

He wasn't sure how his "self" was supposed to feel any longer.  His feelings were still there- fear of his heritage, a wobbly confidence about his worth, a shield of disdain for most things- but they all lacked the searing knife-edged pain that they had had since he dropped from the Bifrost, years ago. 

He had carried around the mindflayer, letting it magnify and warp his emotions, for so long... He wasn't sure what he truly felt any longer. What was "him" and what was caused by Maw and the mindflayer? Who was he after all this?

He sighed and slouched to nuzzle into Lily's neck, on instinct. His thumb drew patterns on her thigh under the water. “Just you and me. That's... that's all I want.  You know, it drove the mindflayer insane when I imagined taking you to Asgard and showing you the statues and paintings... I wonder how much of them are counterfeit...”

Lily closed her eyes.  She cradled Loki’s head, running her fingers into his hair. It simply felt like the natural thing to do. “Really?” Her voice was breathy as a smile spread across her face, she still wasn't used to knowing the answer before she asked like this. “You really want to take me back there and show me everything... that would be... too amazing. I can't even imagine how wonderful... but why would that bother the mindflayer? Nevermind. Let's not worry about that right now. Just relax and get to feeling better. OK? You want some orange juice? It should help you a bit. Asgard isn't going anywhere and neither am I.”

She really wanted to give in to the urge to kiss the top of his head, but she knew she shouldn't, not right now, not as long as he sounded so unsure about himself. It would feel like taking advantage or something. But she wanted to.

“I am not certain I will be allowed back in Asgard again, but that is what disguises are for.” He started to laugh, but it suddenly felt important that she understand. Important enough that his joke tasted cheap in his mouth.

He moved to kneel in front of her, looking into her eyes. “The mindflayer did not care that I want to take you to Asgard.  It wanted- _wants_ my seidr. It spent years inside my body, trying to take it by guile, and then by force. It tried to seduce me to give in by choice. And I might have. But I met you. Instead of desiring to prove my worth or to seek revenge, now I find myself desiring just to be with you. It feels a bit ridiculous to me at times... But that is why the mindflayer hates you, that is why you standing on the opposite side of Stark's device worked. My imaginings of a future with you in it drove it into a fury. And that is why when the larger part of it returns, and it will, you will be its first target.” He bit his lip, his mind too clumsy to find the right words. “I do not know how much of me is me, after all this- what parts are good and what are corrupt... You should not trust me, but you do, and I need that... I need you, to be with you, please...”

Lily couldn't look away. A slight red rim made his eyes seem an even deeper green. Her heart hammered in her chest when he spoke of a future together. What did that mean? Why was that almost as intimidating as the idea of the mindflayer coming back for her?

Confusingly enough, it also made her feel wonderful to be wanted. She reached out and stroked his damp hair before speaking. “Like I said, I'm right here. I might need to use what you are teaching me to see the truth in other places, but to see it in you, I only need faith. I trust you because you are trustworthy. As soon as you get your feet back under you, I'm sure we can figure out what to do about that mindflayer and Asgard. Until then, Loki... let me take care of you.”

Lily leaned forward and slid off of her seat and onto her knees as well. Leaning against his chest, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly.  The steamy water bubbled around her chin, condensing on her cheeks and making them shine in the sun. Her lips gently and tentatively brushed across his, unsure if this was what she should be doing, but wanting it all the same.

His breath caught.  He tried to laugh cynically about "faith" and "trust."  But when she kissed him, all he could do was bury his fingers in her damp hair. He clung to her, deepening the kiss to cover up the way her name tried to escape on a whimper. 

He thought he should warn her again, or push her away, or remember that he disdained Midgardians.

He couldn't.

There was so much _touching_ with her, so many touches, small and large... He loved it, the way she touched him, casually or with purpose. The way she let him touch her. Asgardians didn't touch like that. In Asgard, he would get an itch under his skin, when he needed reassurance or felt out of place. A burning that wouldn't go away and he would annoy Thor until he tackled him, wrestled with him, to get rid of that sensation with heavy pressure.

A small piece of himself clicked into place, something he had never considered before. His skin itched that way now and he knew the path of it would follow the Jotun lines on his skin. He remembered how it had felt, when Lily touched them. 

It was strangely hard to ask- he would have no trouble asking for a hundred more filthy acts in bed, but this felt heavier, more selfish and more private. “Do the writing thing again,” he begged against her lips. “Anything you want, just... please.”

“I... I'm sorry. I did the wrong thing, didn't I?”  He was so different from any man Lily had ever met. The way he swung from amazing and intimidating to fragile and needy kept her off-balance. It wasn't a bad thing though, so she settled back against a seat, still holding Loki close against herself.

“No, you're perfect,” he sighed, settling against her.

“Are you comfortable?” she whispered and laid her head on his. Her left hand stroked his shoulder as her right traced words of a verse she remembered from school across his back, beneath the turbulent water.

_I met a traveler from an antique land_

_Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone_

_Stand in the desert . . . Near them, on the sand,_

_Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,_

_And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,_

_Tell that its sculptor well those passions read_

He closed his eyes, focusing on the drag of her finger on his back. The change in pressure as she swept up and down on a letter. The tingling, soothing sensation that lingered under his skin. He could ignore the nattering in his brain- surprisingly easily. It was a state he had rarely been able to achieve, simply being in the moment.  Relaxation spread through his body, nothing in his mind but the words Lily was giving him.

_Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,_

_The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:_

_And on the pedestal these words appear:_

_‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:_

_Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'_

_Nothing beside remains. Round the decay_

_Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare_

_The lone and level sands stretch far away." *_

By the time she had finished, he was lax and pliant, completely melted against her. “Is that a commentary on my more megalomaniac tendencies?” he mumbled, then stretched a little, arching his spine. Then he started to laugh, realizing what he looked like. “Who is the dog now, lying in your lap getting pet?”

Lily had calmed and relaxed almost as much as Loki had. When he stretched, she lifted her head and opened her heavy eyelids. “Hmmm? You are the puppy, but you are much larger right now than the last time you were a puppy. You seem happier too. You must be feeling a little bit better, at least. If not, it might make you feel better to know that I wasn't commenting on any tendencies, it just kinda reminded me of when you showed me that statue in the troll forest.”

She smiled, then added, “I think I might be about ready for that nap I should have had earlier. Maybe I could get out?”

“Mm, nap, yes.” He reluctantly raised his head and eyed the distance to the bed. More effort to use magic than to walk, he decided and hoisted himself slowly out of the tub.

He helped Lily out and a warm, magic breeze enveloped them both. This was worth the cost- the wind pulled all the water drops away with it, leaving them dry much faster than a towel.

A flick of his fingers and a wash of green turned his bathing trunks into worn linen lounging clothes in brown and green. With another, he adorned Lily with a gold silk nightgown.

“You look good in gold,” he said around a yawn as he dragged her to the bed. He remembered to yank back the covers just before he collapsed into it, facedown.  _Soft_.

“Wow. Thank you,” Lily whispered as she ran her hand down the gown. She laid on her side, facing Loki. Her hand settled against his lower back and her fingers traced the word REST.  “If you keep dressing me like this, I'm going to get spoiled, you know. Not that I am complaining. Not at all. It's wonderful and it's real.”

Her voice tapered off as her eyes closed against the suddenly, beautifully gleaming day. Maybe she should have closed the curtains, but it didn't matter at this point. The late night and stressful, early morning were more than enough to subdue the urge to enjoy the weather.

As she slept, Lily had twisty, ominous dreams, not quite nightmares, but not the restful dreams she could have hoped for. The strangeness of everything was catching up with her, even if she couldn't quite admit it to herself.

Loki was out like a light as soon as he closed his eyes.  He woke sometime later, lifting his head off the small damp spot on the pillow.  He turned over to face Lily and propped himself up on his elbow. 

Her face was scrunched into a frown and he reached out to trace soothing runes on her arm, not that she could read them in her sleep.  There was no urge to snap her neck or ache in his hands to feel the give in her flesh if her were to use his full strength.  That had been the mindflayer and its thirst for violence, but it felt strange to be without it. 

It had been in him for years and he had just assumed such things were his own thoughts- evidence of his monstrous genetics or proof that Odin had been right about him.  The thoughts had gotten much worse, and more obviously Not Him, after he met Lily.  She must have scared it immediately. 

Loki sighed, dropping his hand to rest between them.  The mindflayer might have made things worse, but it worked with what it had and Loki had given it plenty. 

He had done terrible things with it in him, but would he have done them anyway? He was just as terrible. He had dropped off the Bifrost on his own, he had tried to destroy all of Jotunheim without any outside help, only his own desperate need to destroy all evidence that he was one of them and prove his worth.  He couldn't pass the blame to the mindflayer or Ebony Maw for that. 

He was broken inside, some sort of deep, innate wrongness that those around him could sense, even if they didn't know the details.  He was always just out of step, always needing more than was given. That would not change now.

“Hmmm. Don't stop. Felt good,” Lily mumbled. As she opened her eyes and saw Loki watching her, she felt relieved for some reason. She gave him a slow, sleepy smile.  “Hi, you.”

She touched his cheek gently with a fingertip, the spot a dimple would appear if he smiled back at her.  “Any better now? Seems like it's still a nice day. Maybe something else good can happen. If you feel up to it, we could go have some fun.”

“Something fun, hm?” Loki turned his head enough to kiss her finger. It would be good to get away from his dark thoughts. And nothing did that more than a bit of chaos or some pampering. “What would that be? Breaking Stark's robots? Turning a snake lose in Thor's room? Or would you like the chance to win another of my shirts?”

Lily held her breath in a painfully awkward way when he kissed her finger, but couldn't help the smile stuck on her face. “Another shirt? But you seem to give me clothes for just existing, why should I have to win one? I'd think that someone like you'd play for higher stakes, hmm?”

She reached to the bed table and grabbed a TV remote, turning on a random channel and mumbled under her breath. “Can't stand the silence.  It's lonely.”

A chipper voice came from a weather man on the TV. “...seems the unseasonal rain has ended for the time being. As of right now, I can't tell you why those storms popped up so suddenly on the coast. It's almost like the time Thor visited a few months ago. If Thor _is_ in the area, could I ask that he call or drop by the station to warn us about any potential weather changes from now on? The good news is, we have nothing but clear skies and warm temperatures on the radar.”

Lily giggled and switched the channel to a movie.  “Oops,” she laughed, “he's totally busted. No one even had to tattle on him, he did it to himself.”

Leaning over Loki, she peered into his face closely. “Now, before we figure out just how high any stakes should be and what game we are playing, I want to know if that tightness around your eyes is because you are still tired or because you are still worried. I said I would take care of you and I'm not going to let you push yourself. So, to take care of the worried part...”

Lily lifted a hand from the mattress and laid it against his cheek. A brief moment of concentration flitted across her face and it began to glow brightly. “Now, I just need you to say that all of the mindflayer is out of you and I'm going to see if I know the truth even if you don't.  It _should_ work in theory, right? It’s kinda the same as that book. Then you can stop worrying.”

A searing bolt of vulnerability pierced through him, making his chest tighten.  His seidr surged in response, ready to be cast into an illusion.  “You want to take care of me, hm?” 

He flopped back to the bed, away from her glowing hand.  He rolled over to hide his face in his arms.  It was easy to keep his voice in a playful spoiled tone, despite the hammering of his heart.  “Let's start with a massage. I am stiff from being strapped on that table. Then you can feed me more chocolate. And then, I suppose, if you've been good, I might let you give me another massage.”

“Oooh, you are a slippery one,” Lily said playfully as she got up and knelt next to him. She couldn't help but let her gaze drift along the length of his body. She had a definite urge to reach out and squeeze the firm, roundness of his butt, yet she resisted and drew her palms flat, up the length of his broad back. She didn't know where she stood with him yet. He had called her girlfriend, but didn't quite understand the meaning of the term, and it didn't feel quite right. With all the chaos with the mindflayer, it wasn't certain that even he knew how he felt.  She just wasn't confident enough to muddy the water with over-the-top flirting. 

As her hands kneaded the muscles along his strong shoulders, she leaned over and spoke near his ear.  “And I suppose, if _you're_ good and tell me the mindflayer is gone, I might keep rubbing your back. Maybe. Because I can't pull answers out of thin air. I need something to verify.”

“Trying to turn the tables on me?” He shivered, pressing his face into his arm.  There was a very vocal part of him that was ready to do anything she said, just to keep her touching him. 

He feared her power, though.  What if it revealed more than he wanted? His instinct when he felt raw and exposed was to gather armor around him, to close up like a clam around the tender parts.  Being with Lily was both soothing and terrifying.  She was a balm when he was hurt, somehow calming his worst thoughts.

But exposing his weaknesses, even to her, made him tense with fear.  If he truly believed what he had told the mindflayer, that he loved her and wanted to be better, he had to make it through that fear. He had a suspicion that Lily wouldn't accept anything less.

He reached back and felt around for her hand. He squeezed it tightly and took a breath. “The mindflayer is out of my body. It is... just me in here.”

Lily's hands surged with a warm glow and a smile spread across her face, bright enough it mimicked the glow of her power. “Yes!” she cried out and grabbed Loki by the shoulders and rolled him over onto his back so she could see his face. She bounced a bit on the mattress in excitement.  “Yes! It's true. It's gone! You are no one but Loki. Come on.... be happy!”

Out of pure impulse, she flung herself down on top of him and kissed his cheek with a quick smacking sound. “It's one huge problem down and... it worked... I _knew_ that was the real truth and not just what you thought was the truth!  This is wonderful.”

Shoving his darker thoughts aside, Loki laughed.  “Oh, is _this_ the fun you promised?” He drew her down for a gentle kiss. 

When he let her up again, he smiled. “You are always so enthusiastic. So happy. What is it that mortals say about drinking glasses?  Thor says it annoyingly often, I have tuned him out.”  He ran his hands down her back, stroking the silk of her nightgown. “I did a very good job with this one, didn't I? It looks fabulous on you, and feels even better.”

His kiss. Lily wasn't expecting that. When their slightly parted lips met, her eyes closed. He sounded like he was playing, but suddenly it wasn't a game, at least to her. Her eyes opened heavily and blinked when he finished speaking. She hadn't noticed that he started. “Feels great,” she whispered under her breath before she found her voice and wrinkled her brow at the question. “And um... glasses? Half-full or half-empty?”

She was so distracted by the fact that she was still laying across his chest, shoulders and head propped up by now slightly rubbery arms, that Lily had trouble putting that much of a sentence together. Pushing herself onto her side, she found it easier to breathe than when she was so close against Loki.  Her back slid under the nightgown, pressing against his hands, hoping that he knew that meant to keep them there.

His smile was very smug as she melted off of him. It was unbearably fun to surprise her.

“How do you do that?” Lily asked quietly. “In the hot tub you were so...” She knew he wouldn't want to hear the word vulnerable, he was a prince and did claim the title of god. “... Different. Now you're totally in control again. It... it's not a bad thing.  You must just reboot fast.”

“It's... easier, isn't it? To be in control.” He drew random shapes idly on her back as he spoke quietly. “Easy is perhaps not the right word; it is difficult. But it is easier to face the world when you present the image you want others to see, isn't it? Even if that image is a negative one- it is one you have made. Easier than them seeing the truth. Besides, a good trick requires tight control, otherwise it is just chaos. Speaking of, if all of Stark's machines turned suddenly into pigs, do you think he would suspect it was me?”

Lily tilted her head and gave Loki and incredulous look. “You're kidding me, right? What am I supposed to do with you? Besides massages and feeding you? Stark's machines just cleaned you out.  I'm sure there are people more deserving to be messed with than... well... the guy that's letting us stay here. There are more than enough jackasses out there. We can always tweak that image of yours so only the jackasses are afraid of you. I mean, you know, shit, that sounded mean. I didn't mean it that way.” She laid her hand on his chest, over his heart.  “It's just easier for me to see the truth instead of an image because I kinda like the truth of you.”

His eyes widened and then he shifted to stare at the ceiling.

She was angry with him. He wasn't pouting. Certainly not. _The truth of me_.  The truth of him was a cowering child with a forbidden desire to be held- and _blue_. No one wanted that.

The thought of her withdrawing, taking away the physical contact that his body craved, and the attention that his mind wanted, made his chest clench.  He drew in a painful breath. “No pigs then. What about this?”

He made an illusion over their heads, small caricatures of the two people in the picture he'd seen earlier, the one that had made Lily sad. Then he added a cross-eyed, misshapen bilgesnipe to chase them, all of them tripping over their oversized feet as they bumbled around the room.

“He is a ‘jackass,’ right?”

With wide, childlike eyes, Lily watched Loki's illusions.  “Yes, he is,” she quietly agreed with a small huff of a laugh, then laid her head down against his arm. “That's so amazing, you know. I could watch you do things like that forever.  You're better than fireworks.”

Her hand stroked along his chest until she could toy with the neckline of Loki's tunic.  It was so easy and comfortable to touch him like this, even though it felt incredibly personal. “Do you think I could ever do something like that?” she asked tentatively.  “Make something like you do, instead of just destroying things?”

“That is an interesting question.”  He tapped his fingers on his thigh. “Illusions are, by their nature, falsehoods.” The caricatures above them puffed away in a comic smoke cloud. “Puppets, shadows, misdirection. Even the more taxing spells, such as the blanket earlier or your gown now, they have substance and are real, but at their core they are a lie as well. They are stolen matter and energy, made into something they were not meant to be. I would not be surprised if you could dispel those as well, with practice. You could try now- maybe you will do it and I will have a lovely naked woman next to me.” He smiled. “You do not destroy things. You return them to their intended state. Their truth.”

It was beautiful when he smiled, even if he was teasing her. Maybe it was _because_ he was teasing. “Thank you. This is all so much more than I thought. I was hoping it was more like, magic words and amulets and things.  So...” Lily toyed with the fabric of Loki's collar. “To make this shirt that you made disappear, I only need to figure out the nature of its truth? And to think, people told me the only thing more worthless than my Art History degree was a Philosophy degree. Kinda wish I had one now. Kinda wish I had underwear too.”

Loki snorted. “Who wears underwear to sleep?” He felt a tiny stab of chagrin and paused. “Oh. Do you want some? That is not hard.  If you will forgive the expression.” He grinned again, momentary awkwardness gone from his mind in favor of flirting.

“I do not think you need to be a philosopher for this. They are stuffy and pompous in any case. Just... touch the fabric. Feel the threads in it, warp and weft. Feel the twist of the thread. These pieces of the world, they were not meant to be thread- concentrate, listen to them. What were they meant to be? Where did they come from? And if you do manage to disappear my shirt, please leave me my pants. As we have established, I do not have on any underwear.”

“Nobody sleeps with philosophers and wearing underwear is stuffy and pompus... Gotcha. But about the state of your undergarments... did you suddenly become shy or are you being considerate of my delicate sensibilities? You don't have to worry about me in this case, because, I assure you, if I'm taking pants off a man, I have a pretty good idea what I'm getting into,” Lily joked. She teased him, but had listened to his advice carefully.

She took a firm hold of the neck of his shirt.

As she concentrated on it, the now-becoming-normal glow surrounded her hands. She tried, but couldn't find what he was talking about.  Small beads of sweat formed on her brow almost covering up the way the aura had bled up her arms and was beginning to surround her head like a halo.

He didn't expect her to be able to do it, really.  She was talented and motivated, but this was advanced sorcery he was asking her to dispel.  It had taken him a year to be able to weave together a solid object.  Detailed items such as clothes had taken constant practice.  True, taking something apart was much easier than creating it, but... 

He watched, awed despite himself, as she glowed brighter and brighter.  His amazement became tinged with a tiny amount of fear when the glow became an incandescent halo around her head.  She looked ethereal, timeless, a terrible celestial being of pure truth- it reminded him so strongly of the ancient art on Asgard that he squeezed his eyes shut to banish the image. 

Not willing to give up, Lily's eyes closed and she leaned forward. After what seemed like an eternity, she found whatever it was that was holding the fabric in its form. She yanked it free and loosed a quiet satisfied sigh as the green tunic dissolved into nothing.

His shirt was gone.  He blinked, then exclaimed, “That's my girl!” He was shocked. “I guess I cannot get away with anything with you any longer.”

Lily felt like she had completed a marathon; her heart was hammering in her ribcage with excitement and exertion.  She flopped down with her cheek against the skin of Loki’s chest and a wide grin on her face looking up at him.

“I did it,” she panted. “You said I could do it, so I did. But right now, you could get away with anything you wanted, 'cause I'm done. That's all your girl's got. I can't even tell if you meant it when you said ‘ _my_ girl.’ If you told me the sky was yellow, I'd believe you.”

She traced smiley faces over his chest, in front of her face. “But, I'd do it again in a heartbeat just to see that surprised look on your face. It's adorable and I'm just guessing, but it probably takes quite a bit to shock you.”

Loki huffed, stroking her head. “With magic? No, I am not easy to surprise. I am genuinely shocked, I assure you. I asked a very difficult thing. You were channeling a large amount of power to do that. I still have not worked out where you are drawing it from. You have not come in contact with an Infinity Stone, have you?” He smiled. “Unlikely. And you do not act like you have been experimented on, either, like Maximoff. Too well-adjusted, not murderous enough.” He played with her hair, enjoying how proud she was of herself. “That was impressive. You looked quite terrifying, bright as the heavens and concentrating as if to dissolve reality itself.”

“Are you flirting with me? Because it feels like you are trying to charm the pants off me and that, as we know, is pointless right now.” Lily smiled up at Loki, lulled by his hands in her hair. She was tired again, but the smooth expanse of Loki's skin beckoned her fingers. They went from tracing on his chest to softly explore down his abdomen. She stroked along his firm, flat muscles.

“I don't know about any Infinity Stones, but I have that rock you gave me in Asgard.  That's pretty awesome. No one else around here has one of those. Makes me feel kinda special.  You're good at that. Hmm.”  Lily hummed as she thought for a moment, then a twinkle popped up in her eyes.  “How about if in a bit, we get cleaned up and you let me take you out to dinner again? No mindflayers to ruin it this time.”

“If you keep touching me like that, we will not be going anywhere,” Loki purred. He felt so relaxed, like he could just melt into the mattress. He would give her all the rocks in Asgard to keep her touching him in any way.  He closed his eyes on a soft exhale.  “I am sure Stark will not let me out of this building. He does not trust you to hold my leash.” _The more fool he,_ Loki thought, _if he can't see she has me wrapped around her finger._   “So ‘out’ is not an option. Unless you plan on subterfuge?” He cracked an eye open to look at her and raised an eyebrow. “I like subterfuge.”

“Out is always an option,” she giggled, slightly embarrassed at how just his voice made her feel, and ran the tips of her fingers around his belly button. “That, right over there is an open door and this is America. We're big believers in freedom, when you can grab it. Stark might want you to be a prisoner, but your brother says you are a guest. My money's on the big guy with the bigger magic hammer.  Sure, we'd have to do a _bit_ of sneaking, I mean don't wear those huge gold horns you did in New York or anything. That would cause some trouble.”

Lily's hand slid back up Loki's stomach and chest to rest at the base of his throat. “You did have a rough morning, so I'd understand if you just wanted to stay here and rest. I'm really not used to just laying around doing nothing in bed this much, that's all.” She took a breath and a chance and leaned over to whisper in his ear.  “But if we're not going anywhere, I'll be more than happy to get used to it.”

His eyes widened and he placed his hand over hers on his throat. “Audhumla,” he cursed in a surprised whisper. “You-“  He grabbed her and rolled over, propping himself up with his hands flat on the mattress, caging her in.  “You are a very naughty mortal.”

Lily's heart caught when she was flipped over. He acted as if she weighed nothing. As she was pinned beneath him, for the first time she felt like the fragile mortal he thought she was. If she had been even slightly less brave she would have trembled.

He stared down at her and inhaled, taking in the cling of chemicals from the tub, the hint of his own magic on her gown, the fake-summer of the sheets. Then his mind unhelpfully reminded him where they were. The thought of the Hulk a few doors down was enough to kill any arousal. 

He drew his lower lip between his teeth and exhaled slowly. “Not here. Not Stark's house, not with his robots watching, not with three Avengers breathing down my neck.” He slumped back to his side of the bed.  Going out among humans did not appeal to him tonight, but perhaps it was the best option.  “Let us see if we can, indeed, leave. I have my doubts.”

Lily was a bit deflated. “Doubts? I thought you liked subterfuge. We can just go for a walk on the beach. Can't object to that, right? If we walk past the restaurant we could be on another planet before anyone notices. The birds would probably notice though.”

She paused for a moment, thinking, then sat bolt upright and stared at Loki with almost fake indignation. “Wait. Did you just call me a _cow_?”

“What! I did not!” He thought back.  What had he said about a cow?  He had only been thinking of... “Ohh. ‘ _Audhumla_.’ Yes, she is a cow. Of a sort.  It is a curse, a blasphemy, not an insult.  Ah… we say it when surprised or awed. Or frustrated. My mother used to scold me terribly if she heard me use it- it is not ‘proper’ to use the Mother of the World in such a coarse way.” He smiled, a soft, fond smile. “It never took, particularly when the armsmaster used to yell at us, ‘You all are a disgrace to Audhumla and her great milky teats, did you come out her back end instead of from the salt?!’ And that was one of his _nicer_ insults.”

He gazed up at her, unwilling to sit up just yet, enjoying the view. Half of him wanted to whisk her away to another world and indulge in all the acts that had run through his head just moments ago. He wasn't sure what was stopping him. A half-mumbled promise to his brother? Certainly not Stark's worry that he would cause havoc and harm... right?

He sat up and stretched. “A walk on the beach it is. And if we happen upon an eatery, well...”

“Well...” Lily repeated as she tried to gather her thoughts. Loki had seemed distracted before he accepted her offer. She sighed and jumped up from the bed. “OK. I'll have to get some clothes on and I dress the old fashioned way so...” She grabbed a few things from a suitcase and ducked into the bathroom. When she came out, she was wearing her sundress and had her hair pulled up.

“I think I left my shoes downstairs. I'll be right back.”

As Lily turned the corner in the hallway, she saw Thor leaving his room. His face was pink and he looked very determined about something. As Lily was about to call out to him, she noticed a small piece of cloth in his hand. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing and ran back into her room, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it.

“Oh. My. God. Loki, come quick, but be quiet. I think there's something we are going to want to see.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ozymandias  - Percy Bysshe Shelley


	27. Chapter 27

Loki raised an eyebrow, intrigued.  A flick of his hand changed his lounging clothes to a more Midgardian-style outfit of loose beige trousers and a dark blue sweater. He'd change his face and hair on the beach- if Thor saw that, even _he_ would know Loki was up to something. Lily opened the door and they stepped softly out into the hall. He heard the distinct thud of Thor's feet going down the stairs and he snuck along to the top himself, glancing back at Lily in question. 

Lily slipped past Loki and crept down the stairs, putting her finger to her lips to let him know to be quiet, then she motioned for him to follow. “Listen- he found the Iron Man underwear I left in the drawer,” she whispered.

They couldn't see Thor, but his booming voice could be heard from just around the corner.

“Um, my friend Stark?” Thor called out. “... Anthony... yes, Anthony... um… I say friend because that is what we are, correct? _Friends_. Teammates. I understand that sometimes we may feel things, but these feelings may not always be... um... reciprocated. I only say this because I found your... gift? gift in my drawer when I was looking for my swimming clothes.  I must admit, this is one of the more creative ways that I have been propositioned. But this is a _lady’s_ undergarment, is it not?”

Tony could be heard sputtering and attempting to speak over the top of Thor's statements, but he didn't seem his eloquent self.

“It is far too small to fit my physique and um... even if I could manage to wear it… If it had- what I believe- is your desired effect… to be honest… um... I would most likely... burst through your face. The one that is printed right here. Sooo... I... uhh... would like to return your gift, for I cannot accept its intentions. I am sorry. Please take this back. Perhaps in another time, another place, things would have been different...”

Lily was almost biting through her lower lip to keep her giggles silent as she turned to Loki and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

He pressed his hand to his mouth, his sides aching from keeping his laughter in. She was right, this was hilarious.

Which gave Loki an idea.  “Oh, if you think that is good, watch this...” he whispered.

He crept down the stairs until he reached the bottom.  Then he took a deep breath and breezed into the room, between the two embarrassed heroes.

“Oh, those are mine!” He plucked the underwear from Thor's hand. He spread them out and held them in front of him as if modeling them.  “Like them?”

“Brother, what are you- By Ymir's skull, move those!”  Thor began to sputter. “How can you- why-“

Stark, if possible, turned an even deeper shade of red, seeing his alter-ego across Loki's crotch. “But... I thought you were with... her...?”  He gestured vaguely upstairs.

With a secretive smile, Loki leaned close to Stark.  He spoke low enough to be sexy, but loud enough for Thor to hear. “I can be many things.”

Both Avengers were struck speechless, which filled Loki with enormous glee. 

“I am going for a walk on the beach. I can model these for you when I return.” Loki sashayed between them, then stopped to blow a kiss over his shoulder and toss the underwear to Stark.  He would treasure the looks on their faces for eternity. Perfectly flabbergasted and tied in knots.

Lily stood on the stairs, choking down her laughter and trying to decide what to do. Loki just left... should she follow? She waited a heartbeat, so she didn't ruin his exit, and walked past the flummoxed men.

As she slipped on her shoes, she turned and gave Thor a meaningful look- _don't look at me. He's_ your _brother-_ and a shrug.

Then she quickly went out the door to meet Loki on the beach.

Thor's head thumped loudly against the wall. "By Father's bloody beard!" he moaned, "I have witnessed this before, close to three hundred years ago. Things are about to become very complicated. Loki is in love."

"With _me_?" Tony squeaked out.

Thor lifted his head and looked at Tony incredulously. "Sure.  We will go with that," he deadpanned.

As soon as Lily reached Loki, out of earshot of anyone in the house, she tossed herself at him, almost collapsing with laughter.

Loki spun Lily around, laughing.  “Did you see their faces? Did you? Stark looked like he wanted to sink into the floor or maybe just demolish the whole building to get away!” He laughed so hard he could barely get a breath in, pressing a hand to his chest. “And _Thor_! Oh... Oh, Ymir... I am never forgetting that!” He leaned back, gulping in air, tears on his cheeks. “Oh my. Oh...”

Just as he started to calm down, he remembered the wide-eyed horror on Stark's face and he dissolved into laughter once more with a snort.

Lily turned to walk backwards through the sand. She reached out and grabbed Loki’s hands, pulling him along. “OK, yes, that was an act of beauty, but come _on_. We'll laugh more later, right now we need to be gone before they remember that we left.”

She let go of one of his hands, and as they hurried down the beach, she began laughing again as well. “Burst through your face!” The phrase shot out of her and she laughed harder.  “Oh god! Is that an Asgardian thing or is Thor just _that_ hysterical to hang around with? He was so _serious_. I almost feel bad for him.”

“Thor is... very earnest, to put it mildly.  And apparently, he thinks quite highly of himself,” Loki snickered.  “’Burst through your face.’  Maybe I will leave more Avengers-themed undergarments around his room the next time he vexes me. I would dearly love to see him confront Agent Romanov the same way.”  He shook his head, smiling.  “Ah, I suppose I should change a bit to avoid being recognized. I truly do not wish to see Agent Romanov again.”

He thought, then slid his hand over his hair. It shortened to a style like Stark's and turned a shade of blond closer to Thor's.  “What do you think?”

“I think that is very, very dangerous,” Lily teased, although she was still impressed with Loki's illusions.  “Maybe worse because you still look...” She was going to say gorgeous but stopped herself. “Like you, but now that you're laughing and lighter you seem more charming than intimidating.  If you'd really wanted to take over the planet, people probably wouldn't have fought back if you'd used this look and said please. I'd smile at ya, if I saw ya across a bar. Most people probably would though.  You could probably pick up a dozen people with stronger self-preservation instincts than I have, in no time at all.”

She sighed when she realized she was getting negative. Her eyes darted around for a second while she came up with something to change the subject. “Romanov? That's, um... Black Widow, right?”

He grinned at her flustered babbling.  “Yes, Black Widow. I did not know you Midgardians could produce someone so disturbing. But let's go back a bit... Did you just call me charming?”

He linked her arm in his, pulling her closer as they tromped through the sand. “And did you, perhaps, imply that I would abandon you in favor of the first Midgardian to fall for said charm?” He gestured at the people on the boardwalk. “I assure you, none of them have half the strength or determination that you have. And not a one of them is as powerful.  Hm, how about that place?” He pointed down the beach with his free hand.  “There are a lot of people, does that mean it is high-quality?”

Completely ignoring Loki's first question because she didn’t want to answer it- she was sure she had already said too much- Lily squinted at the beachside restaurant ahead of them. It seemed like a small place with a large patio bar that had a DJ setting up.

“Um, it _could_ be quality, or it could be cheap, or just have strong drinks and no cover charge. Let's go see which one it is.”

Once they got to the place, it was simple and small, with seven or eight tables inside. Yelp would say it was beachfront casual, patrons would say it was plywood-and-plastic-tablecloth casual. It seemed like all the ruckus was on the patio though.

“Hmmm.” Loki perused the menu pasted on the wall next to the door. He didn't know why; after all, he had no idea what he was looking at. Some of the items he recognized from Thor's ramblings, but he didn't know much about Midgardian food. He liked the low-lit interior, though- easier for him to hide in case anyone saw through his illusion. Or Lily accidentally dissolved it. “Um... What do you think?”

“Been in worse looking places.” She shrugged. “Why? You afraid? Come on.” Lily laughed and sat at a small round table with two chairs in the back corner, away from the other customers.

She pulled a laminated single-sheet menu out from under the napkin holder and scanned it before spinning it around so Loki could see it. She had noticed a bit of worry cross his face when he was looking at the posted menu. She didn't know if it was the place or the food or just being around people in general, but she tried to put him at ease.

“How about I order for us again? I'll stick to stuff that's probably fresh. I'm actually more comfortable in here than in the last restaurant we ate in. This is in my price range. The other place was much nicer, but also set me back about a week’s wages. If you want to go back there, we probably need to talk Stark into paying the bill. Nobody goes places like that every day.”

“Yes, order for us. I admit, unlike you, I was more comfortable in our last restaurant.” This looked like the kind of rough, cheap place Thor gravitated towards. Not that Loki had not been in his share of shady bars, but he did prefer a more decadent atmosphere in general.

She pointed discretely at the tattoos adorning the arm of a man sitting at the bar. Complicated knotwork surrounded runes and a large Mjolnir. “Plus I think the people here would handle it _much_ better if the birds decide to show up again.” Norse imagery had become very popular after Thor had made himself known.  “Hell, they'd probably make friends here.”

Loki looked askance at the tattooed man. The stab of jealousy in his chest was no less fierce for its age. How many hundreds of years had it been when Midgardians stopped paying any attention to him in favor of Thor? And yet, despite all that had happened since, he still felt the sting of it. The man had done nothing wrong, he reminded himself, squashing the urge to have a spider walk up his back.

A woman ducked out from the back room and leaned across the bar looking at the two of them.  “Hey there. You wanna order food or just drinks?”

The man at the bar turned to look at the television in the corner, revealing his other arm to them. He was obviously hedging his bets, because the tattoos on this arm were of a set of gold horns with a large snake wrapped around them.

Loki tilted his head for a better look at the man. _Those are my horns,_ he thought with a bit of awe. A matching set, Mjolnir and Jormungandr.  He had never seen anything like it.

Lily smiled up at the bartender. “Food. We'll just have two of the fish taco plates and iced tea. Can we have the mango slaw on the side?”

“Sure thing.” The woman disappeared again into the back.

Looking at the expression on Loki's face, Lily sighed. Had she messed up? “I'm sorry, Loki. Maybe this was the wrong thing for you. I just wanted to celebrate getting the mindflayer out of you, you know? I'll try to make it up to you if you tell me what cheers you up.”

He touched Lily's hand, rubbing his fingertips over the back.  “No... no, this is good, darling.” 

With reluctance, he moved his gaze away from the tattoos and back to Lily.  He smiled at her. “What cheers me up? Causing a ruckus, usually. Or what my mother used to called, ‘being a little rat.’ Changing goblets into snakes. Spider illusions on the curtains. Once, when I was particularly annoyed with our nurse, I snuck into her room at night and changed all the warps on her loom- by hand, even. My seidr was not trained enough for the task. She was furious and could not conceive how it had happened.” His smile turned smug. “And what cheers you up when you feel low, hm?”

"This." Lily's hand turned reflexively, and her fingers curled toward his. "Seeing and learning new things. Talking to people. Having someone smile at me. Probably watching you turn goblets into snakes. I'm not really complicated." She laughed as she looked into his now smiling eyes. "So, was the underwear thing enough to cheer you up or do we need to make another ruckus? "

Just then the phone in Lily's pocket chimed loudly. She looked very confused and startled as she pulled it out. No name appeared on the ID, instead it read ANSWER NOW.

With wide eyes, she looked up at Loki and whispered, "Uh oh," then took a deep breath and answered.

"Hello?" she said in an innocent voice.

Immediately, Tony barked through the speaker, "Nice distraction there. Walk on the beach, my _ass_! Are you _trying_ to kill me here? You're at Benny's now, back corner table and you just ordered tacos and tea. I won't make a fuss, but you and Reindeer Games _go no further_ , do you understand me? Any more funny business and the suits will take you both down where you stand." There was a slight pause and then, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Sounding small, Lily answered. "Yes. But _how_... my ringer was off and..."

She could almost hear his eyes roll through the phone. "There's _no_ security on an iPhone, no matter what you think. I'll give you a Stark phone so there's no back door anymore. You have two hours ‘til curfew. Don't be late, young lady."

And the line went dead.

Lily set the phone down on the table and opened her mouth to say something to Loki when it went off again, the vibrating making it dance along the table cover.

She swallowed and answered again with a "Yes?"

There was a loud sigh. "Thor wants tacos. Six of 'em. I want He Who Must Not Be Named back under security. Got it?" This time Tony didn't even wait for her to respond before he hung up.

Lily pointed at the phone and simply said, "Ruckus."

"Ruckus, indeed.” Loki tried not to laugh.  "You are positively crimson.  Being in trouble is hard for you, is it?  Well, at least you will not be the one under house arrest upon our return.  If you are still certain we should return?  We could traipse off to an unknown planet where even Stark's technology could not find us."  He knew that was not truly an option, but it was pleasant to think about.

A waitress stopped at their table, a tray balanced on one hand.  She deposited two large red cups, slippery with condensation, in front of them.  Two red baskets lined in checkered paper followed and she moved on with a friendly, "Let me know if you need anything else."

Loki eyed the contents of his basket.  Chunks of fish and vegetables lay on a circle of... "Is this some sort of bread?  How do you eat this?"

"It's a tortilla. And ummm... this is seriously unfancy, but,” Lily held a taco up to show him, "you just kinda pick it up and bite, like this." She did and was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. "Mmm... I guess it is quality. Try not to let it squish out the far end. It probably will anyway, but that's life. And tacos. OK. It's mostly just tacos."

She watched Loki poke at his food like it might suddenly turn and bite him and realized that this _did_ make her happy. It didn't matter that she had called off work indefinitely with no notice or that she had managed to wind up on Tony Stark's bad side. Her hands glowed and she had run away with the guy that had destroyed New York... and she was really happy for the first time in years. Even with a curfew, she felt free.

"You could just leave, so why don't you? If you don't like being watched by Stark and your brother, no one can make you stay. I've seen that.  I think that phone call proved that I'm probably going to be watched for the rest of my life, but I'm a bit handicapped by being terrestrial unless I'm with you. Oh, hold it... you said 'we.’" She smiled brightly at him, with only a tiny piece of cilantro stuck to her lip. "We? I could go with you if you bailed?"

"Of course, you will come with me." He said it with the same dismissive confidence that he had in New York- why would she _not_ come with him?  California or Xandar, it didn't matter. 

Her other question, though... why _was_ he still here? He could easily open the doors between worlds and Thor would never find him. It was not because part of him felt that he needed extra guarding, given his past poor decisions, he told himself.  It was certainly _not_ because he was curious about Thor's new "team." Not when that team included the Hulk. No, under no circumstances did he in any way think staying here was a healthy and healing choice. No.

He just... wasn't ready to leave yet.

And maybe... " _Mayyyybe_ I feel a tiny bit responsible for bringing that hideous mindflayer to Midgard.  Seems like I should stay to defeat it."  He picked up the taco as Lily had and, suspicious, took an awkward bite.  "Strange to eat, but quite delicious. I approve."

"So, you're a hero now?" Lily grinned. "Gonna go back to Tony's and join the Avengers? And I get to be a sidekick, huh? Then can I get a cape? Because those capes look cool, but I suppose being a sidekick I'd just get one of those silly, short capes. I would have to work my way up to one of the impressive, sweeping capes, huh? Oh well..."

She babbled so she could ignore the way her heart started pounding when Loki was completely matter of fact about her maybe leaving with him. How could she even think about running away to another planet with Loki? And why did it sound like a real option to her?

"And besides the hero stuff, it's probably best to be down here. I mean, if we took off someplace else, I would be 100% dependent on you, like a real pet. I wouldn't even be sidekick material. I have zero knowledge and no space money, or whatever people use to get food and shelter and things."

"I do not have any of those either. And I would be a fugitive from Asgardian justice." He shrugged. "Except the Allspeak is an advantage. The rest... you just make it up as you go." He took another bite of his 'taco,’ looking around the dingy interior and the rowdy patio. 

Music had begun to play, loud and with a strong, rhythmic beat.  Humans were so adaptable. Just yesterday, Thor-a literal God to them- had descended on their town in a thunderstorm, and they did not even care. Superpowered beings caused massive destruction and chaos and they just... went about their lives or, as he'd seen in before they left New York, tried to profit off it.  Amazing resilience. 

His eyes were drawn to the television hanging from the ceiling. "What is going on there?"

"That is football, a pretty popular sport in this country. One team of very large men try to stop another team of very large men from getting a ball all the way to their end of the field, usually by tackling them. The rules actually get pretty complicated. I can't answer many questions about it, 'cause I don't really follow it any more than to keep up with general conversations, but some people are rabid about it."

"Sounds like a sport Thor would excel at." And with that observation, he lost interest in the colorful figures running on the screen. 

Lily shrugged and gestured toward the patio. "The party seems to be starting out there. Do you want to have a couple of drinks and go dance or finish up dinner and find somewhere more quiet? "

When she was talking Lily shifted around and her foot bumped into something under the table. She wiggled it around a bit and decided that it was Loki's foot and not a table leg. Quickly, she stopped moving, letting her foot rest against the side of his, hoping he wouldn't notice that she kicked him.

Loki leaned his leg into hers. "I enjoyed dancing with you before." He waggled his eyebrows.  Any excuse to touch, or to be touched. "We are here to 'have fun,' are we not? As long as you keep me from looking too much the fool, since I do not know your dance steps."  He put on an exaggerated horrified look. "Unless, you _want_ me to look the fool, to see me humiliated for your enjoyment! You would not do that to me, would you?"

"Oh no. Why would you think I'd enjoy that? If I was going to humiliate you for fun, I would keep you all to myself, never in public." She winked at Loki and booped the end of his nose. "Joking! You don't have to worry. I doubt what's going on outside has anything to do with dance steps anyway. Finish up your food and I'll be right back."

She jumped up and went to the bar to order two shots, six tacos to go, and settle the bill. She came back to the table and set the shot glasses down. With a shove, she moved her chair around the table, right next to Loki's. "I changed my mind. I _will_ be the one to put tequila in you. Let me show you how this is done."

She licked her hand and poured salt on it, then licked the salt off, bit a lemon slice, and took the shot. After making a horrible face and shaking her head, she smiled up at Loki. "Your turn. Lick, bite, drink. It's nasty, but it makes me all warm and loose."

With the burning in her throat spreading out to her extremities, Lily picked up Loki's hand and licked along the back between his thumb and forefinger before shaking salt on it.

"The rest is up to you," she murmured.

"I should not be worried about humiliation- I should be worried that you are going to _kill me_."  Loki stared at her, agog. 

Asgardians were not a repressed society, nor was Loki a prude about such things.  But that... that display had been far more sexual than anything he'd witnessed in an Asgardian tavern.  He shifted in his seat, all too aware of his body's reaction to her licking his hand. 

Licking.  He couldn't seem to get past that part.  She had licked his hand and whispered at him and he didn't know exactly what this drink was, but he was pretty sure he _loved_ tequila already.  Especially if it made Lily "warm and loose." 

He glanced down at the salt stuck to his skin.  "Lick, bite, drink," he muttered.  She had said it so casually.

Well, two could play at that.  He met her eyes and didn't look away as he raised his hand.  He dragged his tongue slowly over the salt, sunk his teeth into the lemon with a cocky smirk, then tipped back the shot. 

His eyes widened as he swallowed, tamping down the urge to cough- it was far more harsh than he expected from mortal alcohol.  It was strong enough that a few more of these shots might even have _him_ feeling warm and loose. 

"And now we dance?" His voice was a little thinner and reedier than normal.  He refused to call it a "wheeze."

"Yes, we dance. If you can breathe." Lily got up and led the way through the door to the patio, giggling.

When the door opened, a heavy bass beat hit them in the face. The sun had gone down while they were inside. A wooden privacy fence surrounded a dance floor lit with hanging plastic tiki lights. A small DJ table was set up at the far end. 

Groups of girls were writhing and twitching, with the lone male occasionally, awkwardly dancing up to a group and attempting to single out the drunkest or least dressed girl to partner up with. In a dark spot, up against the fence, a couple was obliviously grinding against each other, almost in time to the music. The guy's hand was up the back of the girl's blouse, holding her up and she arched backwards and rode his thigh. Lily blinked at them, hoping they could at least manage to make it to their car before going further.

Lily pulled at Loki's hand to get him on the dance floor as she began to move. She leaned toward him and whisper-yelled over the music. "See? No steps with this kind of dance."

He looked around the chaotic dance floor, amazed despite himself.  Humans, it seemed, were far more chaotic and interesting than he'd thought. He did prefer more elegance in his surroundings, but he was more comfortable here than he wanted to admit. If he were to set loose a snake in here or change everyone's hair to green, they would likely think it was a great joke. After the panic wore off, of course.

His eyes fell on a couple in the corner, their actions barely qualifying as "dancing."  It was certainly... inspiring. If that was the sort of behavior allowed here...  He placed his hands low on Lily's hips, like he saw some others doing, moving with her.  He couldn't put his hand up the back of her dress, but he could kiss her. Her lips still tasted of lemon, slightly salty and alcoholic.

The kiss seemed to be over as soon as she had realized it was happening. Lily's heart fluttered embarrassingly. It seemed she really couldn't judge just what this man would do at any given moment.

"What did I do to deserve that?" she asked and smiled up at him. "Ya know? Never mind. Just remind me later, so I can do it again." 

Lily's hands moved to cover Loki's, holding them tightly against herself as she rolled her hips seductively. With a grin, she said, "We have a time limit here and I thought you wanted to dance. Let's see if you have any moves."

With that she dropped his hands and danced further into the crowd, beckoning him teasingly.

"I believe I _was_ dancing. Was I doing it wrong?" he said to no one in particular, a bit petulantly.  He'd been greatly enjoying her shimmy, especially when his hands were on her hips.  He slid around the humans dancing between him and Lily with ease, but watched their movements, trying to discern what counted as "dancing." 

When he reached her, he raised an eyebrow and began to gyrate his pelvis around in a small circle. He wasn't sure what to do with his arms, so he held them a bit awkwardly in front of his chest.

Lily laughed and clapped her hands in glee at the sight of someone with the gravitas of Loki managing to pull off being extremely sexy and extremely silly at the same time. He seemed to have caught the attention of a group of girls dancing behind him. Lily couldn't tell if they were interested or entertained, but they sure were watching his butt. She grinned broadly around her laughter and swung her hips back in response.

"Are you laughing at me?" Loki huffed with a small pout.  He looked around, trying to find another movement to emulate.  They looked either ridiculous or scandalous and he couldn't decide which was more interesting.

After all, he wanted to dance so that he could touch Lily and it seemed her idea was to dance merely _near_ each other...  An idea sparked in his mind. They had a little gap to themselves. He grabbed Lily's hand and did a small, quick waltz turn in the space available.

"I am helpless at this, see." He put Lily's hands on his hips, smirking. "You'll have to teach me."

Lily squeezed his hips as she looked into his eyes.  "I think you are doing just fine. I suppose we could arrange some private lessons if you want, but right now, I think your admirers would kill me if I did anything to obscure their view of this." She slipped one hand around him and patted his backside, before bringing her hands up to rest on his shoulders.

Loki glanced over his shoulder at the group of women who were trying very hard to look like they'd always been staring at their feet. He grinned as he tightened up his pants a little- he did love having an audience.

The song ended, and as if the DJ could read minds, "Wicked Game" began to play.

Lily swayed and let her body roll sinuously as she brushed against Loki. "Let's try one more song before you give up, huh? Slow should be easier."

"Mmm, this I like." His hands ran down her sides, coming to rest lightly on her waist. He matched her swaying but didn't pull her into him, leaving her room to do that delicious, sinuous move again. He leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Show me more."

Lily didn't think she could have disobeyed that whisper, even if she had wanted to. It had bypassed her brain and gone directly to her spine. Her eyes closed and pink tongue slid along her lips. wetting them.  Then her shoulders moved in a slow roll that travelled down her body as she slid down Loki. Her hands trailed down his chest as she sank. She slithered back up and met his eyes with hers. She felt like she was waiting for approval.

He had completely stopped moving, his entire attention focused on her lips and body.  In his hundreds of years with partners of all sorts, he'd rarely been struck so completely speechless.  Being surrounded by others, knowing that they were watching this- frankly, erotic- display, lent an extra thrill that made his blood fizz. 

"Incredible," he breathed.  Had he been breathing before?  His head was fuzzy.  His hands felt heavy and clumsy in a way he hadn't experienced since he was young.  He slid them around to cup her ass, holding her close to him as he rolled his body in return.

That single word left Lily feeling like she was soaring. _Incredible_. He meant it. If she wasn't literally glowing, she might as well have been, as his touch left burning trails along her body. She moved against him, leaning into his grasp as the music moaned for her. The rest of the world had fallen away. Lily reached and stroked Loki's cheek, guiding his face closer to hers.

The blast of an airhorn screeched from her pocket and shattered the moment. "Goddamn!" she yelped and pulled out her phone. Accepting the call from KNOCK IT OFF stopped the noise.

"That's it! You're grounded!" Tony's exasperated voice shot through the receiver. "Home. Now! The girl at the table to your left is livestreaming your little show. If your feet aren't in the sand and heading this way in thirty seconds, you will be unpleasantly picked up."

Lily tried to respond but was met with dial tone.

Loki frowned at the phone in Lily's hand, yanked unpleasantly back to reality. "And _you_ would not let me turn his robots into pigs. How inconsiderate of him- if he was watching, he should have let us finish."

Petulant, he took her hand and led her off the dance floor and back through the restaurant to the entrance.

"Oh. Thor's tacos."

A quick glance around confirmed that all the waitstaff were busy and their order was sitting on the edge of the counter. No one looked as the white plastic bag floated into Loki's hand. He smirked, shoving it into his interdimensional pocket. He scanned the shelf behind the bar for a nice-looking bottle that said “tequila” and slipped that in as well.  For when he and Lily were alone again.

"Best hurry, we would not want to be ‘unpleasantly picked up,’” he did an exaggerated impression of Stark, then walked out holding Lily's hand, pretending he hadn't done anything magical at all.


	28. Chapter 28

No one at the restaurant might have seen, but Lily had noticed Loki's trick with the bag and stared at him with wide eyes, scurrying to keep up with his long strides.

"That was _so_ cool, that thing with the bag. It almost makes up for getting in trouble. You'll show me again later?"

She glanced down at their entwined hands and noticed Loki's fancy shoes kicking through the sand. She stopped to hold him back. 

"Hold on," she said and knelt down in front of him. "A few seconds won't matter at this point and sand in those shoes has to be miserable.” Lily quickly rolled up the cuffs of his pants and untied his shoes. Lifting one foot at a time, she eased the shoes off of his feet and peeled away his sand-covered socks. After shaking the socks out, she tucked them into the toes of his shoes.

"There. Barefoot is the way to walk on the beach if you don't have sandals. OK, now let's go get yelled at."  Lily dusted off her skirt before handing Loki his shoes back.

He held his shoes hooked on two fingers, bewildered. "You could have merely told me to turn these into more appropriate footwear." He tilted his head, looking at her for a moment. It was the indulgence of the act that confused him. She needn't have done that- there were any number of ways he could have solved the minor problem. He wasn't a child... but it had been _nice_ , to be cared for like that. He dissolved his shoes, freeing up his hands to hold onto Lily as they walked. "That was kind of you."

She gave him a weak smile. He was adorable walking along the beach with his pants all rolled up like that. "It's OK. You can be honest with me. You kind of have to. It was too much. You were right earlier. I'm not used to getting in trouble. I kinda... fuss over people when I'm nervous. It's easier to think about someone else. I'd rather worry about your shoes than what's going to happen when we get back. Ya know? And I doubt if I ever will get to the point where I'm just going to think about magic as being the first option. I mean... it's _magic_." 

"Are you afraid of Stark?" Loki didn't laugh, but his voice was warm with it. "Here is what you do when you are facing an inevitable lecture like this- do not listen.  Let their words just wash over you and meanwhile, you are thinking about the herring you will leave in their wardrobe, or the snake hidden in their shoe.  You do not let them see that their words bother you. Or, perhaps in your case, batting those big eyes at Stark and playing the cringing innocent would work better. I doubt he can stay angry at a frightened woman. But in any case, you have me and what can Stark do to you in that scenario?"

" _Playing_ innocent?" Lily countered with a smile and batting eyelids. "I _am_ innocent. I haven't done anything wrong. I just went out to have a little bit of fun with this guy that just dropped into town. Right? Who could be upset with that?"

"Yes, just like that is perfect. With the wide eyes and the guileless smile, he will eat that up." Loki glanced behind them, although he couldn't see the restaurant any longer. "You promised a ‘fun’ evening and it was that. Even with Stark's _insulting_ interruptions. Next time I will send illusions of us all over town, then we will see if he can find us!"

Seeing that no one else was on the beach, Loki let his illusion drop in a green shimmer, returning to his long black hair. “A very enjoyable evening. Do you act that way every time you have tequila?" He raised a curious eyebrow.

Reaching up to touch his hair, Lily leaned a little bit closer against Loki. "That was only enough tequila to take the edge off. I was just playing. I'd have assumed you'd understand letting go for fun, God of Mischief and all. A few more shots and it might have been harder to stop. Probably, _much_ harder, even with Tony Mc Buzzkill calling. But I'm glad you had fun. You should smile more.  It's a good look on you."

Ahead of them, in front of Tony's house, stood Thor. His arms were folded across his chest and he looked for all the world like someone's father waiting to catch them coming in after curfew.

Loki rolled his eyes at Thor's posture.  "Oh, would you like to see something _very_ funny?"

He concentrated for a moment. His own image was instinct by now, but hers took more care. The illusions of them strolled towards Tony's house while Loki pulled Lily farther into the shadow of the boardwalk.

"Hm, I do not have you quite right yet. The walk is off. Should be good enough for this, though.  Watch."

The illusions stopped just outside of the light from Stark's mansion, turning to each other and beginning an intense kiss. Loki grinned hugely.

Thor stomped once and when that didn't get a response, he strode down to the sand, bristling.

"BROTHER!" he shouted.  "This is inappropriate-" Thor grabbed the illusions' shoulders to pull them apart, gaping in surprise as they dissolved in his hands.

Lily stared at the spot where the illusion had been and bit at her lip. "Oh.  Is that what we..." her voice trailed off as she looked up at Loki's face. "Um..."  A blush rose on Lily's cheeks when she thought about that vision.  She was sure she had seen the illusionary Loki's tongue. And where had he put her image's hands?

Thor roared the word brother again and spun around, searching the beach for Loki, but not finding him.

"Return the Lady immediately, Loki! If you are this untrustworthy, you will leave us no choice but to have you bound again! This behavior is quite immature. Think of her reputation!"

Loki frowned.  Thor immediately threatening to put him back in restraints soured his prank. Thor was always hot-headed, but it stung for him to jump so quickly to imprisoning him.

He put on a fake smile and sauntered out into the light. "I assure you, the lady's reputation is unharmed." He shook his head, as if dismayed at an exceptionally slow student. "Honestly, Thor, you have been here for months, you must have seen how these Midgardians act. That was less scandalous than anything I have witnessed just tonight! You should be worried that the Lady Lily will corrupt _me_ with her bold ways." 

Tired and cross from the way this had turned, Loki reached into his pocket dimension and removed the plastic takeout bag.  "Here is your food, oaf. Now let me by, I am going to rest."

Thor and Lily both called Loki's name at the same time, but Lily was running up the sand toward the brothers, who were at a seeming stand-off.

Grabbing Loki's arm, Lily gave Thor an exasperated look. "Really? How do you do that? Is that one of your superpowers? Pissing off your brother? I took him out, he was happy. He laughed, for god's sake. One word out of you and it comes all crashing down. Is it on purpose or are you just that clueless?"

Thor's blue eyes widened as Lily ranted at him. This was a defiant streak that reminded him of Jane. Maybe he had misread the situation between his brother and this woman. If she would stand up to him like this, perhaps she also stood up to Loki as well and wasn't purely a victim here.

He clumsily tried to respond, "I... I did not intend any slights. I was merely concerned about you."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Always so much concern for people who have not asked for it. Pure and noble, just like a proper Asgardian prince, steadfast and unsullied and quick to smash in an offender's skull." Familiar inadequacy and jealousy made his mind feel heavy.  "As you can see, she is unharmed.  Fed and entertained, even.  Nothing untoward happened and no one recognized me, if you spared a brain cell or two to worry about it."

He was about to say something even more cutting, to wrap up his pain in verbal metal and shoot it at Thor to hurt him too.

But he stopped short. Lily would snap at him.  She would glare. He didn't want to have her disappointed in him as well.  "It is late. Stark imposed a curfew. I would hate to miss it by standing here arguing over someone else's virtue."

"Yes, by all means, Thor, let's finish this inside. I want to hear Loki explain to Tony about how scandalous humans are and how I am probably corrupting him." How dare he. Lily dropped Loki's arm and strode into the house to sit on the couch and call out, "Mr. Stark. We're back. Let me have it. I guess I deserve it."

Thor gestured towards the door. “After you, brother. I am not the one with time constraints."  Under his breath, he muttered, “Or an upset woman."

"She is not upset at _me_." Loki looked at Thor, smug, if somewhat flustered. "I do not think.  You were the one who could not laugh at a joke. How many times will you fall for that?"

Loki bit his lip as he walked inside.  "She is not upset with me," he mumbled to himself.  He hadn't done anything wrong, it had been Thor who had yelled at him and taken things too far.  He found himself missing the beach and the seedy taco restaurant.

When he saw Lily siting on the couch, he mostly missed the way she had acted while they were out, where she was comfortable.

It still felt strange to have his own emotions, uncorrupted and unchanged by the mindflayer.  It would never have let him feel such longing without harsh commentary.

He sat down next to her and reached into his dimensional pocket again. This time, he came out with a piece of the chocolate she had bought; he had stashed a few the night before.  "Dessert?"

Lily looked at the candy for a moment before she hesitantly took it. There was no guile in his offer. There were no lies in what he said to Thor outside either. She really had managed to scandalize him somehow while they were out. What could she have done to manage that, she wondered, then sighed.

"You didn't mean to hurt me, did you? You don't even know you said anything, do you? I guess you and your brother have _that_ much in common. Remember that the next time he shoots his mouth off and you get all pissy about it. And later, remind me to ask you what I did."

She hadn't noticed Tony walk in the room until he piped up from behind them.

"And just what _did_ you do? Besides wander off with a war criminal and get well past PG-13 on the dance floor?"

Lily jumped, startled, and without thinking, grabbed at Loki's hand. "Nothing. We didn't do anything for you to be so upset about. We walked and got some food and played around for a little bit. Nothing dangerous."

"Nothing dangerous?! Did you miss the _war criminal_ part?" Tony sputtered. "You said you were from New York. Did you somehow miss the alien invasion? Do you remember _who opened the huge hole in the sky_?" He pointed at Loki. 

"If I may interrupt," Loki said, seeing the path this was going to take and the slightly queasy look on Lily's face. "Before this becomes louder and more insulting for me.  I am also only following your demands of my own goodwill, so watch your words. Now, you have part of a bloodthirsty, sadistic alien in your basement, one that used to inhabit my body- and mind. Everything you accuse me of was its doing. I am dangerous," he couldn't help a devilish grin, "you are correct. For now, I am willing to be cooperative, but I will not be a prisoner again."

Tony gave an involuntary shudder at Loki's grin and glanced at the kitchen where Bruce was. He felt better knowing that he had some back up beyond Thor and his questionable allegiances.

"That might not be your call to make. We still have that little team called the Avengers and I'm sure Clint and Natasha would love to know you're in town.  Clint seems to think you owe the world an eyeball and is just itching to put an arrow through one of yours to make up for it."

"Eyeball?" Lily interjected, looking between Tony and Loki questioningly.

Tony grinned like he had planned for the question to come up. "Oh yeah, eyeball. You see, your innocent little boy here, showed up in Stuttgart at the Museum-"

Thor came in through the patio doors. "Tony Stark, stop. We do not have the time to list Loki's transgressions tonight, and I certainly do not have the patience. You may do it another time."

"She's the one who needs to hear it. If she knows the truth, she should know _all_ of the truth, right? " Tony turned and pinned Lily with a hard glare. "You think you can handle the truth? If you don't lose your lunch, you might decide to step out of the way and let the big kids handle this before you get hurt. I'd rather not have to avenge you too."

Before Lily could open her mouth to speak for herself, Thor did. "I said, _enough_. If the Lady says that my brother does not intend harm, he will do no harm."

Mjolnir rushed into his outstretched hand, just to punctuate his statement. He gazed at Tony as if he was seated on Hlidskjalf itself, then looked to Loki, his eyes changing to beg his brother not to make him a liar. "From now on, Loki will not leave on excursions without approval and Lily Sharlow will notify us of any plans she has, for their own protection. Yes?"

Tony begrudgingly gave Thor a brisk nod and strode to the bar to pour himself a drink.

For all the bitterness that had assaulted him outside, the lightness that filled his chest now was unexpected and strange. He looked at Thor with gratitude and didn't bother to hide it.

"I intend no harm, Thor. Most especially not to Lily," he said quietly, softening his normal defensive facade. "The likelihood of harm has dropped entirely since the mindflayer has been removed from my system. It..." He paused, searching through his mind about a museum and coming up with nothing, which terrified him. "Thor, I do not know what Stark was referring to. I... my memories of my time on Midgard are disconnected at best. There are periods..." He glanced at Lily, nervous, and then back at Thor. "The mindflayer is a vicious, perverse creature, taking great joy out of causing barbarous pain. I do not know what I did, but please, it was not truly me." He had little hope that Thor would believe him, even if it was the bare truth. "Whatever I did... Tell me of it later, do not make her sit through it."

Lily held up their linked hands. Her fingers glowed briefly between Loki’s and she nodded at Thor to let him know Loki was speaking the truth. She looked at the man next to her on the couch. Loki's normally guarded emotions were quite visible on his face. Was he nervous?

She tried to ease him and maybe salvage the evening. "Hey, like Tony said, I was there for what happened in New York. I remember it well enough for both of us and my brain makes me sit through it pretty much every time I fall asleep. _But_...”

She moved around to make sure she had full eye contact with Loki so he understood her. "But, even though I know both sides of that situation, I am still right here. I'm not going anywhere until we get you straightened out. I don't need to be protected from the truth. It's kinda my thing now. I can't run away from it, so I have to be strong enough to deal with it. Unless you can teach me how to ignore it. But it feels like it would be like trying not to see the color yellow. It's just there."

Lily shook her head. She was rambling again and needed to stop. "Anyway, it's all good. OK?"

Loki gave her a shaky smile.  Whatever it was that he had done in Stuttgart, if the mindflayer was involved, it was sure to be horrific.  She could say what she wanted, but he would protect her from those details if he could.  He clearly recalled the way it had felt, being forced to visualize the mindflayer's sick fantasies and the relish it took in them.  He tapped the fingers of his free hand on his thigh.  Not remembering seemed like a blessing, but if he could not trust his memories- it was a loss of control.  He needed to be in control.  He would find some time alone to ask JARVIS about it. 

"It looks like your time ‘in trouble’ with Stark is over.  I told you it would not be so bad."  To Thor, he said, "Your food will get colder if you do not eat it soon.  I shall return to my room to give you and Stark peace."

"No, wait. Loki. Sit with me and talk while I enjoy the feast you obtained. Share with me." Thor sat companionably on the free side of Loki on the sofa and unpacked a pile of tacos onto the coffee table between them. "I understand you enjoyed the establishment. At least you seemed like it from the twittering that was happening on the world wide web. JARVIS showed us how you were dancing." A concerned look crossed his broad face and he leaned in closely to whisper to his brother.  "You might be a bit more circumspect with your flirtations. I believe your actions may have injured Tony Stark's pride, coming so soon after your overtures toward him."

Lily wasn't trying to listen in, but she couldn't help it. A laugh burst out. She quickly covered her mouth and tried to pretend she was busy looking out of the window.

"I am certain Stark is fine," Loki said dryly.

Thor cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Since you are recovered enough to carouse, we should speak of more serious matters, like how Asgard shall recover from the death of Nord."

Loki sighed, slouching back into the couch.  Stuck talking to Thor about murder victims.  Not what he would have liked to do with the rest of his night.

"The death of Nord was tragic. The last I saw of Freya, she was not coping well with it.  How is Frey's grieving?" He didn't ask if there was a chance they'd ever believe his innocence. He doubted it would be safe to go back to Asgard for centuries.  "And Odin? Still sleeping off his responsibilities?"

Thor looked insulted. "Being caught in the Odinsleep is not Father shirking his responsibilities! It is proof of how exhausting his responsibilities are. The truth is, if he were awakened, he would find the truth of Nord's tragic end. Instead, I do not believe that even the both of us can settle things as they are. I went to Heimdall, and even he cannot exonerate you.  You were playing your games and were hidden from his sight when the attack happened. When you are not in his sight, you have no alibi. In fact, he claims to have seen traces of your attendance at the scene. Freya is hysterical and calls for your blood. Frey is darker than I have ever seen him and Vanaheim grumbles for war. It would be best for Asgard if I turned you over for punishment immediately because that would calm everyone, but I cannot do that. You are my brother," Thor sighed deeply. "We must find proof of your innocence quickly."

"I do not need Heimdall to provide me an alibi, Thor.  _You_ are my alibi. Do you not remember?  It was only a few days before you traipsed down here to eat tacos and surf. Something about, oh what was it... Something about good behavior, reliving the past... Ah, I remember it was a ‘chance to just be brothers again.’"

If his voice was bitter enough to curdle milk, who could blame him?  To sit here and be accused of skulking around with tricks, to be all but told to resign himself to being imprisoned again. That short trip had meant something to him, even if he hadn't been the most gracious about it, and to find Thor didn't remember it...  "Nord's body was found days later, yes, but it was obvious he had not been recently slain. I could not have done it, I was _with you_ on Alfheim.  Yes, I shielded us there, just from habit... " He scowled, rubbing his hands together anxiously.  "Why Heimdall found ‘traces’ of my presence near Nord is disturbing. "

Thor was beginning to sound exasperated. "It _is_ more than disturbing because Freyja refuses my testimony! She says I am too close to you. That I am too invested in your well-being to be trusted in this. Heimdall's testimony is essential. He is trusted without fail."

Lily was watching Loki as he became more and more agitated. The wrinkle between his eyebrows bothered her and she itched to soothe the muscles in his clenching jaw. Instead, she reached out and took his fidgeting hands between hers, softly stroking them, like she was calming an irritated cat. "Loki? Hey, this isn't fun, but settle a bit and listen, OK?" She leaned closer. "He's on our side. He's just letting you know where things stand. We need to know how bad it is if we're going to fight it."

Loki didn't know he hummed when Lily touched him. He did feel some of the tension ease in his body though. "Fine. What is it you are proposing, brother? Return to Asgard to be dragged before a tribunal, a sham of a trial, a lifetime imprisonment?"  He sighed.  "It rankles to be punished for an act I did not commit, of all the things I _have_ done.  Why would I attack Nord? What motive would even _I_ have had to do such a heinous act? He is- _was_ not even a stinking giant." There was the bitterness again.  He would never outrun that hatred.  "Is that all Heimdall told you? That he saw ‘traces of my attendance?’ What does that even entail? Fingerprints? Seidr afterburn?"

"I do not know what his eyes have seen, brother. That is something we should hear together. And you are not being punished right now. It is simply more prudent to keep you away from Asgard for the moment. Everyone there agrees you had been in a particularly prickly mood and had been picking fights to any imagined slight, with anyone, giant or not. Stay here for a bit. Let the lady soothe you, as she is right now. I will go back and speak with Balder. He is the most likely to have an open mind regarding this. I will find something to prove your innocence. Besides Lily Sharlow's belief in your truth." Thor nodded his shaggy head with absolute certainty in his words.

He leaned forward, with a bit of a smile and spoke in a more teasing tone. "Besides, you shaved Freyja's favorite cat and that in itself is a reason to stay low. That slack bellied, saggy-teated creature is almost obscene hairless. It offends all that gaze upon it."

Lily had kept running her fingers along Loki's hands.  She couldn’t stop a loud laugh at Thor's description of Freyja's cat.

Loki cackled too. "It should!  Finally, its outside matches its insides.  It tried to eat me, you know.  I swear it knew I was not a normal squirrel."  He delighted in the relaxing of Thor’s Responsible Demeanor.  "Do you remember when I did the same to your pet goat, and put your helmet it?  It took nearly a full day for us to get it off again!  I had so many bruises," he wheezed, remembering.  Thor had been angry at first, but the sight of the gangly bare goat with his testicles hanging out, wearing Thor's winged helmet had been too much for the young boys.  They had snickered and made crude jokes to each other and, despite many headbutts, finally wrestled the helmet away.

Lily felt Loki's hands twitch between hers as he spoke. She released them and patted his knee briefly as Thor continued, laughing. "That was not the goat's fault. You bruise like overripe fruit, brother, and always have. Fandral used to call you Peaches because of it. But Mother was so angry at me for damaging my helmet." His voice rose in frantic falsetto. "Thor! The sons of Ivaldi took over five decades to create that helmet for you in celebration of your first battle and _this_ is how you care for it?!?" His voice returned to its normal rumble. "I had to learn metalsmithing in order to prove to her that I was worthy to have custody of it again."

"I offered you mine, but you did not want it." Loki sniffed, faux-wounded. Then he hesitated on his next words, thinking about the weight of history between them and the woman next to him. "I did appreciate that you never told her I was the one who put your helmet on Tanngrisnir in the first place." The words felt oddly shaped in his mouth. Gratitude had never been a comfortable area for him. It was too close to vulnerability, which made him itch to lash out in some joke or prank to deflect focus. He gave Thor a lopsided smile. "I do not think metallurgy lessons would have been my punishment."

Thor grinned around a taco. "Of course not. You enjoyed lessons far too much for them to have been a punishment for you! Almost as much as you love that cow helmet of yours."

"Cow?" Lily couldn't help but to interject with a laugh. "The big, pointy horns from New York? Never got cow vibes from that." She slapped a hand over her mouth and looked to Loki. "Oh no... I just... shit." She gave him a worried look with big eyes and reached out to touch his arm. "I'm sorry. I've never seen a cow like that."

"See!  She agrees with me!"  Loki flung his arm around Lily, leaning in conspiratorially.  "That is his best insult. The best one. Ever. He has only got one. And that is it." He couldn’t help but grin as he spoke in a stage whisper. "I told him that ‘goat’ or ‘ibex’ was more accurate, since cow horns go out to the sides, but he stuck with it. I mean, really, who has ever seen a cow with horns like that? But once he gets an idea in his head... speaking of cows..." He rolled his eyes as he mimicked a bull's horns with his hands.

Lily hid her face against Loki in relief that he wasn't upset as she laughed. To be honest, she just wanted to lean in against him now that his arm was around her. "What cows?" she asked.

Before anyone could answer her, the security lights snapped on outside and flooded the patio with light in a way that made the flapping of huge black wings unmissable. In case someone had managed to miss the unmissable, Hugnin began to tap loudly on the glass of the door with his beak. Munin croaked and growled in the background to highlight their plight at being left outdoors.

Lily snapped back upright and went to open the door. "The birds! I forgot about them all day."

Huginn hopped into the room and immediately began to sidle up to the coffee table next to Thor. Munin dramatically soared in and settled on the arm of the couch next to Loki and stared at him with a gaze that was all too knowing for a mere corvid.

Lily sat back down, talking to the birds. "You guys have been gone all day! You missed it. This morning we got the mindflayer out of Loki. It's in a jar in the basement. Hopefully we won't need you to warn us when it's trying to take control of him anymore."

Munin continued to stare, leaning forward until his beak was almost touching Loki's head. He suddenly let out a long, low croak, then threw his head back and made a sound that was almost like laughing.

Thor was swinging his arms around at Hugnin in the direction of the coffee table. Hugnin had stolen a taco and was attempting to settle on the floor to eat it. "Rogue! That is my dinner!"

Loki jerked back with a curse. "Are you laughing at me, you lice-ridden carrion-eater?" He swatted the bird, almost connecting with a wing as he took off. Loki couldn't help the way his shoulders hunched up, protecting his neck, as Munin flew over his head. "Gah! This is Lily's fault, she's been feeding them since she saw them. Beastly assholes! You do not really want that back, do you?" he asked Thor about his taco, seeing Munin attempting to bite at the morsel Hugnin was protecting. "Better to let them have it, maybe then they will leave us be."

"My place has been compared to Animal House before, but this is taking it too literally! What is going on in here?" Tony stomped into the fray, taking in the shreds of taco filling littering his floor. "Who is going to clean this up?"

"You mortals are so dramatic," Loki drawled, ignoring the fact that he had been cowering from a raven just thirty seconds ago. He made an elaborate gesture and a green fog crept across the floor, taking any trace of taco detritus with it. "See? Nothing to fuss over."

Loki flinched violently as Hugnin hissed at his overblown use of magic.

Lily huffed and stood up.  All of the irritation in the room was real, she could feel it in her bones. It set her on edge.

"Fine! Silly mortals are too dramatic! Like you're one to talk." She flung her arms out and gestured to everyone in the room. "And as everyone has decided, everything is my fault. I'm the reason the birds are here. I'm the reason for a mess. I brought Loki here and that brought the mindflayer. I'm the reason you went all DefCon 1 because I wanted to take Loki out and corrupt him. Thor? What's your problem with me? Ahh, nevermind. I'm sure you've got one and I'm sure it's valid. Mr. Stark. I am terribly sorry for imposing on you the way that I have been. Maybe I'm not dealing with this truth thing very well after all, 'cause I'm just a plain, regular human and don't know how to be as extra as you guys. I'm... I'm just going to go take a shower and let you figure out if Loki is the biggest problem here or if it's really me."

She hurried out, away from the tension and drama.  She couldn’t look at any of them for a second longer.  She didn’t know if she was mad at them or herself or sad or overwhelmed.

Upstairs in their room, she pulled her dress off with a frustrated growl and stomped off naked into the shower. As the hot water streamed over her skin, relaxing tense muscles, Lily rested her forehead against the wall.

Why had that set her off so badly? She had been ready to be royally chewed out and that hadn't happened. She should have been fine, let it roll off her back like Loki had told her to do. It hadn't worked that way though. Sighing some more, she straightened up and washed her hair.


	29. Chapter 29

Stunned silence filled the room in the wake of Lily's outburst, until Hugnin and Munin's irate cawing over the last bite of taco broke the mood.

"Oh-ho, did you step in it now, Rock of Ages." Tony shook his head, tipping his glass in a sarcastic salute towards Loki.  "I don't know much about gods, but I know women." 

"What do you mean?" Loki tilted his chin up and set back his shoulders, unwilling to acknowledge the sudden empty spot in his chest.

"She's mad at you big time.  Pepper would have thrown something at me, so you lucked out there. Lily doesn't seem as much of a thrower." Tony made himself comfortable in an armchair. "Thanks for the cleanup, by the way. Don't think you'll be able to clean up things with her so easily."

Thor was nodding along. "Yes, brother, you have made a large mess of your conversations with the lady." 

Loki looked a bit stricken, confusion clear as he said, "I have not."

"I suggest flowers. Chocolates. Huge stuffed rabbits," Tony said sagely. "Talking. If you want to keep her, that is."

"Lady Jane enjoyed flowers too. And the talking. You-" Thor gave Loki a pointed look, "should consider with care how you speak to the Lady. You are not skilled with this sort of talking."

Loki closed his mouth, which had been hanging open slightly.  Was he taking instructions from Thor and Stark? But the empty spot ached.  Flowers. Stuffed rabbits. Talking. That wasn't hard.  He could do that.

"And tell her, if you get her to calm down, to find me and we'll talk about the ‘normal human’ part. Not an easy transition to ‘super human,’” Tony said to Loki's back as the god walked out of the room.

Loki entered their room cautiously.  _Flowers. Rabbits._ He would worry about the ‘talking’ later. He created a large toy stuffed rabbit and some Asgardian flowers. He clutched them in one hand as he tentatively knocked on the bathroom door. "Lily...?"

Lily sighed. "I'll be out in a minute,” she answered. She really could have used more time to calm down and straighten out her thoughts, but it would be too petty to refuse to come out.

After she had turned off the shower and squeezed the water out of her hair, Lily realized that she had neglected to bring any clothes into the bathroom with her. She put on the bathrobe that she had worn earlier and cinched it closed.

The bathroom door opened and released a cloud of steam into the bedroom. It swirled around Lily for a moment before it dissipated.

At first, she wasn't quite sure what to make of what she saw.  Loki was looking very wary, had an armful of flowers, and was strangling a big rabbit. She had been prepared to keep being upset, but half a heartbeat later, her eyes widened with understanding.

"Oh. Wow,” she said quietly, staring at the rabbit. "You got advice from someone, didn't you? You are so confused about what to do with me that you actually listened to... I'm guessing, Tony, right?"

"Thor seconded the flowers," he offered, unsure if she was going to yell again. "The rabbit was Stark's idea, yes." He held it out to her.  "I made it very soft?"

Lily took the stuffed animal and petted it gently. "You did well then. He is very soft." Holding the rabbit close to her chest, she sat on the edge of the bed. "So, is this a peace offering, or an apology, or a general attempt to make me stop yelling?"

Loki shrugged with a smile. "Ah... Which is the correct answer?  I cannot lie to you and that is making this very difficult.  I flatter myself that I know you well enough to concede that distraction is not your favorite technique of mine either.  I am not sure what is left."

"Jeeze, it's not a test. It was just a question." Lily's head drooped so a fluffy ear stood up against either cheek. "Why are you here? Don't think too hard. I can't really answer it either. Why am I here? I don't really belong."

Oh, she was adorable. His chest constricted oddly. "You are a Midgardian. This is your world. You belong here." He dumped the flowers on the floor.  "These do not belong here. But you... You are incredible."

Lily dropped the rabbit on the bed and slid to the floor on her knees, gathering the flowers. "Don't do that! I meant here in this room and... I'm what?"

"I, um... I think you are incredible. Oh, here- " He used magic to gather the flowers and created a vase for them on the table. Then he licked his lip, thinking. "You have more power than you think you do. I can feel it."

"Oh. Power. That's what you're talking about." She distractedly watched the tip of his pink tongue, then sat back on the bed and dusted her knees off before picking up the stuffed rabbit to fidget with it. "I'm not used to it yet. I'm making mistakes... like, just because someone means something right now, doesn't mean it will still be true later. I wasn't counting on that."

Their kisses were crossing her mind, his arms around her. She thought she had been sure of Loki's intent when they happened, but she was also sure he thought she was a lesser being, overly dramatic, corrupting, and the cause of some of his problems.

"The truth can be very confusing."

"Yes. That is why I avoid it." He sat on the floor by the foot of the bed.  He pulled his knees up and rested his arms on them with a sigh.  "Thor said I am not good at this sort of talking, and as much as I hate to admit it, he is- _ugh_ \- right. Stark was clear that your anger is my doing. Will you tell me what I did wrong?  Or shall I make you more rabbits to make up for my misconduct?"

Lily felt like she was in Junior High again, self-conscious, unsure, whiney and nit-picky. She couldn't look Loki in the face.

"I just got my feelings hurt. OK?" she mumbled as she poked at the pink nose on the rabbit. "I can't tell if I'm being too sensitive or what. When we were out tonight, I thought that maybe, some of the playing around meant something. No. I know it did. And this morning and yesterday with the mindflayer, you needed me, not my power, me. But as soon as we get back here, I'm the trouble, the mess is my fault, silly mortal... you offered me right up without even being asked to, even though I trust you. It hurt because, as we both know, it's true. One day, you announce I'm your girlfriend out of the blue and the next..." She made a fizzling sound and vaguely waved a hand in the air. "It's my fault, I guess, for assuming you knew what you were asking for. That implies a level of trust that we don't know each other well enough for."

"But," he started, then stopped. Part of his mind filed away the information about the changeability of truth over time to test out later. The rest of him felt awful. And he didn't like it. Thor had been- annoyingly- right. He _was_ bad at this. The sentiment, the vulnerability made his skin itch. He wondered if he could put up an illusion, just a small one, anything to distance himself from this churning in his stomach.

That was what he did- dissemble, distract, deflect. Anything but acknowledge the gaping hole inside that was always waiting to swallow him. His mother's voice reminded him that he _must_ apologize, for many things- for hurting Thor, for teasing a nurse, for setting his father's study on fire.

He hated apologizing, hated the way it made him feel small and ashamed, made admit to his flaws. _You apologize this instant, Loki,_ his mother would have said, _All she's done_ _is treat you like a good person and be everything you have been longing for, and in return you've dragged her across space and time and nearly gotten her killed._

Loki twisted his hands together. Lily hadn't flinched at his Jotun heritage; she'd barely blinked at being force-fed his behavior with the invasion.

Apologizing should not be hard.

But it was. "You are not trouble. I... I..." He took a breath and spoke in a bit of a rush. "I was wrong, I was only intending a joke to bother Stark but I forget that my jokes can be harsh to others, please do not go." He felt raw and exposed and it was horrible. "I am bad at this. I am good at flirting, like at the restaurant, and intercourse, but terribly bad at… feelings. I want to be better?" The last came out as a question, he couldn't help it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to ever feel this vulnerable again and waiting for her response was torturous.

Lily hesitated and squeezed the rabbit before speaking. "Who said I was going anywhere? I said I didn't belong here, but I don't belong at home or anywhere else anymore either. I might be a Midgardian to you, but I'm not quite human anymore. I'm not who I thought I was. I glow and destroy illusions. Might be everyday for you, but here I am a little, tiny bit of a freak that the government would probably love to put in a cage and experiment on. Besides, I think I'm kinda committed to seeing this through. We've got half of the mindflayer issue kicked and if we can get anyone on Asgard to believe in my power, we should be able to get some of the heat off of you there. I wouldn't let you hang for murder, just 'cause you insulted me a little. So, I guess I do know why I'm here."

The rabbit was set aside so she could stand up. Lily brushed her damp hair away from her face and held both hands out to Loki. Her voice and face were both soft. "Will you get off of the floor and come here so I can forgive you?"

His heart soared embarrassingly at the word 'forgive.' He scrambled to his feet and into her arms. Her robe was soft and plush; he dug his fingers into it. "Do I have to thank Stark for his advice now?" he joked. Immediately, he regretted saying it- she probably _would_ make Loki thank him. But he was too happy that she wasn't angry at him.

He really should have understood sooner. He knew how it felt to suddenly learn that you weren’t who you thought. To feel like the ground under you was eroding away and you didn't know where you would fall- some new world where you were a Frost Giant, not a son of Asgard, some strange reality where nothing made sense. He had tried to forget that time and Thanos' mind-bending torture had been oddly helpful in that regard. But he still felt the tearing fabric of his heart as strongly now as he had in the Vault.

"So, we have established that both of us are outsiders now? We do not belong here or elsewhere? Good. We will take ourselves all over the universe and be beholden to no one. No cages, no crowns; just you, me, and the rabbit."

Lily's arms wrapped around him tightly and she leaned her cheek against the front of his shoulder with a sigh. "That sounds amazing. That's all I was trying to do tonight. Run away for a little bit. Let you be you, without the mindflayer or people watching over you, and me... pretending I've got it all under control.  But I don't. I was right in the first place. I am trouble. Lucky for you, I'm also an easy mark and you're better at feelings than you think. I was the one that was upset, now somehow I feel like I'm consoling you." She tipped her head and nuzzled her nose along Loki's jaw. "It's OK though, I'm just happy not to be upset anymore. I hate being upset. So, don't do it anymore."

She was teasing him a little bit, but as she spoke, Lily's fingers traced words along Loki's shoulder blades. YOU ARE FORGIVEN and I’M SORRY TOO.

He hadn't realized how much of a relief forgiveness could be as she inscribed the words on his back. His knees might even have wobbled a bit, which he covered by propelling them both back onto the bed, squashing the stuffed rabbit under them.

Lily gasped as she sank into the mattress under Loki's weight. _How hard is my heart beating right now,_ she thought. _Can he hear it?_

He propped himself up on his hands, staring at Lily in mock-seriousness. "Now, I want to be clear. You are not trouble. That is _my_ title. Loki, God of Trouble. It is quite literally impossible for you to be trouble when I am nearby. I use it all. I did not see you creating doubles of us to mock Thor.” He collapsed back down to the mattress, but sprung up again immediately.  “You _were_ upset with me after that! But I did not play a trick on you, only Thor.”

It took a moment for Lily to find her voice, but she looked up into Loki's eyes and composed herself. "I wasn't upset about the illusions on the beach. I was kinda jealous of them, to be honest. It's that after..." She searched for the right way to phrase what she wanted to say. "You told Thor that I had been scandalous enough to corrupt you with my ways. What ways were you talking about? What did I do that could corrupt someone who's had as many lovers as you brag about?  I'm sure it's some cultural thing, but I am honestly confused."

"Oh." Loki flopped onto his back. "Asgardians, as a rule, are not an expressive group. In public. Behind closed doors, yes, they are just as sexual as any other race. But in a setting such as that restaurant, only the most chaste or practical touches are allowed. And oh, how Thor used to nag at me- ‘Do not be so improper. Remember your station. Do not cause a scandal.’" He shrugged. "It was quite nice, for once, to not be the one ‘bending the rules to suit me.’  I suppose I might have gotten carried away pointing it out to him."

Digging the rabbit out from under his spine, he flopped its ears a few times, thinking.  "I prefer the way it is here. I enjoyed myself immensely tonight." He made the bunny bounce on his stomach, then danced it over to Lily, saying in a high, bunny voice, "You are a good dancer."

Lily blinked in surprise at Loki's antics, then started laughing. She rolled over on her side to get a better look. Deciding to play along, she spoke through her giggles. "Well, thank you very much, Mr. Bunny. It did take a shot of liquid courage to do it, but I'm glad your friend had fun. He wasn't half bad himself. Now you both have to promise to remember that was a pick-up joint on the beach, acting like that other places _will_ cause a scene. In return, I will be a good girl and try not to embarrass anyone."

She reached out and shook the stuffed rabbit's paw. "Aaaand speaking of embarrassing, I should probably put some clothes on and go down and apologize for my hissy fit. It'd be best if everyone got along, we'd get things done faster."

"Clothes?  No, no, that sounds like a terrible idea," Loki said in the bunny voice.  "Stay here, we can cuddle and eat chocolate." He hopped the rabbit up her torso until he could settle it under her chin.  "They are fine, they are not upset with you. Do not trouble yourself. Stay here with me." He took a turn to nuzzle her neck.  "I am much more entertaining than Thor. I could even be a rabbit, I could snuggle right here all furry and sweet.”

The contrast between Loki's absurd silliness and the way his breath felt on her neck just about made Lily's eyes cross. She stifled a gasp and gently tippef his head up so she could see him. She smiled. "You sound like something terrible from a fairy tale tempting me into doing something dangerous. But nothing interesting ever happens to someone who says no and calls it a day, so I'll stay. You don't even have turn into a rabbit."

Loki grinned at her and intoned, "I _am_ something terrible from a fairy tale. I am fey, I am chaos, I am gift-bearer and trickster. I have tempted you into any number of dangerous tasks so far. I daresay there will be more."

"You're silly, is what you are," Lily teased and reached up to boop his nose. How could he say things like that about himself and be so damn adorable while doing it, she wondered?

His gaze traveled over her face- slightly flushed and amused and damp hair clinging to her neck- memorizing the sight.  He wished he had thought to memorize the way she looked on the dance floor. Or had asked her to use her phone to take a picture like she had in Asgard. 

"You know... Hm. Do you think we could find that footage that Stark was so angry about?"

"I'll bet JARVIS can do it faster than I can. JARVIS? Can you find the video Mr. Stark was yelling at me about?"

_Yes, Miss,_ the disembodied voice answered. _I shall play it for you on the television as well as send a link to your email._

The television on the wall lit up and the room filled with poor quality audio of people laughing and talking over dance music. Lily covered her face and peeked between her fingers at the sight of Loki swinging his hips around and then herself, looking much sluttier than she had imagined she did at the time.

"Ohhh, no, no, no, no, no... That's terrible. You can stop it. I know why he was fed up with me." By the end of the short video, she was half laughing, half mortified.

"Why would you stop?" Loki asked, fascinated. "True, the quality is low... Hm, I look good in that disguise. I'll have to use it again. And you," he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, "look fabulous in that dress. I could watch this all night." He paused.  "You can do that, on your phone, correct? There is not a comparable Asgardian technology to that device.  Do you think I could... disappear one from Stark? So that I can watch this whenever I like?"

Lily's face grew hotter and even more pink as she buried it against Loki's sweater. If the floor would have opened up beneath her and sucked her in, her prayers would have been answered. She was absolutely mortified that he was so fascinated with this humiliating video.

At the time, she had just been having fun and never considered what they looked like. It really couldn't have seemed more graphic to her if it had been straight porn. Her face had been giving every single thing she had been feeling away. She could tell the exact moment when he had called her incredible because she positively beamed back at him.

"I'm sure we can get you a phone if you want one," she mumbled against the neckline of his sweater. "But for this? It's so embarrassing. I might as well have just been stripping. Maybe there's something to that whole 'behind closed doors' thing."

"Would more tequila help?" Loki laughed, stroking her hair. "This is not so embarrassing. Being caught with an erection when your brother's crush has you pinned in a sparring match and you are yielding... _that_ is embarrassing and no one will allow you to forget it for a hundred years." He scowled. "Mortifying. But this?"

He cuddled her even closer, savoring the warmth of her body along his. "We were having fun. That is not embarrassing. When watching that recording, I remember how confident you were, how you laughed at me, the feel of you as we danced, and the lights shining on you. It does not matter to me what we actually _looked_ like. I could, I suppose, analyze it for flaws. But why? Now-" He tried to extricate her face from his sweater. "Tell me more about 'stripping.'"

A tiny flame of jealousy shot up, confusing Lily when Loki told the story about his erection. She didn't have long enough to figure out what that jealousy meant before the truth about how he saw her washed over her. It felt warmer and stronger than his arms as they pulled her closer.

The truth made his words glow and warm her heart so much more than any jealousy ever could. Lily let Loki tip her face up. She wanted to return the feeling, find her own words that would let him know how amazing he was.

Then he asked about stripping.

"What?" she sputtered and laughed. "Um, how about no? If you want to know about strippers, go ask your brother or better yet, Tony. I'll bet Tony knows a few. I'm not going to be responsible for corrupting you any more, I told you, I'm going to be a good girl."

"Of course, you are," he practically purred. "That is why I want _you_ to tell me about it. I can infer from your change from a verb to a plural noun that this is something Midgardians do to or for each other. Who exactly do you think I want to see naked, hmm?" He raised an eyebrow. He had to push, he always had to see how far he could go. He was fairly certain she wouldn't haul off and slap him for his suggestion- more likely she would laugh that adorable embarrassed, 'what do I do with you' laugh. Maybe she would even give in. "It is not Stark or any of his friends, I assure you." He pitched his voice lower, with a slow, enticing intensity. "Come on, corrupt me. Would it not be fun? Show me just how lascivious you can be. Corrupt me, and I will do anything you want."

Loki's voice had almost hypnotized Lily again. She had gone still in his arms, her heart was pounding, her breath low and fast. She was caught deep in his eyes, but bit her lip hard enough to clear her mind.

"Anything." The word was whispered so quietly it was almost silent. "That would almost be worth it."

A decision had been made and Lily pushed his shoulder so that Loki rolled over onto his back. Quickly, she straddled his hips, unconcerned about her bathrobe.

His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth.  He hardly dared to breathe.  All he could think about was the weight and warmth of her across his waist. He was almost painfully aware of the fact that she had recently exited a shower and that robe was hiding nothing but skin. He demanded that his hands move to hold her, but none of his body seemed to be obeying him.

Leaning over him until she was almost laying against his chest and her face was near the side of his head, she whispered in the sexiest voice she could muster, "You are outrageous. You know exactly what stripping entails, and you want _me_ to corrupt _you_? You also wanted to cuddle with stuffed animals. Last night you didn't want anything at all because this is Tony's house. It's all true. You want all of it, don't you? Is there one thing that you want more than the others? My charming god of lies, you can make the truth dance, can't you? Maybe _it_ will strip for you."

She pressed a quick kiss to his earlobe and climbed off to sit on the edge of the bed and straighten her robe. It was very hard for her not to giggle.

_My charming god of lies._ His stomach twisted and an undeniable shudder ran up his spine. _Yes, yes yes yes-_ he felt the affirmation all over his body.  He might have even whimpered when she flounced off him. 

Was there one thing he wanted more than the others? Yggdrassil's roots, he just wanted her to keep touching him. Having her away from him was physically painful. 

He wriggled over to her and put his head in her lap. Staring up at her with his best sweet pet eyes (not lovesick, no not that) and smile, he said, "I _am_ outrageous." _Love me loveme loveme,_ his heart thumped erratically. "It is my best feature. I am also, as you pointed out, greedy. I want everything.  And what do you want, hmm?"

She couldn't help but smile back. Her heart had just started to slow back down, and there he was, looking up at her with eyes that she wanted to fall into and keep falling forever.

Lily's fingers found their way into his hair. It was so soft, much softer than it looked like it should be. She focused on the black waves that were sliding along her fingers. She watched the shine as she wound it into coils. Anything to keep from losing herself completely right now.

She sectioned off small pieces of hair just above his ear and began to braid as she spoke. "I want so much, Loki. But at this moment what I need is a bit anti- climactic, I'm afraid. It's just... your honesty, I know it's real. There's so much of it, so much of you. You've shown me how to use my power. Can you show me how to turn it off? So I can just be with you. No mindflayer... nothing in my head double-checking everything? There are just some things a girl wants to take on faith." She separated another strand, weaving it smoothly between her fingers. "Do you know what I mean? I don't want to have to treat feelings like facts."

"Mmm..." His toes curled as she played with his hair. He gazed up at her with unfocused eyes. "No one has ever accused me of having too much truth before.” Hedonistic, that he had been called many times. He sought out pleasures, large and small, and enjoyed them thoroughly. Her fingers combing through his hair, twisting it into a braid... It wasn't a sexual pleasure; he was familiar with those. This weighted his bones with a deep comfort, tranquilizing and thick. Nearly the same as when she had traced the lines on his Jotun skin.

He forced his mind to focus. “Are you saying you would rather I be able to lie to you?" That made no sense... slowly his mind made the connections that would have come quickly if he weren't so enthralled by her weaving. He raised a heavy hand to brush her cheek, heart aching. "The Truth is a hard burden to bear. It has been seen as a curse throughout history, poor darling, and I am a terrible guide for you."

What did he know of the truth? Only enough to make it dance, as she had said. He hadn't thought, after the initial glow of new magic had faded, that she would be so unhappy. "I do not know if you can 'turn it off.' So, let us find out." With a highly reluctant, mournful sigh, he sat up, and moved to the other side of the bed. "Likely best for now if we are not touching when we try this. Your power started with touch as the easiest manifestation. Focus on the feeling you get when you can see the truth. Study it. Try to dismantle it. When you are ready, I will tell you some truths and some lies, we will see what you think."

Lily shifted herself up to the head of the bed and sat up against the pillows with her legs out in front of her, crossed at the ankles. Her eyes closed and she took in a deep breath. After a few minutes, a deep furrow creased her brow. Her once relaxed hands curled and flexed.

Finally, she huffed and slapped her hands against the mattress. She looked up at Loki with a sad, frustrated face. "I'm sorry. You tried to help me and I've got nothin'. It's like trying to catch smoke in my hands. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just tired. I'll try again tomorrow." She patted her leg. "Come back?”

“No, no apologies.” He pulled his knee up to his chest. “It took me decades to polish off the rough edges of my seidr, and you have only been practicing a few days. We do not even know if it is possible to mute your talent. You did a good job.”

“You know, I don't think this is a curse. I don't. I need to get used to it though. It's not that I want other people to be able to lie to me, but I miss being able to lie to myself. I'd like to tell myself that when you touch me, it doesn't mean anything, and that I was only calling your bluff a little bit ago. Right now, I can't do that and I am so afraid I'm making an idiot out of myself and will just get hurt again."

He rested his chin on his knee.  Magic, he understood, the mechanics of it, at least. But the emotional toll it was having on Lily, that was different. Uncharted. He was trying not to hear it as a rejection; it was easy to twist it into that and he would only make it worse by being prickly.  "You know, I have gotten used to you being able to see through my deceptions. "

He touched the braid in his hair, the end hanging loose. A touch of magic tied it off so that it wouldn't unravel. He wanted to crawl up the bed and kiss her, to whisper sweet things in her ear until she didn't care what was true and what wasn't. He missed the heady, soothing haze that came with touching her.

"I cannot promise you will not get hurt," he said quietly. It didn't seem like the time to make a grand romantic speech- he was good at those- or physical distraction. "As you know, I am fickle, irresponsible, prone to jealousy, and my sense of humor can come across as cruel. I am wanted for murder on at least two worlds. I shave cats."  He huffed a small laugh.  "You may very well be an idiot for trusting me. I... I want to do better. I do not want you to be hurt."

_Oh!_ Lily was getting frustrated. What good was being able to know if Loki was telling the truth, if what she really wanted to know about was going unsaid. Did he not understand what she had been saying or was he just pretending not to, to keep her from embarrassing herself by admitting how she was feeling about him?

She supposed she wouldn't find out either way unless she outright asked, and she wasn't ready for everything to be over if she got the wrong answer. They had to take care of the mindflayer, she needed to know more about her power, there was Asgard to think about and... she didn't want to leave him.

So, she smiled at him and, unwilling to give up flirting, decided that she could be as thick as he was. 

"Idiot? Me?" Lily laughed. "I can't be an idiot because a student reflects the teacher and you are a wonderful, kind teacher that won't let me get hurt. You know I trust you, deceptions or not. Now, if you aren't coming up here with me, I'm going to go put something on and get ready for bed." She got off the bed, grabbed her gold nightgown and a pair of panties out of her suitcase, and slipped into the bathroom.

Loki flopped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.  That had gone all wrong.  That hadn't been the right answer at all.  He splayed his hands on the comforter and balled them back into fists.

Maybe he _should_ have kissed her and asked her exactly what she thought he was bluffing about.  Then they would still be touching, still be in that cozy, sweet cocoon they had been in.  It had been good. He had felt safe and open. 

Loki bit his lip. He understood that she might be feeling overwhelmed with it all; he wasn't entirely sure how to explain his devotion to a mortal either. Fingering the braid in his hair, he sighed. He couldn't admit to himself just how devoted he was.

The stuffed rabbit was enough fuzzy evidence of the depth of his feelings. He moved it to the head of the bed, tucking it in among the pillows before he changed into his sleep clothes. He left the braid in.  Perhaps he could recapture some of the earlier mood before they fell asleep, if she let him snuggle up to her.

In the bathroom, Lily dried the damp parts of her hair, brushed her teeth and wondered if Loki would still be there when she came back. She hoped she hadn't driven him off to Thor's room. He was good to her. He tried, with the rabbit and flowers.

He was just so inconsistent and confusing. But he was Loki after all, what could she expect? And, if she admitted to herself, everything had been unsettled since she met him and ran off with him without even thinking about it.

"Maybe it's me," she sighed and got dressed.

Seeing Loki sitting on the bed made her smile to herself as she crossed the room to turn the lights off. As Lily slid into bed, she noticed that he was toying with the braid in his hair. "I was just playing, you can take it out if you don't like it, but come to bed."

"Take it out?" Loki couldn't hide his shock, pressing his hand to the braid as if to protect it. "Take it out? No!" He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead, feeling giddy and tender at her invitation. "I'll just be a moment."

He ducked into the bathroom to ready himself for sleep. He admired the braid in the mirror, recalling the feeling of contentment that had sunk into him when she made it. With a small smile still on his lips, he crawled into bed. He nudged the rabbit out of the way so he could wrap his arms around Lily and bury his nose in her hair.

"Mmm?" Lily hummed to herself when Loki came and took her in his arms. Everything that had seemed so difficult a few moments before stopped mattering. She was simply warm and safe. Idly, she wondered if it was Loki's magic that made her feel that way.

He wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure what. He didn't want to say the wrong thing again. He decided on something simple that, hopefully, hinted at what he felt. "I love the braid," he murmured. "Will you do it again, if it gets ruined?"

"Of course, I will. It's just a tiny braid. Looks good on you. But everything does, doesn't it? You're even a good blonde." She stroked Loki's shoulder where her hand was resting. "Now, let’s get some sleep. You should have good dreams since your mind is all your own."

Sleep should have come easily. As she had said, his mind was his own again. There was no metallic hissing, no shredding whispers, his body did not crave to hurt and maim. It was quiet, though. Now that Lily's sunny personality was breathing slowly next to him, all the thoughts he had been avoiding during the day flooded over him with crushing force.

It began with reliving the helpless terror of being experimented on. His heart raced with the fear, still just as strong. His mind churned over the mistakes he had made, now and in the past, his mishandling of every event since his birth. It dredged up old doubts, forced him to look at the harsh reflection of himself. Monster. Murderer. Second-best, sinister, fallen.

He rolled onto his back, taking shaky breaths, grounding himself in the here-and-now. He would face judgment soon enough, whenever he returned to Asgard. Why borrow trouble now?

Eventually, his body calmed enough for him to plan. Solving a puzzle occupied his mind enough to keep him from getting swept away again. He rolled over, hugging the stuffed rabbit to his chest, plotting how he would fake his death to escape Asgard. If needed. He was only to 'create diversion' when sleep finally hit him.


	30. Chapter 30

Lily woke up early again. Maybe she just wasn't getting used to the time difference between New York and California, because she really wasn't an early morning person. And it felt so good to lay in bed next to Loki.  But after a minute, she got up carefully, as not to wake the sleeping god, and crept into the bathroom to get dressed.

On her way out of the room, she caught sight of Loki and paused. It was so hard to imagine that peaceful face belonged to someone who led an army to destroy New York. The stuffed bunny cradled in his arms diffused any last sense of danger that may have been left. She couldn't bring herself to disturb him just yet, so she went down to the kitchen.

Lily had the house to herself at this early hour. Everything was quiet and still.  After a cup of coffee, she decided this was an opportunity to make up for the horrible morning of the day before.

Taking out her phone, she looked up a few recipes before she began cooking.  The results were a loaf of cooling banana bread and six omelets. There were only five people, but she made two for Thor just to be safe. She had seen how he had inhaled those six tacos. Mugs of coffee were set out and a smoothie was set in front of Loki's plate.

But there were still no signs of life in the house. Rather than let the food get cold, she carried the frying pan full of bacon upstairs. She cracked the bedroom doors open and waved the bacon smell into the rooms. On her way back, she stomped down the steps and dropped the pan back on the stove with a bit of a crash.

"That should be enough to get someone down here, right?" Lily asked herself.

The rich, savory smell of fat frying urged Loki into wakefulness. He sat up, disappointed that the space next to him was empty. _She must be the one cooking_. The smell was enticing. It had probably woken the rest of the house as well, especially that loud clatter. Loki was reluctant to see Stark and Thor again after last night. 

He looked in the mirror in the bathroom, conjuring a comb for his fuzzy locks.  He was careful to work around the braid Lily had given him as he considered his attire. Casual Asgardian? Midgardian? His armor? That held appeal, but it might be too confrontational for Stark this early in the morning. He settled on a black tunic and leggings with soft leather shoes.

When he arrived in the kitchen, he was not surprised to see Thor already there, halfway through an omelet. His hair was wild from sleep, his beard unruly as well, and he had on a similar outfit to Loki. 

"Never one to waste time," Loki said, shaking his head.

"You are too slow, brother. Lady Lily is a fantastic chef."

Loki sat down at the setting without coffee, near Thor. He peered at the condensing pink drink in front of him

"That is a 'smoothie,'" Thor told him as he chewed. "It is a potion of mashed fruits and ice. You will like it." Thor looked Loki over, a slow grin appearing on his face. "Oh, and what is this, brother?" He tugged on the braid in Loki's hair, gleeful as if he'd discovered some scandalous secret.

Loki batted his hand away, scowling. "It is a braid, idiot."

"But where did you get it?" Thor sing-songed.

"You know where. We are not children any longer, Thor, you need not be so interested.” Loki took a sip of 'smoothie' to end this prying. "This is good," he said, taking another.  "Thor is not wrong for once.  Lily, you are a great, and beautiful," he winked at her, "chef."

Lily laughed and leaned over the counter to poke a finger at Loki. "Are you fishing for a return compliment or bacon?  Knowing most guys, it's bacon, but with you, it could go either way." She served a few pieces of bacon onto Loki's plate, then Thor's, and stole a piece for herself.

"Now, what's the big deal about a braid?" she asked. "Oh yeah... right." She rolled her eyes at her own obliviousness. "I don't know why it's so easy for me to forget that you guys are the template for beards and braids and amber bead wearing Vikings."

Thor kept grinning at Loki like a fool.

"It is _nothing_ ," Loki growled. If he rolled his eyes any harder, they might fall out. "Leave it _be_ , brother. Eat your eggs."

"Aw, are you two going steady now?" Stark asked, sitting down and making a grabbing gesture at Lily. "Bacon me. You know, while you two were out dirty dancing and having a heart-to-heart or pinning each other or whatever you were doing, some of us were working on that eldritch horror that Loki so nicely gifted us with. Bruce was up so late, I'm not sure even bacon will wake him up. Loki, why don't you take him a slice and see?"

"Certainly. I assume you are lending me your suit of iron for this chore?" Loki drawled, a bit overly formal, but dripping with sarcasm. It felt strange to be joking like this, sitting together with others as if he were welcome.

Stark laughed. "Probably unfair to Bruce. This coffee might do it, though. You make it just the way I like it, sweetheart."

"Hot? With water? In a cup?" Lily teased Tony back, filling his plate with bacon. She considered for a moment and shoved the extra cup over toward his plate. "Ya know, if Bruce was working that hard… Have his coffee and let him sleep. I'll make more when he gets up. I know I owe all of you guys an apology for losing it last night, but I owe him extra cause I went full-bore bitch on him.  Sleepy and cranky is not the way I want a guy when I am trying to make nice. Now you enjoy a nice Sorry-I-Freaked-Out breakfast. Bruce can have brunch if he likes."

A wide grin spread across Tony's face. "Oh yeah? You wanna make _nice_ , huh? Was I wrong and you came to your senses?  Let's find you a tray and you can take all of this up to him instead of Loki. A bit of breakfast in bed would perk him right up. You could do a lot worse than Bruce. I mean, sure he's got the whole turning into an uncontrollable rage monster thing going on and that can be a buzzkill, but he's gotta be less dangerous than the Alien Sex Fiend. So hop to it."

Lily's eyes unconsciously flicked over to Loki before she gave Tony a glare coupled with a disturbing grin. Her voice was even cheerful when she said, ”How 'bout no?"

Thor laughed out loud at the exchange. "If I were you Stark, I would not attempt to separate Loki and this Lady. If his attention were to drift, he could make things quite awkward. Remember his undergarments."

Lily took the last few rashers of bacon and her cup of coffee to sit down next to Loki. She gave a weak wiggle of a wave to get everyone's attention. "Umm... how ‘bout if I make things quite awkward and tell you that I bought those underpants. Now eat."

"Do not try to cover for me, Lily." Loki gave Stark a heavy-lidded glance.  "Just to spare my feelings. We all saw how Stark has no interest in my affection. And while I am heartbroken," he sniffed dramatically, "I do not need you to shelter me by claiming them for yourself." 

Tony coughed to dislodge a piece of bacon stuck in his throat.  "Yeah, most of us know that was a joke. Not sure about Point Break over there, but Asgardian humor is hit or miss here." He took a big swig of coffee. "I'm sure you have experienced that."

Loki pressed his leg against Lily's under the table. "You'll have every man here wrapped around your finger soon," he murmured to her, flashing a smile. "Plus, those birds."

"I promise that," she replied quietly, with a wink, "was never my intention. Well... except maybe for the birds. They're cute. But Bruce, he thinks I'm nuts. He has to be _pissed_ with me."

As Lily spoke her eyes drifted to Loki's smile. It was bright and beautiful. She was beginning to love seeing that smile. That _real_ smile. And that dimple. And that little smile line next to the dimple. And that pink tongue peeking out from behind his teeth. She hadn't even noticed that she was falling down a rabbit hole.

"Hey, _hey_! Lilypad. I'm talking to you here." Tony's voice broke through to her.

Lily blinked rapidly and tried to look completely innocent. "I... I'm sorry. Just cause I'm not asleep, doesn't mean I'm awake, I guess."

"I _said_ , there's no way Bruce is mad at you. When he gets mad he loses control and Hulks out. No one controls the Hulk. You wouldn't be alive to worry if the green guy decided you upset him. Maybe none of us would. So, in the future, please try really, really, really hard not to get him pissed. OK? We all kinda like our limbs attached."

"What?" Lily asked in disbelief. She unconsciously leaned closer to Loki. " _That's_ how the Hulk works? Just... poof... giant green wrecking crew? Oh my God... poor Bruce. I thought glowing was kinda unreasonable."

"Why is everyone talking about me?" Bruce shambled into the kitchen, his over-sized sweatshirt askew. "Do I smell coffee? I need some of that." He hovered awkwardly near the empty seat.

"Because you're the smartest guy in the room," Tony said, pushing his extra cup over and gesturing for him to sit. "In addition to your- how many PhD's there, buddy?- Bruce is also as close as we've got to an expert in sharing a host body. And damn, Loki, that thing inside of you is a fucking doozy of a parasite." He turned his focus entirely on Loki, who had frozen when Bruce entered. "You got it in space?"

"I did not _get_ it, as if I ate some rotten meat in a shabby alehouse," Loki scoffed. "I was _given_ it- as in, it was injected into my body without my consent. I assure you, I did not want it."

Tony nodded in sympathy. "Yeah, bodily modifications are a mind-fuck, let me tell you. So here's my problem. Our problem. I saw the rest of it, the whatever you call it, in this very kitchen. I can't imagine it will be happy with a piece of it being stuck in a jar in my basement."

“I theorize that the electronic frequencies inside this house confuse it.  When it was part of me, it was quieter in the building, but able to communicate with its larger portion as soon as I went outside.”  Loki grimaced, poking at his eggs, the memories all too clear in his mind.  “I am glad to have it gone.”

“Yeah, but it's not really gone, is it?  It's still out there, wandering Malibu. I don't know about you, but that's not the kind of thing we hero-types just let go. We gotta figure out a way to disable it or kill it, or something.”

Lily squeezed Loki's knee, where her hand had been resting since Bruce showed up. “We will do something,” she answered Tony. “Because now we know that the alcohol will keep it quiet and that something electric in this house messes with it. What Loki said rang true, we can count on it. So, Mr. Stark, maybe you should throw one of those parties I've heard about. Sounds like a mindflayer would hate it.”

She looked around at the silent, staring faces that surrounded her. “What? It was a joke. Jeeze.... Never mind.” Lily got up and went around to Bruce. “I'm gonna go make some more bacon for you. Come on in the kitchen with me so I can ask you a question.”

Bruce got up and, with a shrug, followed Lily to the other side of the counter that divided the dining space from the kitchen, clutching his coffee. 

“So... umm... yeah... it's seven.”

Lily turned, a package of bacon in her hands, and looked at Bruce like he wasn't quite right in the head. "What is seven?” she asked cautiously.

“PhDs.” He ducked his head shyly, then ran his hand through his hair. After a beat he spoke again. “That's not what you were going to ask is it?”

“No?” Lily laughed. “But it's still awesome. I wanted to know how you aren't upset with me. I'm upset with me. I was so rude. I'm sorry about that.”

“Oh. Ah... Well.” Bruce shifted his feet. “You learn to let things go. When you're in a situation like mine.  Grudges, hurt feelings... gotta rise above all that. Look, you were just trying to defend your friend. Sure, _I_ think your friend is a psychopathic, delusional, murder alien pulling some bizarre con job, but you seem to like him. So, it makes sense that you'd stick up for him, even if I don't like it.” He took a sip of coffee. “Thor does it all the time too.  We just... agree to disagree about Loki. I gotta admit though, that shit we pulled out of him yesterday... That was gross. Tony said it's alive, probably some sort of hivemind, and it's all black and viscous... Like evil molasses.  That'd mess with a guy pretty bad, I guess.”

Loki kept an eye on Banner and Lily across the room while he gave Stark half his attention. Stark and Thor were debating the safety of releasing the part of the mindflayer they had back into the wild to find the rest of it. Stark thought it would be too hard to track, Thor disagreed. Loudly. It made it hard to hear what Banner was saying.

He itched to make a distraction or to insert himself between them.  He touched the braid in his hair. It was fine. Fine. Lily was going to come back. Even hearing how the Hulk had smashed him into the floor would not give her pause. Hm, actually, she would probably coo over his injuries... Perhaps he should play up that incident. His leg still twinged from the wrenching it had gotten as the Hulk waved him like a flag.  With a quiet breath, he lowered his eyes back to his breakfast.

Lily filled the bacon pan again and set it to sizzle on the stove before she turned back to Bruce. “You're a good man, Tony was right. Thanks for what you're doing. If I helped you, would it go faster? Trying to figure out how to catch the mindflayer and kill it? I know I won't know what's going on, but if you show me your theories or results or whatever, I can tell you if they are true or not. If you can work backwards from the answer, it might save you time. Come on, try explaining some of it to me.”

Lily looked at Bruce brightly with an excited smile. She really wanted to do something that made her feel like she was participating.  She nodded encouragingly until he started talking and soon he was on a roll.

“Well, you see... I believe that this stuff is... how do I say it... like wet sand. And the more of it is stuck together the stronger it is as a whole, so we need to unstick it. Um, now there’s some kind of structure that looks like a... kind of protein, but isn't, that is part of the structure that holds the individual tiny nightmares together so they can act like a big nightmare. But I'm seeing the Asgardian alcohol work as a kind of protein synthesis inhibitor on it. If this thing contains RNA similar to terrestrial, we might be able to isolate the substance in that mead that could inhibit the elongation step in both prokaryotic and eukaryotic ribosomes...”

“Whoa... whoa, hold it right there. You had me wet sand, but...” Lily held out her palm against Bruce's chest. “How about if you give me statements that I can call true or false. Treat me like a human Magic-8 Ball. OK?”

“So I should shake you and flip you over?” Bruce laughed nervously.  “Outlook not so good. But okay, let me try an easy one. Um...” He tapped his fingers on his mug while he thought.  “Is this thing stronger when it has all its pieces together? All the wet sand, I mean.”

“...Thor, Thor. No, buddy, I keep trying to tell you-“ Tony interrupted Thor again.

Loki rolled his eyes.  “Smashing it is not going to work. It is like fighting mud. Listen to your shield-brother. Lightning, though... That could be useful.” He looked back over at Lily and Bruce.  Her hand was on his chest and Loki's eyes narrowed and sparked.

_It is fine, it is fine,_ he told himself. He realized that he was holding his breath, waiting for the hiss in his brain to urge him to violence. When it did not come, he felt... lost. He didn't want it to be there, but without it to push against, he was confused. It had been part of him for years, and now that it was gone... what was he without it?

“Look, we need a solid plan. We can’t just head in, guns- and hammers- blazing at this thing.” Tony walked over to the closest screen, piece of bacon in hand. “JARVIS, pull up everything we know about the 'mindflayer' and display it on a screen in here. Let's start keeping track of what works against it.”

Loki nodded, but moved into the kitchen instead of following, using his empty plate as an excuse. He clattered it down near the sink. He could feel the slight crispness in the air that meant Lily was using her magic.

“Banner here knows all about shaking. I have been on the receiving end of it. Quite a ride, I must admit. But perhaps only his 'other half' can perform that way."

Lily had opened her mouth to answer Bruce, but it was left hanging open when Loki spoke. Her eyes widened as she turned to look at him. Was he taunting the Hulk? On purpose?

She distractedly replied to Bruce, as she slid closer to Loki. “I kinda need a statement, or object, but we've talked about the mindflayer enough that I know this one already. Yes. The more there is together, the stonger it is. Exponentially stronger.” Then she hissed at Loki in an upset whisper.  “What do you think you are doing?”

Tony had overheard Loki and barked out a laugh. “If Reindeer Games is okay enough to joke about it... I have some security footage to show you guys. JARVIS, play the pinata party video.” He snickered as he turned the suspended monitor around so they could see it in the kitchen.

On the screen were Loki and the Hulk in what looked like a sunken living room. Loki was furious and screaming, "I am a _god_ , you dull creature!"

Then suddenly the Hulk was throwing him around by the leg like a rag doll, smashing Loki against the floor and walls for what seemed like a brutal eternity. Tony was obviously delighted and was pointing out things on the screen. Thor was also avidly watching, switching between pained sympathy grunts and praising the Hulk's fighting form.

Lily stood frozen, eyes wide and horrified, but unable to look away.

They listened to the Hulk grunt out, "Puny God," and thought it was over, but no.

Tony waved his arms and excitedly said, “Wait! This is the _best_ part.”

The video started over, but this time it was sped up and had _The Mexican Hat Dance_ playing as a soundtrack. Every time Loki connected with something, confetti and candy flew out of him.

By the time it was over, Tony was leaning on Thor as they both laughed. Tears were streaming from his eyes, but Bruce was as pale as a sheet and looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

Instinctively, Lily took a step between Loki and the other room. She could feel his presence strongly behind her and reached back blindly to feel for his hand. Her whole body was tense and if anyone looked closely enough, her shoulders were shaking. She swallowed hard and asked quietly, “Just what exactly made you think any of us in here wanted to see that?”

“ Oh, lighten up, Lilypad,” Tony choked out. “If you can brush off the things that happened the last time he was here, you can certainly laugh at this part of it.”

Thor chimed in. “Everyone involved is well and whole. It was an amusing... ummm... battle? Even Loki would enjoy a song about something like that at a Great Feast!”

A sliver of ice crept up Loki's spine.  To see himself and hear the mindflayer's words coming out of his mouth with his voice- it was supremely unsettling.  He had only vague impressions of that exchange, until the undeniable memory of the Hulk swinging him around like a toy.  His hip twinged. 

The security footage he could have stood, but the added music and effects had his blood simmering under his skin.  He was no stranger to playing the fool... but only on _his_ terms.  Stark and Thor, dying of laughter at his expense, made his fists clench.  Loki could not let them see how they had needled him.

“It is a lucky thing I am so lithe and limber, otherwise such treatment may have snapped my spine,” Loki quipped smoothly. “But Thor, shame on you,” he said, a small false smile on his face.  “Look at poor Bruce, he is shaking.  You should treat your shield-brother better than this.”  _Better than you do me._  Thor's casual assertion about feasts only brought forward all the ways that Thor had never truly _seen_ him.  Loki existed in the space that Thor allowed him.  Any deviation from what Thor wanted to see was ignored. 

_Loki would laugh at this, certainly.  And he would be dying inside but you don't care about that part, do you,_ brother _.  As long as no one lost a limb, it's all fun and games!_ his thoughts were like mental daggers at Thor. He was only interested in Loki as long as Loki played his part.

Loki put his hand on Banner shoulder, his empathy surprisingly unfeigned even as he was using it as an insult to Thor. “The other one's actions bother you. They should not be so gleeful about something that causes you pain. There is more to life than fighting- however, my brother tends to forget that.”

Thor watched Loki carefully as he went to Banner's side. Loki's comment about Banner stung a bit more than the usual barbs. Thor’s laughter had not been the reaction that a good man should have had. That man also would have considered the fact that his brother's spine very well could have been snapped, instead of laughing because it hadn't. How great would have the losses been if that fight had gone differently?

Listlessly, he poked at the last bite of food on his plate, considering who to apologize to first. In the end, he decided to hold his tongue. If Loki was consoling Banner in his stead, that was good. Thor would yield to him in lieu of an apology, let Loki have enough room to do the right thing on his own. The feeling of not having the moral high ground weighed heavy on Thor, but it was balanced by the peace that came from being able to see that Loki was not irreparably corrupt. He hung his head and finished his breakfast.

As Bruce gave Loki a weak and wary nod in response, Lily suddenly jumped and squeaked, “The bacon!” She rushed to the stove and quickly flipped the almost-burnt meat.

Loki squinted at Thor's unusual silence. No berating his assumptions, no defensive self-righteous excuses... How odd. He stepped away from Bruce, finding a spatula on the counter to toy with. Now that his aggressive pity was unnecessary, he didn't want to be so near to the Hulk. As the video had so aptly reminded him, the receiving end of a Hulk smash was brutal even for a god.

Tony spoke into the awkward silence. “Well, alright then. Guess I should put 'lead balloons' in my catalog. Back to the big baddie then. Bigger big baddie, since Loki is still in the running there.” He switched the screen back to the data about the alien goo.  “Seems to me like we've got three main questions to answer. How to find it, how to fight it, and how to disable it. I suppose we can use Miss 8-ball here to find out if we're on the right track. Hey, Miss 8-ball is a pretty good superhero name, don't you think?”

Lily stared at the burned bacon as the room grew dim, courtesy of a large cloud that slid over the sun, reflecting Thor's mood. “Sure, 8-ball sounds great, just like something that kills addicts in flop houses,” she mumbled, still poking at the pan.

The morning had not turned out like she had hoped. She had intended to make breakfast and see if she could get everyone to get along so things weren't so touchy.

Instead, Bruce was a human nervous tic, Thor was grumpy, Tony was awkward, Loki was staring at a spatula, and she had ruined the bacon.

Her power was stupid. What good was being able to effect illusions when it was reality that needed to be changed. She poked at the blackened end of one of the rashers and it crumbled off like so much sticky ash.

It wasn't even real bacon anymore. Bacon was the pink, salty, smoky pieces of meat that she had laid in the pan, not what she had just created. She could feel the truth of that.

Frustrated, she concentrated on her power, soon her hands began to glow brighter and brighter. White light took over her vision. She stumbled and fell, catching herself against the counter, but unable to hang on, she slipped to the floor.

Loki blinked at the spatula, an unusual feeling blurring the edges of his vision.  He touched his chest. It was as if something was being _pulled_ through his body. Gripping the edge of the counter, white-knuckled, he tried to breathe even though his lungs were frozen.

Was it the mindflayer? Had Lily been wrong, had they not gotten all of it out of him? Or was this some other, new side effect of that monster? Blood sang in his ears, his brain skittering in too many directions at once.

Would he never be free of Thanos and the Other? His body would never truly be his own again. He would always be worried he would lose control again, be a prisoner in his own flesh, forced to do things with no say. 

When the sensation didn't come again, his chest began to unlock, making it easier to breathe once more. He released the counter, brushing his fingers over the hairline fractures he had caused. Maybe Stark would not notice. Loki was too unsettled to draw on his seidr- he didn't know what force was at work on him.

“Yeah, Thor, just take her back to her room, we'll keep working on the mission.”

Loki looked up, remembering the world still existed around him.  “What?” He saw Thor carrying a limp Lily out of the kitchen. 

Loki jerked forward to follow when Stark's hand on his chest stopped him.

“Hey, Thor's got this. She must have overdone it this morning,” Stark said gently.  “Thor's had terrible ideas so far. You've lived with this thing, so you're staying here and helping us figure out how to get it off Earth. Then we can run it all by Lily when she wakes up.”

Loki looked after Thor forlornly.  He needed to help Lily, to be there when she awoke. But that strange sensation haunted him. He didn't know if he was compromised in some way.

Better to stay here, where Stark and Banner could take him down if required. 

He nodded. “Yes, of course. Finding it should be simple. If I step outside, it will find _me_ soon enough. It wants my magic, after all. I think the only person it wants more than myself is Lily, for revenge.”

Tony's fingers were flying over the display.  “Okay, good, so this thing has motives? More than just 'eat, sleep, destroy'? That's useful. Hm, as much as I'd love seeing you torn limb from limb, I'm not sure we should use you as bait. If it gets you, we'd all be in a fuck ton of trouble. What about-“ Tony exchanged a look with Bruce.

“You cannot use Lily.” Loki glared. “If you are concerned it would get to me, then we cannot risk it getting to her.  You will not put her in such danger!”

“Hey, uh, no, we don't want to do that,” Bruce assured him.  “She's not equipped for this sort of fight. We'll put that on the back burner.”  He changed the subject, hoping to get Loki to look less like he was going to eat their livers. “Uh, Tony? If we have a big fight on the beach, SHIELD _is_ going to come, and they won't be happy with any of us.”

“Ooh, someone got a high roll on their wisdom check. Okay, let's see... I own a few abandoned islands off the coast, always thought I would develop them but never got around to it. Let's take a look.” Tony pulled up the map and spun the screen for everyone to see.

Bruce enlarged the picture of one. “This looks suitable. Low scrub, small building for equipment, nothing for miles...”  He looked back over his shoulder and made a small hand gesture. “Uh, Loki? You have an opinion here?”

“Should I have one?” he answered with smooth disdain. “This is your planet.  One patch of land is the same to me as any other.”

“Right.  Thanks, Stitch.”  Tony rolled his eyes.  “So, we’ll take the boat, anything in the air will have to clear a flight path and that’s a paper trail I don’t want…”

Loki stared at the screen with unfocused eyes.  He should help more.  But his thoughts kept wandering back to Lily.

Lily came to with a vague awareness that it felt like she was floating. She had felt this before, when Loki had carried her away from Asgard and made her feel like she was weightless. There were secure arms surrounding her and she struggled to whisper out Loki's name. But this wasn't Loki. She forced her eyes open and blinked until Thor came into focus.

“What happened? What's going on?” she mumbled.

“Be calm, Lady. You lost consciousness in the kitchen. I am merely taking you to your bed to rest. My brother was taken oddly as well and thought it safest for all to stay with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner.”  Thor spoke kindly as he took Lily into the spare room to set her gently in the center of the unmade bed. He pulled a blanket over her and sat on the edge.

“I may not be a sorcerer or witch, but even I can recognize uncontrolled magic. Even though I believe that it what has affected you, I must ask, is there any chance that the mindflayer was involved? Do you know?”

“It wasn't the mindflayer,” Lily sighed.

Thor's forehead creased and he grunted. “Loki did this to you.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “No! I did it. I was upset...”She paused and sighed, slightly embarrassed. “I was upset at the bacon. I don't know what I did. Is Loki OK? What did I do?”

Thor took Lily's hand in his and patted it. She knew he meant it to be reassuring, but it felt condescending.

“Loki is stronger than he seems. It would take more than a Midgardian with newborn power to injure him in any meaningful way. He should have known better. He said he was tutoring you in the arts. He is not doing his job if things like this happen.”

Lily pulled her hand back and fixed Thor in her stare as best as she could. “Stop it! He's not always wrong. Not everything's his fault! You don't even realize how you treat him, do you? You aren't a bad person. I know that. I can feel that. Neither is Loki. I feel that too.  But you are bad to him.” 

The quilted pattern on the bedspread became very interesting to Thor as he avoided Lily's dark gaze.  “After that video, I realized that I do not always behave in a manner that befits my station when it comes to my brother. Changing old habits is harder than I anticipated. I beg your pardon.” 

“Don't beg my pardon, the one you want is downstairs. But thank you for taking care of me. You _are_ a good man, you know?” Thor's regret was real and softened Lily toward him again. “Just... give him a chance. Please? He needs you for more than help on Asgard.”

“Loki does not need anyone. He has ever been independent. And willful.”  Thor traced the stitching on the bedspread. “He seems attached to you, however. I have not seen him smitten like this in hundreds of years. It is refreshing, like a glimpse of the boy I knew.  No talk of ruling Midgard or disdaining mortals. I must consider the events which he has been through more closely. Watching that... thing... drip from his blood yesterday...” He sighed, shifting his body with the discomfort of his feelings. “I did not truly believe his tales, before. Now I have no choice to acknowledge that he was gravely harmed after falling from the Bifrost. Perhaps if we can bring that creature with us on our return to Asgard, my father will also be swayed and Loki can regain his rightful place.” He lifted his head and gave Lily a lopsided smile. “I am aware your power lies in truth, but you have given me hope. I am your faithful servant in return, my lady.”

Lily returned the smile. “I don't want a servant, but I could always use a friend. And as a friend, I'm gonna call you out on two more things and then I will shut up and butt out. OK? Number one, I have no idea what you're talking about, but falling off the Bifrost? You know that ‘falling’ isn't what happened, so don't try to sell it to me. And number two, the idea the Loki doesn't need anyone is the most offensively blatant untruth I've heard since I picked up that stupid coin.”

She sat up and shifted to sit next to Thor, even though it made her a little dizzy. “Now you said, ‘taken oddly,’ since we know it's not the mindflayer and there's no danger, I'm going to go back down and check on ‘taken oddly.’” Lily patted Thor's shoulder. She was tempted to squeeze a little because... muscles... but she didn't.  “Thanks again for worrying about me. I'm OK.”

She went downstairs, followed by Thor, and eased her way to the counter to pick up her coffee. Loki, Tony and Bruce were gathered around a screen, talking animatedly, so she didn't bother them.  She just watched, with guilt and concern in her eyes.


	31. Chapter 31

“Okay, see here?” Tony gestured to the screen. “My repulsor blast didn't even phase it.  Wait, phasing.  Do you think that thing is phasing into different states of matter or something?”

“No, I think it's more like...” Bruce peered at the slow-motion replay of the security footage, “it's made up of all these tiny bits, so a big blast just goes through it.  Like water through a sieve.  Maybe you catch a few bits here and there but since it's got a distributed neural network, it doesn't get 'injured' like a normal body would.”

“That is why freezing it worked so effectively, I believe.  It is indeed very similar to water.”  Loki shook his head. “But only for a short time.  My most powerful spell only worked for- what is the time signature there?-  a minute before the pieces began to coalesce again.”  He looked up and saw Lily watching them.  A warm lightness filled his chest and he couldn't help but smile before turning back to the screen. “If we work together, the Man of Iron, the Thunder God, and myself, we should be able to carve it into pieces.  Banner, you would be responsible for obtaining any pieces and containing them.”

“I'm not too ready to go near that thing,” Bruce muttered. “It's horrifying.  And what if it joined with the Hulk or something? You certainly didn't want it touching you in this video.”

Loki stroked his neck.  “I do not think it can enter a body through skin contact.  Some of it was injected into my veins.  That part wanted to draw the rest of it in- or dissolve me inside it, it is hard to tell which.  I suppose we could experiment with the sample- “

“God, no!” Tony said. “Fuck. Let's not even tempt fate there.  Can’t you just magic up the pieces, like your dominance display with the tacos last night?”

“I suppose I could, if you would like to leave me vulnerable to attack.” Loki frowned. “Manipulating a spell like that will not allow me to maintain the freeze. I _am_ subject to some laws of the universe. Just not as many as you.  We will lose at least half the time of it being solid, if I have to drop the spell to play clean up as well.”

“We’ll keep it off your back,” Tony said. ”If we’ve got magic, we might as well use it. Bruce can watch the containment vessels, make sure nothing is leaking.

“So, the plan is Loki'll freeze it.  Thor and I will break it. Loki gets the pieces to Bruce and we keep him untainted  until he can get cold again. Lather, rinse, repeat.  And, if we're right, it should get easier as we get more of it sedated in that alcohol solution that's brewing downstairs.  Does that sound true, Lilypad?”

Loki gritted his teeth at the pet name.  _Stark does that, it is his inane way of talking,_ he reminded himself.  Still, he strolled to the counter to stand next to her.  It eased his worry to see her back downstairs so soon.  Her color was a little off, perhaps, but she seemed fine.  He breathed easier as he touched her arm.  He could feel the aftershocks of magic still thrumming through her, though dissipating quickly.  He frowned at bit.  Had that been what had caused her fainting?

“You do not have to play fortune-teller for these men.  We have a quite workable plan, if you would like to rest.  Remember that magic has a cost to the body.  You are not used to such exchanges yet.”

Loki's hand on her arm was so reassuring that Lily reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze as she answered Tony. “Yes. It's true. Sounds solid.” She looked to Loki. “It's OK. Let me help. I want to help. I can rest later. And so can you.”  She brushed the side of his cheek with her free hand. “Thor said I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did.”

“I am not hurt.” He leaned into her touch. 

Should he tell her about that odd sensation and his fear that removing the mindflayer from his blood had not been enough?  Stark and Banner were friendly enough now while making plans, but any hint that he was compromised and that camaraderie would vanish.  It might end up with him in a cell, or worse, in another one of Stark's contraptions. The thought made his breath stop.  Being that helpless again, cut off from his seidr, it was not something he would consent to again.  Which would only lead to being forced.  His hand shook. He'd been through that too.  No, there would be time enough after their battle to solve this puzzle.  At least then he would know that the rest of the mindflayer was sedated.

“So, there's just one part left-” Stark was saying.  “We still haven't figured out how to get the thing to our island lair.”

“I thought we had covered this, Stark.” Loki frowned. “I will act as 'bait' for the creature.  I am the one it wants.  Without it in my body already-”

“Well, that's not entirely true, is it?  You also said that it wants her more.”  Tony nodded at Lily.  He couldn't believe he was suggesting it, but it did seem like it had a good chance of working.

“Absolutely not.”

“Look, Lokes, we have to get that thing on that island as fast as possible.  You said that it wants revenge on her for some reason and that it's motivated by bloodlust.  Sure, it wants to... absorb you and turn you into black magic goo, but it wants to _hunt_ her.” Tony shuddered.  This whole situation was a moral mess.  “And what if it _can_ still absorb you without a colony in you?  Even Hulk can't smash that thing.”

“And what if it gets _her_ ,” Loki snapped.  “You would put a helpless mortal in such danger?  What a _hero_ you are, Stark.  So brave and righteous.” Fear made his words into blades.  To put himself out as a sacrifice was one thing, he was damaged and ruined enough.  He had his seidr and fighting skills. He touched the braid in his hair.  But Lily truly would be a sacrifice. On a platter. “No.  It will be me.”

The reality of Tony and Loki's words sunk into Lily's bones like lead. Her heart was pounding and she wanted to run, to pull Loki's hand and run as fast as they could through the doorway on the beach and through any other doorways or wormholes he knew of. Just keep running until she was so lost she couldn't even find herself.

But she couldn't run anymore, not this time. She swallowed and spoke. She was surprised her voice didn't sound shakier. “Thank you, Loki. But... he's right. It's me. I've got to do it. If it gets me, it gets _me_. If that much of it gets you... what will the body count be? Hundreds, thousands, whole planets... _and_ a god?” 

Lily shook her head and gave Loki a sad smile. “I guess I can help after all. Please, let me help you. You can be there, right behind me. Please?”

Tony cleared his throat and began to speak, but Lily silently cut him off with an open palm and looked up at Loki with pleading eyes.

After a tense moment, she stepped up close against him and whispered quietly enough the others couldn't hear. “They'll protect me while I distract it. I won't let you get hurt anymore and I'm not ready to say good-bye to you.”

“No.” Loki grabbed her arms, perhaps a touch too hard. “ _No_.” He needed to make her understand as much as he needed to not let go. If he held on to her, nothing bad would happen. If he held on to her, he could protect her. 

The picture of her broken body blazed in his mind, as clear as when the mindflayer had first shown it to him. He could not stop seeing it. His stomach turned.

“It is a stupid risk. I can defend myself, I am more than capable. I cannot-” His eyes stung and he clung to her harder. “I cannot...” He was keenly aware of the other men in the room, watching them. “How could they suggest this, what sort of 'mighty heroes' would put you in danger like this.”

_I can't let you go,_ he wanted to say, _I can't face being without you._ Without her touch, without her patience, without her humor. He could not do it. The only person who cared for him, even if that care was making her do this foolish thing.

When he spoke, his voice was pitched low and quiet.  “This is not safe. I need you safe.”

At the word ‘No,’ Lily's spine stiffened. She was tempted to argue just because she was turned down so hard, but instead she peeled Loki's hands away from her arms and held them. She turned to the three men that were in intently watching.

“Excuse us for just a few minutes.” She pulled Loki after her, back upstairs to their room.

When they got in, she let go of Loki and shut the door behind them. “Look, the fact is Tony was right about me being the better option. It's a fact. You can't argue that. But you aren't going to listen to the facts either, are you? Then listen to me a minute. I only asked you if I could do it out of respect. It's not really your call. Those guys downstairs and everyone else on this planet would rather have it get me than you, it's not a question of your capability, it's risk management. That's the cold truth. This whole thing is about keeping _you_ safe. You need to trust us because everyone is on your side. No matter how anyone shoots their mouths off or tries to make light of it, you aren't the bad guy here. You are the victim.”

Loki shook his head. He would always be seen as a villain. A rogue, at best.  Others may trespass and be forgiven, even be welcomed into the fold- but he would forever be tainted by his past. That absurd video earlier had proven it again. It was in his blood, he supposed, no matter what he did. No one would trust a Frost Giant. 

“You and me, we're more complicated. I know that deep underneath everything you're a big, stupid hero too and you want to keep me safe. And I lo...” She stopped herself before she finished the word love. “I... admire you so much for that.” Lily reached out and picked up Loki's hand, laying it against her chest and holding it there with her own. In her head, she could head Thor's voice repeating the word ‘smitten’ and responded in her own awkward way. “You have no idea how much I ... admire you. But you don't really know me at all.”

Lily dropped his hand and began to pace. “I run away. From everything. When I don't want to cope, I run away and ruin things for myself. It's what I do. If a movie is too sad, I just get up and go and leave the popcorn there. I was bored at home so I ran away to the first college I got admitted to that was over a thousand miles away. By the time I went back home, there was no one left there. I messed up my major, so I switched schools and went to the other coast. I dated this guy I was working with once and it wasn't going well. I just quit my job and disappeared, didn't even give notice. After the Chitauri came, I jumped at any chance I had to leave the city for work. I didn't want to face the nightmare. When Brian and Heather started sleeping together, I started making up reasons to have to leave the country for work, so I wouldn't have to admit it was going on. OK? I suck. But I left with you and now I'm at the end of the line. No more running.”

She held her hands out and let them briefly glow. “I can't run from this and I won't run from you or that damned mindflayer.” She paced over to Loki, gently cupped his chin and whispered, “I'm not going anywhere. I'm making a stand for a good reason instead of running for a bad one.”  Her eyes were brimming with tears that refused to fall. “I don't want you to get the wrong idea. When I came here with you it was because of you. Because you are... admirable. But I was running from something too. Do you want to know what?”

He framed Lily's face with his palms. “You are a fool,” he said affectionately.  His thumbs stroked over her cheekbones.  “Running from trouble seems like as good a plan as any to me. It works at least half of the time. So, tell me.  What are you using me to run from? It cannot be more awful than murder, alien goo, and Tony 'even-my-piss-is-smarter-than-you' Stark. How can it be so frightful that you are going to risk your life to avoid it?” 

Lily closed her eyes and concentrated on just how wonderful Loki's touch felt. His great strength, reined in to a gentle caress, was so soothing and comforting she could have sunk into it forever.

But she was going to finish this. After a shaky inhalation, she spoke, her voice thick with emotion. “In my back pack over there is an envelope.  I knew it was coming. I'd heard it was coming, actually. It must have been in the mailbox. I didn't manage to outrun it.”

Lily moved back, away from Loki's hands, but turned her head so that her lips brushed across his fingertips in thanks. From her back pack she pulled a heavy parchment envelope that was addressed in an elegant calligraphy. Holding it in front of her, so that he could see, she stepped back near Loki.

“Here. This is it. I'm not psychic, but when I open this it's going to say, ‘The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of...’" Her voice cracked and she shook her head. “And it will be embossed and the lettering'll look like it's black against the color of the parchment, but it'll actually be a very dark aubergiene.

There was a crack as she broke the wax seal and opened the envelope. Lily didn't even look at the large formal invitation before she handed it to Loki. Then she slipped the RSVP card out from beneath its tissue overlay.

“See? These were _my_ wedding invitations. And this was _my_ wedding day and reception hall... and from the look of this they didn't even change the damn menu. I'm completely and utterly replaceable, even at my own wedding. I can't believe Brian was so fucking cheap that he wouldn't give up even one of the deposits.” Fat tears were rolling hot and quickly down Lily's cheeks. She made no effort to stop them and held the small card up to show Loki. That is when she noticed the writing on the back of it.

“’Please notice that this is an invitation plus one. Your regrets will be understood if you cannot attend because you do not have an escort. We do not wish for anyone to be uncomfortable.’ What the actual fuck?” she said, completely stunned.  “I'm uninvited if I don't have a date because the fact that I might be single at the wedding I planned for myself is _uncomfortable_? _They made me single_!”

Lily fell to a seat on the edge of the bed, tears stopped out of sheer shock. Her body was visibly shaking. “Wow. Just... wow. They are so freaked out by the fact I exist that not only did they stab me in the back to get rid of me, they twisted the knife, burned the bridges and blocked the roads to make sure I don't show back up to wreck their party. H... how do I even react?”  

Loki twirled the card in his hand.  He was intrigued by this glimpse into Lily's preferences, but he put the card aside to study later. He was seeing red.  These people were cruel.  How viciously cruel of them to treat her this way, when they could have left it alone. 

He knelt down in front of Lily to take the small paper in her hand. “They should not have written this part,” he said with a small, wicked smile.  “They do not wish anyone to be uncomfortable?  I am quite contrary, you know.  And I am _very_ good at making a scene.  Or something more subtle?  Many, many small accidents, perhaps?” 

He conjured a soft handkerchief for her.  “Or you could arrive, not with a 'plus one,' but with 'plus four' to escort you- three heroes and a megalomaniac.  Oh, would they be uncomfortable then.  Thor will make it rain that day.  If you even hinted it, Stark would buy the whole building and deny them entry. Banner will bore then with science talk.  This insult will not stand.”  Cocking his head to the side, he said in a gentler tone, “You do not have to face the mindflayer to prove them wrong.”

Lily wiped her face dry. Loki's blustering made her feel better, but she still didn't feel quite right. The shock from the cutting remark on the RSVP card had left her feeling detached from the world. She knew the breakup had only seemed friendly on the surface, but she had no idea things were this bad.

“The mindflayer has nothing to do with them. It has to do with me not running from it. And-“ she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. The touch of his skin against hers almost immediately grounded her. Her voice dropped until it was low and soft. “- it has to do with being able to stay with you. Can I stay with you?”

Their noses brushed. They were close enough that Lily felt Loki's breath against her lips. She couldn't see him well, but the image of his face was clear in her mind. He didn't have the right to be so attractive while looking like he was about to kill someone.

“Well. That is not fair,” Loki sighed, almost to himself, cupping the back of her neck in his hand.  “You are not playing fair; do you know that. _I_ am the one who is supposed to bend the rules.”

He gave in to the melting edges of his heart and drew her in for a kiss. Soft and sweet and slow, as if he had all the time in the world to fulfill every promise he was making. He trailed off, not pulling back completely. Just enough space between them to breathe, but he didn't want to let go of this moment yet.

His eyes were closed, memorizing the details his senses were giving him. His thumb stroked the soft skin behind her ear when he whispered, “Not fair at all.”

Under his touch, Lily had become completely pliant. The kiss ended too soon and she softly gasped when she spoke. “Fair? If I was playing, I would be fair,” she whispered back. Her lips pressed against his for a moment, not wanting him to let go and leave her feeling so alone again. The hand on his shoulder toyed with the ends of his hair. “Is that a yes?” she murmured against him. “And.. if you want to go to a wedding with me... would you wear the horns?”

“Horns and full regal attire.  Astride a horse, if you'd like. I would give you such a beautiful dress, with lace and silk and jewels.  We would look amazing.”  He smiled before becoming serious. “But that is not truly the current question, is it.  It is if I will let you trade your life for mine and that is _not_ a yes.” He should trust that between them, Stark, Banner, and Thor could keep her safe.  They were Heroes, after all. It was their archetype.  They would _have_ to put themselves in between Lily and danger.  She would be as safe as anyone could be. 

But he knew the mindflayer.  Intimately. It filled him with chilling dread.  It was powerful, manipulative, and impossible to attack head-on. Its lust and pleasure in pain terrified him. 

He dropped his head to her shoulder with a small, frustrated noise.  Perhaps they were right.  He was compromised, he was a soft target.  The mindflayer had lived in his head, it knew his weaknesses.  It could potentially overpower him, quickly even, leaving everyone in much greater danger.

He knew he should trust them. But what if it was not enough?  What if she were killed?  His heart skipped.  “I cannot attend a wedding with you if you are caught by the mindflayer.”

Lily cradled Loki's head and stroked his hair. “Ohh, honey.” After a pause where she kissed his temple several times, she finished. “By that logic, we couldn't go either way. And no one is dying. I'll ask Tony for one of his suits. And I'll run away as soon as it shows up. I'm good at that... remember? Now, why don't you get off the floor and come up here. I obviously couldn't convince you I was right, maybe you can convince me you are?” 

Loki hummed against her neck.  It was easy to forget what he had been thinking about with Lily touching him like this.  The feeling of contentment was hard to ignore.  He'd be happy with her petting him like this forever.  But with an opening like that... 

He raised his head to give Lily a sly, commanding look. “Oh, I can convince you of many things...”

“Hey, lovebirds!” Stark's overly-cheerful voice came from nowhere.  “I thought you said you were coming back.  You know, to finish deciding how to contain the alien horror that is lurking in our midst?  Don't make me send Dum-E in there with a fire extinguisher.  Oh and Ms. Polygraph, Thor wants to know if you can cook this bacon, he's still hungry.”  The eyeroll was clear even through the speakers.

Loki sat back on his heels with reluctance.  “I suppose I will have to convince you of something another time.” There _would_ be another time. She might serve as bait, but he would not allow the mindflayer to hurt her.  He was already planning the enchantments in his head, taking into account the lack of time and materials he had to work with. 

Something about Thor and bacon niggled at him, but he could not put his finger on it. 

“Let us go back and see what sorts of protections the vaunted Iron Man can give you.”  

“What sort of protection does he have for himself, ‘cause I'm gonna kill him,” Lily grumbled under her breath. She was just blustering, trying to convince herself that she wasn't still a bit trembly.

Oh, how she wanted to jump in a cab, go to the airport and take the first flight anywhere, but she looked down at Loki. There were all kinds of things she didn't know about going on behind his eyes, but he was waiting for her.

She stood with a big sigh, held out her hand and helped him up. “Let's go do this because I _am_ staying.”

When they got down to the kitchen, Lily half-heartedly apologized. “Sorry.  I, um, unpacked some baggage I wasn't intending to... it wasn't happy baggage. But I am the sane choice for bait.” She looked over at Loki. “He's not happy about it, but he's not going to mess things up because of it. Right?”

Being afraid of the glare Loki was going to give her, Lily let her vision slip past him and to the stove and was thrilled to see a chance to change the subject before anyone protested. The black, burned bacon had been swapped for slightly sweaty, pink uncooked bacon.

“Hey! Where did you find more bacon? I thought I burned the hell out of the last of it. And if you bothered to put it in the pan, why didn't you just cook it?”

Thor walked closer and gave Lily a concerned look. “My lady, no one has touched that pan, save for yourself. It has been said that Loki addles his lovers’ minds when he kisses them, in order to...”

Lily raised a finger in warning, cutting him off.

His blonde hair swung as he ducked his head in a brief show of submission. He cleared his throat. “Please forgive me. Let me begin again. You are the only person that has dealt with the bacon. I assure you. And I do not suspect that my brother had anything to do with any irregularities regarding your mind or the breakfast meat.” When he was done speaking, a small smile crept onto his face and he seemed oddly proud of himself.

Lily smiled back and walked to the stove. “Then where did _this_ come from? And someone got rid of the burned stuff.”

Loki frowned, rubbing the back of his knuckles with his other hand.  There was something he should be able to understand here, but it kept slipping away when he tried to grasp it.  He looked between Lily and the bacon she was focused on.  _What is it?_ He couldn't shake the feeling that it was obvious, to no useful effect.

“Uh, guys, shouldn't we be finishing what we're doing here?  You know?  The big scary mind-screwer?”  Banner said, adjusting the collar of his shirt.

Loki shrugged.  He would let it simmer in his mind unwatched and it would come to him eventually. “Stark, I want your best assurances that Lily will not be hurt by the mindflayer, or us, during our battle.”

“Sure, sure, as if I want to throw a human out there as bait either.” Stark glared at Loki.  “Of course I'm going to make sure she's safe.  Alright, we want to get out to that island A SAP.  We'll take the yacht.  I'm going to load up the lab equipment and our containment hooch.  Point Break, Reindeer Games, you're fucking strong, you two load the suits and stuff on the boat.  I'll show you. Bruce, Lily, you're on supply duty.  We don't know how long it will take this thing to find us.  Loki thinks wi-fi messes with its senses, so we'll be off-griding it.  Bring a book.  As soon as we're packed, we're out of here. Alright… break!” He clapped his hands and then swung them up into the air.


	32. Chapter 32

Thor dropped his hand onto Loki's shoulder with a grin and propelled him out of the room and to the workshop below. “Come, brother. We shall work as a team again! I should explain those names Tony Stark gives us. Midgardian casual culture is truly fascinating. He calls me Point Break, after a film by that title in which there is a character who is a muscular surfer with hair that resembles mine…”

 

Lily smiled to herself as she listened to Thor ramble on until she couldn't hear the rumble of his voice anymore. Then asked no one in particular, “But what about the bacon? I thought it was a big deal or something?” She shrugged and scraped out the pan of coagulating grease into the trash can. “So, Bruce, provisions? Food and things? I guess the yacht doesn't have a chef onboard. How inconvenient.” Lily rolled her eyes and giggled at her own joke. “OK. How about if I make sandwiches and search the cupboards here and you go find some baskets or boxes or duffle bags or something. You know this place better than I do. We will probably need a few, Thor's a big eater. Right?”

 

“…And Reindeer Games refers to your horned helm, which could be seen by those who do not know they are cow's horns, as resembling a reindeer's. In particular, there is a children's holiday song from which that phrase comes. It is about a young reindeer who is ostracized by his herd because he has a magical nose that glows red. In the end, his difference is an asset to them all and he is highly praised. His songs are to go down in history. Quite a fitting sentiment for you, actually. This is a lesson we should take back to Asgard with us, perhaps. Another name he gives you, Frosty, in reference to your... birth heritage, that also comes from a holiday song in which children build a man of snow, who comes alive due to an enchanted cap...”

 

Loki rolled his eyes.  “Oh yes, Thor, thank you so very much for filling me in.”  What did he care if Stark's stupid epithets had some meaning behind them?  The man only used them to be annoying in the pursuit of acting clever.  Knowing that "Frosty" meant a certain snow creature did not change the level of annoyance invoked. 

 

“Do let me be present when you gift your warriors with this glorious tale of heroic deer.  I would not want to miss it,” he said dryly.  No one would laugh at Thor to his face, but the murmurs afterwards would be priceless.  Loki tried to concentrate on that and not Thor's condescending, blustering babble as they brought the suits of Iron Men armor to the boat.  He was still smarting about the video earlier and Thor's paternal blathering was not helping his mood.  He just wanted some quiet.  He was going to face the mindflayer again, albeit with his magic this time, and he was filled with dread.

 

The feeling only became heavier as they continued their work, occasionally directed by Stark to do a thing differently.  The hours went by too quickly, all of them working together to load the supplies, and he found himself at the gangway as a passenger too soon.  He shifted his weight, glancing at Lily on the pier beside him. “Shall we, my lady?”  He offered his arm.

 

Lily took it. The strength of his arm settling the nervousness that had begun to set in while she was packing things. She smiled up at him, silently thanking him for not fighting her presence on this trip anymore. At this moment, she thought she might actually run away if he pressed her to enough, no matter how determined she was to do this.

 

Lily looked around at the gleaming white boat as she climbed onboard.  “This is _huge_ ,” she muttered under her breath.

 

From above them, Tony shouted down. “You two! Below deck and keep the magic to a minimum. It should only be a couple of hours if we don't mind a bumpy ride, but we need to keep the bait fresh. We're in trouble if it finds you and we're in open water.”

 

“Yes, sir!” Lily shouted back and threw him an only half-sarcastic salute while they crossed the deck.

 

The cabin on the deck level was lined with Tony's suits, at least 8 of them, lined up like some kind of bizarre honor guard. Lily flicked one of them with a fingernail, making a ping sound and looked impressed. She wished she had her phone. This would have made an amazing picture. She moved on with a sigh and found the ladder to go below.

 

Below was a large and beautifully decorated salon with a hallway leading to more cabins. “Ohhh, this is nice.” Lily happily plopped down on one of the large sofas and patted the seat next to her. “Come here, Loki. Let me redo your braid. It's started to come loose.”

 

Loki glanced around.  Thor was still above decks, letting the sun and wind chap his skin.  Banner had disappeared and Stark was- nominally- manning the helm.  Loki strolled across the room to Lily.  He liked being at sea, generally.  For all his hundreds of years of age, it always felt like an adventure, being on the ocean.  But right now, his stomach was in knots that had little to do with the bobbing motion of the ship. 

 

He thought of sitting down by Lily's feet and putting his head in her lap, to try to recreate that intense feeling of relaxation from last night.  He sat down where she had requested instead.  He took a deep breath, filling his lungs to feel them stretch against his ribs.  He felt unprepared and vulnerable in a way he'd never felt even in ambushes.  This was no ordinary battle and he could not pretend that it was, like Thor was doing. 

 

He took another breath and tried to distract himself.  “So.  Asgardians and Midgardians are not so different.  They both like to show off their money in flashy boats.”

 

Lily reached out and gently loosened Loki's hair from its unseen fastening. She was going to make the best of this ride and try not to make herself crazy with worry about what was going to happen next. “Yeah?” She smiled and leaned forward. “You have a flashy boat too? Does it fly like that one we saw on Asgard? Tony's got some awesome leather going on in here, but you... I'll bet you're more of a velvet cushion guy, huh? You just kinda make me think of soft things.” As her fingers combed through Loki's hair, the boat shuddered and lurched as it moved away from its dock. “Well, here we go.” Lily leaned against his arm, trying to stay upbeat, as well as upright.

He pressed back, with a bit more weight than necessary, just to keep the contact with her. It was a pleasant distraction from his anxiety.  “Mmm.  I did, once. It was not quite so flashy. I did try for an elegance to the decor.” He wouldn't mention the partners he'd take out on it, wooing them under Asgardian sunset.  “You are not wrong about the velvet,” he said instead.  “And silk. I do have a terrible weakness for high-quality silk. Conjured silk is never as good.  Thor had one too. A boat, not silk. He wouldn't know good cloth if it bit him on the nose. He crashed it racing with Sif.”  He tilted his head, brushing the ends of his hair over her arm to prompt her back to braiding.  “You enjoy the ‘awesome’ leather, hm?”

“Nice leather feels good. Silk is wonderful too, though. Kinda like your hair.” Lily returned to braiding, this time twisting the hair snugly so it wouldn't come loose.  “You said ‘once,’ past tense. That's sad.” She leaned forward and whispered into Loki's ear next to the braid. “I was going to ask you to take me for a ride in it. Maybe to watch the sunset or the stars. But I guess not. I have a feeling you just missed out on a good time, my dear.”

Teasing like this felt good, much better than thinking about what they were really doing here. Lily almost giggled as she pulled a pony tail holder out of her pocket and secured the end of the braid.

A shiver ran down his spine and he closed his eyes.  The knot in his stomach loosened.  “Oh, but boats are easy to come by, if sunsets and stars on the sea are what you want.  I know that the fishermen leave their rowboats just tied up at the pier...”

He twisted his fingers together, itching to channel his seidr. Just to have it sparking at his fingertips, just to feel the heavy force of Yggdrassil flowing through him. _Yggdrassil..._  “Bacon!”  His mind put the pieces together so abruptly, he could almost hear them click into place.  He needed more information to confirm his new suspicion, but he had nothing but time at the moment. “You did not faint from cooking. What happened?”

 Lily shook her head and smiled with amusement at Loki. She began a second small braid just above the first.  “How _does_ that brain of yours work? Rowboats to bacon to no, I don't faint from cooking. I don't know what happened. I've been trying not to worry about it. There's so much else going on. But…” She sighed and stroked the silken threads of Loki's hair.  “OK… I burned the bacon, right? And my nerves were a bit tightly strung at that point and it really frustrated me. I wanted to do something, but couldn't go back and turn it into bacon and not charcoal. I… kinda let the power run through me anyway. I don't know if magic or what I can do has any rules or not, but it seems like a sane assumption that just filling up with that energy and not knowing what to do with it is stupid. So, I was probably stupid and couldn't handle it. Right? Am I close?” She got quiet at the end. “Did I screw up too much? I don't feel like anything’s hurt.”

Loki put his hand on her thigh and squeezed gently. “No, no, you did not do anything wrong.” He should perhaps scold her for drawing on so much power when she didn't know what to do with it, but he was just so relieved. His mind had continued to make leaps while he listened to her. He should have recognized it when it happened, really. That pulling sensation, the mysteriously raw bacon... 

“Thor carried you out of the room-“ and didn't that still sit wrong with him-  “because I was not aware of what had happened. I thought it was the mindflayer again, some new facet I had not seen before. But it was not, it was _you_!”

He grinned, but saw that she wasn't following. He took a breath, reminding himself to go slowly. “Do you remember when we spoke of magic, and how the energy must come from somewhere? My seidr, and Thor's, comes from Yggdrasil, the ‘life tree’ that connects the realms. When I draw on my seidr, I feel the force of that energy filling my body. I can channel just a small trickle- or a torrent. It... buzzes and burns, and the pressure of it builds until I release the spell. I am always connected to that energy. You- you have gained so much raw power since we met. I thought that it was merely the practice, that you had just never tapped your potential without guidance.” He drew small circles on her knee with his thumb, delighting in this fascinating theory. He was already thinking of the possibilities, the research questions, the puzzle of it. “But you are tapping something else. I believe you are tapping _me_. That amount of energy from the Tree should have killed you- but it did not, because I acted as a filter.” He chuckled a little.  “It felt incredibly strange, like something was being yanked through my body. I have never felt anything like it.”

“You thought I was the mindflayer?” she asked with a slightly proud smile. Lily had been a bit nervous that she had done something horrible, but Loki seemed happy with her and he was so comforting about it. She finished up the braid and smoothed it gently behind his ear. “Thank you for not being condescending. I didn't know I was uhh... ‘tapping’ you. It does sound right though, I mean, I only really had hunches or knew about things before I met you and picked up that coin. Should I try to stop? Does it hurt you?” She laid her hand on top of his, tracing the length of his fingers and feeling the slight movement of his thumb.

“How could you stop?” he laughed, picking up her hand and examining it as if he could find the answer there. “You do not even know how you are doing it. _I_ do not know how you are doing it!  I have never noticed before, and you have used your power near and on me many times. It is only because you drew on such a massive amount of power abruptly that I felt anything.” He bit his lip, shifting on the cushion with barely contained energy.  She shouldn't be able to reach Yggdrassil, so how was she doing it?  He had thought he'd seen nearly everything as a sorcerer, but this was fascinating.  She had mentioned the coin that had brought them together. He wished again that he hadn't left it in New York.  There were strange spells on it…  “Do something now,” he said eagerly.  “I will put up an illusion and you destroy it. I want to see if I can feel you do it, now that I am paying attention.”

“Do something now,” Lily repeated teasingly. “You're so adorable. It's like you have a new toy.” She turned her hand around in his and squeezed his fingers. She was a little bit upset about what she was going to say next. It was fun seeing Loki excited about something like this and she hated to rain on his parade. “But, I've gotta say no. You'll have to pay attention to me for awhile longer. I was only thinking that the mindflayer really seems to like the magic stuff and if we were playing around without the electronics shielding us, he might show up too soon. Once we're all set up to catch it, I'll do whatever you want. All the magic you can deal with. OK, sensei?” She looked at him questioningly for a moment, then smiled. “But thanks for explaining things a bit, I'm glad there was a reason I woke up with Thor and not you.”

“Most women would swoon all over again if they saw Thor upon waking,” he muttered, the stab of being second choice dulled by familiarity. He pressed his palm to hers, curiosity overcoming the old jealousy. “Just a little? A tiny glow. Pull it through my hand.”  

He sighed, knowing her answer and resenting that she was right. 

“Fine. We will not do any magic, lest the alien monstrosity locates us before we are properly set out as bait,” he said dramatically. With a pout, he flopped into Lily's lap, whining, “I am bored, then.”

Lily's voice dripped with sarcasm, but she was still smiling. "Ohhh, I _do_ beg your pardon for depriving you of your entertainment. How ever shall I remedy this terrible situation? Maybe I should tap dance for you? Or sing? Borrow your socks and put on a puppet show with them? " She cautiously poked at his sides to see if he was ticklish. It would serve him right if he was, just for acting like a spoiled child. "Unless the man who brags about being so good with words wants a chance to entertain me? Would you tell me about Asgard? I only got to see a little."

Loki squirmed, trying to avoid her fingers. He scowled at her, then shifted to get more comfortable. He knew himself well enough to know he'd keep putting himself in this position, head on Lily's legs, gazing up at her. It was quickly becoming a favorite of his.

He _was_ ticklish. Lily laughed internally and tucked that information away for later, it was sure to come in useful at some point. But for the time being, she let her own thoughts drift away to listen to Loki describe the secrets of Asgard.

“Hm. Most arrive in Asgard through the front door, not through the sneaky elder path we took. You would appear on the Bifrost, having had to endure Heimdall's smug face. You might get along with Heimdall, I suppose. He can see everything. And then you would travel down the physical part of the rainbow bridge...” He trailed off as his throat suddenly closed. Just the thought of walking over that black abyss with only the Bifrost between them and... “I have not been able to set foot on it since... since...”

He swallowed hard and continued in a more normal tone, “The city is all gold and marble. The palace is a monstrosity of gold, even the interior walls are gold. Children play in the lanes and roads leading there. There is a market where one can find nearly anything. Shops of all kinds... There are not so many Asgardians and the city is not as huge as it appears. But it is grand. And old. It holds many ancient secrets, all but forgotten these days…”

Loki's voice was smooth and deep and entrancing. What he was describing were the things of dreams. Lily's right hand rested against his chest and she stroked his head with her left hand. As he spoke, she murmured encouragingly from time to time, to prompt him to keep going, to tell her more about the golden palaces, magical vaults and beautiful treasures, to let her listen to his voice. Sunlight reflecting off of the water and through the portholes dappled the cabin and the waves rocked them as Lily's mind added images to Loki's words. Everything was so comfortable that Lily groaned when she heard the engine cut off and felt the boat begin to drift to a stop.

Loki sank into Lily's touch like it was the finest silk sheets. Her hand on his chest weighed nothing, but he felt it as an anchor, pinning him in place. Not that he would have gone anywhere as long as she was petting his head like that. He absorbed the feeling of contentment, filling himself as full as possible with it. He was partway through spinning a tale of his younger self practicing shapeshifting when the boat stopped.

His stomach knotted at the idea of leaving this sweet cocoon, reluctance to face the reason they were here pushing out the peaceful comfort. No, he refused to leave until he absolutely had to. He wasn't going to volunteer anything. Thor or Stark could be counted on to barge in if they needed him.

"The eagle was not giving up. It continued to follow me, no matter the maneuvers I used. I was going to have to change shape midair, or find some hiding place too small for it to follow... I found a gap in the mountain side and dove for it, full tilt. You can imagine my shock when I did not crash into rocks, but emerged somewhere completely else..."

"And that is how you found the doorways like the ones we came though? Amazing," Lily cooed down at him.

Heavy steps came down the ladder below deck and stopped just before entering the cabin. Thor was coming to collect his brother and the lady, but paused quietly before interrupting the scene in front of him. He had half been expecting to break up one of Loki's seductions, as he often had to at home.  This was intimate in a different way, almost domestic. Thor would have liked to have said that he hadn't seen that peaceful of a look on his brother in years, but the truth was, he couldn't say that he had ever seen it on Loki's waking face. But they were here to slay Loki's monster and Loki needed to be involved.

Thor loudly cleared his throat before passing through the doorway. "Excuse me, my lady. We have arrived and need to prepare for battle, Loki."

 


	33. Chapter 33

Lily smoothed down the hair that she had mussed, then sighed.  "We'll finish later. OK?" She patted Loki's chest, shifting in her seat to signal that she was ready to get up.

Loki slid off Lily's lap and onto his feet gracefully, showing none of the reluctance tugging at his heart. He did indulge in a kiss to her forehead, knowing it would make Thor uncomfortable.

"Yes, we will," he promised. As he had hoped, Thor's face was tinged with red when Loki looked at him. _Serves him right._ Loki brushed past him, head high.

Lily stood and straightened herself out a bit. She could still feel the touch of Loki's lips warm on her skin, but she looked to Thor. "Are his exits always that dramatic?” she asked, gesturing after Loki.

"Yes." Thor nodded with seriousness. "And his entrances are usually much worse. There was a time in our youth where he insisted upon having a trumpeter announce his arrival wherever he went. It is an affectation allowed to our station as royals, but was never actually indulged except upon occasions of importance, until Loki. It annoyed Lady Sif to the point where she took the poor page and his trumpet out behind the stables to ‘have words.’ After the healers managed to remove the instrument from the lad, it was decades before anyone in Asgard would raise a horn to their lips without the express order of the Allfather."

A bright smile broke across Thor's face. "We have inspired many great tales together. I had feared that time was over. But now, Lady Lily, let us go ashore so that you may join us in making another. It is but a speck of an island, but we will make the battle glorious, none the less."

Loki blinked in the bright sunlight above deck. The boat was tied to a dilapidated pier that looked like it was more barnacle than wood. Two planks dangled into the water, half attached to the frame. Stark and Banner were standing on the remaining boards as if there was no risk of them dissolving under their feet.

"Why do you own this again?" Banner asked.

"I don't know. Came with a big land grab from the old man. He probably used it to try and find Capsicle or probably weapons testing. Or maybe he wanted a _really_ obscure place to bring women."

Loki looked away from them to the long sandbar. A few animals were basking in the sun before the tide came in and covered this section with water. Tidepools dotted the surface. He would have to avoid tripping in those when the mindflayer came. The other side of the island was ragged, eroded rock rising from the sea. Crude stairs were cut into the cliff, leading up to a small building. At least that looked in better shape than the pier.

Stark spotted him. "Hey! Bruce is going to help me pilot the suits around the island. Feel free to explore, try not to piss off the sea lions. I'll let you know when you can start pulling rabbits out of hats, ‘k?"

Loki nodded, flexing his fingers. He could do nothing but wait and it made him itch to start trouble. Perhaps he'd find one of those sea lions despite Stark's warning.

When Lily and Thor had made their way off the boat and onto the island, they could see Loki walking down the sand.  A ruckus was coming from a group of rocks at the water's edge. Barking and screeches suddenly were filled the air.

Huginn and Munin must have followed them or ridden somewhere on the boat, because there they were, chasing a small group of basking sea lions off of their seats and down onto the sand toward Loki.

Loki kicked at the sand under his feet. Stupid Thor and his righteous idiotic heroics. “We must prepare for battle,” as if they were simply hunting rock trolls.

Loki scowled. It was easier to be angry at Thor than to acknowledge the quivering ball in his stomach.

To Thor, this was just another thing to throw his hammer at until it submitted by death or surrender. Loki was not ready to see it again. The dancing last night had been a nice distraction, but he could still feel the mindflayer's tendrils in his brain.

He believed Lily when she said it was physically gone, but it had left scars. Tender spots, broken paths. It _knew_ him. That was terrifying to him, being _known_ like that, being exposed. He had spent his life hiding himself under a guise of indifference, superiority, biting wit. Not to mention the constant illusion spell he wore to hide his monstrous appearance.

To have something else in his head, able to cut through to the stupidly weak heart of him... Would he still exist, when it swallowed him? Would he become one of its thousand minds, always aware but unable to affect the actions it took? Would it take him back to Thanos?

He dug his toe hard into the sand, hard enough to feel the impact up his leg. Or perhaps the thing had broken free of its master and just wandered the Realms, destroying as it wished. He scrubbed at his face until his cheeks burned.

Here he was, waiting on a mortal's orders. Ridiculous. There, that was safer than thinking about the blocks of time he could not remember. Safer than dwelling on the way it felt when the mindflayer moved his body. Safer than reliving the salivating, orgasmic joy he had experienced when it caused others pain. His body remembered and in dark moments, he wondered if he would ever feel such heights again.

A slapping, barking sound was getting closer. He looked up from the sand, letting go of the seidr he had begun to summon from habit. The infernal ravens were diving and cawing, driving a beast in his direction. It looked like a joke, with huge flippers and a long body, flapping its way across the sand. It was loud, too. Why anyone would call it a "lion" was beyond him. There were more behind, all fleeing the ravens with the same annoyance Loki felt.

A small, scruffy one flopped close to Loki, nosing at his shoes.

There was a shout from up on the rocks. "Hey! Lokes! I thought I told you _not_ to upset the sea lions?" Tony's voice tapered off as he started down the steps. "Gonna have the environmentalists all over me again… fucking PETA better not hear about this… Pepper'll kill me, then she'll kill you…."

The pup looked  from Loki's shoe to Tony's voice and then stared up at Loki with huge, black liquid eyes and said, "Mmeeehrm?"

Loki heard Tony clearly.

And so he crouched, reaching out a gentle hand to stroke the creature's silky fur.  He was already following Stark's “no magic" order, the man should be grateful for that. He didn't know what sort of monster a peta was and he didn't care, either.

"I could kill you, you know," he said casually to the pup as he petted it.  "I could kill everyone here, even Thor. Perhaps. If I got the drop on him..."  He sighed. "I am a violent psychopath, after all." 

Wasn't he? He didn't feel that way now- he was tired of anger and fear and pride. But Thanos and Maw and the mindflayer hadn't put those feelings in him. They were his. 

If he had been _good_ like Thor, they wouldn't have kept him. They saw something in him they could use. He had always been... wrong. Off. Just slightly out of step with the Asgardians. Was it his Jotun blood that made him so violent and weak? Or was it merely a flaw in his own soul. So many flaws.  He could never be _good_ like Thor. He was incapable of it.  He was too vain, too indulgent. He craved attention and physical touch and could never repress those urges enough. 

He was weak. The mindflayer had made him do terrible things.

He might have done them anyway.

The pup's fur was soft and thick under his fingers, soothing. It looked at him with curiosity and contentment. Loki shut his eyes against the flood of unresolved emotions in his head. He was lost.

"Hugnin! Muninn! Knock it off and get over here! We need your help," Lily shouted to the birds, irritated that they were bothering Loki when he looked so alone out there by the water.

After one last swoop, the birds reluctantly flew back towards Lily and Thor and settled on a rock, staring and waiting. Lily spoke to them as if they could understand her. She had no reason not to, they had always given every indication that they could.

"We're going to try to catch the mindflayer. Somehow you two know when it's coming. Will you get up high and let us know when it shows up? I'll give you dinner after."          

The ravens looked at each other, as if they were silently conferring, then they took to the sky, circling the small island and screeching gleefully. Lily dusted her hands off like she had just completed a hard job and grinned at Thor. "OK. They're busy for the time being. What am I supposed to be doing?"

Thor patted her shoulder and gave her a slight shove toward the sand bar. "You, my lady, should rescue my brother from those sea creatures and keep him out of trouble until Tony Stark has his containment equipment ready."

Lily made her way along the wet sand toward Loki, cautiously giving the sea lions a wide berth.  She approached him from the side.  "Hey there," she said quietly, "Did you wander off and get a new pet? Are you putting me up for adoption now?"                              

She must have disturbed the sea lion, because he gave Loki a soft bark and waddled off to its mother. Loki unfolded himself gracefully and turned to Lily, brushing the sand off his hands.

"He's _so_ adorable. I didn't mean to scare him away. I'm sorry. I'm just utterly useless here right now." Lily sighed and rubbed her upper arms as she gazed out at the horizon. "The wind is chillier than I expected. At first thought, brain always says California equals hot, even though I know that's not true. You know, with my power, you'd think that I wouldn't have problems like that. But I guess I do. Minds are complicated things. They have to be _very_ good liars if I can't even trust mine to tell me the truth." She looked deeply into Loki's eyes, which seemed to be trying to change their bright green to match the color of the sea behind him. "I guess what I'm saying is, whatever your head is saying to you to make you look so defeated already, it's up to you to make sure it's the truth before you believe it. We're going to stop this thing from making you miserable. This has to be a great plan because you guys were confident enough to only give us one way off of this island. OK?"

Loki nearly snarled at her. Rage surged in him.

How _dare_ she try to soothe him with flighty platitudes. “Make sure it's the truth,” as if it were as simple as a child's game. How _dare_ she shrug this off as nothing of import, as if the conclusion was forgone.

Lily stepped forward and took one of Loki's hands. She spelled out BELIEVE IN ME against the skin of his palm with a fingertip. Before either of them could say anything else, she turned toward the sound of approaching footsteps.

His nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. She didn't know, he reminded himself. She didn't understand how this could easily go wrong. She believed in heroes and there were three of them here- why would she not assume the best?  He gritted his teeth, the words on his hand only making him unfairly sullen and resentful.

"Palmreading too, Rosie? You're gonna put Wanda out of business at this rate." Tony's tone was casual and joking, but his eyes were bright and slightly frenzied-looking. He reached out and took Lily's hands away from Loki.

"Here, darling."  On each wrist, he snapped a thin silver bracelet and turned to grin at Loki, "For future reference, women _love_ it when you give them jewelry for no reason at all."

He lost the snarky grin when he spoke to Lily. "This is your suit. It's nanotech. I built it for Pepper, so it might be a bit snug in the… uh… chestal region, but it’ll be fine. At the first sign that thing is coming for you, touch the bracelets on the side here. The suit will assemble itself on you in seven seconds. Once it's on, you're safe and your only job is to get out of the way of the fight. Head for high ground, not the boat, but even if you get dumped in the drink, this suit is water- and air-tight. It makes its own oxygen, so you won't suffocate. JARVIS and I will be in your ear, talking you through everything."

"What, no suit for me?" Loki asked Stark. He could take his anger out there. "And here I thought that we were becoming friends."  As if he would _ever_ again put on something that Stark gave him. 

"Didn't think red was your color," Stark said with a shrug.

Loki appreciated the way Stark never said what he meant. He spoke around it in sarcastic little bites. Loki enjoyed that.

"It is garish," he agreed. A gold shimmer vibrated around him, transforming his clothes into a version of Iron Man's armor.  Deep green, black, and gold, more form fitting than physics allowed Stark's to be. He smiled thinly at Stark, who was looking a bit paler. "This suits me much better, does it not."

Stark shook his head.  "Yeah, but mine doesn't shoot blanks. Keep that in mind while you're cosplaying someone with a heart."

“Heart, is it? A vulnerable organ..."  Loki raised a hand, his palm glowing. "Are you certain I shoot blanks?" he purred.

"Whatever, Iron Snake. You've already started so you might as well continue the mumbo jumbo." Stark waved vaguely, making sure that Loki saw his own nanotech watch. "Go shoot some rocks until your inner-cum-outer demon shows up." He walked away, flashing some sort of hand signal over his shoulder.

Lily rolled her eyes. She supposed it was lucky they hadn't descended into insulting each others’ mothers. Maybe another time. But at least it had distracted Loki enough that he wasn't so sullen and depressed. She thought if Tony had seen the look on Loki's face while he was petting that sea lion, he might not have been able to make the joke about not having a heart, though. 

Loki snapped his jaw shut on another insult to Stark as the man walked away. Anger filled his chest, pressing on his ribs. He was not done with that exchange.

"Mumbo jumbo time?" Lily asked as she stepped up to Loki, reaching her hand out to touch the sleek metal suit. She ran her fingers along the patterns on its breast plate. "Is this where I 'tap' you?" A fingernail made a soft tink sound against the armor before she flattened her hand and it began to glow.

And now Lily was glowing at him and he wanted to shout. Too many people were making decisions for him. He was not ready for this. His hands clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms.  He was being pushed in directions he did not want to go.

Lily's brow furrowed for a moment as she tried to dissolve the illusionary armor. "I'm usually pretty enough to get a guy out of his clothes faster than this. It's terrible that you make me go through all this trouble just to find out what you wear under this stuff.  For your sake, I hope you wore underpants. For mine, I hope you didn't." Her eyes flicked up and saw Loki's serious face and she burst into giggles. "Oh my _gosh_! I'm teasing you. Breaking the tension? OK. Sorry. Let me know if I'm doing the tapping-into-you thing."

She closed her eyes and reached out while she inhaled deeply. It wasn't a direction that she reached toward, but inside somewhere safe was power and she pulled a tiny bit of it and used it to dissolve Loki's suit from the waist up.

Lily's babbling grated on him, making him grit his teeth. She kept talking, unaware of the way his muscles tensed at the annoyance. She was taking away his armor. He drew in a rough breath. Fine. He didn't feel exposed or out of control, not at all.

He took another breath. He tried to find the excitement he'd felt earlier about this puzzle. It was hard. Rage still sang through his blood, interfering with his concentration.

Slowly, he settled into the space he needed to monitor his seidr. He was still sullen and wanted to go find Stark or Thor to vent his anger on. But now he could pay attention to the magic flowing around him, the Great Tree's unused power a soothing potential. He enjoyed touching Yggdrasil. It settled him and he followed the path of his seidr.

Without holding the armor illusion, his consumption should lessen... But not as much as he expected. He closed his eyes to focus better.  It felt like his magic. He was always pulling some power from the Tree, for his Aesir form. There was more, just a tiny amount, being pulled than he was using. When he followed the stream, it went past the pool of his illusion, leading to Lily.

As she felt the illusion dissolve, she opened her eyes and smiled up at Loki hopefully. "Was that what you wanted?"

"You _are_ pulling your magic through me." He wanted to be ecstatic about the discovery. It was an incredible opportunity to study such a rare form of magic. His earlier mood dampened his excitement. "If we were on Asgard, they would likely dissect you to find out how you are doing it."  He rubbed a hand over his face. He was tired and they hadn't even fought the mindflayer yet.

Lily's smile fell and she dropped her hands. This wasn't the reaction she had been expecting at all. Loki had been so eager and excited about this earlier. Now everything had gone sour very quickly. What had she done wrong?

"Oh. Dissection, huh? Not good. I guess I _will_ try to stop then." She shuffled to a small outcropping of rocks, staring at the sand and mumbling, “I know you said I couldn't stop because I didn't know how, but I'll just not do so much once we get the mindflayer's attention. I don't want to steal your wi-fi or whatever. I'm not out to use you. I just didn't get to, ya know… nevermind. I packed some food and stuff. Go grab something if you need to eat before we do this.”

She was quiet for a moment, unsure about what to do or say. Her feet were ready to head up the stone steps or back to the boat, but she was here for a reason. She touched the bracelets that Tony had put on her and, as passively as she could, tried to use her power to see what she could find out about them. Without reaching for extra power, all she knew was that they were exactly as advertised, a suit of armor that looked like jewelry.

Lily kept her head down and looked at her hands; that was better than looking up and seeing the disapproval on Loki's face again. In the sunlight, it was hard to discern the glow of her hands as she held them flat against the rock she was sitting on. "Yep," she sighed to herself. "It's a rock. No doubt. Very rocky."

From up the hill, she could just make out Thor's voice being carried by the wind just over the sound of the surf. "… Did not disparage your part… Stark… not better than you. I am merely awesome. Your talents lie in other areas. Mine lie in being worthy and mighty and…" There was a brief dramatic pause. "Awesome."

There was no condescension or malice in Thor's words, but Lily was sure they could be taken that way. He was just being open and honest, even though he was playing it for effect. She couldn't see Tony, but she thought she could almost feel the eye roll he was giving Thor.  The silliness of it gave her a silent, shoulder jiggle of a laugh that helped to break the mood that was trying to take her over.

Loki scowled at the sand. Guilt swamped him, accompanied by his mother's nagging in his memory. _Go apologize,_ she'd scold him. He _hated_ that tone of voice. Why should he crack open his heart and show vulnerability when Lily was the one who had…

Well, she hadn't really done anything, had she?

His eyebrows lowered further. He didn't like that admission. Fuck. He was right back where he'd been last night. She should have just been fine with him being grumpy. He was a god, wasn't he? She should have indulged him and soothed him.

 _Loki, do not be an ass. You are better than that, so. Act. Like. It,_ Frigga's crisp voice sounded in his mind.

Loki shrugged, toeing the sand in front of him. His shoulders stayed up by his ears as if his mother was right there with him. She had always held him to a high standard. It was not her fault that he was incapable of reaching it. Odin had known that his heritage would always win in the end. Why had Frigga never realized it as well?

Lily looked just so sad and lost. He didn't really make the decision to move, but he was slinking across the sand towards her. The words of an apology stuck in his throat.

"How large of a rabbit do I need this time?" he asked instead as he perched on the rock next to her. He dug a small trench in the sand with his shoe. It was too difficult to tell her what he was feeling, how terrified he was of facing the mindflayer even if it was out of his body. He picked up her hand, running his fingertips over her knuckles before writing, TRY AGAIN.

"I am fine," he said, hoping she would understand the truth behind the lie so that he would not have to admit to it out loud.

When Loki lifted Lily's hand, he also lifted her heart. He wasn't shutting her down. That was such a relief. She didn't look up at him yet, though. His lie about being fine was so blatant, no one would have needed special powers to figure that out. He might not want her to see him admit it. He was overly proud. It was enough for her that she knew.

"It's OK if you're not. Fine, that is. I won't know if you don't say anything though. You can always lie to me if it's easier. I'll understand either way," Lily said quietly and held the hand that asked her to try again. It was so much easier to talk to him when they were touching.

She shifted on the rock until she was facing away from Loki and leaned her back up against him, pulling his arm around over her shoulder like a shawl and hugging it against her chest. After a quiet moment, she pointed down the sandbar. "If you really want me to try again, why don't you put the rabbits out there and I'll get rid of them. Let me know how I'm doing, OK?"

Concentrating, Lily felt for power outside of herself. She found it safely tucked away again, but this time she knew the location, it was pressed against her back. A self-satisfied grin crossed her face as she began, slowly, to let herself glow.

It was easy to generate some target practice for her. Stuffed rabbits of all sizes bounced around the beach. He even made some of them layered illusions, to make her work for it. None of it took much of his attention, letting him focus on other things.

He could feel the power drawing through him and into her easier now. Perhaps he'd just been too aroused the other times to notice, he laughed at himself. It was very subtle. He channeled enough energy from Yggdrassil with each breath that Lily's siphoning was just a tiny trickle. It was quite possible he never would have realized if she hadn't drawn so much at once.

Which reminded him that that power hadn't just disappeared. She had yanked it and then... what had happened to it? Nothing spectacular or the other men would have noticed, but _something_ …

"The Asgardians would not dissect you," he mumbled, pressing his cheek into her hair. "We have technology for such studies. I just meant... It is extremely rare, being able to draw from Yggdrassil. Even Thor needs Mjolnir to direct the energy. For a mortal, it is unheard of. You would be a marvel, a rare specimen. They would treat you as such." He sighed. "Odin would make certain of it, just to torment me." Odin would have her dragged away to study while gloating in Loki's face about it. Loki would probably be in chains for it too.

He tightened his arm around Lily and forced himself to concentrate on his seidr instead. The sensation of something pulling _through_ him was strange. He rambled, half-aware, as he drew more magic into himself. "What is the farthest apart we have been when you used your power? Has there been a time when I was not at least in the room? I cannot remember. You do not need to be touching me, we know that." He began to weave together a larger illusion. "Not that I do not enjoy it when you touch me. Hm. And when you got angry this morning at the bacon, where did all of that power go? Is there some mixing bowl in Stark's kitchen turned to slag?" He nuzzled her hair a little as he shifted on the rock to get more comfortable.

"I don't know where it went. I fainted… and didn't realize I was doing anything to begin with," Lily answered as she pointed at a small stuffed rabbit that stuttered a bit and flickered out of existence. Then she held her hand out and seemed to trace the outline of a larger one, before that one too flickered away, much quicker than the first one.

"You know Loki, _this_ is much different than being able to know the truth. It's much harder to do something about it. Making the illusions go away is work, it's active. Knowing if someone is lying or if a painting is a fake, is just like looking at something. If I have to squint or figure out what I'm looking at, it's a little bit of work, but it's mostly passive. I don't have to ‘do’ anything but decide that I want to know. Does that make sense? So, I've known things were true or not when you weren't in the room, but as far as I know, I've never faced an illusion without you, so I never destroyed one without you."

She felt Loki touching her hair, his arm holding her and his solidity against her back. "And I don't think I'd want to." It was an odd, yet reassuring sensation, but when she tried to feel the magic itself, she could feel Loki there too. "I'm braver with you. Now, let me see if I can control it more…"

Loki rested his chin on her shoulder with a thoughtful sound. There was more going on here than he was understanding and that bothered him. Active and passive. Energy sources. He was missing something. But it was hard to concentrate with the looming threat of disaster.

Lily held out both of her hands toward one of the huge and more complicated illusions, took a deep breath and gently moved her hands. The large rabbit slowly pulled apart into tiny pieces that floated off until they disappeared, like a dandelion gone to seed.

"Cool," she whispered under her breath. "That enough to get its attention?"

"I do not know. My mindflayer-detection-system is sitting at the bottom of a bucket of ethanol." The joke had a core of truth. He was immensely grateful to have his mind be his own again- but it left him blind to the mindflayer's plans. It could be lurking just behind the boat or halfway back to Asgard for all he knew. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

He knew nothing about the creature, really. It had taken too long to even realize those thoughts weren't him. He had just assumed they were his corrupted brain and his monstrous heritage coming to the fore- a part of him that everyone else had always been able to see. That was why they hadn't trusted him, hadn't loved him like they had Thor. They could see his unworthy traits, despite his best efforts to change and hide them. And then he had been too disgusted with it to delay its removal, losing the chance to learn more about it.

 _I wonder if Thor will bring my body back to Asgard?_ The thought appeared suddenly in his mind, unwelcome but stubborn.

He thought about how Freyja would rejoice while refusing to grant him a proper funeral. And it wasn't funny, it was not at all funny, but he started to laugh at the vision of the party they would throw.

"They will toss my corpse off the Bifrost like garbage but everyone will remember the celebration they had about it after," he giggled, with a hint of hysteria. "They will never forget how happy they were."

He closed his eyes, chest still shaking. "You will remember me fondly, though. That is a pleasant thought." He let the illusions on the beach dissipate, turning Lily in his arms to see her face, serious now. "Make sure they kill me before the mindflayer gets ahold of me." He sighed. "I should talk to Thor. Beat it into his stubborn head. Stark will not be able to do it, but Mjolnir will. I-"

Raucous caw-ing drowned out the rest of his sentence. He flinched, then looked out towards the sound. The ravens were circling just offshore.

Under them was a slick of black ooze, floating ominously on top of the ocean. It shifted, coalescing and collapsing rhythmically as it neared the sand.

"Fuck," Loki whispered.


	34. Chapter 34

Loki's disturbing speech worried Lily, even more so when he turned her around and she could see the desperation in his eyes.

As she was searching for some way to bring him hope, the ravens' calls made her stomach drop like lead.

The mindflayer was here. They were out of time.

She reached up and held Loki's face, trying to get through to him. “I didn't get to finish earlier… I told you to believe in me, but only because I believe in you. No one is killing you, because you have promises to keep. You're taking me home."

Lily's jaw was set and her eyes were serious. After a quick heartbeat, she pressed a kiss to Loki's lips. It was fast, but it was firm and made promises that Lily would also have to stay alive to keep.

She broke out of his arms and stepped down the sand, away from the rock, away from Loki, away from safety. Stark and Thor were already on the air just over the shoreline.

With outstretched arms, she pulled seidr from Loki and began to glow like a lighthouse. "I'm over here, you son of a bitch!" she screamed at the dark figure that was coalescing in the surf.

As soon as she thought she had its attention, she activated the bracelets. Lily would have been completely amazed at the way the suit built itself around her, but she was too busy running like Hell toward the stone steps that led to high ground to notice. The mask formed over her face last and she stumbled when her vision was suddenly replaced with monitors.

Tony's voice purred in her ear- she was surprised that she could even hear him over the music that was playing behind him. "Good girl. Get back up. Just stay away from the fight and keep one of us between that ugly thing and your beautiful self."

The mindflayer drew itself up as it reached solid ground. It oozed towards Lily, then stopped. Loki thought it looked confused, although it had no face to tell.

"Where are we?" it hissed. It sloshed closer to Loki. "What have you done to us! We cannot feel you."

Sea lions on the far side of the beach splashed and flopped into the ocean in a rush. Loki's heart pounded erratically. He drew power into his hands, taking a huge step back. His fingers were stiff as he drew the sigils he needed.

The mindflayer surged.

It was so much bigger than Loki remembered from Stark's kitchen.

It was all he could see.

Dark.

Black.

Pain and suffering and _power_. Oh Norns, the power it had given him, and all he would have to give up for it was... everything.

He blinked away the water in his eyes, craning his neck to look at the sky.  He saw a bit of red cape as it zoomed above.  It steadied him some. Looking back at the creature, he pulled more seidr than he needed. It burned in his veins, pushing on his skin to be let out. He gasped at the pain.

"Round one," he shouted towards Thor.

The spell dropped the air temperature, condensing all the moisture from the air at once in crystal drops. It slowed the mindflayer, but only enough for Mjolnir to distort it.

It didn't shatter.

The cold air invigorated Loki, though. He dodged to the side as Thor yelled-

"Is that the best you can do, brother? It is still quite balmy up here!"

The mindflayer lunged closer to Loki. "Loki cannot escape. He is ours."

This time the ice beam hit it high on the side. An energy blast scattered black beads on the sand.

There was bone-cracking laughter from the black mass. "How will that help you? You are ours, we will all become one again."

Loki was loathe to drop his freezing spells to pick up the pieces. It would leave him vulnerable, unable to defend himself while he gathered up the shattered mindflayer and deliver it to Banner.  The plan had sounded insane at Stark’s house and it felt impossibly difficult now.

The air returned to its normal temperature. He swept the black pieces in a swirl of magic and buoyed them up to Banner's container, backing away from the mindflayer in huge steps.

Thor took this opportunity to sweep between the mindflayer and Loki. From midair, he taunted the coalescing form, causing it to surge upwards, toward him and away from the retreating Loki.

"Why is it that my brother interests you so much?" he called. "Everyone is interested in him right now. I am feeling a bit left out. If it is power that you seek, monster, look no further, for I am Thor, the god of _thunder_!"

A vicious black cloud swirled above Thor's head. It contrasted greatly with the rest of the pale blue sky. Large waves rose and crashed loudly against the shore.

Lightning shot out of the sky and stabbed through the dark mass. To little effect.

The mindflayer simply split itself around the blast. It hissed back at the hovering Thor, "We need not your strength. We will break you when we are united again. Loki causes such beautiful pain."

Thor roared wordlessly as lightning cracked again and again, to no avail. "Anytime now, brother…" he grumbled.

Lily was halfway up to the hilltop where Bruce was frantically sealing a large container and readying another. She realized she wasn't being followed anymore and paused, turning to watch.

She had never let go of the seidr that she had drawn from Loki.  Through that tiny thread, she could feel the sheer power he held. Awestruck, she froze in place. If Loki was that strong, what was the mindflayer that it could make him retreat like that? How wrong had she been earlier, in thinking this was a situation that just needed to be faced and overcome? This was death. She didn't notice as the lightning reflected in the tears running down her face.

"Loki remembers," it hissed.  "Loki remembers how good it felt to throw that one out a window.  Mm, it felt _so good_."

An energy blast from Stark split the mindflayer in two.  Loki dove to the side as the blast turned the sand at his feet to glass.

"He did not like that.  To know how much you enjoyed his terror.  You think he is an ally?  He cannot trust a monster like you."

Loki didn't realize that half the mindflayer had swirled behind him until he heard its voice.

"And your brother.  Have you told him how you used to cry for him?  We would dream of him.  'Boo hoo, Thor come help me!' and then we would slice the muscle from his bones..."  The laugh that came from the ooze was like boulders grinding down a hill to crush and destroy.  "Such a good dream."

He had to risk a glance up at Thor, wondering if he had heard that.  Thor would hate him.  Thor would-

The mindflayer wrapped a tendril around his ankle in his distraction, yanking him prone on the ground.

Loki scrabbled backwards, heart pounding.  He scraped at the tentacle with his other boot, clumsy and erratic. 

Thor's lightning landing near him snapped him back to reality and he threw out a quick freezing spell.  It was not cold enough, but it allowed him to wrench free and prepare a better one.

"How much was us, hmm? We know," it cooed at him. "Loki is clever. Loki is broken. Loki likes chaos. Loki _likes_ causing pain. It is in his blood."

His chest felt hollow, despite the seidr nearly overflowing from him. Every word from that _thing_ stole something warm and soft from inside him. He _was_ broken.  He had done terrible things, deeds Odin had unequivocally condemned him for.  He released the spell with a sob, allowing Mjolnir to smash through the black mass.  How much had the others heard? How deep did their disdain and hatred for him go, to know how he had reacted to those deeds? That he was as corrupt as the mindflayer said? 

It had lived in his brain. It _knew_. 

His hands shook. 

Unworthy. Detestable. Other. That was all he was. All he could be.

The voice of the mindflayer carried on the wind. A brief look of confusion crossed Thor's face, before he settled on rage.

"You cannot have my brother again!" he roared. The clouds above him grew and turned the bright afternoon to dark evening. Lightning rained steadily between the mindflayer and Loki.

Lily screamed for Loki, but her voice only bounced back at her inside her helmet.

"JARVIS? How can I be loud enough for anyone to hear me over the noise?" she frantically asked the AI. She hoped it was listening.

 _Adjusting amplification now, Miss,_ a voice in her ear replied.

"Loki! Loki!" she called. His head briefly turned toward her and she continued, "It's lies and half-truths. You know this! Stop listening to it! We trust you or we wouldn't be here with you! Pain is _not_ in your blood! Fight the mindflayer, not yourself." 

Lily sighed and rubbed a gloved hand over her face mask. Was she getting through to him? If he couldn't stand up to its words, everything was over.

"Loki!" she yelled again a touch of desperation in her voice this time, "You may be clever, broken and chaotic, but you are also kind and loving and strong. If you weren't, it wouldn't come at you like this, out of fear."

She leaned over a boulder. Her heart was pounding and she was breathing like she had just run a mile. She couldn't see Loki's face clearly. "Please Loki," she said quietly. "Please. For just a minute, see yourself the way I see you."

Fear was always a part of battle. He knew that. Fully half of their training had been in how to deal with that fear. Fear was an expensive distraction in a fight. This was not battle-fear as he knew it. This was bone-chilling terror that wracked his body and dulled his mind.  Terror of being a bystander in his body again, terror of the things he would do, terror that Thor and Lily would know too much of his soul.

He backed away from the mindflayer.

He heard Lily's voice. The exact words didn't register in his panic. He could still feel the thread of her power pulling magic through him. It was reassuring.  Another step. And another.  As long as she was pulling power through him, she must be safe... 

Safe from this monster _he’d_ brought, _he’d_ exposed her to.

Jump, dodge, cry. There was no rhythm to this fight, no parry and thrust and guard. Only emotional pain and horror.

The mindflayer kept spilling his secrets and taunting him with them, even as Loki added more and more of it to the containment barrel.  It seemed to last forever.  He panted with the effort of drawing power from Yggdrassil, usually so effortless.  His veins burned with how much he was channeling through his body.  Tears he had no time to wipe away streamed steadily down his face. 

He thought he was doing well until he jumped back and slammed his spine into the rock wall of the cliff.  Wide eyes stared at the slithering mindflayer. It didn't look smaller at all.

It rose higher above him, swamping out the view of anything behind it.  "They will all fall under our power..." 

" _Stop talking_ ," Loki shrieked at it. He threw an arm out, into his pocket dimension. He snapped the neck off the bottle of tequila he’d stolen from the bar and threw the leaking bottle at the mindflayer. It hissed and swerved to the side, leaving a small, dull puddle of itself behind. It began to climb the rocks behind him.

"I will stop talking when you cease moving," the mindflayer spat from above. "Let’s see what happens when you stop moving!”

The formless being slipped between rocks on the cliff like smoke. With sharp cracking sounds, it sent a hillside worth of rocks and boulders raining down on Loki, burying him.

Lily screamed, and with no other thoughts than those of Loki, rushed to clamber down to him.

Thor and Tony swept in between the rubble and the mindflayer, Thor roaring his fury atop the AC/DC coming from Tony.  Both had seen Loki take much worse hits and walk away from them.  All they needed to do was keep the monster at bay until Loki got to the surface. They kept the mindflayer pinned with a near constant barrage of lightning, battering from Mjolnir, and repulsor blasts.

With the powered suit assisting her, Lily frantically dug at the pile covering Loki. Large rocks were sent flying down to the beach behind her, even though she could hardly see what she was doing through the tears in her eyes.

"No. No. No… I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have made light of any of this. Please, be OK. Please. Loki," she was almost chanting as she looked for him.  She surely didn't pay any attention to JARVIS' repeated warning her to leave the area immediately.

After what felt like forever, she had pulled most of the debris off Loki's body. His eyes were closed and his exposed skin was covered with scrapes and cuts. Lily collapsed on her knees beside him, calling his name and reaching out to touch him. "Are you alive? Please be alive. I can't tell through this suit. I need to get this off. "

She switched to talking to JARVIS. "I need to get this helmet off and the gloves."

_Miss Sharlow, I highly suggest that you not break the integrity of the seal of the suit. It is the only thing protecting you from the mindflayer._

"Get it off of me _now_!" she yelled.

 _As you wish,_ came a stoic response.

The facemask retracted. Lily was exposed, but she could see Loki with her own eyes, not on a screen. She tugged at the gauntlets. Small clicks along her forearms let her know that they were unlocked and she yanked until her hands were freed.  The edge of one of the gauntlets caught her bare arm, leaving a shallow cut. Beads of blood welled up along its length. In the back of the helmet, Tony was yelling at her, but she paid him no mind. Loki was what was important right now and she stroked his bruised cheek gently after checking his pulse.

When the first rocks hit his side, Loki had dropped into a ball, arms protecting his neck. One didn't fight rock trolls without learning how to survive a rock slide or six. He was tumbled and rolled along with the debris, holding his breath against the dust.  He winced, eyes shut, as stones and clumps of clay bounced off his body. 

Coming to a stop on his back, he lay still while the weight of the hillside pressed him down. Before he could break himself free, he heard frantic digging above him. He stayed motionless, not breathing. Surely Thor wouldn't be trying to excavate him? 

He felt cool air on his skin and allowed himself a shallow breath. Lily was babbling above him. What was she doing down here, idiot girl? Although it _was_ gratifying to hear her apologize and begging him to be alive. He was almost tempted to keep playing dead, just to see what she'd do. But they were in the middle of a battle.

"Loki. Wake up, honey. You're not dead, so wake up. Please? We need to move you," she whispered over him.

Above them, a tendril of the mindflayer had split away from the rest. It moved almost as if it was sniffing the air before slipping through the rocks and down to Loki and Lily.

It reached out, slowly and cautiously and then wrapped itself around her bleeding arm like a snake. A dry cackle of laughter erupted from it, as Lily jumped and tried to slap it away.

" _Yes_. Wake up. This moment will be so much more perfect if you are completely aware of what is happening. We have her. The one who can break you. But what shall we do with her? Become part of us, compelled to flay you alive? She is not like you, so willing to inflict pain. We think she would tear herself apart before she let that happen. It would be amusing to watch and so easy, we can slip inside of her right here. Or shall we offer her as a small gift to the Ebony Maw? He might enjoy playing with Loki's human."

Lily was petrified. She had no idea what an Ebony Maw was and had zero desire to find out.

Loki surged up, knocking earth and rock away from him as if they weighed nothing, crouching in front of Lily. His eyes were wide with panic, his heart pounding.

 _It was_ ON _her._  

He had a spell at his fingertips in an instant.

 "Use your spell, Loki. You can't stop all of us. Not with all the cold in this world," it cooed at him.

The sight of it on Lily's arm made him sick. His hands shook.  If only he had the Cask of Ancient Winters.  He would have all the cold he needed.  Bone-cracking, skin-splitting, grotesque cold. But it would reveal him for who he was.  Jotun.  Monster.  No hero could be blue like that.

It circled Lily’s arm tighter.  "It is nice and warm here…” 

More of it slipped down the hill past Thor and Stark's barrage.

"We will leave her alone when you let us in, Loki.  You cannot catch all of us.  What an absurd plan." It crept closer to the blood welling from her cut. 

Loki slammed his hand down on the black goo, letting it cling to him even as his skin crawled and his stomach heaved.

Loki dropped all his spells. 

The glob in his now blue hand grew ice crystals as he watched.  He raised his red eyes to the rest of it.  Slowly, he got to his feet. He hated every inch of himself, every disgusting blue cell in his body.

But he was cold, so so cold, and he stood between the mindflayer and Lily. 

"Come and get me then," he yelled. 

It did, surging around lightning and energy. Loki held out his hands, unsure of what he was doing. He inhaled salt-scented air, he planted his feet wide, and he pushed the cold out of his palms.

The mindflayer slowed, more and more. Loki stepped forward and touched it, pulsing cold through his fingers. 

The mindflayer was frozen solid.


	35. Chapter 35

When Loki grabbed her arm and began to freeze the attached mindflayer, the pain was so much that Lily could hardly bear it. The cold burned all the way through her. She leaned over in a soundless gasp, hunching over her arm, too stunned to make a sound besides a rushed inhalation. All she knew for a moment was freezing, searing pain. 

Loki stepped away from her to deal with the mindflayer, Lily let out a strangled scream. She held the shiny, purple mark of Loki's hand on her arm against her chest protectively.

"You saved me. You're OK," she mumbled. "You got me too, but you're killing it, even though it's my fault. You saved us." She looked up at Loki through tear bleary eyes. He had lowered everything that kept this part of himself hidden, and to Lily, he was glorious. An avenging angel full of righteous fury.

The annoying voice of JARVIS in the back of her helmet brought her back to herself. _Miss, you have sustained severe tissue damage, due I believe, to extreme frostbite. If you would attach the gauntlets again, I could run a more thorough analysis, stabilize the temperature of the affected area and perhaps keep you from going into shock._

"M'K," Lily replied, suddenly exhausted, as she pulled the gauntlets from the rocks and snapped them back on. She continued to unconsciously cradle her arm. "But ya know? It doesn't hurt so much now. I'm probably fine."

Too late, Thor shouted. "Norns!  Tony Stark! The battle is below!" He had almost made his way to the ground, when he saw Loki.

A god as old as Thor is difficult to shock, but the sight of his brother, eyes glowing, skin an unnatural blue - this shocked Thor. Even though he knew that Loki was not Asgardian, he had never thought to come face to face with it.

 _JOTUN!_ A part of his heart leapt and another part, _BROTHER!_ He was torn until he noticed the human, Lily, on her knees screaming in pain.

"What has been done?!"  Thor boomed, landing not as gracefully as he had intended on the debris next to Lily.

Tony's equipment had been keeping track of everyone, and as soon as the mindflayer was frozen and Thor was out of the way, he sent a huge energy attack into the middle of the mindflayer. It shattered in the explosion and fell to the ground at Loki's feet in a shower of black shards.

Loki swept as many as he could up in a magic net, sending them to the containment set-up, over and over. He scoured the ground, looking for even the tiniest bits that had escaped notice. He had to find every piece. Not even a single molecule should remain free. He would have drowned the entire island, if he could, anything to ensure his freedom from the mindflayer. He was refusing to think of the things it had said to him, how true they rang. This first.

"Stark," he yelled. "Does your robot see any that I have missed?"

He used seidr to push the sand around, searching obsessively. He could not turn off the waves of cold radiating from him, which was to his advantage now, but it also worried him.

"JARVIS says you're a-okay, all clear." Stark landed his suit behind him.

Loki turned, feeling utterly naked as he faced the others, staring at him in varying degrees of shock. Thor was gripping Mjolnir as if he weren't sure if he would need it against Loki. He looked down at his hands as if seeing them for the first time.

 _Blue_. Such a hideous shade of blue, he could not stand it.

Plastering a smirk on his face, he restored his Aesir spells- although he could not get his temperature right. He was still chilling the air around him. He spread his arms out. "And victory is mine," he declared. "Now you see what a true hero is. Yes, I will accept your gratitude."

Stark flipped up his faceplate. "Some hero. Didn't even check on his girlfriend before starting the self-aggrandizing. We'll hold the applause, thanks."

Loki had been so focused on distracting from his Jotun body that he had forgotten that Lily had tried to dig him out of the rockslide. She had been worried about him. His heart squeezed with guilt. She looked shaken and exhausted, huddled on the ground. He didn't dare go close to her, not until he could control his temperature again.

"Lily?" Norns, he just wanted to curl up with her and fall apart. "It is over." _I hope._ He glanced back over his shoulder, seeing the haphazard piles of sand he'd made. He had found all of it. He had. "Do… do you want to go back to the boat to rest?"

Tony answered before Lily could pull herself together enough to respond. "Yes, Frosty, she is going back to the boat and is going to bed until Nat shows up with Dr. Cho to look at how badly you froze her arm! With any luck she won't lose it. But I promise you, if she does… you'll lose yours too, at the very least! Whoever your brother is!" He took a great stride forward and shoved Loki's shoulder like he was trying to start a barroom brawl.

Loki rocked back on his heels, his eyes darting from Stark to Lily and back. He had... frozen her? Why hadn't she said something? He looked at her again, the sickly cast to her skin, the way she cradled her arm to her body. He had hurt her when he'd grabbed the mindflayer. He wanted to sass back to Stark's threats but he was still leaking cold air. The evidence was obvious that he could not be trusted.

Tony's anger was getting the better of him. He had to focus it on Loki and not himself or he would go insane from the guilt. It didn't matter that they had "won." Lily had been hurt, on _his_ watch, Iron Man's watch. If he couldn't keep one interfering woman safe, how could he keep Pepper and the rest of the world safe? Why hadn't she listened to him and kept the suit on?

Suddenly his own suit was confining, making it hard to breathe, so he deactivated it, stepped free and walked over to her, away from a confrontation with the God of Tricks.

Lily was shivering and sweating, even inside of the temperature-controlled suit. She was a bit disoriented as she tried to stand up and speak to defend Loki.

"Easy there," Tony said with a forced calmness. "You just relax and let me do the heavy lifting. OK? We'll get you tucked in and warmed up and sort it out later. How's the pain? I should have something onboard to fix that. Help’s on the way." He deactivated her suit except for the gauntlet that covered her injury, picked her up in his arms and carried her down the beach to the boat, making sure to tuck Lily's head against his shoulder as he walked past Loki.

"I'm fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore. It doesn't hurt. He didn't hurt me. I can walk. It was my fault. He saved me." Lily was babbling, trying to get her point of view across, but it didn't seem that anyone was having any of it. Frustrated, she locked eyes with Loki over Stark's shoulder. "You saved me!" she called out to him.

"Lilypad, in your case, not hurting means nerve damage, not that you're fine. Now calm down. I'll tell you all about how it was your fault when you're feeling better, how's that?"

Staying calm for Lily made Tony's own panic die down quite a bit. He took a few deep breaths and made his way down the shore. 

On the beach, Thor threw Mjolnir low to the ground and watched intently as it swept back and forth across the sand, leveling out the damage from the fight. He was confused. Watching his hammer was much easier than meeting Loki's eyes. The eyes that had just been glowing red a moment ago. Tension filled the air. Loki's grandstanding and declaring himself a hero, for once hadn’t been even slightly believable. The way his face fell as Tony spoke to him confirmed that.

Loki was left with Thor. Thor of the smash first and _maybe_ ask a question, like “who wants a feast,” later persuasion. Loki swallowed hard. He may have contained the mindflayer, but with this disaster at the end of it, would it be enough? His blood had won out again, causing pain and damage. He couldn't control it. His Aesir spells, which for the time since he'd found out had felt like armor, like protection from his true body, now felt like empty lies. Lies he was unworthy to tell.

Thor called Mjolnir back to his hand with a sigh and said with a slight hesitation, "You fought well, Loki. It is a shame that the Lady sustained injury, but it is not the end of the world. They will heal her."

Loki could not believe what he was hearing.  His heart swelled with the praise and reassurance, even as Loki waited for the other shoe to drop. Surely this was leading into, at the very least, a lecture on his reckless and un-heroic behavior. But no. Thor was being sincere.

Thor shifted his feet in the sand awkwardly and then found the courage to look Loki in the eye. "You are worried, yes? About many things I suppose. I can tell you, at one time I thought I would never meet a Jotun that I wouldn't want to kill on sight. But it turns out I have always known one, and I never want to see him dead. I will go help Banner now. You may come with me, brother, or stay here if you need some time." Thor turned quietly and made his way to the shack at the top of the steps.

Loki was stunned.  Thor did not want to avoid or ignore who Loki was. He called him brother without hesitation. Loki's eyes stung with tears. He ached to throw himself at Thor for the sorts of heavy, hard hugs they had shared as children.

But he seemed completely frozen to the ground, speechless. Thor had trudged up four steps before Loki finally found his voice.

"I will follow soon," he said, his voice husky. "Brother."

Thor nodded and flashed him a small smile before returning to the stairs. Loki sank to the sand.

It was too much. Too much to handle, all of the thoughts battering in his head. Lily. Mindflayer. Jotun. Thor. _And not to forget the Hulk up above, waiting on word from Stark as to whether to tear my arm off,_ he reminded himself dryly.

He had no one to blame for his behavior now. Just himself, thoughtlessly touching a mortal with filthy Jotun hands. He knew what happened to Asgardians with that touch. It was lucky that he hadn't frozen her entirely or snapped her arm right off.

He stared at his hands, his creamy white fingers, so clever for magic. Everything felt wrong now. Asgardian, Jotun, did he even have a body he belonged in? He dragged his nails through his hair. He should have just let the mindflayer have it and be done. He took a shaky breath. There was too much to think about and none of it that he _wanted_ to think about.

He would work on the one problem he could solve now and leave the others in a very small, very deeply-buried box in his mind. He had to restore his temperature spell. It was harder than it should have been. He kept losing his place, the threads of seidr slipping away as other thoughts kept emerging.

 _No_ , he would not think about Lily in pain. _No_ , he would not think about his failures. He had to restore his spell. _No_ , he would not think of Thor. He could not help himself, however, from finding the spot Lily had been pulling power through him. It was quiet now, the gentle tugging sensation ceased.

 _It is only because she is on the boat and is too far,_ he told himself. Nothing more than that. Nothing worse than that. His stomach churned with anxiety though. He had to fix his temperature spell, for her safety. Then he could ask about her.

When Thor arrived to help Bruce, he found nearly all the equipment neatly stacked in easy to carry loads. He had no difficulty in carrying everything back to the boat before Loki had even managed to pull himself together.  He _had_ managed to bring his body temperature back in line though. That was a great relief to Thor.

On his last trip with the equipment, Thor stopped and wordlessly offered Loki a hand. He pulled his bother to his feet and they returned to the boat where Tony had the engines going and was more than ready to return home as quickly as he could.

From the wheelhouse, Thor and Bruce watched as Loki did not join them or go below deck to where Lily was resting. He wandered to the bow of the boat, put his face to the wind and glared at the waves.

Thor sighed in frustration. "He should be at least slightly more relieved that the mindflayer has been successfully contained.”

Bruce put his hand on Thor's arm.  "Don't worry. I got this one."

He made his way up to the front of the boat and leaned on the railing next to Loki.  

After an awkward moment, Bruce spoke, looking straight ahead into the waves as well. "I wasn't thrilled to be asked to help you out at first, ya know. But then… well, I'm not in any position to turn down helping someone get a monster out of their body. Maybe everything that happened was you, maybe it wasn't. We wouldn't be able to know until we did this. And I saw you on the beach. There's something else. I get it. I know some of your story, the highlights I guess. About the Bifrost. So, um, I tried to end it too. The other guy wasn't so hot on the idea and wouldn't let me. Spent the past too many years afraid of myself, thinking that the best thing to do is keep everyone away to keep them safe. It's not them I have been keeping safe. It's me. And I've been wrong. Hurting someone now, so you don't have a chance to hurt them later, that's a coward's move. If they don't want you around, it'll be obvious. Put a smile on your face and go downstairs. We all know she's waiting and worried about you."

"Is this forgiveness, Bruce?" Loki drawled. "I never thought I would see the day." And as if Banner thought that calling him a coward was going to do a damn thing...

"We all make mistakes, Loki. Crazy space god or not. In the middle of a fight, things get out of control. The other guy punched Thor through a wall once. You, ah, know how much that hurts." Bruce adjusted his glasses. "But he still invites me to everything and likes to see my lab."

"Your friends trust you." Loki was granted no such benefit of the doubt. _Heroes_ were allowed mistakes, to harm others by accident and to redeem themselves if needed. He knew that well- Thor could attack and rage, but when Loki did it, it was unacceptable. He was not a hero, to be forgiven for his actions.

He gripped the railing, the sharp wind stinging his eyes. Thor and Banner and Stark. Thor and Sif and Fandral. Had there ever been a time when he hadn't been jealous of Thor's friends? How many days had he spent trailing after them, begging to be included in such a prestigious group? Only to be snubbed, reminded that he was just a babe, an annoying younger sibling, unwelcome.

"Trust is a funny thing. Not really logical. Look, the thing is... it doesn't matter who trusts you. You have to trust yourself, and them." Bruce grimaced and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Trust that you won't hurt them. That you can deal with whatever comes up. That they can take care of themselves. It's hard, man, it's hard. Have you ever done yoga?"

Loki swept back a lock of hair, only to have the wind blow another in its place. The braid Lily had made smacked him on the cheek. He infused his hands with seidr and smoothed back his hair, sticking everything in place. He was just as jealous now as he had been as a child. He envied the camaraderie and the care Thor's friends took with each other. If he had not taken the path he had, would he have ever been included with them?

After a long silence, Bruce shrugged and stepped away from the rail.  

Loki spoke to the ocean, knowing that Banner might be the only one who would understand but reluctant to utter the words. Would he even know what Loki was asking? "Your body. Does it feel... comfortable?"

"No. It messes with you big time. Always waiting for that moment someone else will take you over. I've tried it all, but the thing that works best is being honest about it. Talk yourself back into your body. And be nice." Banner cleared his throat pointedly, then wandered off.

He knew what Banner was implying. If he needed to talk, there was a more-than-willing audience below decks. Should he bring her a gift? What did one bring to apologize for destroying a lover's arm? He shook his head as he headed down the stairs.

She must be so angry with him for hurting her, for betraying her. He was furious with himself. He should have found another way than turning into a Jotun. If only he had been quicker, more clever, stronger. Another mistake from him that Thor would never make. He held his hand in front of his face, pale and familiar. His temperature was stabilized. There was no evidence of the monster underneath.

Concentrating, he made a little stuffed sea lion pup like the one they had seen on the beach. Then he knocked on the cabin door. "Lily? May I come in?"


	36. Chapter 36

Lily was almost asleep in the bunk. Bunk was a silly word for the queen-sized bed with the extremely plush mattress that took up most of the cabin.

At Loki's voice, she smiled and awkwardly pushed herself up to sit. She had been not-so-patiently waiting for him, or at least some word about how he was doing after the fight. "Of course, you can."

Loki entered, but he stood by the door as Lily babbled.

"Where have you been? Were you hurt? You _look_ good. How is your hair perfect? " She was pale and her voice was a bit thinner than usual, but it was obvious that she was thrilled to see him. "Oh, Loki," she sighed. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Why are you over there? Come here. Let me hug you at least. Or I can come there. I'm just fine. Tony's dramatic. You're not mad at me for messing up, are you?"

She kicked off the blankets and swung her legs off the bed to go to him.

The sight of the armored bracer on her arm made Loki’s stomach churn. She was wan and pinched and he saw the way she trembled just a little as she tried to bounce out of the bed with her usual energy. He rubbed his empty hand against the leather skirt of his armor.

Why was he over here? His Jotun heritage caused nothing but pain. Pain to him, when he found out. Pain to Thor and Frigga when he tried to destroy Jotunheim. And now, pain to Lily when he stupidly forgot the strength of a Jotun's cold skin.

When he thought about it that way, the answer seemed simple. He would bury the monster, never let it out again. He could do it. Even through Thanos' torture, they had never broken through his body's spells. His fingers twitched. And if he ever got access to Asgard's libraries again, perhaps a more permanent solution could be found.

He layered on a few quick spells to strengthen his Aesir form. He would put more effort into them later, make them impenetrable. Make it impossible for even himself to undo them.

He crossed the room to the bed, picking Lily up and putting her down against the pillows again. "You are supposed to rest." He held out the little sea lion. "Just like the one on the beach. He can keep you company."

He looked around the room, searching for something else to do for her. He was not a hero, but he could be good at doting. When he wanted to be. Remembering how much Lily had been through, being mortal, he thought she deserved some doting. Maybe it would even help his case with Stark.

"What can I do for you? Do you need food? Drink?"

Lily couldn't help but smile at the way Loki was treating her. She had never seen him so… ingratiating. He must have been worried too.

Gently, she took the sea lion and nuzzled it before setting it down on the bed. "He's cute, but I'd rather have you keep me company. If you get a damp washcloth and sit down next to me, I'd like to clean up some of those scrapes you have. The one on your cheekbone looks sore."

Surprised that Lily would bother with his scratches instead of relax, he dutifully conjured a cloth and small washbasin.  _Whatever she wants._ The water made the scrapes sting again as Lily washed away the dirt and debris he’d been ignoring.

"All that rock and look at you, just shaking it off," Lily said quietly as she dabbed at some cuts on Loki's hand. It was difficult to make eye contact, but she knew she should explain herself or apologize or something for how she acted on the island. "I saw it all fall, and you disappeared under all of it. I know I should have listened to everyone and just hid… but I was so worried. I had to do something. I'm sorry for underestimating you, for thinking you were really hurt or dead. I should have known Thor and Tony wouldn't have just ignored it if something was wrong. I only put you in more danger, and made you have to rescue me instead of taking care of yourself."

She chose a clean spot on the cloth and wiped very gently around the scrape on Loki's cheek. With her head tipped up, a few tears ran down Lily's cheeks. "I was just so afraid that…" She paused to swallow the difficult thought. "That it was all over. That you were dead or that you would do something horrible to yourself if you were hurt and cornered. So I was stupid, because after that, you saved _me_ and I have no idea how to thank you for that. I know what it wanted to do to me and it was a heartbeat away."

Without thought, she had begun to trace the markings that Loki wore on his forehead when in his Jotun form. Somehow, the cuts and bruises had managed to avoid those spots. It was calming and slowed her tears. "Loki, you were so fast and strong and I don't know how you shot ice out of your hand like that, but if you hadn't, the mindflayer would have had me and, if I was lucky, I'd be dead right now. I grew up thinking heroes should look like Captain America or Superman, but I'll be damned if red eyes and a black leather Cossack coat aren't better. You were fucking _amazing_."

When she touched the spot on his brow that had felt so good the other night, he was disappointed to find that the extra spells he was holding dulled the sensation. Instead of immensely satisfying, it felt mildly pleasant but flat. His body yearned to feel that again, especially now when he was so off balance. It would be easy for him to drop the new spells, just for a few minutes.

The risk was too great. He would not let that beast out, no matter how he ached for soothing.

Instead, he smiled at Lily, gently. "That is the euphoria from the adrenaline speaking. It is not unusual to feel over-confident and loudly joyous after a battle. Your body is so relieved to have survived, it gives you quite the experience. When the euphoria is done, then you may feel hollow and depressed. Exhausted. That is when most break down or turn to drink." He wiped the tears off her cheeks. "That is why it is important to rest and eat. You have been through a traumatic experience, one you were not trained to handle. You did your best and we are all proud of you.  Now tell me, who is Superman? Another Avenger?"

Lily laughed. "No. Superman isn't real. He's a character. He's… what we thought superheroes would be like before they turned out to be real people. Piles of muscles, super strength, X-ray vision, Truth-Justice-and-the-American-Way, all that stuff." She wiped the last of Loki's scrapes, set the cloth and bowl down and leaned back against the pillows.

"What I said wasn't just euphoria. I meant it. You are amazing. You saved me from myself and the mindflayer when you were in trouble of your own. No adrenaline will ever make me forget the sight of you walking right into that thing and forcing it back with nothing but your outstretched hands. You were stunning. If I could hang that moment in time on a museum wall, I would." Her eyes smiled and sparkled as she spoke. "But the rest… you're telling me the truth there. So, could I ask you to be a hero one more time? Lay down with me and stay, so I'm not alone if I crash? And maybe a cup of tea, please?"

Lily reached out and stroked the leather of his coat because she couldn't quite reach his hand. Loki was right, exhaustion was right on the horizon now that she was sure he was relatively unharmed and everything was over. And even though her arm was beginning to itch and burn under the gauntlet, she knew that as long as Loki was there, she would be alright.

Loki let the subject slide. He knew he was right, but he didn't need to argue with her about it now. He looked around. Stark likely had the supplies to make tea in the galley of this monstrosity of a boat, but he didn't like the idea of leaving Lily when she was looking so frail.

He reached into his dimensional pocket and fumbled a second before grabbing the handle of the kettle. Two canisters of tea were brought out next. He always kept some on hand. There was a sink in the bathroom and he filled the kettle with water from there. It was one thing to use conjured water for his scrapes, but if Lily was going to drink it, it should be real.

He put the kettle on a table and heated the spot underneath it. He chose the red canister, returning the green one to the pocket, then realized he had forgotten a cup. That was easily remedied. He put lilies on it. _Because I am a smitten idiot,_ he thought to himself.

He shook out some of the tea into the mug and added the hot water. "It is an Asgardian tea. I think you will like it. It is smooth and sweet."

Lily's eyes never left Loki's hands as he pulled a kettle and tea seemingly out of thin air. She wondered if he knew how much she loved watching that and was therefore showing off. She took the tea from him and, noticing the flowers on the cup, smiled. The cup was warm and comforting in her hand and the tea was as wonderful as it smelled.

Even as tired as she was, Lily could see the way Loki's words lined up perfectly, so she looked up at him through her eyelashes and took the bait.  "Asgardian, smooth, and sweet, hmmm? Just like you?"

He put his hand on his chest, eyes wide and brow raised comically high. "Sweet? Me? How dare you."

She sat the cup down to pat the bed next to her. "Now it's your turn to relax a bit too. You seem mighty tense still for someone who just had his demon locked up."

One demon had been "locked up." He was working on the other one. In the back of his mind was the small hope that somewhere in the Asgard library, he would find a way to change his body permanently.

Looking down at his dirty armor, he grimaced. "Just a moment." He twisted his hand, turning the leather to soft linen. Back in the tunic and trousers he'd started the day in, he laid down next to Lily. He smiled at her. "Perhaps I need some tequila, like last night. Too bad I poured all of it on the mindflayer."

"Last night feels like a hundred years ago," Lily mused. She tucked the corner of a blanket around the gleaming red gauntlet that covered her injured arm to hide it a bit. She had noticed Loki's eyes drifting toward it. "And last night I dared to do many things, I think. Today I dared more. Tomorrow, who knows, maybe we can find you some more tequila. I'm sure Tony must have some somewhere. But you don't need it now, do you? To quiet the mindflayer?"

With her free hand, Lily reached out to Loki and pulled herself a bit closer to him. "It's not out there threatening you anymore. Whoever did that to you can't get you now. I would risk a whole lot more than the little I did today to keep it that way, you know. Today was worth it. I just needed you to know that, so you don't misinterpret the fact that I kinda feel like I'm going to cry again for no reason at all right now."

Loki wrapped his arms around her as her face fell. He drew her to him, stroking his hands over her back in a soothing pattern. "Shh, shh," he whispered. "It is all finished now. No more danger." He knew that was a lie, but he would not bring up the Asgardians that were still after his head or any other problem now.  "Nothing to do now but rest. Or cry, if you would like."

He could not stop his mind from churning over spells, over Asgard, over the mindflayer's words. But he relaxed his body, made sure his breathing was steady and even, hoping to lull Lily to the sleep she needed.

She felt Loki's lie before it had finished leaving his mouth, but it made her happy that he was trying. "See? You are sweet," she whispered into his chest, just as her shoulders began to shake and tears crept down her cheeks. It wasn't very long though, before Loki's comforting and the motion of the boat lulled her.

When Lily had fallen into a deep enough sleep, Loki shifted, trying to ease the ache in his back. It had never been the same since New York. He pushed gently at a bruise on his thigh. Not too bad, all things considered.  He’d had far worse physical injuries in other battles.

And now, he supposed, he had to consider Agent Romanoff waiting on the far shore. And the inevitable Asgardian “justice” that awaited him eventually.

He itched to get up and check on the containers, to triple check that the mindflayer was still in them. What if Banner hadn’t sealed them correctly? What if Loki had missed a piece?

His mind swirled between futile anxieties and calculated plans about Jotuns and mindflayers and Asgardians and Midgardians and back again more than once before he felt the boat slow.

Tony kept in contact with Natasha and Dr. Cho while he wrung every knot of speed out of his yacht. They were On the way to his house and would proba ly arrive just before Tony’s contingent. Only a few minutes after it was too dark to safely dock the boat, they arrived at the shore.  Thor wrestled the storage jars that contained the mindflayer off the boat and into a waiting van Tony had arranged.

Tony wanted to escort Lily off the boat and to his house himself.  Loki, for once, bit his tongue. It was a time to seem as penitent and cooperative as he could, with more Avengers getting involved.

Romanoff was waiting inside Stark's house.

"Agent Romanoff," Loki said politely, inclining his head.

"Mass murderer," she responded in the same tone. She made a point of turning away from him to talk to Lily. "Dr. Cho is ready to examine your wound. I'll come with you. I want to hear about how you got that."

Loki got a little ribbon of joy from the cutting look she shot Stark as she said that.

Lily looked worriedly from Loki to Tony and back again, hoping for some sign about _how much_ she should tell this woman.

Tony got the hint, cleared his throat, and sighed. "You might as well answer anything she asks, Lily-pad. She's almost as good as you are about getting the truth out of people. She's not as nice about it, though."

"Thank you, Tony," Lily said. "And thank you for everything today. From the bottom of my heart." Though she was speaking to Stark, her eyes drifted over to Loki. Why was he being so restrained and distant? This woman just insulted him and he swallowed it. He hadn't even given Stark a dirty look for practically carrying her back from the boat, even though he hated it when Tony touched her. It worried Lily.

She followed the woman toward the stairs and asked in a friendly tone, "Agent, nice to meet you, I'm Lily Sharlow and you are…?"

Romanoff turned her head long enough to answer, "Natasha Romanoff."

Lily cocked her head like a confused terrier for a second and made a face, detecting that something was off about the woman's answer. "Mmmnnnot quite… but it will do for now." Then she followed again down to the area of the workroom where Loki had been treated.

Tony laughed. "Ohh, _this_ seems like it will be good. JARVIS, bring up a monitor on them."

Thor clapped a heavy hand on Loki's shoulder. "We should celebrate! We vanquished a treacherous enemy today. The good doctor will have Lily healed in time to join the revelry!"

"And which of Stark's tables will you be knocking over tonight, then?" Loki was not in the mood to do anything but sleep. He felt only tenuously connected to reality. Watching Lily and Romanoff through Stark's screen was not helping the sensation of being an observer instead of a participant in his body, although he was proud of her for not cowering to the spy.

"Come on!" Thor looked around the room for support. "Banner! Stark! We must have a feast, as we do when we fight together with the Captain and Hawkeye."

Loki rolled his eyes, staring at the screen without seeing. Of course Thor was oblivious as to why Stark and Banner would not treat him as a shield brother. He was a temporary ally at best and he doubted Stark would grant him even that much. Loki was very aware of his status as "enemy" here, and how many Avengers were gathered around him now.

Tony took pity on Thor and his slowly deflating bluster. "JARVIS, order one of everything from Golden Dragon. Triple the dumplings." He blew out a deep breath. "We're having a party."

Downstairs, Lily sat on the table that they had used for Loki. The doctor smiled at her and seemed friendly enough. When Lily looked closely at her escort, Natasha's loose, casual attitude was anything but. 

She held out her covered arm. "I got frozen," Lily said. "It was an accident. You know how those guys fight. One hundred percent my fault. They told me to run away, but I didn't. Tony told me to keep the suit on, but I didn't. I was out there with the big guns and… I'm not a big gun. I screwed up and now I understand. So, let's not make this anyone else's fault." She couldn't do anything to protect Loki while they were out on the island, but Lily saw a chance to do it now.  It would be too easy to make him the villain again.

Dr. Cho was quiet and kind as she leaned Lily back and started an IV. "I'm going to take the armor off of you now. The air might make it hurt more at first, bear with me. I'm going to remove the most damaged tissue and rebuild some new to take its place. After I get started, it shouldn't hurt much. I'm running you some painkillers and a mild sedative now, just in case."

Lily hissed and whimpered. Damn, now her arm _burned_ again.

The doctor kept talking conversationally as she quickly gave Lily a few injections around the frostbite. "You can call me Helen. So, you were out with the Avengers? From the weather reports, Thor was pretty active. How do you know him? Hanging out with Tony Stark?"

Lily peeked down at her arm. It was swollen and blotchy and looked grossly shiny. She looked away and tried her best to ignore the scraping and poking that was going on. It wasn't as difficult a feat as it should have been. The painkillers were already making things a little bit blurry. "Thor? I'm… friends with his brother."

Helen looked up at Natasha, as the agent cocked a single eyebrow.

"Loki has friends?" Natasha asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "I read a whole file on you while we were inbound. Nothing about you says 'friends with Loki.’ Explain."

"I just met him on the street and… umm…" Lily was having a hard time finding the words that she wanted. "OK. I can do this thing where I can always spot a lie or a fake and I glow sometimes."

She held out her uninjured arm and tried to make her hand glow, but she didn't have the energy.

Reaching out for it, she felt Loki. Her eyes closed and a small smile crossed her lips as she touched just the slightest bit of the power he held. It felt good. He felt good. How had she gotten used to feeling that so quickly?

She looked up and gestured with her now-glowing hand. "This is how I know you're only _kind of_ Natasha Romanoff. But Loki's helping me with it, teaching me about the magic. He's not a bad guy. And he needed to find Thor, so I helped him out."

Natasha laughed a deep, honest laugh. "Not a bad guy! Either your lie detector trick is broken or he's managed to fool everyone else in the universe but you. Seriously, what kind of weapon did that to you? Stark is on the short list but I don’t think he’s out pointing some comic book freeze ray at civilians…"

"It was Loki. There wasn't a weapon,” Lily said quietly, staring at the ground. " _But_ ," she resumed with a stronger voice. "He only did it to save me. The thing that was controlling him in New York wanted him back. It thought it could get him through me. It was on my arm. He froze it to stop it. That is the complete truth."

She ended abruptly, eyes locked with Natasha's, waiting to be called a liar again. But it didn't happen. Natasha’s read on Lily's body language convinced her that she spoke with conviction and wouldn't be contradicted.

Natasha dropped her game face and her expression softened. "Thank you. Now that's done, let me give you a brief run down on the security around the Avengers. No more Thor in your hashtags. You've gained almost a million followers because of that. Pretty sure Helen there, is one of them. Pretty sure the rest are black ops agents and radicals."

Lily was briefed until the fog of the meds dropped her into a near sleep.  At least the talking kept her from thinking about what was happening to her arm and she was thankful for that.  It could have been only minutes as far as she could tell, but it was actually two hours before she was being led carefully upstairs by Helen and Natasha, with her arm protectively held in a sling.


	37. Chapter 37

Banner suggested, quietly and with a knowing look, that Loki go take a shower while the food was prepared. Since he really did _not_ want to hear what Romanoff was going to say about him, or to watch Lily be healed from a gruesome injury he gave her, he did just that.

The hot water washed away some of the feeling of unreality as well as the sour sweat and dirt and blood. He avoided looking at himself in the mirror after he got out and ran a comb through his hair by feel. Dressed once again in a tunic and breeches, he felt mildly better equipped to handle being surrounded by so many Avengers.

Thor was already stuffing his face from an overloaded plate when Loki returned. Thankfully, the food kept him quiet. Loki was not ready to discuss anything that had happened today with his brother. He served himself small pieces of meat and vegetables in unknown sauces.

The others were all using slender sticks to pick up their food. It took merely a moment of watching Stark to imitate his grip and posture with Loki's pair of sticks. Even Thor was using them, which filled Loki with a childish resentment. Thor had spent enough time here that someone had been able to (very, very patiently, he was sure) teach Thor the delicate grip and movement.

This was Thor's world and Loki was an interloper. Just like when they were children. Young Loki, desperate for his brother's attention, shoving himself into whatever space Thor's friends allowed him. Nothing had changed.

Maybe it had. Loki looked up as Lily stumbled bleary-eyed up the stairs, leaning on Romanoff.

He rose from his chair, concern etched on his face. Romanoff glared at him as he took a step forward. Loki did not back down, but did not put up a mask either. Eventually, she gave him a small nod. The women led Lily to the couch.

Loki quickly filled a plate with dumplings and other things easily eaten with one hand. He stepped deftly around Romanoff to sit beside Lily.

"Here, you should eat what you can," he said, his voice pitched for her ears only, full of softness. Her sling made his heart ache. If he could have, he would have brought her to Asgard to heal her. But that resource was barred to him. "It will help you recover."

"I'll eat everything you bring me." Lily smiled up at Loki. "I love Chinese food."

She demolished a dumpling under his watchful gaze. "See? I'm much better. I think Dr. Cho might be magic too. I didn't think you could heal things like frostbite. The sling is really just to keep me from moving around too much while some bit of muscle gets attached well." Lily opened up the sling a bit and showed Loki her arm. "Look. It's amazing, but there's not even a scar there now. All new skin." She poked at the pink skin lightly. "But I used to have a freckle right there and now I don't. Thank God I didn't have an armful of tattoos to get ruined."

Tony had turned the lights down and the music up to go along with the request for a party. 

Thor's voice as he spoke to Helen, though low and rumbly, could still manage to be heard over the noise in the room. "Good Dr. Cho, this is the food of your people, is it not? It amuses me greatly. It is all so _tiny_ , like humans!"

Helen was gazing up at Thor with a look of rapture on her face that said she wouldn't care if he was actively insulting her mother, but Lily winced at his words.

"Jeeze," Lily whispered to Loki. "Does your brother even know how condescending he is sometimes? I don't think he means anything bad, but someone should really tell him it's kind of insulting. He'd better let her touch those muscles she's staring at, in return for putting up with it."

_And there is the reason I stopped his coronation,_ Loki thought, _even if no one will credit it._   "Thor lacks any grasp on cultural niceties.  To put it mildly."  He shook his head. "Or he just does not care- people will love him regardless.  He is not terribly familiar with social censure."

She chewed a mouthful of noodles, then her eyes sparkled and she leaned over very close to Loki. "Helen's obviously in this just to flirt with him. Look at her. She tried to dress up but didn't manage very well. Her pinky toe is being squeezed right out of the side of her strappy sandals and that blouse has so much polyester in it she shouldn't be close to open flames. Could you put her in something better? Like you did for me? Something that might make Thor interested enough that he quits talking? It'd be like a favor for me, 'cause there's no way I could ever afford to have her fix my arm up this well."

Loki looked back and forth between Cho and Lily.  As fun as it would be to conjure a magic wind that swirled the doctor into a new beautiful outfit, he was certain that display would end with Romanoff threatening him with a knife. Or worse.

"I see the problem, and it is nothing to do with her clothes and all to do with the boulder atop my brother's neck that he calls a head. I will be back shortly."

He glided over to Thor and Cho, who cowered behind Thor so thoroughly that she nearly disappeared. _Now_ that _is a normal Midgardian reaction,_ he thought in Lily’s direction.  

Loki spread his hands innocently.  "I assure you; I am quite tame and docile with so many heroes around, good doctor.  You have nothing to fear from me.  Certainly not with the Mighty Thor here."  He lowered his voice as if he had juicy gossip.  "He once flung me the length of the Great Hall. Into a potted plant. Just for forgetting to complement our mother. I emerged with a peony on my nose."  

Ah, there was the small, unintentional smile he was looking for.

"Can you imagine how far he would toss me into the sea if I were anything but a perfect gentleman towards you? I merely want to thank you for your excellent treatment of Miss Lily. You must truly be a star in your field, to be able to perform such wonders at a moment's notice."  She was blushing now. Loki knew how to compliment his way into someone's good graces.  As he talked, he used his seidr on her clothes. Nothing too noticeable, just easing the fit so that she was not standing so stiffly and changing the silhouette to accent her hips and breasts for Thor's idiot eyes.

"I am certain my brother has told you many tales of his bravery and strength. Thor," he said, as if with sudden inspiration. "Have you told her about Alfheim? And the stream?" 

"What about Alfheim?" 

Loki kicked Thor's ankle with seidr. "The one with the stream. You remember, you left Fandral and me at the camp...?" The story in question had never happened. Fandral had made it up as a seduction technique- he called it an irresistible erotic tale- and it had worked so well for all of them that it was a standard card in their decks.

"Ow!" Thor stared at Loki blankly. "But why would I...?" 

He gave Thor a Look and tilted his head towards Cho. While giving Thor another seidr kick.

"OH!" Realization finally showed on Thor's face. He studied Cho more closely, making the doctor blush.  "Ah, I do not think I have told that particular adventure yet. Let us sit."

Satisfied, Loki plucked a dumpling from the near-empty platter and ate it with a smirk on his way back to Lily.

Lily was entirely entertained by Loki's actions. The only thing keeping her from wiggling with happiness was the fact that she didn't want to dump her plate full of food. She would have been mortified if someone was as obviously as afraid of her as Helen had been of him, but he handled it with so much grace and humility. She thought it was adorable.

Natasha had been carefully watching the interaction as well. Without looking up from her drink, she spoke quietly to Tony who was across from her at the bar. "Has Loki been like that the whole time? If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe what he just did."

"When he isn't completely insane… yeah." Tony mumbled. "Rhodey'd better watch out. Looks like Loki's running competition for the best wingman on the team."

Her gaze turned swiftly and sharply to Tony.  An eyebrow arched dangerously.

"Um... _planet_. I didn't mean team. I meant planet. He's certainly not on my team… _any_ team. Nope." The back pedaling ended with Tony stopping to drain his glass in one gulp and turned away to refill it.

The music wasn't loud enough to cover their exchange and Loki had always been an excellent eavesdropper. He was struck again at how much he could have liked these Midgardians. Stark, especially, had a razor-sharp wit that Loki enjoyed, even if he preferred it not used on him. He could have been friends with them.

In another time, in another universe... if he wasn't merely Thor's younger brother. If he wasn't a threat. If he wasn't _wrong_ inside. Maybe this would have been his, if he'd been able to pick a different path. If he weren't Jotun.

He sat next to Lily, refilling her plate as needed, making sure she drank water, and watching the Avengers with quiet envy. Thor and Cho remained on the couch- she looked much more relaxed now that she wasn't struggling for Thor's attention, although the color remained high on her cheeks. Romanoff, Banner, and Stark huddled around the bar. The plates of food were nearly empty by the time Lily started yawning.

Loki didn't hesitate to scoop her into his arms. He saw Romanoff watching him with eagle-eyes, but she said nothing as he carried Lily back to their room.

"The problem with Asgard," he said conversationally, climbing the stairs, "is that we have very little cultural drift. They all want to live in the same world they grew up in and since we live so long, there is nothing to force us to change. Not like here, where every hundred years you have completely changed the population, with new ideas and new energy. What I am trying to say," he magicked open the door and shut it behind them, "is that I have never had such a substance as 'sweet and sour pork' before and I am not sure how I will live without it now."

There was a plush chair in the corner and he set Lily in it, sinking to his knees in front of her. His fingers almost trailed over her sling before he stopped himself, filled with the urge to atone. She wasn't supposed to get hurt. He was supposed to protect her. What a useless "hero" he was.

"It is past time for bed." He tightened his new spells around him. "What do you need? I will help how I can."

Lily smiled and leaning forward, she pressed a kiss to Loki's forehead. "You've already fed me."  Her lips brushed across his cheek. "I yawned and you carried me up here like a china doll." A kiss landed on the end of his nose. "You saved my life and you're here with me. What more do I need? Except for you to tell me again that you're OK, that the mindflayer can't get to you."

She picked up his hand and gently laid it on her arm inside of the sling. She smoothed his fingers out until they curled around the spot that had been injured. "Now, enough of the sad eyes. I'm fine, as you can feel."

Loki put on a gentle smile. She was fine for now. She had no idea how easy it would be for him to injure her again. He could freeze her whole body- it would be nearly instantaneous. The mindflayer was gone, and with it the desire to kill and maim, but Loki knew he had a history of instability. His Jotun heritage showed in his penchant for revenge, although without the mindflayer he tended towards tricks instead of violence.

Her touch felt muted, as if they were both wearing thick layers and not skin-to-skin. A greedy, insatiable part of Loki was angry at the loss of immediacy, of connection that he normally felt touching Lily. The wiser part of him knew that he must keep "the Jotun," as he was beginning to think of that body, away from her. It was not him. It was someone else, living in him as the mindflayer had, but it was not _him_.

"Yes, the mindflayer is contained and we are safe from it," he said, as she wanted.

"You didn't tell me that you're OK because I'd know it was a lie, huh?" Lily sighed and laid her cheek against Loki's head. She could feel there was something off, but didn't have the energy to follow through with pushing the issue. It had been a hard day. "You'll trust me with that stuff sooner or later, I guess."

The clean scent of soap drifted off Loki. Wow, a shower sounded good. But with one arm, that might be difficult. She leaned back into the chair away from Loki and as discretely as she could, tugged the neck of her t-shirt out a bit and sniffed.  Her nose wrinkled at the acrid scents of fear, sweat, and injury.

She sniffed again to clear her nose and hesitantly said, "Um… you were serious about if I needed help? I'm kinda jealous that you showered and it might be in everyone's best interest if I got at least _some_ of the stink off me, but I'm down an arm and… if it's too weird to ask I'm sure like, Natasha or someone would help."

"I doubt we need an assassin for this task."  Loki sat back on his heels, tapping his finger on his lips as he thought.  He was not interested in taking any sort of advantage of her while she was injured and exhausted. And she would sleep better having washed some of the trauma of the day away. How to help her shower without compromising her honor?

"Ah, I have it!" He turned away, mostly for show, and changed her clothes into a copy of her bathing suit from the beach. He also turned the shower on.  "There."  He looked down at his own clothes and decided that he would just get wet. He could always dry himself after. "Come on, then," he said as he helped her to the shower. "The sooner we get you clean, the sooner you can rest."

Lily bit her lips, trying not to giggle at the way she was being treated. She shouldn't laugh, even at the bikini. He was being sweet. He was taking care of her like a gentleman. So she stepped under the shower, holding her arm safely against her stomach, and sighed with closed eyes at how wonderful the hot water felt.

Loki's smooth voice came from just behind her. "Which bottle do you use for your hair?”

Languidly, she gestured toward a shelf with some blue bottles on it. She had grabbed them at Target, which seemed like ages ago. It was a bit of vanity on her part, but she prefered soaps and scents with _lily_ in the name. They made her feel special.

A moment later, Lily was surrounded by the smell of shampoo with strong fingers sliding across her scalp and any stray thoughts she had vanished. Bonelessly, her shoulders let go of all tension and drooped. A low moan of pleasure slipped from her lips.

Loki pressed his thumbs at the base of her skull, rubbing firmly. The sweet scent of the soap billowed on the shower's steam and Loki inhaled deeply. It made him feel lighter, happier. He combed his fingers through her hair under the water, rinsing out the lather. His shirt clung to him, making him regret not removing it, but it wasn't worth the effort now. He slipped his arms around Lily, supporting her weight as the water cascaded over them.

"Feel better?" he whispered in her ear.

"Mmm… yes, dear." Lily's words came out low and soft. Leaning against Loki was making her feel almost weightless.  She pushed his wet sleeve up and traced the words THANK YOU down the inside of his arm.  The sentiment was nowhere enough of an expression of what she felt towards him.

She turned slowly in his arms. His wet tunic tried to stick to her skin as well, but eventually her chest was pressed against his. She leaned up and caught his bottom lip between hers. The kiss opened into a slow, deep exploration. Water splashed against their cheeks and she kept her eyes closed. Her breath was coming faster and shallower.

Exhaustion had never made her feel so alive before. Loki made her feel this alive.

Loki groaned into the kiss, letting his hands slip from her waist to her ass. _She is perfect,_ floated to the front of his mind, on a wave of warmth and tenderness.

Reluctantly, he reminded himself that now was not the time.

She broke contact for a moment, and gasped, blinking water from her eyelashes. "I know… this is Tony's house and you don't want to… oh god." Lily dropped her head against Loki's sodden chest in exasperation. "You promised to take me home. We don't need to be here anymore and I want you to come home with me. I mean… I _really_ want you to come home with me. You know?"

He tipped his head forward with a sigh. "How dare you make me be responsible," he said fondly. "I hate being responsible." He turned off the water. "Even if disappearing out from under the noses of four Avengers was not a suicidal idea, I do not have the magic to take us to New York tonight. I have enough to dry you off-" which he did with the same warm wind he had used after the hot tub- "and to replace my wet clothes-" soft pajamas in black- "and that is all."

He smiled ruefully. "Well, I might be able to manage putting you back in that nightgown. Most likely easier to do that with magic, with the sling." Wrapping his hands gently around her face and looking into her eyes, he said, "I will take you home. And I will go to your home with you. But for tonight, we will have to settle for this." He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks. "Although 'settle' is not a word I feel is accurate for you. You are too special."

Lily blushed and would probably have hidden her face if she could have managed to break eye contact, but she couldn't. His gaze held her as surely as his hands did. Had she just propositioned Loki? Oh yes, and _he_ had been the voice of reason.

As she looked at him, there was no trace at all of the alien that had ripped the sky open. She could only hope that man was locked away with the mindflayer, because she loved the person in front of her now and she knew she would follow him anywhere. It didn’t matter if it was back home or through a hole in the universe.

"And you are too kind. You're spoiling me and flattering me and not asking for anything in return." She slipped out of Loki's hold and led him out of the bathroom. "I can at least drag you to bed where we can 'settle' and you can stop fussing over me. Today had to have been hard for you too."

_You have no idea,_ he thought as he yanked just a bit more power from Yggdrasil to turn Lily's bathing suit into the gold nightgown. It took more and more effort, especially after a day like today when he had used seidr so abundantly. He hadn't been lying to Lily; it would be easier in the morning, but for now, Yggdrasil was refusing to give him anything more.

"I enjoy spoiling you," he said around a sudden yawn. Bed looked extremely enticing. He collapsed as elegantly as he could down onto the sheets. He wriggled into a comfortable position and held his arms out for Lily. 

"Well, you're good at it." She paused before she got into the bed. The image before her was so striking. She wished she had a camera or talent with paints. Stretched out against the stark, crisp white of the sheets, Loki was a study in contrasts. She wondered if his tendency to pose was practiced or just naturally a part of him. His pajamas had the quiet sheen and drape that only comes with the finest black silk.  Haphazard waves and soft curls of ebony hair spilled across pillows that lined the head of the bed. A soft smile played on his lips and his arms were beckoning, but his eyes were bright, and no matter how sleepy they were, still glittered with tension.

He was perfect.

Lily crawled into his arms and curled up against him. She rested her injured arm across his chest. For all the warnings about moving, she couldn't help but let her fingers drift along the small V of exposed skin at the neck of his pajamas. With a deep sigh, she fell asleep almost immediately.

Even though he was exhausted, sleep did not come easily. He had been suppressing the mindflayer's taunts and insults all evening, refusing to think on them. But in the dark, listening to Lily's slow, even breathing, it was harder to avoid.

He felt cracked, held together by tenuous string, and he feared that he would break in two. The Asgardian and the Jotun. The prince and the villain. He checked his spells, pushing and prodding for any weak spots. He needed more information. Perhaps, if he asked nicely enough, Thor would bring him a book or two from Asgard's library. They would have the instructions he required to make these spells impossible for even himself to undo, locking the Jotun away forever.

_Lily was falling. Rocks were falling. She tried to grab anything to catch herself, but couldn't move her arm. A blue hand reached out and pulled her to safety._

Her eyes fluttered open. It had been a dream.

The room was still dark and she thought she couldn't have been asleep long. When Lily snuggled her head back in against Loki's shoulder, she could feel tension in it as well as under her hand on his chest.

"You still awake?" she whispered, in case he was actually asleep.

He considered telling her he needed fresh air and going to the balcony to be alone. But then she would worry and he did not want to talk. There was already too much on his mind. He feigned sleep, not reacting to her voice.

Lily felt his breath hitch after she spoke. So, he was awake and pretending he wasn't for some reason. Deciding not to push him this time, she softly kissed the arm wrapped around her shoulder.  She only hoped that he knew she was there if he needed someone. She focused on the uniquely fresh scent of Loki that infused his pajamas and the rhythm of his breath as it returned, until she fell back to sleep.

What would his life have been if he weren't Jotun? Could he create that reality now, if he erased himself hard enough? The mindflayer had taunted him with his flaws, had used them to scour him raw. Was there hope for him?

The answer to that was lying in his arms.

She believed he was redeemable. Loki couldn't tell if it was the truth or just her continued optimism that let her think that way. All he could see was the mountain of evidence to the contrary.

His mind spun around and around that thought, generating all sorts of scenarios. Thrown back in a cell. Ruling Midgard. Ruling Asgard. Running away to a distant planet. Exhaustion finally caught up with him, imagining himself with Thor and Lily, feasting an impossible victory in Asgard.


	38. Chapter 38

When she woke up, Lily could see sunbeams cutting into the room from around the edge of the curtains. This time Loki's chest rose and fell with the slow, steady breaths of deep sleep.  She laid there for a while, wrapped in his arms, just being grateful for making it through the day before. It didn't take too long before she became restless… and thirsty. So _very_ thirsty.

She slipped out of Loki's embrace and off the bed as slowly and gently as she could. He needed rest and peace more than anyone she had ever met and she would do her best to see that he got it.  Digging out clothes to get dressed might disturb Loki, but the bathrobe wouldn't go over the sling easily, so Lily just threw it over her shoulders like a cape and quietly snuck out of the room to go to the kitchen.

When she was almost at the top of the stairs, she was startled by a high-pitched scream coming from Thor's room. Lily immediately flattened against the wall with a whimper, still high-strung from what she had witnessed with the mindflayer.

The door banged open and Helen Cho came tearing out into the hallway and toward the stairs, wearing nothing but one of Thor's oversized surfing t-shirts. Her arms flailed around her head and she kept screaming.

The ravens chased after her. They swooped and slapped their wings against her head while they screamed back at her. 

Thor stormed out. He was soaking wet, naked, with water and soap streamed from his hair. One hand held Mjolnir and the other clutched a towel at his waist. "Helen! HELEN CHO! What is happening?" he shouted.

At the bottom of the stairs now stood Tony, a red and gold suit forming around him as he called up, "Is there more of that mind shit?  Move out of my way."

Helen came running down the steps so fast that she couldn't stop when she got to the bottom and landed against Tony’s chest with a thump.

Lily resisted the urge to laugh and carefully picked her way down the hall then stairs around the hysterical people. She went through the living room and opened the patio door.

"Huginn. Muninn. Outside, right now! Wait on the deck and I'll bring you something to eat."

Muninn stopped on his way outside, fixing his shining jet eyes on Lily. He began to caw and chatter at her, sounding for all the world like he was telling her off.

Lily growled back, "I said _now_. If you want granola, you'll listen. This is seriously uncool. If you woke up Loki, I'll turn you into a hat."

The bird fluttered outside to perch on the railing next to Huginn and glare through the window at the people inside.

As Lily made her way to the kitchen to find a drink and granola, she gave the mess at the foot of the stairs a wide berth.

Helen was hanging on to Stark, hiccoughing and sobbing, "Thor was… was… in the shower. I only opened the door to the patio… that's all…  And... And they just attacked me out of nowhere. I don't know where they came from."

Tony awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. Thor attempted to pull the hysterical woman free, so that he could be the one to comfort her, but she clung tightly to Tony and Thor was losing his grip on his towel.

"Helen Cho," Thor tried to get her attention. "Those are the Allfather's ravens. Perhaps they thought you were a threat to me? They would not harm you. Please? Helen?"

"Hey, hey, Doc, you gotta calm down. Thor's here, see?" Tony tried to push her towards the other man.

"You sure do know how to throw a party," Natasha drawled from behind them.

"Where did you come from!" Tony yelped. "No, seriously- where _were_ you? All beds are accounted for."

"Didn't need a bed. I'm not sleeping with Loki that close. Speaking of, where is he? You didn't lose him, did you? Oh hey, big guy. Might want to fix that towel there."

Scowling, Thor gave up on Helen and hitched the towel up with both hands. "Loki is still asleep, if I am correct. He fought hard yesterday; he always is abed late after such a battle." He sighed with a wry look. "Loki always said the ravens were a nuisance. I am beginning to see his point. Helen? I am going to dress. Perhaps after you calm down, we can speak more."

Natasha was giving Tony a Look. "Ravens? What's next, the eight-legged horse?"

"Hey, I am just as annoyed at the ravens as everybody else here. They threw taco all over my floor a couple nights ago! They seem to listen to Lily, I guess." Tony shrugged, helpless.

"Speaking of," Natasha said to Helen, drawing her away from Tony with an ease that would have embarrassed Thor if he were still around. "Let's go check on her arm."

Tony turned his suit off, scrubbing a hand over his face. "JARVIS, order... something for breakfast. I don't care what. But I don't think Lilypad is going to want to cook for this many people today." He stared at the stairs, rubbing his chin. "And put a monitor on Loki. I want five-alarm bells if he leaves, k?"

He pulled up the video feed on his watch. Loki was sleeping, looking as innocent as anyone else. Tony was loathe to admit it, but he didn't think the monitor was necessary. Loki wasn't going anywhere. Yet. Tony didn't want to get that Look from Natasha again, though. He turned off the video and went to the kitchen for a bucket of coffee.

Lily was gulping down her second tumbler of orange-pineapple juice.  She was staring at the nowhere-close-to-being-brewed pot of coffee, like her glare would hurry it up. Tony took in the long gold nightgown as it swept out from under her robe-cape. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Helen come in, looking for Lily. 

In a stage whisper he told her, "I think the arm will wait while you go get some more clothes on, Helen."

The poor woman squeaked and blushed- literally, as everyone could tell- from the toes up, and scurried out of the room.

Tony laughed and turned back to Lily. He said, "Ya know, Lilypad, you're dressed like Zsa Zsa Gabor and Helen looks like she's doing the walk of shame in a frat house. I wonder if that says more about you two or Thor and Loki."

"Definitely Thor and Loki." Lily rolled her eyes and reached into a cabinet to dig out a box of Honey Bunches of Oats, the closest thing to granola she could find. "Loki'll have a _fit_ if he finds me like this in front of people. Yoga pants made him choke on his tongue. Can't tell if he's possessive or Victorian. I think Thor was just upset that he didn't get to be a hero. He really wasn't too worried about his towel or Helen's lack of pants."

She set down the box of cereal and refilled her glass with the last of the juice. She went to pick up the box again, but had to set down the glass… She frowned at only having one hand to use and eventually tucked the box inside her sling and picked up the juice in her now-free hand.

"Now, before anyone tells me to, I'm going out to the deck to chew out the ravens for being idiots. They're probably pissed off we left them on the island yesterday and were expecting me to be in that room. Could you please bring me some coffee when it's done?"

Lily made it out to sit at the patio table on the deck. She opened the box of cereal while she spoke to them.

"I know you're probably mad I didn't make sure you were with us when we left yesterday. I'm sorry. I was a little bit injured at the time." She held up the arm with the sling.

Muninn hopped up on the table and poked his beak inside of it with a squawk.

"Yes. It's better now. Thanks to that very nice lady that you scared to death and chased out of Thor's room. That's _Thor's_ room, you know. Loki and I moved down to another one when he came back. You need to apologize, but you won't, will you?"

Huginn let out a sound that could only be taken as a laugh. Lily sighed and poured some cereal out onto the floor. Both birds immediately fluttered over and messily began to eat.

"Dummies. We'll all get kicked out if you keep that up. And Loki can't exactly go home yet. You'd have to come home with me and if you think the seagulls here are bad... City pigeons are evil."

The door slid open and Natasha slipped out and sat down across from Lily. "Don't mind, do you?" she asked. "I can be almost as talkative as those birds."

Lily smiled. "Sure. Join us. But be warned, they're pretty rude considering they are Odin's. Maybe it's because they are Odin's. I dunno. I'm pretty sure they understand us though and Loki says they report back."

"I've never been spied on by forest creatures before. Makes me feel like Snow White." Nat watched the ravens so Lily wouldn't feel like she was being examined. "Tony told me about yesterday. And he told me how you put Thor in his place and yelled at Bruce too." She smiled. "You don't shy away from danger, do you? I guess not, since you're sleeping with Loki."

Nat stretched casually, putting her feet up on a free chair. "Bruce once described his brain as a bag of cats. I always thought that was a generous description of Loki. Bag of tarantulas, maybe." She snagged the box of cereal and threw a few pieces to the birds before eating some herself. "You must be pretty powerful to keep him in line. Finding powerful people is part of my job. SHIELD would bend over backwards to hire you."

"Ugh, no, what are you talking about." Tony set two mugs on the table, keeping hold of a third. "She'd be wasted at SHIELD. Come work for me, how are you at contract negotiations? Thermo-nuclear physics?"

Nat took a sip of coffee. "Riiiiiight, like hammering out payment plans for titanium is the same as national security from enhanced beings. Plus, SHIELD has a great healthcare plan. Best death and dismemberment insurance in the country."

"Are you saying Stark Industries shafts its workers on healthcare?" Tony hooked an ankle around Nat's extra chair and pulled it to him, knocking her feet off. "Why work in the government when you can work private sector?" He glanced over at Lily, as if she hadn't followed that logic, "More money, babe. Lots more money."

"Pretty sure she'd get bored being hit on by Brett from Financing all day." Nat put her feet back up in Tony's lap this time, wiggling her toes in victory. "We do all the exciting stuff."

"Perfect! Lilypad, you'd be _brilliant_ at HR. Please say yes. Please. Head of HR. I'll let you buy all the art for your office you want." Tony turned on the puppy eyes.

Lily blew on her hot coffee and looked back and forth between the two as they chattered and cut each other off. She had just woken up and wasn't prepared to deal with this.

"That's enough, guys. I appreciate the offers. Honestly. But I actually really like my job and thanks to endowments, I already kinda work for you, Tony. I'd hope you know that if there's anything super tricky you need my help with, you can always call me. You've been really good to me these past few days. I won't forget that. Just let me buy the art for the museum to share with people."

She held up a finger to stop him from arguing and turned to Natasha. "But your offer just confuses me. You really think that Loki is an insanely huge threat. Which he's not right now, by the way. And you think I'm in bed with him, literally and metaphorically, which is kind of true, but honestly, at most there has been a passing glance at second base.”

Lily looked back at Tony. "Really. He knows he's on thin ice here and no matter how snotty he seems sometimes, he's not willing to use your home like an hourly motel." She didn't say anything about herself.

Tony's opened his mouth to reply, but paused and closed his mouth with a slightly confused look on his face.

"I'll help as much as I can if something like New York happens, but being a professional lie detector for a vaguely menacing, semi-secret agency that won't publicly disclose who they work for? I think I need to pass. I mean, I'm so grateful for you and Helen and what you did for me yesterday. I am. But if you think I'm controlling a bag of spiders by banging him and want to welcome me with open arms, I kind of have to wonder what exactly SHIELD is.

Anyway Natasha, you're also trying to recruit someone that doesn't exist. I'm not some powerful badass who keeps evil gods in line. I simply know what's true and sometimes I can make illusions fall apart. I'm just learning. I was pretty pathetic yesterday and sure don't belong in league with anyone here." She ended with a small shrug and went back to her coffee.

Natasha let loose a low, throaty laugh and saluted with her coffee cup. "Wow. You sure you aren't an agent somewhere else? Think about it though. I'm sure Fury will send someone out to try to talk you into it again."

Lily shook her head and laughed too.

Loki wasn't surprised to wake up alone. He _was_ surprised that he still only felt half-recovered from yesterday. His body ached, although looking at his hands, the contusions from the rockslide had healed. Pulling power from Yggdrassil was slower and thicker than it should be. 

Loki sat up, folding his legs in front of him. He rested his hands on his knees and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he focused on the sensation of seidr in his blood, the fizz and pressure of it. It had been too long since he'd taken the time to re-center himself.

As he followed the paths of magic in him, he found the one that Lily used. He could tell that she wasn't using her power actively now, but there was still a tiny thrum that smelled like her.  He smiled.

He liked that he could feel her like that. It was a strange sensation and he never would have expected to find such an ability in a Midgardian. As far as he knew from his studies into seidr, such a link had never been recorded. Perhaps it had never happened before. How would she have reached her full potential if they hadn't met? 

He frowned, opening his eyes and rubbing his fingers over his neck. She hadn't glowed before she met him, she'd said. 

No, he realized. She hadn't glowed _until she picked up that coin_ _._   A chill crept down his spine. He had been so focused on who had created it that he had not spent enough time trying to understand what it _did_ _._   He was very glad he hadn't touched it. 

Deep in thought, he got dressed and ready for the day before heading downstairs. He had questions for Lily. Not that the answers, if she had them, would do him much good without access to Asgard's library.  He saw Lily with Stark and Romanoff on the patio and could hear them through the open door. 

"... Giving up so easily, Nat? You'll have an unlimited expense account. Come on, you know you want to work for me. I'm awesome," Stark was saying. 

Loki shook his head. It had only been a matter of time before they all realized Lily's potential.  Escaping with her back to New York to retrieve that coin, and possibly make good on her offer from last night, would be much harder now. But on the other hand, watching them fight over her would be enjoyable.

Natasha gave Tony an evil smile. "I'm not giving up at all. Have you ever known me to fail a mission?"

Lily cut in, "Yes, Tony, you are awesome. No one is arguing that. And I already told both of you that I'm not quitting my job for you. I'll help you guys if you need me, like a… consultant or something. OK? I'll even charge amazingly high fees to make up for not taking that expense account. Anything more and you'll have to fight my boss, Mona. And it would be a Boss Battle, she's tough. In fact, I was thinking about heading back home soon and checking in with her."

Thor, dressed now and giving Helen some space, came down the stairs to see Loki, as usual, lurking in the shadows of a corner. He was incredibly focused on the people at the patio table.

As quietly as he could, Thor made his way to the shadow and whispered, "Eavesdropping, brother? Mother would be disappointed. It is a very rude habit."

He put his arm around Loki's shoulders and drew him toward the kitchen. "Leave the humans be. They have finally stopped screaming for the morning, let us not disturb them. I am sure we have matters of our own to discuss."

Loki clenched his teeth around a biting insult. It would do no good to antagonize Thor right now. He was right, they did have things to discuss and Loki needed him in a good mood. The best way to do that was to play into Thor's vision of Loki as sneaky and troublesome. It put Thor at ease when Loki was predictable.

Loki let himself be led away with a somewhat contrite look on his face. Thor sat down at an island stool. Loki felt too on edge to sit, so he leaned his hip against the counter at an angle to Thor. "Screaming? How did I sleep through screaming?" he said, as if he couldn't believe there was trouble that he hadn't caused.

"Huginn and Muninn attacked Helen in my room this morning. It was quite the scene." Thor shook his head. "I fear what they will report to Father about this."

"They likely will tell him that Dr. Cho did not have any treats for them and forget anything else. Such as where Dr. Cho was." Loki rubbed his knuckles into the palm of his other hand. "Truly, they will have so much to relay to Odin that this morning might not even make the first telling. They must tell him of yesterday and my... failure."

"Failure?" Thor was aghast. "There was no failure yesterday. The… ‘beast’ is captured and sedated in friend Stark's basement. If you are referring to Lady Lily, she is as healthy and well as she was before."

Loki smiled sadly to Thor, but to himself he was pleased the conversation was going the way he wanted. Letting Thor play the role of golden, heroic brother made it more likely he would grant Loki's eventual request.

"Ah, but what caused her injury? It was allowing myself to become a Jotun. Odin will be displeased that even a handful of Midgardians saw that. It would be seen as an enormous sign of weakness if he allowed the Jotun to wander the Realms."

He held up his hand, stalling Thor's interjection. "We know that it is just myself that roams... well, not 'free,' but unrestrained. But imagine the panic that would ensue if any such monster was seen outside Jotunheim." This next bit was tricky but he hoped Thor would be focusing more on Asgard's safety- his beloved 'responsibility'- than on Loki's part. "You remember the hysteria that followed the Jotuns' appearance in the Vault."

Thor nodded along. "True, the citizens were terrified. The other Realms demanded extra security. There was massive political turmoil. The Bifrost being broken did not help." He gave Loki a pointed look.

_I didn't break it, you oaf._ Best to move right along from that.

"Indeed. If only there were a way to ensure that a Jotun was never seen on another Realm..." He hummed in thought.

"You cannot _not_ be a Frost Giant, brother. It is an ugly heritage to bear, but it is yours." Thor clapped him on the shoulder. "But you were raised in Asgard. You are different from the rest of them."

Somehow, that did not make Loki feel better. "Perhaps it is that childhood that could save us all this grief- I could use my seidr to end this. There are books in the Library on advanced transfiguration. Oh, if only I could return to Asgard to research this! I know that I could devise a spell that would cut out the Jotun bias and ensure that such an event such as yesterday could never occur again."

Squinting, Thor said, "That would be good, I suppose... But you are not allowed back in Asgard and I will not be part of sneaking you in!"

"That was my plan," Loki said with false disappointment. "It is looking hopeless now. Mother would be able to send them, but if Odin is asleep, she will still be sequestered with him. And you would have to return to Asgard to ask her in either case, and I know you do not want to search the library even to save Odin turmoil..."

"If I returned to Asgard, what would you be doing?" Thor interrupted with suspicion.

"Taking Lily back to New York. I promised her that I would and she said that she would like to go as soon as possible." Could Loki get two concessions from this conversation? Likely not. Thor _might_ agree to fetch a book, but allowing Loki to travel freely across Midgard was a long shot.

Outside, Lily turned down more and more ridiculous job offers, as Natasha and Tony seemed to almost forget she was there. They were both concentrating too hard on "winning.”

Lily soon excused herself to refill her cup of coffee.

On the way into the kitchen, she paused as she heard Thor and Loki. If it was too private, she didn't want to interrupt.  It seemed they were talking about going back to New York, though, so she made her way in.

Lily insinuated herself between Thor and Loki, a bit closer to Thor actually, and said, "I really would like to get out of Tony's hair and go home. I've already imposed way too much. They say guests and fish stink after three days and I'm past that point. We all are really. He's only putting up with all of it because he's afraid that Loki will do something horrible if he's not being guarded. But you and I know he doesn't need that. We know better. Right?"

She turned to look at Loki, making sure that she was reading the situation the right way. He gave her an almost imperceptible nod, so she continued. "I'm sure Tony'll rest a lot easier if you could convince him that Loki really will be fine for a little bit at my place. He'll just be there until we can get something together so he can go home. It would mean more coming from you. You're _Thor_ and I'm only the new kid. I don't want to leave any bad feelings behind when we go. Could you help us?" Lily reached out and gently squeezed Thor's hand as she looked up at him with fluttering eyelashes.

She sounded completely sure that she and Loki would be leaving, but a bit helpless about how to go about actually doing it. Although the way Thor was nodding his shaggy head along with her in agreement, did make her feel slightly guilty for massaging his ego so much.

"Of course, I can help you, my Lady. My words do hold a bit of weight. It may require an oath from Loki," Thor's voice rumbled proudly, "but you can testify to an oath’s veracity if Tony Stark requires it."

Loki kept his face neutral, but inside he was absolutely delighted. Lily had played Thor like a fiddle. It had been glorious to watch. He wanted nothing more than to back her up against a wall and show his admiration for her with his tongue down her throat. _Perhaps in New York, if we can lose all these heroes,_ he thought, taking a calming breath.

"That is an excellent idea, Thor," Loki said.

Before he could say more, Stark was rushing through the kitchen, then through the living room a moment before the doorbell rang.

"Breakfast!" Stark shouted. "More warning next time, JARVIS. Come on, everybody, JARVIS got the whole shebang." He set down a pile of trays on the island. "Bagels. Be right back with the schmear."

Looking to seem polite and un-terrifying, Loki unstacked the three trays and took off their lids. Circles of bread, some sprinkled with seeds or other things, were arranged neatly inside.

"Tell me more of these books you want, brother." Thor reached over and snatched a bagel. "I have not spent much time in there, but I am certain there is no Frost Giant section in the Great Library."

Loki cast a furtive glance at Lily, and at Romanoff who had entered the kitchen just after Stark. "Let us discuss it later," he almost-hissed. "Or do you wish to explain to everyone the inner workings of our family?"

He met Stark as he returned, taking some of the paper bags from him while the other man protested. Loki would have used magic to transport and distribute everything, but he did not want to remind anyone of his power this morning. Let him seem domestic and contrite. It would go a long way to securing his release.

To Loki's relief, Thor shoved more bagel in his mouth.

Lily watched Loki helping with a smile. It seemed he got along with people just fine when he wanted to. The trick, she supposed, was getting him to want to.  She looked back up at Thor with the smile still on her face.

"Ya know, when you're done eating, you can always explain the inner workings of your family to me," she said quietly. "I kinda overheard you guys a little bit. I know he's feeling bad about my arm, but he shouldn't. The more I know, the more I can help. It's not like it doesn't concern me."

Mumbling around a mouthful of bagel, Thor replied, "It would seem that you and my brother have more in common than it could be noticed at first glance."

Lily patted Thor's arm again. It was a nice arm to pat. Then she opened a container of sweet cream cheese, spread some over a bagel and made her way around to where Loki was emptying a bag onto the counter.

She raised up on her toes to kiss his cheek as she offered him the food. "You are being very sweet this morning, so I snagged you the bagel with chocolate chips."

"Crap!” Lily turned toward the windows.  “I left the cereal outside. I'm just gonna go grab it before those birds shred the box." After another peck on Loki’s cheek, she swept out to the deck.

Thor casually palmed three or four more bagels and wandered through the living room, greeting Bruce as he passed. A quick peek back told him that Loki was still busy trying to determine the purpose of all the small containers of food he was extracting from the bags.

While Bruce was explaining flavored cream cheese, Thor took the opportunity to slip out to the patio to join Lily and the ravens.


	39. Chapter 39

"My Lady.”

Lily turned from the railing where she was hand-feeding Muninn to see Thor.

"Oh thank you, Thor. I'm so glad I didn't just make an ass out of myself for asking. Something was keeping him up last night that he wouldn't talk about. I'm sure it had to do with what he was asking you for. It's worrying."

"Oh, there is no cause to worry," Thor said, smiling. "Which is not something I say often regarding Loki, as you can imagine! Loki is finally taking his responsibility towards Asgard seriously. I am proud of him." He spun a bagel in his hand before taking a bite. "What happened yesterday, when he became a Frost Giant in front of you- he knows how dangerous that was. Friends Stark and Banner are used to seeing such bizarre monsters, and you seem unfazed, but if another Midgardian were to see that, there would be chaos. Jotuns are not allowed to leave their realm, you see. They are aggressive and violent." He tore his bagel viciously in half to illustrate his point.

"The war with the Jotuns left many scarred and many more sent to Valhalla. I do not wish them any further harm, but their reparation is a complicated situation. We must tread carefully, which is why Loki wants to ensure there is no political disaster. The books he asked me to retrieve- he says they will help him purge the Jotun from him- or make it difficult to become one..." He shrugged, confused. "I did not follow exactly. I am not versed in all his sorcery. But his heart is in the correct place."

Lily blinked at Thor for a moment with her mouth open, then quickly bit her lip to keep from exclaiming, ‘Bullshit!’ at the story that Loki fed Thor. She was going to have to have a talk with Loki about how many giant lies he had floating around and if she needed to prepared to walk into one every time she turned a corner.

"His heart _is_ in the right place," she said carefully. "And he really wants those books, so he can purge or whatever." Lily stuck to focusing on the truth of what she was just told. "Could he have more reasons to want to get rid of the Jotun in himself? Because, I know the whole Jotun thing bothers you guys, but really no one on Earth is going to have that bias. A Frost Giant really won't cause any more trouble than a Chitauri or the Hulk at this point in time.  Everything seems aggressive and violent to us right now. As a whole, we aren't as delicate as you think. I know almost nothing about Frost Giants. I don't understand why you hate them so much."

"An enemy does not become less dangerous simply because you do not know how dangerous he is. I am one of Earth's protectors, after all. I know much about these threats. A Frost Giant is nothing like our friend Hulk." Thor shook his head. "Your people have such short lives and memories; it is not surprising you have forgotten. The Jotun tried to freeze your entire planet in their conquest. They terrorized helpless mortals by turning them to ice and shattering them for sport. It was only through Odin's intervention and protection that Midgard was saved. It was a long and bloody battle to push them back to their planet." He stroked his chin as he told the familiar tale.

"Asgard stands to shield the other realms from such assault. No one there has forgotten. We play ‘Warriors and Jotun’ as skirmish games. We remind children to behave or the Frost Giants will come and eat them. Even the shade of blue of their skin is highly discouraged in art. They are a brutish, dishonorable race. Perhaps Midgard would not blink to see one, but the other Realms would be thrown into terrified chaos."

Lily's blood started to simmer with anger. Her hands clenched and crushed the cereal box.

Thor tore a piece off his bagel and tossed it to the ravens while he pondered his next words. "Loki was sired by their king, Laufey. When word got out of what he truly was, not Aesir at all but Frost Giant, many saw this as the ultimate damning evidence against him. None would ever trust the son of treacherous Laufey. His... suicide," he had to choke out the shameful word, "only made it worse. No honorable Asgardian would give up Valhalla like that. If he can find a way to negate the Jotun in him, to become a true Aesir through whatever means, that would be best for all. He must be as ashamed as we are of it- why else would he have dropped from the Bifrost? This is a noble deed for him to do, it will help him regain his place by my side in Asgard."

This was his own brother he was talking about with such disgust. Some parts of it he seemed to know so well, they sounded recited. This had to be why Loki was so afraid of himself. The falling wasn't an accident like he let people believe. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to punch Thor.

But she couldn't. He was needed to placate Tony first. If she told him what a sack of burning donkey dung she thought he was right now, he'd never do them any favors, so she smashed the box in her fist some more and spoke with a shaky voice through gritted teeth.

"It… it's all very clear now what is going on. I get it. You've said enough. I need to think about it and you need to talk to Tony as soon as you can, because I have to leave."

She made her way into the house without looking back. Deep, slow breaths. She had to calm down before she dealt with anyone else. Taking a last deep breath, she went to the kitchen and sat down at the island next to Tony.  

Amazingly, Loki was casually leaning against the counter and still talking with Bruce. Well, talking may not have been the word, he was making eye contact and nodding while Bruce talked about he was trying to work with "the other guy" and make peace.

Lily said a quiet thank you to Bruce under her breath and smiled up at the two men. Then she turned to Tony and said, "You have been the most amazing host and done so much… I hate to tell you I need to be heading home. Now. None of this was ever planned and I need to go. I was thinking, since Loki can't go home yet, I would just keep him out of your hair and let him stay with me. Leaving just the two of you here sounds like a recipe for disaster and Thor… he might be going to Asgard or coming to New York, I don't know. Unless there's someplace further away from me than Asgard… that would be good. But _you_ , you I want to keep in touch with. OK? Let me know when you're in town. We'll catch dinner or something. Bruce, Natasha, Helen… you guys too. I'll put you on the guest list for the museum's opening parties and galas if you want. They aren't as boring as they sound."

Tony laughed, slapping his thigh. "You don't lack for confidence, do you? Listen, leave the 'let's do lunch, _dahhhlin'_ routine to people who have the false friendliness perfected. You just rattled that off and expected, what, that I wouldn't notice what you said?" He shook his head. "You'll just 'keep the god of chaos and ruin out of our hair'? Just like that?"

He reached for his coffee, wishing there were whiskey in it. "And they call _me_ arrogant." He had to give the woman points, though. Just going to walk up to him and lay out how it was going to be so he wouldn't argue. Too bad for her that he was used to that tactic. Too bad for him that he didn't really want to argue about it. "I dunno, kid. He's a smitten kitten now, but what happens if he gets angry? How are you going to handle that? You've seen what he can do."

Thor stepped in from the patio. Tony could feel tension coming off of Lily and wondered what exactly the lunk had said to her outside.

A crunch came from the cereal box in Lily's hands as she strangled it some more. She just needed to hang on a little bit longer. Thor was doing his part and seemed truly clueless about how little he had changed. Did that make this more or less frustrating?

"Friend Stark, I will vouch for my brother's good behavior. He has changed for the better during his time on Earth. Much like I did! He will cause no trouble while he is with the lady. Oh! And I have spoken to Hugnin and Muninn, they will accompany Loki. They can exert some pressure on him if needed."

Tony took a long sip from his mug. If he were honest with himself, he didn't need that much convincing. He had seen himself what had infected Loki and how he acted when he didn't feel threatened. The man was even funny! Tony still chuckled when he thought of those Iron Man undies.

He waved his hand, as if overwhelmed and giving up. "Sure, fine. I'll lend you the jet. Go get a slice at Scarrs. Hit up the MOMA. Just make sure he isn't seen, okay?"

Lily unclenched her fist and quietly set the ruined box of cereal on the counter.

"Uh, Tony?" Natasha appeared at his side- where had she come from?!- and dragged him off the stool. "Let's talk."

"Let's not. I don't want to. Hey, I said no," Tony protested half-heartedly. Natasha rounded on him in the living room.

"You're just going to let Loki walk free?"

Tony rubbed his forehead. "He _could_ leave any time he wanted. He hasn't. He's not sticking around for the free food. He's been on good behavior, er mostly, since he got here. All on his own."

"Good will can change."

"Yeah, it can, but I don't think it will. Look, he's not nearly as sane as I would like. He's hideously overpowered, I feel like I'm fighting with Nerf weapons around him. But..." He sighed. "He's broken more than he's dangerous. Did you hear what he and Bruce were talking about? Body dysphoria, the concept of self, and suicide. Like, the guy needs a good year or ten of therapy more than he needs a prison." He pinned Natasha with his best serious, heartfelt stare. He was glad she didn't laugh. "We're going to see how this plays out. And if it blows up, well, that's on me." He gave her his charming smile and shrug then booked it back to the kitchen.

Lily jumped up and announced that she was going to get dressed and packed. She was halfway up the stairs when she turned around and hopped back down.

"Someone call for a ride to the airport for us? Please." Then she ran back upstairs.

She circled the room, picking things up and jamming them into her suitcase and backpack, struggling her way into clothes as she found them.

Loki had little to do while Lily packed, except decide that while the chocolate chips were tasty, bagels were not nearly as good as pizza. He was surprised that Lily was rushing like this, but he wasn't about to question it. The faster he was out from under the Avengers' thumbs, the less chance they would rescind their permission.

He wrote down the books he needed from Thor, resisting from writing "the entire third floor of the west wing." He could only guess which ones would be useful, both for taking care of his Frost Giant problem and for detangling the spells on that coin. Next time he left Asgard, he would have to sneak more books into his pocket dimension.

As Lily was making sure that she had everything out of the bathroom, she noticed that somehow the #1 God mug had made its way back here with them. With a mean grin, she stuffed into her suitcase.

"He's not worthy of it,” she joked to herself, but it didn't feel as funny as Lily thought it would.

She wondered what she should do about Thor. Stepping into the middle of other people's family problems never worked out, but she couldn't let his attitude slide. 

He had recognized what was horrible about laughing at the security footage once it was pointed out to him. Maybe if someone could explain that his feelings and words about Frost Giants automatically included Loki, no matter how much he claimed otherwise… maybe that could help. But he'd never take her seriously.

With one last sweep of the room, Lily hauled her things out with one arm. She wanted to be gone before anyone had any change of heart. She was too angry to want to hang around. She’d say the wrong thing. This wasn't a fight she could win, if was even her fight.

"Stupid, Nazi-sounding dogfucker,” she mumbled as her suitcase bumped its way down the stairs.

Then inspiration struck. "Oh, hold on… that’s _it_!"

Lily spun into the kitchen with a smile on her face and set her stuff on the counter next to Loki. Before she could say anything, Tony slid two phones over to them.

"Told ya I'd have you set up. Stark phones. One for each of you. All your stuffs been transferred, history, pictures, contacts. Sad people apps. You're on a private network. High level security. Bars everywhere. There's no excuse for either of you not to be in touch with any of us. And you will be in touch, so keep them with you. Don't make me worry. Now, give me your old phone."

Her phone was handed dutifully over and Tony slipped it into his cup of coffee. Lily's jaw dropped.

"It's best this way. Since you got here, more people have tapped into your phone than the ones at the Russian Embassy. You're in the Big Leagues now, whether you want to be or not, remember that."

Tony's concern made her feel comforted this time. She didn't even want to roll her eyes at him.

"Thank you. And I meant it earlier about seeing you. It wasn't a throw away ‘let's do lunch.’ I'd really like to be able to be your friend. Drama aside."

Lily toyed with her new phone and handed Loki his.

"Knock it off," Tony grumbled. "I don't do this kind of good-bye. Now stick your arm out and let Helen look at it."

"Yes, sir," she laughed.

While Helen poked at her and wiggled her fingers Lily spoke again, "Can I ask one more favor before we go? Loki's pretty sure everything around here is monitored. Can you play back a conversation that I had with Thor on the patio a little bit ago? So everyone in here can hear it? Is that OK, Thor? I mean, you believe in everything you said, right? I'll ask 'em to do it after we leave. I think, maybe, your friends can help you more than you think they can."

Thor's eyes narrowed. He didn't know what this woman was planning, but she understood that he wanted to help Loki, so he nodded his agreement.

Helen pronounced Lily almost completely healed and only warned against overexertion for a few days, just as JARVIS announced that Lily and Loki's car had arrived.

Lily looked up at Loki with a sparkle in her eye.

"Hope you can get past second base now!" Natasha called from the kitchen doorway.

Lily blushed, but pretended to ignore the comment. "JARVIS, please call Captain America and put him on speaker so everyone can hear and talk. I've seen you do it before."

A ringing filled the room until a voice answered, "Rogers. What is it, Stark?"

"It's not Tony, Captain Rogers. I'm here with Tony and Loki, Natasha, Bruce, Helen and Thor, though.  My name is Lily. Do you still punch Nazis? I hope you do. Cause I had a conversation this morning I was hoping you could listen to and then maybe explain to Thor why xenophobia is a horrible thing, especially when it comes to your family and why good people punch Nazis. This just seems like your area. JARVIS, can you play that recording now?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to listen and try to figure out what in the world was going on.

Lily slung her back pack over her shoulder and took Loki by the hand. They snuck out of the house to the waiting car.

The voices of Thor and Lily drifted out of the door that had been left standing open.

Bruce moaning, "Duuude, noooo," punctuated the air as the gates closed behind Loki and Lily.

Once in the car, his blond disguise in place, Loki breathed easier. It felt like his first truly free breath in a long time. No heroes, no mindflayer, nothing but himself and Lily.

Ugh, and the ravens.

He scowled when he heard the screech of ravens behind the car. He would have to find some way to sneak them aboard the plane. Ah well, a magical distraction should make it easy enough for them to fly on. Lily could keep them in line then.

He poked at his new phone, exploring its functions. "What was that all about back there?" he asked casually, eyes on the screen. "Did Thor show you his scars? Some of them are in less than polite places and he cannot seem to get it through his head that no, no one wants to see where the troll's mace nearly missed your femoral artery."

He stretched, using the opportunity to put his arm around Lily. There had been far too little touching this morning for his tastes.

"Speaking of him," Loki said in a low voice near her ear, "you were brilliant in flattering him to let me go. Absolutely amazing."

Despite the warm sun coming in the windows, the pitch of his voice sent a shiver of thrill down Lily's spine. "Thank you. I only finished what you started. Being your student makes me brave."

Looking into the rearview mirror, she saw the storm clouds gathering behind them and took Loki's free hand in hers. "Maybe too brave. I hope I didn't just really piss off the Avengers. Oh well, it was worth it." She looked up and gave Loki a beautiful smile. " _You_ are definitely worth it."

Amazingly, they made it on the plane and took off without any incident. Even the ravens co-operated and quietly settled into a corner of the well-appointed cabin, although they didn't seem thrilled to be flying in a machine.

Lily undid her seatbelt as soon as she could and jumped up to do a wiggly happy dance. "Six or seven hours in private jet and we'll be ho-ome!" she sang. "Sorry about the primitive transportation, it's no magical portal cairn to a beach, but believe me, this is infinitely better than flying coach. Oh!"

She climbed onto the seat next to Loki on her knees and opened the window shade. "And you can see the whole country really fast this way! There's a lot more of nothing than you'd expect though."

Loki's eyes lingered on her while she stared out the window. He was giddy with his new freedom and he had been playing nice all morning. Not a hair out of place, not a toe over the line, listening to Stark and Banner and even Romanoff chatter. It had been worth it- they never would have let him go if he had caused even a tiny bit of trouble.

But now... now he could stop acting the 'reformed villain' part and start acting something truer.

He smiled to himself at his phrasing, leaning over Lily's shoulder as if to look out the window. His hand slid down her back and he said in a low, throaty voice, "I would not say 'nothing.' I have plenty to look at."

He kissed her neck, soft and gentle, while his hand dipped lower to caress her ass. Yes, this was much more fun.

Watching the transitions between city and desert, from farmlands to forest, having usually invisible boundaries laid out beneath her… this was Lily's favorite part about flying. But the land didn't matter this time, as Loki's attentions made her eyes close.

"Mmm… you do?" she asked quietly, hyperaware of his hand and his lips and how he was touching her. "This doesn't feel like looking. This feels like you're trying to seduce me. You must be doing better this morning. I know you were sore last night, even though you wouldn't tell me."

Lily turned toward Loki and slid her arm around him. She was almost startled by his blondness in the sunlight; his disguise had slipped her mind.

"No matter what you look like, you're always amazing." She ran her fingers through his shorter than usual curls. "Now is my hero all healed up like magic, or are there still boo boos that need to be kissed and made better? I didn't have any time to check on you this morning."

"If you must ask, then I am doing a poor job of seduction," he said, ignoring the flutter in his stomach at the way she said 'hero.' That was not his destiny. Instead, he savored the feeling of her hand in his hair, soothing and sweet.

He drew her in with a hand on her neck, letting his breath ghost over her lips. He held them like that, letting the anticipation build, before he gave in and his eyes slid shut. The kiss was slow and deep. Indulgent. They had so much time with no one else around. There would be no AI or heroes interrupting them at any moment. It was just them.

"This is all I need from you right now," he whispered the truth into her mouth. He tightened his grip on her neck, his other hand gliding up her thigh.

He was being honest--what else was there for Lily to do but accept the fact that her heart was trembling in her throat. He needed this from her. That was more than enough.

"Then, it's yours." She brought his lips back against hers. Her head dipped and moved, changing to accommodate the deepening kiss. She curled the fingers of her right hand against Loki's scalp. It held him close enough that he couldn't tease her with his breath again.

Her left hand slid up under the back of his shirt, along the smoothness of his back, seeking the contact of skin, pulling him closer, letting her press herself against him.

Loki made a small sound, helplessly needy.  His skin was tingling and he wanted so much more.  Her hand on his back felt good, but distant- greedily, he tried to undo the extra spells he had put on himself to regain full sensation, but he had cast them too well. 

As she pushed him back, he was too distracted to unravel the maze he had hid them in.  Which had been his goal, but right now all he wanted was more of this heady, rich feeling.  The scratch of her nails, the softness of her skin, the wet slide of her lips... He pulled back to change his angle, planning to attack her neck with his tongue.

When he opened his eyes, all he saw was something black and shiny. His heart in his throat, he shrieked and jerked backwards.

What the ever-loving _fuck_ was-

One of the ravens cawed at him from its perch on the back of their bench, where it had been able to insert its head between them. 

It sounded for all the world like it was laughing at him.  It hopped down on to Lily's lap, giving Loki a satisfied, "that's settled" look.

Loki pressed a hand to his hammering heart, trying to look more collected and in command than he felt. 

"Which one is that, because I would like to curse its name forever."  Norns, he had thought the mindflayer had somehow gotten aboard. That damn raven. He pointed at it. "And here I thought to be polite and invite you on the plane so that you would not have to fly for days.  I will not be making that mistake again!"

He slumped back into his seat.  His muscles felt like jelly.  This was Thor's fault. He wasn't sure _how_ it was Thor's fault, but Loki was going to blame him anyway.  Perhaps he'd be able to lock the birds out of Lily's apartment. He was not done touching and kissing her, by a long shot. 

Lily unceremoniously dumped the bird onto the floor with shaking hands.

"Munin," she growled, "Nn-nnever scare us like that again without a d-damn good reason. You m-might be coming with us, but you just won yourselves a stay on the fire escape instead of inside. I hope you like pigeons."

The bird looked up at her from the floor and whined.

She took a deep breath and steadied her voice. "No! I'm not buying it.  It wasn't funny and I don't care what Thor might have said, I didn't need to be protected from that. You could tell by the way I _wasn’t_ calling for help. Go explain to Huginn why he's sleeping outside. I'm done with you for now."

Lily was shaken, but Loki looked positively unwell, though he was trying to hide it. She slid across the seat and sat herself sideways across his lap.

"Do you mind? I think I'm still a little nervous 'cause of yesterday," she asked as her arm slipped around him. "Why don't you talk to me? That would feel better. Tell me what you do when you aren't running around the universe doing things like this. What does being a prince involve?"

Loki wrapped an arm around her waist, giving Muninn the same look the raven had delivered. But then he sighed. "I am no longer a prince. Thor seems convinced he will be able to change Odin's mind, but he has ever been an optimist." He brushed Lily's hair back from her neck, running the soft strands through his fingers. "I am... Well, I might as well tell the truth to you. I am not certain that I would want to be a Prince of Asgard again, if the option were available. Odin was clear that after my actions on Midgard, I was not to be entrusted with any authority. He did not go so far as to disown me... although he may as well have, the way the Asgardians took it." He gazed out the window, unfocused. "I wanted to be King. Thor was always going to be King, I knew it even then, but I convinced myself that if I just worked hard enough, he would choose me. He would see me."

Loki turned his attention back to Lily with half a smile. "It seems so ridiculous now. Such a simple thing, a throne. A crown. How I threw myself into the contest for it, knowing I would lose. What is that, compared to genocide, invasion, insanity?"

It was not truly funny, but he wanted to laugh. His life had completely shattered that day on Jotunheim. If he had not fought so hard against Thor being chosen, if he had not wanted to highlight his brother's inadequacies... Everything had gotten so much worse since then.

"We were both groomed for the throne. Told we were destined for it. We were given districts in the city to govern, when we were old enough. Traveled to other realms to view their new royal babes or to witness treaties when Odin could not. Trained in and then led our armies... Learned the ancient and noble ways of hunting game and kissing ass. History lessons. With plenty of time left over to get into terrible trouble. All- as Odin so kindly pointed out to me in chains- wasted by my actions."

She heard the pain in what he was saying. She had been trying to calm him and had stupidly asked bad questions. This was only making his mood darker.  Lily still couldn't help but listen in awe. Her eyes were wide and lips slightly parted. She thought that the more she learned, the less everything would feel like a fairy tale. She was wrong again. There was a way she could be right though.

Her hand began to softly glow and she reached up to thread her fingers through his. "Just between the four of us here, and whoever the birds tell, your Odin is wrong. You didn't waste anything. It all turned you into who you are. And you are a prince. He can't take that away from you. No one can. It's just… what you are. Change into a puppy again and you'll still be a prince. But Your Highness would need to go walkies from time to time."

Lily laughed at her own joke and kissed Loki on the temple. "Right now, we're on our way to my house and though I may not have any royal babes for you to stare at, you have all of the authority you need to witness treaties at the dining table or nobly hunt any game you find in my kitchen. And kiss ass anytime you like."

"But I'd like you to remember, that for the past few days and hopefully going forward, you've been my teacher, my hero, my fairy godmother, my sanity and my heart. You have opened doors for me that I didn't even know existed and shown me things no one else on this planet has ever seen. You have changed my life in ways that no number of kings or crowns ever could. None of that is any Hlidskjalf, I know, yet you're still so important. Anyone that can't see how amazing you are is blind."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, darling," Loki drawled, filled with a gentle, warm feeling that was too soft for him to not to cover. With an elaborate, showy gesture, he conjured a lily in his free hand. He tucked the flower behind her ear and worked on securing it with seidr.

'Your Odin is wrong,' she'd said. Well, of course Odin was wrong. Loki knew he was wrong about a great many things. So why was it such a relief to hear her say it? Rare was the person who spoke against Odin. He had such a strong aura around him and entertained no questions about his actions. His word was law. To just come out and say that Odin was _wrong_... And Loki smiled, because he had a feeling that Lily would have no problem telling the pompous windbag that to his face.

"Beautiful," he whispered, smoothing his fingertips over his work. The orange and white petals glowed against her brown hair. It reminded him of their time in the Asgardian forest.  A long, long time ago, it felt like. 

"And, since I _am_ always me, do not think I did not hear you promise that I can kiss a certain body part all I like in your kitchen."  He smirked. "I will hold you to that." 

"Why don't you just hold me and quit putting words in my mouth? I don't think I promised anything about this ass," she wiggled herself against his lap suggestively with a giggle, "and my kitchen. It hardly seems hygienic. I suppose I could clean more though."

Loki's phone caught Lily's eye. If she played around like that much more, they would probably have to fight off the ravens again. She reached over his arm to grab it and held it out in front of the two of them.

"Let's get you a lock screen. Look at the phone and smile." Just as she clicked the button to take the picture, she leaned in and kissed Loki's cheek.

Loki looked at the picture on the screen in delight. She had captured the second that his smile had softened into surprise at her kiss. He looked decades younger. Softer and more innocent. He would not have thought to capture them together in a picture.

The only time he had seen instant photography on Asgard was in the healer's building. Any other use was seen as frivolous, a vanity. They had painters to capture a likeness. And he had illusions.

He got an idea. He gently moved Lily from his lap to the seat, standing up while he did. He pointed the camera at her, moving it here and there to get the right angle. The light from the window turned her gold, sparking off her hair and tinting her skin warmly.

"Wait, wait," he said, opening his pocket dimension. He stuck his hand in, not taking his eyes off the screen. He dug around blindly, discarding anything sharp or hard. Ah, there it was. He pulled the stuffed rabbit out of the slit he'd made in space and placed it on her lap.

Lily went along with the budding photographer. Of course, she smiled for him, she couldn't help but smile when he was being like this.

He stuck his tongue between his teeth as he made the final adjustments to his picture.

"There, perfect." He touched the button, somehow capturing six copies. That didn't dull his pride at having done it.

He turned the phone to Lily to show her. "Look!"

She hugged her rabbit and peered at his phone. "Hey, you've got a good eye for composition. I hope you take lots of pictures. I wanna see what you'd take pictures of. You'll send them to me, right? Here, you want me to show you how?"

She got out her new phone and started showing Loki how to do things like send messages and look things up online.

Hours passed while they took silly pictures and talked about things they were looking at online. There were no mentions of their problems while they sat leaning against each other and laughing. Before they realized it, the sky outside of the windows was dark and they were almost to New York.


	40. Chapter 40

Stark had arranged a car for them at this end as well. Loki rolled his eyes at the precaution, but admitted to himself that it was probably best. He had no idea how to get them from the plane to Lily's apartment. And this way, he could indulge in the occasional nuzzle to her neck as she looked out the window at the slowly- so damn slowly, we’re they moving at all?- passing city.

Loki helped Lily out of the car with unnecessary chivalry. He couldn't help it. He was in an excellent mood. There was no one watching him, no heroes to chastise him, no Asgardians to look down on him, no mindflayer to shred his thoughts. They were blissfully alone.

He grabbed Lily and spun her into a deep, happy kiss. A car honked as it drove past and it was a mark of how content he was that Loki didn't puncture a tire for it. He let Lily go with a smile that turned a bit chagrined when his stomach growled. Bagels had been a long time ago.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, even happier at his new idea. "Can we get pizza here?"

Lily had been surprised by being drawn into Loki's arms and so thoroughly kissed. She had lost all bearings and when he let go of her, she staggered back a step. She raised her hands to cover her pink cheeks, but they couldn't hide her smile.

"Pizza? We're in New York. We can get anything you want. But if my guy wants pizza, he can have pizza. Do you want to eat out or get it delivered?”

"We're getting pizza?" a sharply-accented voice asked from behind Lily. "Great! I was going to ask if you had anything to eat at your place anyway. I swear, one of these weeks I'll go grocery shopping."

Lily rolled her eyes so that Loki could see, before she plastered another grin on her face and turned to face the speaker.

She never quite got used to the visual assault of her friend's appearance. Today she must have been in a good mood, due to the profusion of neon colors and animal prints that made up her outfit.

"Lauren, _we_ are getting pizza." She gestured between herself and Loki. "This we. The we that just got in from L.A. and haven't even gotten inside yet.  See? Luggage." Lily pointed to the suitcase and backpack with a laugh. "It's been a long day."

"I know you've been out of town, everyone does.  You just took off to go hang out with Tony Stark and _Thor_? Unless you were bullshitting your hashtags. If you were, you're in a bunch of trouble, girl. But it looks like you brought one home with you. About time. This the royalty Mona mentioned?" Lauren winked at Loki.

Lily had to change the topic before Loki got cranky again, so she turned to him, "Um, this is Lauren. She lives downstairs. Did I tell you about her yet? Lauren, this is... um..."

_Oh shit. I can't call him Loki._

Lauren circled around them to stand next to Loki and get a good look. Actually, she stared at him like a vulture looks at fresh road kill. Lily could almost see the calculations going on inside of her head.

Lauren spoke, cutting Lily off, her eyes never leaving Loki. "He's perfect is what he is." Her hand shot out and squeezed Loki's shoulder. "Omigod. This is all you! And what are you? Like a thirty-one-inch waist? Inseam for days. Let me borrow him. Seriously. "

Loki stuck his hands in his pockets, watching the exchange with a bemused smile. Lily attracted the most interesting people. And he always enjoyed being admired- and there was no mistaking the look on the woman's face. Admiration was a polite term for it. 

Lauren tucked a pink highlight behind her ear and looked up to plead with Loki. "Please? You are a perfect fit. I just got in a literal truckload of suits. Gucci, Dior, Reiss, Tom Ford... the _best_. They look like shit on the rack, but on _you_... fuck! If I could just get a few pictures. Just for the website. I'll pay you, that’s not a problem."

Lily cut Lauren off with a one-armed hug. "Tomorrow. OK? Ask him tomorrow. Right now, we're going upstairs and shutting the door and only opening it for pizza." She picked up her backpack and headed for the door.

"Fine! I get it." Lauren waved and took off down the street. "If I run, I can get to the Deli before it closes. And I'm holding you to tomorrow! Hey! No matter what she tells you, I do _not_ run a second hand shop. I am a _couture broker_!"

Loki followed Lily to the door, contemplating kissing her again. But she opened the door and headed inside before he could act on it. 

"Fashion enthusiasts are the same everywhere, it seems," he said. "Not so many on Asgard, but the elves have a high sense of fashion. Always looking to dress someone in feathers or vines or gelatinized broth."

“Broth? OK. Won’t ask.” Lily shrugged and led the way upstairs.

Once inside Lily's apartment, Loki sighed and stretched.  Green cascaded down his body as he raised his arms over his head, dissolving his blond disguise. "Oh, that's better."

He glanced around, the room at once familiar and foreign. He hadn't spent more than a few hours here, but it felt almost like coming home. Maybe it was the way Lily had relaxed immediately when they crossed the threshold. Maybe it was his fond memory of the beginning of her magic lessons on these paintings. 

He wanted to immerse himself here, to not be Loki, disgraced Jotun Prince of Asgard, but to just be her companion in her house.

Lily was concentrating on her phone, so Loki draped himself on her couch, looking at the forged paintings she had displayed.

"Food is ordered. Should be about forty-five minutes." Lily sighed and dropped her phone on the coffee table.

She walked around the back of the couch and leaned over Loki's shoulder, wrapping an arm around him. "I desperately feel the need to shower and wash off recycled airplane air. I'll be fast. Why don't you think of this as your place? Relax. Get comfy. Take your boots off. Install beds. Whatever you like. Pillows and blankets are back there, some of the windows open, there's wine and tea on the counter. The remote for music and TV is on the table in front of you. Books are around. Have fun."

She kissed his cheek and paused, almost waiting for him to ask if he could join her.

Loki plucked the flower from her hair as she kissed his cheek. He made a little vase for it and put it on the table in front of him with a smile.

Her suitcase was closer than her dresser. Lily blindly grabbed a handful of clothes from it and went to the bathroom.

When she turned the lights on, the first thing Lily was confronted with was her reflection in the mirror. How long had she been looking that... stupidly happy? She sighed and stuck her tongue out at herself before she got in the shower.

"You're safe,” she told herself. "I'll wait as long as I can before over-thinking everything. I really like being happy with him."

As quickly as she could, Lily managed to oil, lather, scrub, shave, pluck and exfoliate various parts. She certainly wasn't _planning_ for there to be a need for all of that, but she thought about how Loki's hand had felt sliding up her thigh on the plane.

"Yes, this is just in case, also just in case, more lotion on my legs."

Her hair was mostly dry when she reached for her clothes. She thought she had grabbed a set of sweats out of her suitcase, but it was the soft tunic she had won from Loki.

"Oh well, it's casual, right?" Lily asked herself and draped it over her head. It was unbelievably soft and still smelled faintly like Loki. She might never take it off. It came down past her mid-thigh, long enough, so she shrugged and pulled panties on underneath before leaving the room.

Given the opportunity, Loki was not above snooping around other people's spaces. But he didn't want to right now. Maybe because she had given him permission. Or maybe- and he rolled his eyes at himself- he was enjoying getting to know Lily without spying.

He got up. He removed his shoes by the door. Easily done with magic, but some things were better the real way.  Wandering into the kitchen, he spied a bottle of wine. That, he didn't mind using seidr to remove the cork. He set the bottle down on the table to breathe and saw the gold coin, still sitting there.

 _Tomorrow_ , he thought. He didn't want to think about that tonight.

As much as it made him feel too weak, he wanted time to be soft and domestic with Lily. To have dinner and talk and touch in her home, with no one else around and no monsters to slay. His fingertips trailed over the edge of the counter. He was still a strange mix of delighted and confused that she wanted him here.

He was sitting on the couch again, looking through a book of paintings, when she returned. His breath froze in his chest, seeing her in nothing but his tunic.  For all that he'd seen her in more revealing outfits at Stark's, his hands twitched with the need to feel her skin hidden under the hem. The deep cut of the collar left her neck bare and tempting. He wet his lips with a flick of his tongue, but couldn't make words A knock on the door saved him from making an utter fool of himself.

Lily wondered if she had made a mistake in coming out of the bathroom dressed like this. Loki was staring at her oddly when the knock came.

"Oh jeeze! That was fast." Lily looked quickly between her closet and the door. No time for pants. She opened the door about halfway and partially hid behind it to quickly snag the food and thank the delivery guy. After closing the door, she lifted the boxes in triumph. 

"The pizza is here. I'm sorry that I didn't dress for dinner." She set the boxes of pizza and bread sticks on the coffee table. "I can go change really quick."

Loki grabbed her hips and pulled her closer. "Do not fucking dare," he said, openly staring at her. "You look... I have never... I..."  His throat was dry, the words sticking inside. He'd seen her in states much more undressed than this... but this was hitting him somewhere new.  

She looked smaller, dressed like this, the fabric hanging looser and longer than it did on him. There was an undeniable desire to possess and protect in this new feeling, as his fingers held her tighter. Something like a primal marking, seeing her in his clothes.

But it was the intimacy of it that was undoing him.

The comfort she had in wearing his shirt, as if what he had was hers by right. (True, she had won it from him and it was hers now, but his feelings did not care for such a fine distinction.) She _wanted_ to wear something of his. His tunic had put that comfortable, cozy look on her face. Not something she already owned. Something of _his_. 

A wave of emotion pressed against the back of his eyes and he didn't know if he wanted to cry or smile, or both.  If he wanted sweet domesticity tonight, this was exactly what he had been looking for.

"You are dressed perfectly," he said, his voice rough. _I love you_ , he nearly blurted. "Let me serve you. Dinner, I mean."  He refused to admit to the heat in his cheeks was there. He’d meant more than that.  Norns, he was tripping over himself like a youth, all because of a tunic. 

He stood to give her a short kiss before he went into the kitchen. He rummaged around through her cabinets until he found glasses and plates. He brought them back with the bottle of wine hanging by the neck from two fingers.

Plating the pizza and pouring the wine could have been done with magic, but again, it was something better done by hand.

He offered a glass to Lily with a ridiculous courtly bow. "My lady."

She took the glass, letting her fingers brush against his- she could still feel those fingers on her hips- and inclined her head to him.

"Your Highness," she answered with a grin.

She actually hadn't ever stopped grinning. In fact, she had been too distracted thinking about the sound of Loki's voice when he said she was dressed perfectly and then watching him in the kitchen, to even sit down. Even when reaching for glasses, he moved with such strength and grace she felt she could watch him forever. When she realized this, her cheeks flushed and she quickly sat down on the couch.

"I really should feel honored right now, huh?" She spoke to cover herself. "I'll bet you don't offer to serve often. You have a talent for it. You even remembered flowers and wine. Thank you."

Over the rim of her glass, she watched him move around the coffee table and sit down to join her. In California, she had just accepted everything as the "new normal."  Next to settling into Tony Stark's house uninvited, watching Thor cause thunder storms, and dealing with amorphous mind-controllers, sharing a bed with Loki didn't seem so farfetched.

Here at home, against her well-broken-in couch, it was all starting to feel a bit like a dream.

"I meant what I said earlier, about thinking this is your place. You can feel really lost when you don't think you're welcome at home.  I've been there. No pressure, but it's a place to relax and come back to if you need it. So, if we're at home we can just be ourselves and it can all be normal. I'll make space in the bathroom for your stuff. Do you have stuff?"

"I do."  With a gesture, he opened his pocket dimension.  "See?  In here."  He widened the opening a little so that she could see inside.  It was about the size of a large closet, with piles of clothes, books, and weapons taking up most of the space.  

"It, uh, is a bit of a mess.  I have not had the time to clean it out in a while.  Look, do you see the kettle I used to make you tea on the boat?"  It was perched precariously on a heap of throwing knives.  "Very handy to have a kettle around at all times."

She nodded, but she was too occupied to respond properly because she was keeping herself from asking him if she could go inside and investigate. She had hardly managed to close her gaping mouth.

"Oh my god! Amazing." Lily's eyes widened and she leaned forward to peer into the opening. She was completely fascinated. It was like having Aladdin's cave opened in front of her. What were those books about? How did that fabric feel? What was glittering like that? He sure had a lot of knives.

He took a bite of pizza, savoring the heaviness of it, the bold acidic sweetness of the tomato sauce and the creamy chew of the cheese.  It was slightly different than what they had had at Stark's, but it was still delicious.  He closed his eyes to fully enjoy it.

His first instinct was to shrug off Lily's offer.  What need did he have of a mortal's space?  He could have anything he wanted in an instant through his seidr.  Her words sunk into him, though, not to be discarded so easily.  'I have a home,' he could have said.  He didn't need her glowing to know that was not quite the truth.  After his time with Maw and the Chitauri, Asgard felt foreign and often hostile. He longed for it, but he did not particularly want to return there, despite Thor's insistence.

"You will regret that offer in a week, when I have littered your home with books and trinkets. I am nearly as bad as a dragon," he said with a smile.

Unable to help himself, he rested his free hand on Lily's thigh, slipping his pinkie under the hem of the tunic. He floated the kettle and tins of tea from his dimension to her kitchen counter. Home. 

The warm hand on her leg brought Lily's attention back to Loki himself. She was so relieved that he hadn't laughed at her or blown her off.  It wasn't like she was asking him for a commitment to move in forever, though she could see how he could have taken it that way. She only wanted to offer a little bit of stability.

"I won't mind stuff like that. When I have time to be home, I'm the same way. Besides, I'd love to look at your books." Lily took a drink of wine and almost choked trying not to spit it out as something clicked in her head.

" _Wait_!" she coughed. "Are dragons real too? Or are you messing with me?"

Loki untucked his shirt and hiked it up a little, pointing to a faint, thin scar running down his side. "Dragon claw. Real, but very rare. We fought only one and it was a fierce battle, even with Thor and the Warriors and myself. We did not mean to disturb it, but some blond idiot saw something sparkle at the bottom of the river and just _had_ to go check it out. They used to live on Midgard too, but Odin hunted them to extinction." He shook his head, remembering the sheer terror of that battle, certain they were all going to die. "They are tough and impenetrable bastards. Especially if they get the drop on you. We did not even kill it, just incapacitated it enough to flee."

Stretching out his legs, he dropped his shirt back down so that he could eat more pizza. "Do your people still tell of dragons, then? You have forgotten Frost Giants, but remember dragons?" He took a bite. It seemed ridiculous to have such priorities. Dragons were vicious, yes, but as long as you did not build near them or steal their treasure, they kept to themselves. Frost Giants were far more dangerous and wilier.

Lily reached under Loki's arm and touched the hem of his shirt. "May I?" she asked and lifted his shirt back up enough that she could run a slightly glowing finger along the scar. Along with his skin, she felt the truth of his story.

"You fought a dragon." Her whisper held more than a touch of awe. "I'm sorry, Frost Giants are pretty much relegated to mythology and dragons are kind of everywhere. Asgard was just a myth until a little bit ago too though. More people probably believed in dragons than Odin, until Thor showed up. We weren't just ignoring you."

She dropped his shirt and sat up. "You are never going to stop amazing me, are you? I think you like it when I get all impressed about things you take for granted. I suppose it goes both ways a tiny bit. I mean, you look more interested in pizza than fighting dragons."

"Who, _me_? Enjoy being flattered and told that I am impressive? I would never," he sniffed with exaggerated disdain. "That does not sound like me at all. I am humble and demure." A ball of shifting colored light appeared over the coffee table, casting them in a blue, then green, then pink glow. "I must hold my best secrets close, for later. I would not want you to get bored of me."

He grinned at her and leaned closer to nudge her. He thought he could push her just far enough for her to give that 'you're incorrigible and I'm not falling for it' laugh she had. He loved that laugh, loved the way it made his heart thump, even though he didn't quite understand why yet.

"Go on. Tell me more about how impressed you are," he purred.

Her eyes twinkled with the colored light as she nudged him back. "Stop it," she laughed. "I won't get bored, but at this rate there won't be room for me and your ego on this couch. So, quit impressing me and let me eat."

Lily picked up her pizza and took a much too large bite out of it, making her cheeks puff out like a chipmunk.  She grinned at him with her lips tight over the mouthful of food and grabbed the remote to find a movie.

Loki settled back onto the couch with a content wiggle. Her eyes had sparkled and his heart had done that awkward thump, just as he wanted.

She clicked on a nature documentary with amusement. _This should be good for a laugh,_ she thought.

She chewed and swallowed with a gulp. Pointing at the screen, she said, "See how the title doesn't quite match everything else? The Diversity of Life: ON EARTH. You and your brother did that. When we realized we weren't alone, everyone had to scramble to qualify everything as being terrestrial. It usually means someone went back and added the phrase ‘ON EARTH’ to the end of everything. It's getting silly at this point."

"I'll bet it’s lions. They always have lions." Lily gestured at the TV with her pizza as a quiet voice began to narrate over a shot of the sunrise over the savanna.

"Yep. Lions!" she laughed.

He put another slice of pizza on his plate, looking at the television. Asgardians were technologically advanced from humans in many, many ways, but recording was not one of them. This fascination with recording everything was something Asgardians did not have. Perhaps because of their stronger memories, or smaller home realm, or the fierce conservative bias of their society... Loki thought it was a lovely quirk of humanity. Nothing was too small for them to want to preserve in data.

Lions, he knew about. But by the time the program had shifted to caracals, he was watching with deep concentration. The narrator had a soothing voice and Loki could not look away from the, often brutal, display of Midgardian fauna.

Pizza finished and wine nearly gone, Lily rested her head on his shoulder as they watched. Loki stroked his hand down her arm, only jumping once when a sea lion ("A seal lion, Lily! We saw those!") caught a penguin.

When the credits crawled up the screen, he yawned. "Bed?"

Lily lifted her head, not quite wanting to give up her comfortable spot against Loki. "Sure. Let me take care of a few things first."

She picked up her phone from the coffee table and sent a quick text to Tony. _Thanks for the ride. We're home and being uneventful. Good Night_. 

Hopefully that would head off any attempts to check in on them tonight. She didn't mention Thor; it was too late to deal with all that.

Clearing the dirty plates and boxes, she went to put the mess away in the kitchen and was startled by a tapping at the window that led to her fire escape. The ravens.

Lily raised the window and leaned out. "Good job finding us. Uncaged birds don't get to ride in hired cars. Sorry."

The birds stared at her grumpily. They weren't happy, but they wouldn't let Loki too far out of their sight after being sent by Thor. Muninn let out a sad croak that was obviously a bid for sympathy.

"Nope." Lily said. "You guys get the fire escape. But I will relent and let you have the leftover cheese bread. See you tomorrow."

The box of leftovers was set on the landing of the fire escape. When she shut the window, Lily also pulled a roller shade down over it.  Satisfied that there would be no interruptions from Avengers or birds, and that the dishes could definitely wait until tomorrow, she turned to see Loki standing at the window by the couch.

Her bare feet made soft sounds on the floor as Lily approached. She slipped her arms around his waist and leaned her cheek against the back of his shoulder. Gentle fingers traced the word BED across his stomach. 


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here be smut. Tags have been updated accordingly. :)

Keeping her voice low, Lily said, "You saw me safely back and you came home with me. I knew you would keep your promise."

Loki smiled faintly out the window.  "I suppose I did," he murmured.  

He turned to look at her, in his tunic, her hair softly ruffled from leaning on him.  His chest ached with too many emotions. 

"Is that... Are you going to wear that to sleep?" He had expected her to change into something of her own; that she hadn't was tugging at him strangely. He reached out to comb her mussed hair, studying her face.  Tracing the line of her brow, her cheekbones, down to her lips. 

He was seized with the certainty that if he didn't kiss her, he would not be able to breathe. He cupped the back of her neck, drawing her closer.  His thumb rubbed under her ear while his other hand gripped her hip and pulled her flush along his body.

Lily's breath caught for a moment and her arms lifted to hold onto Loki's shoulders to steady herself. Had he always felt this solid, she wondered? She And why he was being so weird about the shirt; she'd won it fair and square.

"I suppose I am," she purred back at him. "It's my new favorite thing. It makes me comfortable." She raised up on her toes a bit, until their noses were almost touching. "Does it bother you that much?"

 _It makes my knees weak to hear you say that,_ he almost said. _It boggles the mind that you would want it. That you want me like that._

To be wanted for comfort, for quiet moments like tonight...

Before he could answer, Lily pressed her  lips against Loki's. An argument about sleepwear was not on her agenda; she had to stop it before it started. 

The ache in his chest eased as he moved his tongue over hers. They were alone, finally truly alone. His heart skipped a beat at the thought. She had even shut the ravens outside.

He pulled away from the kiss to nip at her neck. "It does bother me. I should take it off of you," he purred, overly flirtatious, grasping a handful of fabric in his fist. It left room for her to laugh at him and tell him to just go to sleep. And he'd curl up with her in his arms and perhaps find the courage to tell her how that shirt made him feel. But if she didn't...

His voice and kisses were making it difficult to think, but Lily thought that it couldn't be bothering him _that_ much. She didn't need any powers to tell that; she could feel him, already hard and pressing against her.

"Ohhh..." she said, finally getting it and feeling a bit stupid. She tipped her head down and looked up at him through her eyelashes in embarrassment. "It _bothers_ you, bothers you. Then let me just ask you not to make it disappear forever. I'll definitely want it back."

Lily took a step backward, toward the screens that hid her bed. She tugged at Loki's shoulders to pull him with her. 

"We should..." She leaned up to kiss him. Her tongue slid out to taste his lips and she smiled.

"Come back here and..." Another step backwards and another kiss.

"Maybe I'll stop bothering you." Another step. Another kiss.

"… Maybe."

Loki grinned at her, his stomach swirling with anticipation. _She is perfect,_ he thought as she teased him closer to the bed. Days ago, he had surprised her with his double in the early morning dark by this bed, just to be difficult, and even then, he'd known she was special.

He lifted her to kneel on the bed, gazing into her eyes, searching for the same longing he felt. "And what if _I_ start bothering _you_?" He ran his hands over her back, one up to her neck and one down to caress her ass. "Do the same rules apply? I have no such attachment to my shirt..."

Lily bit her lip as she arched into his touch and met his gaze. Her pulse hammered in her throat. She had accepted many impossible things in the past few days, but this incredible man looking at her with such longing was almost too much for even her to believe, even if she knew the truth. 

She let go and trusted him and his heart. With even more difficulty she decided to trust her own heart again. Her heart wanted Loki. Her body wanted him just as much.

She began to undo the buttons on his dress shirt. She lovingly kissed every inch of the pale skin of his chest as it was exposed.

"You bothered me the first time I laid eyes on you and haven't stopped since,”  Lily said, barely containing her voice. Her breath felt hot on her mouth as it blew back against her.

Drawing back when she reached his stomach, she looked up at him, licking the taste of his skin from her lips.  "But keep this shirt too, I may wear it tomorrow."

He swallowed hard at the image that brought to mind. Shrugging off the shirt, he made a show of floating it safely to hang on the screen.

"That, I cannot wait to see." He pushed her gently back onto the bed, crawling after her so they lay side by side. "It will likely be the last thing I see, since I am sure it will kill me, but I cannot wait."

Fingering the fabric of her tunic, he pulled the collar to the side so that he could brush his lips over her throat. "This nearly did me in," he murmured.

Feeling bold, he drew her leg up over his hip as he sucked at her neck. There was no hiding the state he was in, so why try. Being so close, but still partly dressed, was a sweet, exquisite tension, heightening his senses.

Skimming his palm over her calf, so smooth and silky soft, he couldn't help but smirk. "Ohh. Is this for me?

Since Lily had had all pretense of embarrassment stripped away by the look they had shared, she lightly traced the word YES in large letters across Loki's back. It was for him, right now she was all his and her skin burned for his touch.

Her hips pushed into him. An electric shudder ran through her as she pressed hot against his erection. "Is this for _me_?”  she moaned.

For a moment, the only part of Loki that could function was his pelvis rolling against her. It had been so long, he realized as he inhaled a shaky breath, so long since anyone had touched him like this. Even before the Chitauri and New York, he had long stopped taking lovers to earn Odin's approval.

It was all too much. The warmth of Lily along his body. The affirmation on his back and how she had prepared herself. Her bold moan, making his cock throb.

He held her tightly, steadying himself. "It is not for anyone else." He slid his hand up her thigh, under the hem of the tunic. He still could not believe that she had worn it, that she had on only underwear underneath. He had wanted to do this all night, caressing soft skin on his way up.

He gently gripped the waistband of her panties. "May I?" he whispered.

"Yes. Please, yes." Lily traced the word again and again along his spine as she spoke, understanding that he believed her touch more than her voice.

She leaned her forehead against his and spoke anyway. Her voice trembled slightly with emotion, but also because of the way his fingers left hot trails along her skin wherever he had touched. "I want this. I want this with you."

Loki could have dissolved them into the air, but this was another thing best done by hand. He eased the panties down, dragging his palms slowly down as well. He moved onto his knees, tossing the fabric to the floor.

Kneeling between her legs, he leaned over, slipping his hands under the tunic again. "This too?"

He splayed his fingers over her belly, trying to touch as much of her as he could. He didn't realize he had bitten his lip as he looked at her, her hair flowing across the pillow, her cheeks flushed, her chest rising and falling unevenly.

He hesitated, caught by the forgotten awkwardness of first times, momentarily unsure what she would object to. Then he felt the words on his back as if she was writing them just now- YES. Lowering his head, he kissed the top of her thigh and then moved upward, along her stomach, sprinkling kisses on newly exposed skin until he had nearly buried his head under her shirt.

Lily could only lay back and suppress her gasps at the sweet tenderness of his kisses. In this position, she could have easily felt too exposed and vulnerable. Her experience predicted he would move straight to her cunt, but he didn't. Loki was making her feel wanted, valued... needed. She wanted him to feel the same way, even as a throbbing heat pooled between her legs.

She raised up and pulled the tunic over her head and flipped it onto the headboard. He had been covered by the cloth and she didn't want anything between them. Her fingers slid into his hair, along his scalp and urged him toward her face so that she could kiss him.

"For you," she panted against his lips. "The answer is always yes."

"Oh, my dear. That leaves me too much wiggle room." He wiggled his hips to illustrate his point and groaned at the sensation. _Fuck, that feels good._ "After all," he continued, when his brain functioned again, "I am quite a chaotic creature." He kissed her jaw, her throat, grazing her with his teeth to add a bit of play-menace to his words. "You have no idea what sorts of depraved and degenerate acts I might prefer."

Depravity could wait, though. Right now, he had only one goal in mind, and that was to make her moan his name. He propped himself up on one elbow, the other hand cupping her breast. His tongue flickered over her nipple until he couldn't wait any longer, then he covered it with his lips and sucked.

"Ohh god... yes," Lily whimpered. The fingers of one hand curled tightly into his hair as the other clutched his shoulder. The sheer amount of sensation running through her chest made her writhe beneath him. He was supposed to be a _frost_ giant, so how was his mouth so _hot_?

With difficulty, she moaned, "Then what... ohh Loki, yes... what _do_ you prefer?"

Arching up from underneath him, Lily kissed Loki's shoulder where she had been holding him. "This?"

"Or this?" She nipped at his skin, but wound up moaning against him.

He pulled back, circling his thumb around her wet nipple. "Both. However, right now, what I want..." His tongue laved over her other nipple between phrases. "What I want is to have you under me," he said in a low purr. "To be inside you, while you say my name as a prayer." He ground into the blanket beneath him, his own words ramping up his arousal. His breath was ragged. "I want to feel your beautiful body writhing under me and hear your moans." 

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead between her breasts. He loved this closeness, the touching and exploring, the sensation of his skin on hers. But, Norns, he was so hard that he hurt.

Loki's voice completely undid her. The truth of his words sank into her, caressing her as much as his hands were. The throbbing between her legs demanded attention.

She whispered and stroked his hair, "Loki. Darling, nothing is stopping you. I'm right here." She paused to kiss the top of his head, "And I want you too. Please?" Her free hand nudged his down her torso. "If you touch me, you'll know just how much I want you."

Nothing could have prepared him for the way he felt when Lily called him darling. Not with that much tender desire in the word. His heart thumped erratically.

He cupped his hand over her before parting her lips with a finger. "So slick," he practically cooed, smug. "You must want me terribly. Who am I to deny you?” He would not have denied her anything in the universe after she called him darling like that.

Lily shuddered, breath and body, when his hand finally slid between her legs. He was truthful. She did want him terribly. It was something that normally she would be self-conscious about, but not with Loki. He seemed confident enough for both of them.

He rose up onto his knees, hooking his thumbs in his waistband. "You do not want these, do you?" He could have disappeared his pants from where he had been, but he couldn't deny himself the chance to preen a little. He exhaled in relief as they vanished in green smoke, wrapping his hand around himself.

"Mmm," he hummed, making a show of a slow stroke. He knew what he had and was not shy about showing off. He not-so-secretly loved the reaction he got in this pose. His lover’s widening eyes, the slight parting of their lips, building the anticipation, the imagining of how it would feel when he finally slid inside-

Lily sat up a bit, reaching for Loki.  She wanted his touch back, his kisses. She wanted to be what made him hum so deeply like that.

"Wait- wait, you have driven me so mad that I nearly forgot." Loki threw out a hand into his pocket dimension.

She dropped back to the mattress, confused by what he was doing.

He rattled around a bit until he retrieved a small glass vial. He pulled the cork and downed the gold liquid in a swallow.  Seeing her confusion, he said, "Sterility potion." He paused, suddenly curious. "How do humans do it? How do you temporarily sterilize men to avoid conceiving? No- answer me later, but I do want to know."

Shaking his head free of the question, Loki pitched his voice low. "We have more important things to do at the moment." He put his hand back between her legs, rubbing over her clit with light and gentle movements. "Norns, but you are beautiful," he whispered, leaning over her and with no small amount of reluctance, removing his hand to hold himself up near her shoulders. He caught her lips for a kiss, slow and sweet, rolling his hips against her to slick his cock.

Lily moaned obscenely at the stimulation from Loki's finger and cock. She kissed him back, tongue caressing his and moaned against his lips as well. Her toes dug into the bed to push her hips up to meet his. Loki's tip caught at the edge of her. She arched further and he was inside, stretching and filling her.

"Oh, Loki!" she gasped. Her fingers held his arms tightly. In her mind, she was begging him to move, but only his name slipped from her lips.

A bit of seidr took some of the weight off his arms as he held himself up, letting him concentrate on better things.  He pushed forward slowly, grinding against her clit at the end of his stroke. He was in no hurry; the feeling of her wet, soft cunt snug around his cock was perfect.

"Yes, that’s right," he said, voice hitching halfway through. He put his mouth near her ear. "Moan for me. I am going to make you feel so good, Lily. Let me hear you."  Press forward, grind, retreat.  His breath was ragged as he kissed her cheek, her jaw, her neck.

And she did moan for him, with every touch, kiss and movement. Her hands moved over Loki, touching and caressing every bit of his body that she could touch. She felt his muscles, tight under his skin, and his heart beating beneath everything. Such a precious heart.

There was no need to rush. Now was the time to savor the new sensations, before their bodies' primal needs sped them to the end. He kept up a steady, measured rhythm, layering pleasure over pleasure. Every stroke sent tingling waves through his body and hers.  He would change his pattern, but not yet. Not until they had adjusted to each other. Not until he had his fill of this simple delight- that she had let him inside her, let him caress and hold her while he was there.  


"And you, darling? Do you feel as good?" Her legs pressed in gently against Loki's, holding him close. A low moan fell from her as she rocked up to meet his thrusts.  "There's no magic, but... ohh Loki, I think this is as honest as we've ever been."

"Oh, do not bring honesty into this," he tsk'ed, nipping her shoulder in retaliation. He hooked her knee over his waist and wormed his arm under her, tilting her hips up.

He groaned as the new angle rubbed deliciously along his cock. "You are exquisite," he breathed. "Absolutely, incredibly exquisite." He thrust a bit harder, chasing the sensation, losing himself in the pursuit. "So wet for me, dearest. What a sweet place to be, inside you..."

"Y-you're exactly where you should be," she stuttered.

Slightly pleased with herself because she still knew he was speaking the truth- he did think she was exquisite- she raised up to wrap an arm around his back. Holding him close, she kissed and sucked at the skin of his chest, dragging her tongue along the fresh pink marks she left.

Lily cried out as Loki found an especially sensitive spot inside of her. Already, she felt the tightening urgency in herself. His voice was dragging her closer to the edge.

He could feel the telltale quiver in her muscles, and as he gazed down at her, her brown eyes dilated even further. He brushed his lips over hers.

"Are you going to come for me?" he murmured. "If I do it just like... this?" His cock rubbed over that spot again and again, his speed and force increasing. He was as hungry for her orgasm as he was for his own. He wanted to make her feel incredible. He wanted to wear her out, limp and sated in his arms. He growled, pulling her tighter against him. "I want to watch you come on my cock, Lily. I want to hear you. Say my name. Say my name while I make you come...”

To Lily, everything in the world disappeared except for him. His eyes, his voice, his scent, his touch, their connection, that was all that mattered.

"Loki," she gasped. "Loki. Yes, Loki!" She attempted to keep up, to meet his thrusts with her own, but he was so overpowering in that moment. Her kisses stuttered against him, wherever she could reach when she was pulled toward his body.

The tension deep inside of Lily seized into a pulsing knot, everything from her belly button to her cunt clenched almost painfully. Her throat closed around a  strangled shout, "Oh LOKI! Oh my god, Loki!"

With a rushing wave of wet heat, the knot let loose. Her fingers dug into Loki's shoulder and lower back. She clung to him, even as she rocked and rode the currents of her orgasm.

Loki watched her throughout.  The way her eyes closed at the last moment, the tilt of her head, the tendons in her arms as she clung to him. He savored the tight squeeze of her cunt around him, slowing his pace to help her coax out the last ripples.

He had had many partners, but he had never been with someone he cared- no, _loved_ like this. One night, maybe two or three, never more than that because of his station.  He prided himself on being an excellent, generous lover. This feeling, though... this was different. This wasn't just sex because he needed to be touched all over or he would go mad. This was Lily.  Lily who had seen him scared, and angry. Lily who had braided his hair and liked him enough to wear his shirt.

His heart swelled. It wasn't about his pride this time. He wanted to please her just to see her pleased. He wanted to indulge her every desire, just to have her smile at him.

"Lily, Lily," he murmured. "You are so beautiful."  He danced sweet kisses over her face and neck. "So beautiful."  He pulled his arm out from underneath her so that he could cradle her head in both hands. A touch more magic made it easier to balance on his elbows.

Rolling his hips languidly, he quirked an undeniably smug eyebrow. "Are you up for another?"

Her eyelids fluttered open, almost open anyway. She could feel every move he made inside her, still electric on sensitive nerves.  A lazy smile stretched across her flushed face as she looked into his deep, green eyes. They were trying to hide behind ego and affectations – and that damned sexy eyebrow thing he was doing. How deeply could she see into them? How far was she willing to fall? As far as he would let her?

When her voice came, it was breathy and raw, she hardly recognized it as her own. "With you? Yes."

She slid her right hand down his back as far as she could reach and squeezed the roundness of his ass. She stole a kiss then when her head settled back into his palms, she continued, " _With_ you. Come with me." Her hips bucked up against his, pulling his cock back deep inside of her.

 _Anything you want,_ his heart thumped.

"I like the way you think," he said, caught between a sexy purr and the moan that tried to escape his throat.  Her cunt drew him in, wetter and hotter, and it felt amazing as she pushed up to meet him. Her hand on his ass was like a guide, pulling him close, then relaxing as he withdrew. Each stroke sent sparks up his spine. 

He could have said any number of filthy things, he was good at that, but his brain had already started to fuzz around the edges as his body focused on its goal.

He wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, really, more interested in finding her clit with the hand he was sliding down her stomach.

"Fuck, you feel amazing. You are so wet and," he had to pause to groan as her muscles tightened, "oh, my dearest, you are so fucking beautiful right now..."

Lily looked up. Loki's cheeks and lips were pink, contrasting greatly with his paleness. His eyes seemed almost as dark as the curtain of loose hair that hung down and flowed with his every movement. The tightness in his jaw only served to highlight how strong and sharp it was. She didn't quite understand how _he_ was calling her beautiful.

"You're pretty amazing yourself,” she purred.

The purr turned more into a growl as his hand found its target. The moment he touched her still-sensitive clit, everything inside of her sharply coiled back up again.  This time, she didn't have that moment of hanging, trembling on the edge before the clenching waves took her under. Her head tipped back. "Loki! I... I... " But she was cut off by her own moans.

Words were beyond him now.  His world narrowed to the tightness building in his balls, her welcoming slick heat, and the thrum of his blood in his ears.  He wanted to make this last, to stay here forever.  He took a deep breath, slowing his strokes to back himself down from the edge. 

The sound of his name cried out with such surprised joy and helplessness stole the decision from him. His stomach flipped, his heart stopped entirely, and all he could do was drive forward, as deep as he could get.

His legs shook and he gasped out, "Lily-" as the pressure built too high and suddenly poured from him.  His hips rolled mindlessly, waves of relief and pleasure cascading over him.  He dropped his head to her shoulder, trusting his support spell to hold his extra weight off her. He couldn't move, not yet.

He was boneless, his eyes closed and his breath uneven. He could feel her heart still hammering beneath his, the scent of lilies from her hair surrounding him in a sweet cocoon. Nothing had ever felt closer to paradise.

Lily's arms closed around his back and pulled him down against her heaving chest. Her legs wrapped around him and her sweat damp cheek laid against his.

"Don't move us yet," she whispered, even as she could feel the wetness of their release between them. "Stay with me, please. I don't want to let go of you."

Loki scraped enough brain cells together to mumble, "Not going anywhere." His body felt loose and disjointed and heavy. A stampede of elephants could not move him from this exact spot.

With his eyes closed, he could let the physical sensations just wash over him. The slight stickiness of their skin. The sated weight of his muscles. The grip of her legs around him. He felt like he was floating, finally satisfied. Moving would ruin it, would connect his mind back to his body. Had he forgotten how it felt after or was it that different with Lily? There was no rush to separate, no awkward dance of getting dressed to leave. There was just this peaceful lull, letting him absorb all the pleasant feelings in his body that he knew were fleeting. He could stay like this all night, in her arms, safe and wanted.

"Was good?" he asked, as if he didn't know the answer already. But he selfishly wanted to hear her say it.

Lily brushed the hair away from his face to kiss his cheek. Then she barely breathed into his ear, "No, dear, not good. Wonderful. Incredible. Unreal. It's never been like that. My heart won't stop pounding for you. I can't imagine it ever will."

She could feel his cock, sliding a tiny bit inside of her, getting soft. Could she feel this close to him without that connection? Would he be as open about his beautiful contradictions, his confidence and his neediness?

Letting go of her thoughts, she idly kept stroking her fingers through Loki's hair. She set gentle kisses along his neck and shoulder. Just because they had come, didn't mean that she was done. His skin still called to her. She dragged her tongue along him, tasting the sweat from their love making.

"You make me so happy. Not just the amazing sex. I'm the luckiest person in the world to be here with you," Lily murmured and returned to kissing him where ever she could reach.

Loki rolled to his side, just a little bit, only to expose more skin to kiss. He basked in her attention. 

"Mm, you are and I am," he said, ending with a soft sigh as his cock slipped free from her. He nuzzled into her neck, with a satisfied smile. "You smell _so_ good, do you know that?" He shifted again to press against her more, not able to get close enough. His hand stroked down her side, just to feel her.  Next time, he would have to spend more time just touching her, tasting her. _Mm, next time,_ the thought filled him with happiness. He still felt like his brain hadn't come fully back to his body yet. "So good and so sweet..."

He was seized with the need to kiss her. He lifted his head just enough and tilted her face to his. _I love you, I love you,_ his chest ached with the refrain, but he wasn't ready to say those words yet. Instead, he touched his lips to hers and indulged in a long, gentle kiss, his hand cupping her cheek.


	42. Chapter 42

When the kiss broke, Lily laughed.  "I probably smell like you right now and I don't mind. Not that I even have a mind to begin with when you kiss me like that." 

One of her hands drifted along Loki's back and side, drawing lazy spirals along him. The other, she untangled from his hair and traced the places she had seen his Jotun markings on his forehead and face. She fumbled from time to time because her fingers couldn't feel them like they had before. 

"You said magic has a smell, right?" she asked idly. "And yours smells like rocks and peppermint? Does what I do smell like you, since I kinda plug into you? Or does it smell like me because I'm the one using it?"

Loki hummed in thought, burying his face back in her neck.  He was not as interested in discussing magic as he normally would have been, still sleepy-eyed and dopey from his orgasm. But he also loved to answer Lily's questions, so he said, "Have I not mentioned before? Perhaps not. Your magic smells like..." He paused to find the right words. "Citrus. Bright and sweet first, then a spicy, earthy undertone. Cloves, that's what it is. I cannot smell my own magic, so I cannot actually answer your question."  He rubbed his nose under her ear, inhaling deeply. "Right now, you smell like sex and flowers. Mmm, so good. Makes me think of ravishing you in a garden." His eyes were closed, his body slow and loose, but his mind was starting to think about more than just the feel of her skin and taste of her mouth. "I wonder, could I teach you to do it? Smell magic. It is not exactly the same as using your nose, although that is how your brain interprets it. You have magic, so you should be able to smell it, by all logic."

Her eyes closed and head tipped back, loving how he felt against her neck. "I'm confident that you can do anything that you want," she sighed.  

Lily wrapped a leg over the top of Loki's, curling around him and stroked the soft skin next to his hip bone. "Mmm and I'll try to find a garden where you can teach me... everything. I want to know everything, smelling magic, where to find Yggdrasil, what makes a Frost Giant happy, how to be ravished. I don't think I've managed to be ravished before..."

Loki shuddered, jarred out of his fog as if she'd thrown ice water on him.  _Frost giant._   Tears pressed against the back of his eyes at the abrupt shift in his emotions.  He was not a Frost Giant.  He wasn't Asgardian, either, but he was certain that he would _not_ be a Frost Giant. He refused to be part of that race of monsters.  "Jotun cannot be happy," he muttered bitterly, unaware he had spoken.  

He raised himself up on an elbow, to look down at Lily with his best intense, sexy look.  He could put them back on the track he wanted, make her forget all about _Frost Giants._   Make himself forget too.  "You are perfect for ravishing.  I would lower you down in the flowers, strip you bare, or perhaps only ruck up your skirts in my impatience," he leaned closer, "I would make you scream my name before I even take you on my cock, and when I do..."  He could see her pupils dilate, showing his reflection as he whispered, "I will leave you wrung out and sated, dress stained with crushed petals, unable to even walk."  He licked his lips, hungry for the fantasy he'd spun.

The look on Loki's face almost wilted Lily. She stared at his mouth while he spoke, his lips bright from kissing, and it made her heart start fluttering again.  

"I'll hold you to that as a promise too, like getting me home," she said, leaning up to press her mouth to his. Her tongue caught on the lips he had just wet. Behind her closed eyes, she could almost see a moonlit garden, filled with pale flowers and Loki above her, silhouetted against the stars. 

What even was her life about before she had met Loki, she wondered. The past was a dark shadow in contrast to such a brilliant now and the potential of such magic in the future. What was it before she brought him to her bed? Before his erotic imaginings? He had mumbled something, had she paid attention? 

Her lips parted from his and she placed a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose and laughed like she just got a joke an hour after everyone else did.  

" _You_!" she giggled affectionately. "Darling, you are very, very, very good at that. Maybe I should have listened to Thor and Freyja better, it seems you _can_ make me stupid with sex." 

She brought her hand up to caress his cheek and she let her voice get a bit more serious, "Make me stupid with it, just please don't use it to hide things behind. Being like this with you means too much to me, you mean too much. OK?"

Oh, _that_ was too much- the look in her eyes, her words, it was all too much for him to handle.  It was too vulnerable, too new and honest for him to admit.  As much as he wanted to spout love poetry at her and declare his desire to serve her every wish- to have her tell him that he was important to her in return... it frightened him.  It was too real.

He leaned back from her with a surprised look.  "Excuse me, Thor said _what_?"

Guilt stabbed at him. He owed her more than that. He didn't like it, he wanted to trail kisses down her neck instead, but that stabbing feeling would not go away.  He did drop his head back down to her shoulder, though, he couldn't face her as he mumbled, a little chagrined, "I was not hiding. It is only that I would much rather think about making you come again than anything else right now. Nothing else seems as important."  He sighed. "Maybe in the morning."

Lily hadn't intended to insult him really, just let him know that she was aware there was something else going on that he wasn't talking about. She wouldn't take it back, but did cradle his head against her and stroke her fingers through his hair, 

"Shh..." she hushed and kissed the side of his head. "You're right. Right now, this is important." The soft slide of his hair through her fingers continued. "And Thor didn't actually _say_ that, but it was definitely implied and maybe pliable is a better word than stupid, _but_ you can definitely go back to that garden idea. I'd rather think about that too. It's nice. Makes me feel like you're not going to disappear as fast as you showed up."

"I will try to appear more slowly next time," he said around an unexpected yawn, taking her words more literally than she meant. "I had been behind you for a distance before that coin dropped. No one was supposed to see me."  Her hand in his hair was lulling him back into that heavy, content cocoon. His voice was quiet, almost unfocused. "An illusion to make people not look at me. But of course, you saw right through that. No wonder that I seemed to just suddenly appear. Mm, do not stop."  He closed his tired eyes in contentment. "We were coming here to sleep, do you remember?  Became a little side-tracked..."

Lily's hands were busy stroking along Loki's head, so with her toes, Lily nudged a blanket that had been folded across the foot of the bed until she could grab it. Then she pulled it over them. There was no use disentangling herself from Loki. He was sure to pout if moved, and to be honest (after all, that was her thing now) she didn't want to let go of him and break the moment.  

It was odd, though. In the past, Lily had always been one to jump up and shower or at least clean herself up and maybe get a drink or snack after she had been with someone. But at that moment, Loki's slightly damp, still cooling skin pressed along hers was a natural comfort and any other residue was proof that he was incredibly real.  

"Sleep?" she whispered. "Honey, I dragged you back here by your lips and you thought that meant I wanted a nap? Maybe we do have cultural issues. But it is late..." 

Lily's head tipped back on the pillow, her eyes closed and she gave a contented sigh. Her fingers didn't stop combing through Loki's hair until she was well and truly asleep.

Loki woke slowly. They had moved apart during the night, but their feet were still tangled together. He opened his eyes in the soft morning light, feeling nearly as satisfied as last night.  He wiggle-stretched a little to feel the sheets slide on his bare skin.

Lily was curled towards him, as if she'd tried to follow when he'd rolled away in the night. Her hair was covering part of her face and he gently pulled it back, admiring the brown and gold and copper strands. His lips ached to kiss her, but he didn't want to wake her.

He had never woken up next to a lover before. He had had many, but he couldn't allow himself to become attached to them. He had been a Prince, after all- affection was complicated. So it had been seduction, sex, and then a swift return to his own chambers.

He was a Prince no longer. Odin had made that clear. Loki stroked a light finger down Lily's cheek. He could indulge in this as much as he wanted.  It was tempting to tug down the blanket, to gaze at her naked, but he was still gentleman enough not to expose her when she was asleep. Nothing was stopping him from thinking about it, though. Pulling the blanket back, teasing his fingertips over her breasts... He licked his lips, imagining waking her with his head between her legs. How would she react? Angry at the violation? Or would she moan and let him continue?

Eventually, his bladder interrupted his fantasy with the demand that he get up Now. With a sigh, he slipped out of bed to head to the bathroom. When he emerged, he heard rapid, annoyed tapping from the window. He smirked. Served those birds right. He added some magical soundproofing to keep them from waking Lily.

Lily liked coffee when she woke up. He wandered into the kitchen and stared at the machine on her counter. He had seen her and Stark work these things- he should be able to figure it out from that. How hard could it be?

After waking up in her own bed for the first time in forever, Lily startled upright. "Shit! Am I late? Why didn't the alarm go off?" she mumbled to herself. But she blinked at the men's shirt hanging on the screen next to the bed, noticed some muscles that were slightly sore and smiled when she realized she wasn't alone. The tunic was plucked off of the headboard and pulled over her head, then she padded over to where she heard some noise in the kitchen.  

Loki was staring at the counter with his arms crossed, seemingly deep in thought. And naked. Wrapping her arms around his middle, Lily hugged him from behind.  

Loki was deciding if he could magic this infernal machine into working when Lily's arms and voice made his brain stumble to a halt.  Norns, she smelled good.  And felt good. She was wearing his tunic again.  With her hair mussed and tangled and pink marks all over her neck, it was even more alluring than if she had walked in naked. 

"Good morning, Sunshine,” she said with a voice still rough from sleep. "Everything OK? You seem occupied." 

She slid around to his side with an arm still around him, went up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "If you're good for a few minutes, I think I'm going to go clean up a bit. I have a feeling I look rode hard and put away wet." 

A pleasant, undeniably erotic shiver went down his spine. He put his arm around her, but she was slipping away from his reach.

“Wait, you cannot… you cannot say _that_ , looking like _that_ , and then leave me here!” he said plaintively to her back.

As she walked to the bathroom, she noticed Loki's phone on the coffee table. The whole thing appeared to be blinking. "Hey, Loki? Your phone is lighting up. I think Tony gave us the idiot phones to make sure we don't blow off his messages, so you might want to check it."

“Come back here and look at what you did!”  Not that she could have missed his half-hard cock when she had kissed his cheek.  He scowled.  She knew.  He’d just have to get her back for it later.

Now that she had reminded him that he had a phone, he wondered if the humans' internet would have information on how to make coffee.  He picked it up, sighing with resignation when he saw the name on the screen. 

10 messages from THOR ODINSSON, GOD OF THUN...

Loki swiped away the notification and pulled up the internet search as Lily had shown him yesterday.  It turned out to be far simpler than he had thought to use the machine.  Once he had everything set up and a hot cup of coffee ready for Lily when she returned, he slouched down in one of the kitchen chairs. 

With an irritated eye-roll just to make himself feel better, he opened Thor's messages.

-GgrteetHings mjtyBRKTOBROT 

-Ggrretyuingsd ujn tyoo Y 

-Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 

Voice to text – ON 

-Is two tiny to use and the letters are out of order. It must be broken. I cannot right in any language I know and I know them all. It is working now? Brother printer Low key I am sending you a message from cellular telephone Stank gave to me.. It is most unpleasant. I should have kept a "The Raven" for this purpose . Odd's blood! Is nut the message I wish to send. I will begin a gain. 

_Thor, you absolute imbecile,_ Loki thought, reading Thor's first messages... if it could be called "reading."

Voice to text- ON 

-Low key. My brother. I am departing for ass guards to secure permanent containment for the mind Slayer. I am nut yet sure if it belongs in the prison or it's father's fault, butt it will cause you no more threat or harm. This I swear by ….... Oh dins eye socket! I dropped it again. Stank! It is two tiny.....This I swear. Also.......as you know, your lily left us to have a.......... have words with Captain Steven Mister Rogers.

_Ass guards_ made him smile despite himself.  He wished Thor would get to his damn point so that Loki could enjoy just how ridiculous this communication was.  He couldn't help but feel the weight of a shoe about to drop on him.

-This was a very strategic move on her part. I hope you do nut underestimate her and keep her as an alley . It...... ummm.... father's beard!

_Fuck, stop invoking your father's body parts. It's disturbing._ "Fuck" was a purely mortal word and Loki had been in love with it ever since he learned it. It was so versatile and emotional.  It could be anything- a very, very good word, _fuck_.  Much better than swearing by Odin's anything.

-Believe I Spokane too harshly about your Joe ton heritage to her. These mortals, not just lily of the valley, see thing very differently than we our used to. Tony Stank said it did nut matter if you behaved like a Joe ton. It only mattered of you behaved like an asshole and that anyone can be an asshole. Natasha agreed with him. Perhaps, they our nut incorrect. I now understand how my opinions Wood Avenue been painful for you. I regret much.... I.... We shall speak of it on my return to mid guard. I will herd your request for books, but I will also speak with mother and, with any look, father. Please do nut attempt anything that can nut be undone. Your brother. Thot.

Loki rubbed his hand over his eyes.  Parsing this was going to give him a headache.  He was only half-sure of what Thor was talking about, but was Thor... apologizing to him?  For hating Frost giants? 

He put the phone down.  Everyone hated Frost Giants.  Why should Thor be any different.  Loki clearly remembered the games they used to play, always ending with the destruction of the Jotun.  Those were Thor's idea. 

Loki had never expected Thor to accept him as a Jotun.  Loki never expected to accept himself as such.  Polite but disgusted tolerance was really all he could hope for.  To have Thor, even over disjointed and misheard text, say that he regretted hurting Loki, that hit him in a strange place, though.  His chest ached oddly, like it was too light.  Loki couldn't handle it.

_Wait, when did he talk to Lily about Jotuns? And what the hell did he_ say?  Loki stared at the now-dark phone.  He'd have to ask her.  He certainly wasn't going to respond to Thor.

After twisting her hair up and out of the way, Lily took a quick shower. Finished, she stood in front of the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. An amused smile drew over her lips as she touched the marks Loki had left on her throat and neck. 

"He is a child. A big, beautiful child,” she giggled and covered them lightly with some make-up. Soon she was searching through a bag for lip stain she had bought on a whim in Italy. It was brighter than what she usually wore, but right now she felt brighter than she usually did. She shook her hair down and hoped being up had given it a little bit of bounce. _Now, what to wear?_

She slipped out of the bathroom in her towel and over to the wardrobe and dresser that were tucked away behind the screens. "The good boob bra. Where is it?" she mumbled as she dug in a drawer until she came out with a flat black cardboard box fastened with a ribbon.  

In her hand, the lingerie looked like tiny pieces of black lace and a handful of straps, but as she pulled it on it did really amazing thing for her figure. Things that were supposed to curve seemed curvier. Things that weren't, flattened out. Completely worth every cent of the tens of thousands of cents she paid for it.  

"Ah ha! And he thought that shirt was going to kill him." She laughed to herself again. It had been so long that she gotten dressed looking for the approval of a single person, that it made her feel like a teenager again while she wiggled into black skinny jeans A simple gold chain necklace was clasped on and she unhooked Loki's black dress shirt off from a corner of a screen.  

He seemed to like his button downs tailored, so this looked much less like a dress on Lily than the tunic did, but it was obviously a man's shirt. She had only done up the middle two buttons when she realized that she smelled coffee and went out to the kitchen. 

Loki still hadn't dressed, but was sitting at the table and staring holes into the phone in front of him. He sure hadn't seemed this unrestrained at Tony's house. Hopefully this meant he was comfortable and not just showing off. Although, she had to admit, he did have a lot to show off. 

"You wonderful man. You made me coffee. Thank you," she murmured into his hair as she paused to kiss the top of his head on the way to the coffee. "Was your message important? Is something going on?'

Loki leaned into her touch, eyes sliding closed.  The sweet familiarity of it made his heart flutter.  When he opened his eyes, his tongue froze to the roof of his mouth.  He helplessly watched her ass sashay to the counter.

He did his best to ignore the unpleasant, tugging suction on his thighs as he stood.  _Next time, pants,_ he told himself.  But he was too distracted to really care.  

"The messages can wait," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders to turn her around.  She held the mug of coffee in both hands as he stepped back to take in her outfit.  "I want to enjoy _this_ first.  Audhumla," he breathed.  "You _are_ out to kill me."  Lace peeked out from under the unfastened buttons of his shirt, and oh Norns, did he want to see the rest of _that_.  His mouth was watering with the thought of tasting her skin where the black filigree ended.  Her breasts looked amazing and her hips were just _begging_ for his hands in those jeans.  

With a dramatic groan, he collapsed onto the floor, arms and legs akimbo.  "I am dead.  Well, most of me.  Perhaps that bit is just rigor mortis."  He lay still for a moment before cracking an eye open.  " _Please_ tell me that I may strip all of that off you, slowly, with my mouth.  It may be the only way to save me."

Lily took a huge drink, draining about half of the coffee at once, just so she could hide her smile behind the cup. She set it back on the counter with an amused exhalation and squatted down on the floor somewhere between Loki's feet. There was no way that she wasn't going to play along with him. 

"You know I'd never let you die," she smiled down at him. "Besides, you haven't been this adorable since you turned into a puppy on Asgard. I seem to remember that you liked it when I did this."  

Lily rolled to her knees to get closer and bent to nuzzle her face into the soft trail of hair just below his belly button. After a moment she pressed a red kiss next to his hip bone and looked up at him. 

"Still dead?"

"Yes," he forced out, sounding suspiciously like a whimper.  His heart had stopped beating, which was understandable given that all his blood was being used in one place.  What use was a heartbeat?  "Dead.  Slain by a beautiful, entrancing, but cruel warrior."  The floor was cold under his back but he was going to stay here and find out how far she was going to take this if it really did kill him. "I hear that kisses can sometimes rouse the dead."

"Another kiss? I told you I wouldn't let you die, but does it have to be on the mouth? I'm already down here." Lily let her fingers dance across the topography of his lower abdomen and dropped a quick kiss at the top of his thigh. "And there's so much of you I haven't kissed yet..." 

She looked up at what she could see of his face. There was a bright twinkle in her eye and a broad smile on her lips. How could he be so sexy and fun at the same time? She loved this game.  

Her head dropped down and she kissed the head of his, at this point, unignorably straining cock. "Still dead?" 

Before he could answer, she slid her lips down over him. Her tongue curled and caressed the long vein on the underside of his cock. Loosening her jaw, she slid her mouth as far down onto him as she could. He was hot against the back of her throat.

Loki's hands grasped at the hard floor, futile, his nails scraping over the surface.  He didn't know what to do with them. Could her put them on her head? He couldn't stand the thought of her stopping if he moved.

_Oh Norns, OH..._ sounded in his brain, over and over until he wished he had a stronger curse. His heel slid as he suppressed the urge to find leverage, to move his hips to follow her mouth. Oh Norns, her wet, sweet mouth... 

Her lips pressed tightly as she sucked at him a few times, then she slid off of him slowly and gave the still salty tip a long, soft lick. 

"Any better now?" she purred.

He gasped in a breath, his first since she'd placed her lips on him. He tried to say something clever, gave up, and tried just saying anything at all. 

"Hrrrnnngg-"

The air was chill on his wet skin. He could feel exactly how far she'd gotten. And now she was hovering over him, smiling the most amazing sly, satisfied smile. Teasing him. Making his stomach flutter with arousal and anticipation and adoration. 

He tried to make words again and finally got out, "...too soon to tell..."

Lily laughed to think that someone as strong and powerful as she knew he was would let her play with him like this. Did he know how giddy this made her feel? She thanked him silently and held out a hand to him as she got up. 

"Let's get you off the floor, at least over to the couch. I think you need more resuscitation. You don't sound very alive. But I'm not supposed to be doing push-ups yet."

He blinked up at her, unable to make his limbs cooperate. Part of him insisted that she finish what she'd started Right Here and Now. But his back was twinging on the unforgiving floor and he didn't want to hurt Lily either.

He got to his feet, not entirely gracefully, and took her hand. Using it to pull her close, he kissed her with all the hunger and lust her teasing had brought out.  He walked them to the couch, clearing the path with his siedr pushing things to the side. He sat down heavily onto the cushions, tugging her down into his lap. 

"I will make you pay for that teasing," he said, in a voice that promised the payment would be full of ecstasy.

That statement made a shiver run down Lily's spine. The good kind of shiver. 

"I'm not teasing," she whispered in his ear. "You seem to be feeling better, but as you said, it's too soon to tell." 

She slid from his lap and onto her knees, on the floor between his legs. Her hands ran up and down his muscular thighs as she looked up at him. "You are absolutely perfect, you know. You're like a Bernini.  Amazing. "  

Lily leaned over and took his cock back in her mouth, slowly licking along his length. One hand stroked and curled around the base and the other wandered across his pale expanse of thigh, hip and abdomen. Very soon, she had picked up a rhythm of sucking and pulling her lips up and down his not-insubstantial girth. Her tongue flicked at the sensitive rim around his head.  

He hissed through his teeth at the touch of her tongue. It was all so wet, so warm... He slouched back on the couch with a moan, restless and boneless at the same time.

Closing his eyes, he focused on the sensations- such powerful, intense sensations. "Lily. Ohh, fuck, _Lily_..."

She pulled back for a moment, to shake her head, getting her hair out of the way and glancing up at Loki. His head was thrown back and his mouth open in pleasure.  

_Yes_ , she thought. _Definitely a Bernini._ And she fell back to his straining cock with a determination to be worthy of this man.   

He was close, his body hitching in anticipation. "Going to... Oh Norns, Lily, please- going to-"  He couldn't help but rest a hand on her hair, just to feel the softness of it as she sucked on him. 

Under her hand, she could feel his stomach muscles tremble and tense suddenly. "That's it. Let go, darling," she murmured around him. Her jaw relaxed, but she held him tight with her tongue as she sped her attentions. He was now steadily bobbing against the back of her throat and making her eyes water. She continued without change, except for the fact that now she was gazing up at him through damp eyelashes. Lily did not want to miss his face.

He lifted his head, opening his eyes to see her looking up at him. Her golden eyes were luminous through her wet lashes. He gulped in a broken breath at the sight of her lips around his cock, the flush in her cheeks.  

"So beautiful," he managed, his orgasm snapping through him. He whimpered and shuddered at the exquisite feeling of her swallowing around him, an unutterable emotion rushing through him. Some combination of amazement, tenderness, and joy that he hadn't experienced before. 

He fumbled for her, trying to pull her up and into his arms. He had to express this feeling against her skin, but he was clumsy and slow after coming.

Lily climbed up next to him on the couch, grabbing some napkins that had been left on the table the night before and quickly dabbed at her mouth. She cleaned Loki a bit and continued back onto his lap, where it seemed he wanted her. This close, she needed to look at him, really look.

She stroked the side of his face and looked into his eyes. They were wide, still slightly unfocused, but clear and bright. The line, next to his eyebrow that was always there when he was anxious, upset, or thinking too hard, was gone. He looked almost innocent in the morning light. 

"Hello, Handsome. It seems I didn't kill you after all. I'm glad. I think I'm getting kinda attached to you."

Loki wrapped his arms around her, one hand under her ass and the other in her hair.  He devoured her lips with all the hungry gratitude and undeclared-love he could fit in a kiss. "Perfect, so perfect," he said, diving immediately back into the kiss, tightening his grip in her hair just slightly. His hand slid from holding her to between them, finding the button to her jeans and doing his best to undo it.


	43. Chapter 43

Lily's eyes closed and she melted into Loki, into his kiss. She felt everything, his skin beneath her hands, his lips, his tongue, his breath, strong hands pulling her closer into him. She thought she felt loved again and it almost made her cry.

She gently pulled his hand up to their mouths and kissed the tips of his fingers. "It's OK. And I'm not perfect, but you don't have to reciprocate right now." She spoke between kisses on his fingers and face. "I just wanted to do that. To have fun. To see your face and hear you moan. So you know what we had last night doesn't have to be it. I want to know you, not just your magic and the stories. I like to know that you think I'm beautiful when you come. That you're a little bit weak when someone wears your shirts. I'd like to know what you want for breakfast, too.”

He blinked. Slowly. "I want you for breakfast," he purred, trying to get back into the game. But her words had confused him. She didn't seem upset or unhappy. Indeed, she seemed very content. His eyebrows pinched together as he thought. "You... you do not want anything in return? Not my mouth, or riches, or a favor?  I am good at all three." Perhaps she was building a debt for him, putting off her own pleasure until he would have to give her whatever she wanted to make them even.

"I... ummmm... wow..." Lily flushed and stammered. She lifted her hands to cover her pink cheeks and peeked out at Loki through her fingers. Quickly, she laughed at herself for getting flustered and took her hands down.  

“I _do_ want…” he stumbled over the words, unusual for him. “I do want to ‘reciprocate.’ Unless-“ He brightened with sudden clarity. “You do not like that act.  I can do others for you.”  He looked at her askance, another thought coming to him fast. “Humans _do_ do that, correct? Pleasure women with their mouths?  It would be a shame, and unfair, if humans did not.”

"Well, um... sorry. That just did not end up going where I expected you to go with that," she continued. "But, yes, oral is definitely a thing and um... a good thing. I'm..." She giggled again. "I'm good with it. And you, well with you... I'm more than good. You're more than good? I'm sure you are more than good, you're probably amaz- nevermind."  

Squeezing her eyes shut for a second, she exhaled and wanted to kick herself. She was an adult and could act like it, dammit! 

Her next sentence sobered her up a bit. "I suddenly have _so_ many questions for you now though. But I have to back up and ask you about something you just said because I think I need to hear answers. "

Her eyes were searching him as she tried to piece together how he was thinking from his words. Her voice wasn't upset or angry, it was merely questioning. "Do I want riches or favors? Really? Did you just offer to pay me? I don't know how it works in Asgard, but here, that's prostitution and I'm not a prostitute. My affection is not..." She searched for a word. "Negotiable. When I touch you, it's an expression, not a transaction. OK? " 

She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his, hoping that helped get her point across in a more gentle way.

"I did not... I do not..." Loki exhaled heavily, flustered by his inability to put this into words.  "I meant... Bollocks. You are not a prostitute. I know that. I did not mean to imply that you are. It is only..."

He blew air through his lips again to stall. "I was a prince. There was not much that was _not_ a transaction in one way or another. It might not be a straight trading of gold, but something was expected in return. Sometimes it was as simple as being able to say they had royalty in their bed. I know, I _do_ know, that is not you. It is difficult to ignore the old feeling, however."

He stroked his hands over her back, calming himself with the touch. She was so nice to touch. "On Asgard, there are the jokes about partners only doing certain sexual acts so that they may be gifted jewelry. The better they are, the bigger the gift." He huffed a small laugh to lighten the mood. "Perhaps that is not so here?  A good thing- you were incredible, I would have to give you a jewel the size of your thumb."

Lily held her thumb out in front of herself and gave it a scrutinizing stare, then looked back at Loki with a wry smile.

"Really? Well, it's not _unheard_ of here, but it's not what you're supposed to aim for. Not really. Not if you like each other. I get the feeling that you have handed out a _lot_ of jewels, but you don't act like you've ever had a girlfriend."

Loki made a soft sound. He traced the gold chain on her throat, imagining a large emerald hanging from it. "That is not an inaccurate statement." 

He leaned back, putting some space between them. "Well. If you are absolutely certain that you do not want to have me lay you out on this couch, strip you bare by removing each item of clothing with my teeth, and slake my thirst in your lovely cunt..." He shrugged, casual, as if he hadn't imagined that very thing in bed this morning. "I suppose there are other things to do."  He brought his phone to his hand with seidr, an expensive spell but worth it.  He swiped the screen to the text app. "For one, can you tell me what in the Realms Thor is talking about here?"

A tiny whine escaped from Lily before she bit down on her lip. _Damn, he is good. There's no reason why we_ couldn’t _do that, really. I could just kiss him, lean back and pull him down with me..._ she thought before her attention was caught by the floating phone. 

After scanning the texts a few times, she sighed. While it was a wonderful thing that Thor was reacting the way he was to the stunt she had pulled with Captain America, she wasn't entirely sure what Loki would make of it all. And Thor had identified her squarely as the instigator, so she really couldn't talk her way around it. 

"I doubt if anyone can tell," she laughed, stalling with a joke. "He obviously sucks at texting." 

Nope. The joke did nothing. She took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn't be too upset with her for butting in. His lap didn't seem to be the smartest place for her to be if he got angry, but there she was. 

"After we caught the mindflayer... that night, I know you didn't sleep. Something was bothering you. And then the next morning you were asking for things from Asgard.  So, I asked Thor if they were related, it just felt like they might be. I only wanted to know what was going on in case I could help. But then he just started talking about how wonderful it was that you were ashamed of being a Frost Giant and that you wanted to change that permanently, cut part of yourself out or never drop your spells or something. And he thought it was horrible that you let me see you like that because you were a bizarre monster. He just... said it, like saying water is wet, with no thought at all. He said you tried to kill yourself and that was shameful and something no honorable person would do. Like growing up playing ‘Warriors and Jotuns’ wouldn't have had anything to do with that decision. It made me sick." 

Lily paused and blinked her eyes quickly to head off the tears that were welling up. Then she braved a look up to Loki's face. It was a cool mask, not the anger she had feared. 

"You're not a monster and you're the same person inside, whatever you look like. I know the truth, remember?" She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "That's why I had to go so fast yesterday. I would have said something that I couldn't take back if I stayed- and punching your brother really would have just been ridiculous and pointless. So I left Cap to explain what a racist, xenophobic, nasty sack of shit he sounded like and why those attitudes are generally evil. I thought he might listen to his friend better than me. And that's what Captain America is _for_ , punching Nazis. I mean, he's your _brother_ for god's sake. But it seems like they got through to him, at least a little bit, enough that he's apologizing and wants to talk. I can understand if you don't want to and that you're probably upset with me. It's not my place. But I don't know how you don't hate him, unless..." 

Lily looked up from their hands and into Loki's eyes, hoping he could see that she was only acting and speaking out of concern for him. "Unless you think he's right and hate yourself instead. And that would break my heart."

Carefully, Loki moved Lily to the couch before he stood up. He paced, conjuring clothes as he did. He could not have this discussion naked. If his tunic and vest mimicked his armor but in softer fabrics, he did not intend it.

Lily began to get nervous. As he paced in the palpable silence, she could feel her heartbeat thumping, keeping time with his steps. His jaw and eyes were so tight that she was afraid to speak. She had screwed up again and she knew it. What she didn't know was how to undo it. She swore at herself and unblinkingly stared at Loki, trying to see if he gave her some hint about what to do, how to apologize, if there was a chance this could be fixed. 

He did not say anything for a long time. _It would break her heart? It would break her heart! I'll show her a broken... No no..._ He let go of the seidr he'd gathered in his fist, unsure of what he'd been meaning to do with it. His instinct was to lash out, to put these uncomfortable emotions onto someone else, turn them into someone else's burden.

As the glow of magic surrounded his hand, Lily looked to her phone on the coffee table. No. She couldn't call anyone if this got bad. This was her own fault for sticking her nose in where it didn't belong. She held her breath waiting for the explosion that was sure to come. 

"Thor spoke the truth," he finally said, the words forced out through his teeth. "I have always been... wrong. Out of step, unfit.  Just... _wrong_. I finally know why."  He whirled around, glaring. "My life has been a disaster since I realized what I am.  I tried to kill them all. I would have destroyed their entire _planet_ to cut this rot from my body- and you ask if I _hate myself_?"

He twisted his fingers together, ignoring the searing lump in his chest and under that, the foolish, aching hope that he could believe her. "Thor may be an idiot, but he is..." The words stuck in his throat but he continued, "Right. Righteous.  No one hates Thor, he is too good. That he even considers me his brother still... is enough." His voice broke. "It is more than I deserve with the blood on my hands, more than Odin would ever give me."

That pissed her off. Her anxiety quickly turned to anger listening to him.  

"That's the same load of bullshit Thor was spouting. Lies and bullshit and the consequences of buying into it. They really did a number on you, didn't they? Dammit!"  

Lily stood and joined Loki in pacing. "Apologizing and trying to fix things is the absolute _least_ Thor can be doing right now to be anything but an absolute waste of oxygen. Yes, you have blood on your hands and you have your own atoning to do for that, but how much of that blood was spilled because you were told you're a monster? You need to quit acting like I don't know the truth!"

"Do you? _Do you_?" He took a step closer to her, intensely focused. "Do you know how many people I have murdered? Because _I do not!_ I have holes in my memory, thanks to the mindflayer, given to me because I could be _twisted_. I could be everything they wanted because I had plenty of flaws for them to exploit. _They_ knew."

He shuddered, his mind shying away from that time. From the sensation of Maw's painful claws in his brain, picking out his weaknesses with unerring accuracy.  "You know nothing. Nothing of Jotuns, nothing of history, nothing of the worlds beyond this one!" Loki shook his head, frowning.

"Then tell me!" Lily snapped back. "What happened to you? Quit the insults and tell me what's going on yourself. Don't make me have to corner your brother and ask blind questions! Look around, you can't pretend I don't need to know anymore! I literally could not be any more involved with you." 

She crossed in front of him, moving toward the more open space near the table. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched his nostrils flare as his stare followed her. "And knock off that intimidation crap. I am well aware that you are impressive and dangerous."

Loki shifted his weight onto his heels, reluctantly impressed. Not that it changed his tone as he hissed, "Shall I tell you about how I killed my blood father? Lured him with false promises and shot him in the chest over Odin's sleeping body. I did not even-" his breath hitched, a sudden regret threatening to swamp him- "pause to ask him..."

He shook his head. He had never referred to Laufey as his biological father before. It opened up an unknown hole inside him. "I shot him and went to the Bifrost to destroy Jotunheim for good.  Get rid of every single Jotun, destroy the evidence that I was ever supposed to be one of them. You keep speaking of 'Nazis' and I do not know what those are, but by your tone I can guess that they are something horrible. Monstrous. You talk of them like we talk of Jotuns. Is there anything good about a Nazi? Can you redeem a Nazi?"

He ripped the spells off his left hand, flinching at the electric stab of seidr-rebound at the treatment. He gasped, legs wobbling a little, the pain bad enough to make him regret not unraveling them instead. 

"The only way, _the only way_ , is to get rid of this! I cannot be any of the things you say until I destroy this!" He shook his blue fist at her.

"But isn't that _you_?" Lily shouted back in frustration. "And sure, you get supervillain points for patricide, if that's what you're looking for. It's pretty horrible. But I asked what happened _to you_. I want to know why you won't believe that I know what I know! Why won't you listen?" 

She was not going to let Loki shock and sidetrack her. It was insanely frustrating that he was fighting the idea that he wasn't something evil, any more than Thor seemed to. She needed something to break through to him, she wasn't enough on her own. Her eyes landed on the small bag they had left on the table before they went to Malibu.

"It's not fair that you get to threaten me with that fist that you think is so terrible and dangerous. I should have something we don't know how to control too!" 

Lily snatched up the bag and stared at Loki, daring him to make a move. "Except I don't threaten," she added quietly, dumping the coin into her left hand and grabbing his fist.  

It was really a stupid move on Lily's part.  She had no idea what, if anything, the coin would do this time.

She reached out for power and was flooded with more than she could ever imagine. She burned and glowed with it. It could swallow her whole, incinerate her, and it would be a beautiful way to die.

The world around her was lit neon with the truth of… everything. It was too much for her to take in. Her mind felt ready to shatter.  She looked at Loki.

Yes, Loki was what she needed to focus on. Make him see the truth. 

Lily forced the truth out of herself through her grasping hand and clenched teeth. Tears slid down her cheeks. "They were all wrong about you, Loki. You are not a monster. You are not evil. You are strong and beautiful. You are a prince. You are worthy and are loved. Thor loves you. I... I love you too." 

She choked around the last words and the coin fell from her hand. She slid to the ground as the light that had almost consumed her faded.

Loki threw up his free hand to shield his eyes. Lily was as incandescent as the sun. He jerked his arm, trying to slip out of her grip, but the power she was drawing lent her body supernatural strength.

There was a fizzling, snapping sensation, starting at her hand on his. It crept up his arm, beginning to burn. He yanked again, unsuccessful, as his spells dripped off him as if they were melting. His skin was turning blue and his new jacket singed and disappeared.

The truth hit him like Mjolnir, crushing into his chest with the weight of the stars. His knees shook as it pierced through him, heavy and stabbing. He choked out a breath.

Crystalline truth, so sharp he could cut himself on its brilliant, bright facets, crashed in his mind. He trembled, unable to look at it, unable to look away. It forced him to see, forced him to live the burning accuracy Lily wanted him to know.

Thor loved him. Lily loved him.  There was redemption and hope and peace in the blinding radiance. He didn't know how to cope with the rush of certainty, the fulfillment of decades of yearning. 

He fell to his knees, one hand clutching his chest. His naked, blue chest, trying to heave in air. He knew things, too many things, and it was too much.

He looked at Lily, herself again, no longer a terrifying brilliance, and he felt so fragile he could shatter. Emotions welled up from places he didn't know he had.

The only thing he could do in the face of them was sob.

Lilly lay on the floor, empty without the power that had just run through her, a deflated balloon. Everything seemed dim, shadowed and unreal. She felt like if she looked at herself, her body would be steaming like a cartoon’s. She didn't look at herself though, she looked at Loki. He was on his knees next to her, naked, blue and sobbing like a lost child. What had she done? 

Knowing that he hated this body and being sure he wouldn't want her to see more than she had to, Lily pulled herself up and took off his shirt. She shakily moved toward him and draped it around his shoulders.  

"I'm sorry," she said in a breaking voice. She hadn't even noticed that she was crying too. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I never thought I could hurt you. You just needed to know what I know. There's nothing wrong with you like you think." 

She reached out and gently pulled his head to her shoulder. Holding him close, she whispered to calm him. "I'm so sorry. I'd never hurt you on purpose. Never. Cry all you need to. I'll hold you as long as you don't hate me now. Even if you do, I'll hold you as long as you let me." 

Lily's fingers slid across the textured skin of his cheeks, wiping away the tears as fast as they fell. He was cool to the touch, but there was no hint of the painful frigidity that he had during the fight. She dropped gentle kisses mixed with comforting murmurs along the markings on his forehead. The hand that held him close couldn't help but slowly stroke lines that appeared on his back through the soft silk of his shirt. She didn't know what else to do for him.

Everything that Loki had locked away in his life was breaking free, surging up and swamping him. His chest felt like it was cracking and the sensation was so intense, he clenched his fist over his heart, surprised not to find blood.

And under it all, there it was- the bright ember she had placed.  It told him that he was worth something, that he was wanted, that he was enough.  

It _terrified_ him.  He didn't know what to do with it.  He couldn't cover it up or pretend it wasn't true.  It changed so much. It was beautiful.  It hurt.  Too much.  To believe he was loved was too much.  To be forced to experience all the feelings he'd blocked away was too much.  And still the ember glowed, confident in his worth.

He slumped, dropping more of his weight onto Lily.  Her fingers on his back and cheeks slowly calmed the storm inside him until he was snuffling quietly into her neck instead of sobbing.  Her lips on his forehead felt so peaceful, almost holy.  He was wrung out and raw, old scars reopened into new wounds. 

He was exposed and vulnerable, unable to conjure armor either verbal or physical. 

He hated it.  But as long as he stayed like this, protected by Lily's arms, it might not be so bad.


End file.
